"Out of Eden"

PART TWO - "ACROSS THE SEA, AKA: THE DIME BOYS, LIVE FROM BUDOKAN!"

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SAINT FRANCISCO - Have you spoken to any teens or young adults recently? If so, you might’ve heard about the newest trend sweeping the Human Union. This may come as a shock, but in an artistic era dominated by machine intelligences, the latest fad is human-made and human-played music.

“I sit around in bed all day (doo-wop doo-wop)

'cuz I ain’t got all that much to say. 

I get the feeling that I should quit (doo-wop doo-woop)

‘cuz I got no girl and I smell like shit.”

Such is the hard-hitting lyricality of burgeoning music sensation The Do-Nothings that speaks to a generation of idle, bored youth.

“Well, I just feel like, yanno, kids these days are struggling,” says guitarist Joe Weeze. “They’re just watching life go by.”

“We just wanna put the feeling into words,” adds bassist Walrus Jackson. “Since many in our generation aren’t sure how to.”

The band has been an overnight sensation, with over a trillion views on their most recent single “The Big (Shin) Dig”, which centers this feeling of alienation and loneliness amid the recent riots in Big Dig. The band isn’t afraid to put biting political commentary into their songs, such as with these lyrics:

“The news sounds pretty drastic (heya heya)

‘cuz we’re covering the world in plastic. 

Stopping that would be fantastic (heya heya)

'cuz it feels like a nasty ass-tick.”

To emphasize their “get out of the house” themes, the Do-Nothings have conducted a lightning tour across the Solar System. Critically, they don’t allow livestreams of their live performances, as most robotic performers do. Viewers must attend in-person to experience the concert.

“Life shouldn’t be spent behind a screen,” says keyboardist “Slow” Dogwaddle. “And look at our recent Martian tour. I’ve never seen audiences that big.”

The Do-Nothings have indeed attracted a large following - perhaps the largest following of a human artist in over a hundred years - with their popularity spreading like wildfire across the Hypernet. Their followers, also identifying themselves as “Do-Nothings”, wear suits and ties, boycott goods produced by the A-Polymerization of planets, and make an effort to meet face-to-face in coffee shops, bars, and restaurants that were previously the domain of delivery drones only. They’ve also earned the endorsement of some big names.

“I like what they’re doing,” says Mars Planetary Manager Stanislav Kajanas of Pioneer Defense Contractors. “The War on Nothing is going off the rails.”

The band isn’t without its share of controversy, however. Unlike robotic performers, human bands are unable to play without making mistakes, nor are they an alternative intelligence that can tailor-make their songs personally for each listener. Some critics even charge the Do-Nothings with lacking intelligence entirely, especially Rango Stark, their neanderthal-esque drummer. When we requested a comment from Stark regarding the matter, the only answer received was “Shut Up Rango!”

Powerful figures have also come out against the Do-Nothings, most notably Earth Planetary Manager Amadeus Lawrence of Pioneer Defense Contractors. “Do-Nothings? Ha, a perfect name to describe this generation. That’s all they do. Nothing! They’re aiding and abetting the enemy with such lack of activity. Not only that, but they’re contributing to the fracturing of society and the infiltration of Earth by hostile actors.”

When asked to clarify-

“The Martians, I mean,” Lawrence said. “If you were to look at the Big Dig Riots, you’ll notice the presence of a popped Martian paint balloon among the devastation. It’s clear that the Red Planet is funding subversive groups such as these Do-Nothings to supplant Earth as leader of the Human Union.”

When asked about how only one Martian paint balloon was found in Big Dig compared to forty-thousand Earthling pies, or the lack of evidence for any Martian funding for the Do-Nothings, or that the founding principle of the Human Union is equality for all planets and settlements-

“I looked into the Do-Nothings. I prefer their first name. The Polymermen. That’s a good name. The best, even. It describes the generation who came before, my generation as well, people who worked hard to spread humanity across the stars. Men of iron, men of steel, men of polymer. Any youth listening to this should put away their suits and ties and mop-tops. They should instead don polymer working fatigues and join us in the great crusade against Nothing.”

Despite the opposition of powerful men like Lawrence, the popularity of the Do-Nothings and the burgeoning social movement only continues to grow. 

