The Journal

Kaede, not wanting to be seen there, took the journal and went out into the garden. The house had two doors opening to the outside, but she used the front door to avoid being seen by Ren from the bedroom. The reason for the distinction between front and back was only in their naming, for the entire area around the house was a large garden.

She activated the night vision in the artificial lens in her eye. The cold outside was gnawing at her bones, and even her chin was slightly trembling. But at least the wind had carried away her sleepiness. She started reading from the beginning again. As she read, she could almost hear Ren's voice in her mind: deep, yet with a faint, sharp tone from somewhere far away.

06/15/2080    (18 years ago.)

"Today, survival through torture under the guise of training. I walked for six hours straight, carrying twenty kilos on my back. Every moment spent trying to survive with half a liter of water under the burning sun made me hate this profession.

I remembered my family today. It had been a long time since they crossed my mind. But I didn’t miss them. I could never forgive them for selling me just to get a little government aid. If they were here right now, I would punch both of them.

Dietrich was pitiful in today’s mission. Despite being weaker than me, he pretended to be strong and acted as if fatigue didn’t affect him. Then, when he slipped and fell, Anton and I had to spend all our energy laughing at him."

06/19/2080

"The food today was inedible. I ate anyway to avoid hunger, but I think Dietrich threw up after eating.

Then I talked to Anton. He said he wanted to leave the academy. He didn’t want to be a soldier anymore. He wanted to become a journalist. Of course, I mocked him, saying he’d end up hungry and homeless. He replied, 'I’d rather eat less but good food than these disgusting meals like you.'

Then we got into a little argument. Dietrich probably took more of a beating than us while trying to break us up. What a fool. I’m happy to know such a pure-hearted fool. He didn’t even realize our fight wasn’t serious!"

Kaede was confused. Ren had never mentioned anyone named Anton or Dietrich. Moreover, there hadn’t been a military academy in Ren’s childhood. If it weren’t for this carefully hidden journal, she would have thought it was a work of fiction. She was so curious to know more that she skipped ahead to keep reading.

06/22/2080

"In today’s drills, Anton was very successful. Honestly, I was jealous. Then I comforted myself by thinking I was stronger than him. Anton tried to annoy me by saying that muscle strength wouldn’t work with weapons.
I replied, 'How do you know I’ll be unarmed?'
At that time, Dietrich was designing cards listing our strengths and weaknesses in numerical terms from the conversations.
Then he said, 'In close combat, Rudolf would win, but from a distance, Anton doesn’t stand a chance,' which gave us both an unsatisfying result."

06/24/2080

"Aside from the boring training, we played Dietrich’s card game. Since everyone had their own cards, it piqued the interest of everyone in class.

Many people saw themselves as stronger, smarter, and faster than they really were. I think it’s important for people to be self-aware. That’s why I wasn’t offended when Dietrich gave me a 4 out of 10 for emotional intelligence."

07/11/2080

"Today, Anton left the academy. We sang him off, using the things around us as instruments.
Before he left, I hugged him tightly. Maybe this was the last time I would see him, but I was happy for him. Neither Dietrich nor I have families that could take us in. My family abandoned me. Dietrich’s only relative is his grumpy uncle.

After Anton left, I saw Dietrich crying alone. I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want to embarrass him, so I didn’t approach him. I pretended not to see him."

Kaede paused for a moment to process what she had read. It was as if her brain was struggling to comprehend, as if it couldn’t get enough blood flow. "Rudolf?" she muttered. Wasn’t Ren’s name Ren? In that moment, everything she thought she knew about Ren shattered like glass, cracking and then breaking into pieces.

In that moonless night, the sound of rustling leaves filled the sky as the wind passed through them, and the hoot of an owl was Kaede’s only companion. The rain that had begun to fall created a sweet rustling sound as it hit the leaves. Reading Ren’s, or rather, Rudolf’s, childhood memories didn’t interest her anymore. Her eyes searched for the date they first met.

09/21/2092

"Today, by chance, I met a woman. To be honest, her personality intrigued me. She was fragile, yet strong at the same time. At least she wasn’t like the other people I’ve met here, and that’s the part I feared most about marrying someone from here. I could never stand their spoiled, self-centered attitudes.

From what I can tell, she’s going through an emotionally sensitive time. I think this will make her bond with me more quickly. Completing my mission with this lonely woman will be easy.
I’m sure I can convince her to live together in the same house soon, and maybe even marry her within a few years. Once I’m a citizen, it will be much easier to move things along.
I won’t stray from your path, my loyal friend in the skies."

Kaede collapsed onto her knees. Her knees had become muddy from the rain that fell in the cold night. Tears streamed down her face, and she cried in a tone so quiet that even if someone were nearby, they wouldn’t have heard. She thought she couldn’t read anymore. She didn’t have the strength to continue.

In those moments, Kaede feared everything life had in store for her. The love that had turned her world upside down in just a few uncertain days was never really her love. He was merely a man who had used her.

These overwhelming feelings couldn’t fit inside her. She began hitting and punching her own head and chest with all her strength. Crying and silently shouting into the earth, it seemed as if she wanted it to accept her too.

When her breath and energy ran out, she curled up and placed her forehead on the wet ground. Pulling at the grass in her hand, she punched the earth a few more times. No doubt, if someone had seen her at that moment, they would have pitied this mud-streaked woman, crying as if she were tearing herself apart.

She tried to gather herself. She was forcing herself to look at the remaining pages, but she couldn’t bear to read the sentences where her beloved, the one she loved more than life itself, referred to her as 'that woman,' 'Kaede,' or 'my official wife.'

Her stomach churned from the stress, and tears mixed with the rain as she pressed her hand against her mouth to prevent herself from vomiting.

At that moment, deafening gunfire and flashes of light from the back of the house pierced the night. Kaede didn’t understand much about weapons, but even she could tell that the house was being riddled with bullets.

Though the house wasn’t high-tech, it was equipped to handle such attacks, and alarms went off while doors and windows locked, sealing the openings with unbreakable glass.

Kaede, in an instant, pushed all her emotions and thoughts aside. Ren was sleeping on that side of the house. "REEEN!" she screamed, her voice full of pain as she started running towards the house.