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Zipper yawned, stretched, turned off the Hypernet news post, tried to sleep. After the escape from Big Dig - and a night of partying - the Dime Boys and the Do-Nothings went their separate ways. The Do-Nothings embarked on their tour; the Dime Boys took a Trans-Pacific Solar Sail in the lower thermosphere over to their next stop - the wonderful metropolis of Neo-Neon Tokyo!

During their time in the solar sail, Zipper led her friends in brushing up their educations. They more or less hadn't learned anything in six years, after all. Neo-Neon Tokyo was home to a Do-Nothing creative-intellectual scene that the Dime Boys sought to join. But "intellectual" implied "college", and the high school-educated Dime Boys didn't want to appear sooper-dooper stupid in front of the smart kids. 

Let's start with the basics - the Human Union, with its green and blue flag, is a federation of multiple planets and exo-planets. They are all equal, but Earth is more equal than others. All presidents have come from Earth and a coalition of Earth parties has always held power in the Human Congress. Humans at all levels of authority make the final decisions, but they usually consult (always say yes to) recommendations by Alt-I advisors.

"Neat-o, politics!" Zipper exclaimed.

Next up, even more neat-o: philosophy!

The dominant philosophical trend of the day was “Neo-Romanticism”. The expansion of humanity across the stars and a society rapidly changed by new technologies harkened back to a thousand years ago, when humanity first connected the globe in one big web. Just as the Renaissance took inspiration from Greek and Roman ancestors, so did 2999 look back to the Second Industrial Revolution and Information Age. A lot went wrong back then, sure, but if you look at the past through rose-tinted glasses like Renaissance men did, then you could see a lot that went right.

The biggest thing that went right, of course, was World War I. Having been through four world wars and The Big War, modern humanity looked back at World War I with a sort of quaint, antiquated, even bucolic feeling. Unlike 2999, where you sat alone in your apartment high in the clouds, the doughboys and Tommies and poilus lived communally within the earth, residing in their warm trenches with dear comrades forged under fire. No body modifications or alternative intelligences were available back then - you had to rely on your quick wits, sage guidance of the generals, and the strength you found within yourself when the going gets tough. Men bravely marched across beautiful meadows to the enemy trenches while bands played patriotic tunes to give them comfort and inspiration. The chivalrous knights of above flew their little biplanes across blue skies. The Christmas Truce, the symbol of peace on earth and good will to all men, is a central motif in Neo-Romanticism thought. Unlike 2999 - the people of 1914 believed in something, something so strongly that they would defend their right to believe in it to the death. 

"Frankly, I had enjoyed the war." - British Officer Adrian Carton de Wiart

With such glowing commendations as that, how can World War I not be seen as a grand adventure?

Other aspects of that era, such as the spirit of discovery and adventure, also play a role in the Neo-Romantic media of today. One can expect Neo-Romantic characters to have backstories such as test pilots, adventurer archeologists, or polar explorers. All three backstories apply in the case of Caroline Broomsbury-Hudspeth, the deuteragonist of Furandāsupopīgāruzu (lit. Flanders Poppy Girls), a respected, if somewhat derivative, 2980s slice of life Japanimation series. Fusuga, as it’s known to fans, centers around the adventures of the Roseberry-Toppingtown Girls School Literature Club following their enlistment in the Roseberry-Toppingtown Pals Battalion and subsequent deployment at the Battle of Passchendaele. Fusuga was a hallmark of Neo-Romantic thought, with the girls’ finding communal living in the outdoor trenches far more exciting than the stuffy, conservative lifestyle of the Roseberry-Toppingtown Girls School boarding house. The optimism of the girls, especially by “genki girl” (lit. Energetic Girl) main protagonist Elizabeth Barton-in-the-Beans, adds to the festival atmosphere of the Great War, most noticeably in Episode 7, when Elizabeth cheers up her fellow soldiers after a German mustard gas attack by organizing an impromptu culture festival in the trenches. Though critics were quick to point out historical accuracies, chief among them being that Pals Battalions were winded down after the disastrous Somme offensive in 1916, Fusuga remains a staple among recommended beginner Neo-Romantic Japanimations.

“Wow,” said Zipper as the Solar Sail landed in Neo-Neon Tokyo. “I feel like a genius, knowing all this important stuff. Right-o!”

And so they arrived in Japan.