MOOOOO

Cleansuke stood motionless at Reiko's workshop door.

"Initiating apology sequence. I regret causing distress. However, error code undefined. Please specify malfunction for future reference."

"You really don't get it, do you?"

"Negative. Social protocols indicate physical contact triggers varying responses. Unable to determine appropriate classification for recent interaction."

"It's... complicated. In manga, first kisses are supposed to be special moments."

"Analyzing manga tropes database. First kiss scenarios typically involve cherry blossoms, sunset lighting, or dramatic declarations. Current environment meets zero standard criteria."

A muffled laugh escaped from behind the door. The lock clicked and the door cracked open slightly. Reiko's flushed face appeared in the gap.

"I'm sorry for freaking out. It's just... everything with you is so different from what I expected."

Reiko opened the door wider. "It's already past midnight. You should stay over. The security systems get finicky this late anyway."

Wait. First Nezumi, now Reiko? How was this cleaning robot scoring more sleepovers in my body than I ever had? Even Gomi rarely let me crash at her place, usually claiming the cow fumes were too strong for overnight guests.

"Accessing schedule... No conflicts detected. Accepting invitation."

I watched helplessly as my body followed Reiko upstairs. 

Gomi's drone bumped against the glass window beside me. "You okay there, bestie?"

"No," I grumbled. "I'm not okay at all."

"Man, first Nezumi, now Reiko? That cleaning bot's a real lady killer." Gomi snickered through the drone's speakers.

"This isn't funny." I watched through the window as Reiko stepped into the bathroom. "Do you realize how many social protocols I'll have to untangle after we fix this?"

"Bold of you to assume you had any social protocols to begin with." Gomi's drone bobbed in the air. "Remember when you tried asking that girl out in first year?"

"We agreed never to speak of that again."

"You bowed while confessing and ended up headbutting her lunch tray."

"At least I didn't program a robot cow to follow me around making terrible jokes."

"Hey, Bessie 2.0 is a sophisticated piece of tech!" The drone spun in protest. "She's got state-of-the-art facial recognition, advanced flight capabilities, and-"

A loud mechanical "MOOOOO" echoed through the night.

"Oops. Hit the wrong button."

Inside, Reiko screamed. There was a crash from the bathroom, followed by the sound of bottles clattering and a shower curtain being yanked down.

"Detecting distress signals," Cleansuke announced, marching toward the bathroom. "Initiating emergency protocols."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Reiko shrieked, clutching the shower curtain around herself.

"Analyzing acoustic disturbance. Source identified: Bovine vocalization triggered fight-or-flight response."

A bottle of lavender body wash sailed through the air with shocking accuracy, smacking my body's face. Cleansuke caught the bottle mid-bounce.

"Body wash projectile detected. Initiating hygiene assistance protocols."

"No no NO! Get out!"

"Negative. Product analysis indicates two-person application recommended for optimal coverage." Cleansuke rolled up my sleeves. "Temperature regulation and pH balance must be monitored."

"This isn't a maintenance operation!" Reiko backed against the tile wall as Cleansuke approached with the body wash.

"Please rotate 180 degrees for optimal application. This lavender-infused formula requires precise distribution."

"W-what?" Reiko turned around reflexively, still clutching the shower curtain to her front.

"Beginning gentle circular motions. Pressure calibrated to relaxation protocols."

Cleansuke's hands moved in perfect circles across Reiko's shoulders. The bathroom steam fogged up my visual sensors, but I could still make out Reiko's tension melting away.

"Oh... that actually feels nice. Where did you learn to- mmm..."

I spun around and zoomed back to where Gomi's drone hovered by the window.

"I can't watch this anymore. This is too weird."

"Aww, is someone jealous their body's getting more action than they ever did?" 

"I am NOT jealous. I'm disturbed. There's a difference."

"Sure, sure. Just like there's a 'difference' between your shitty massages and whatever magic fingers that cleaning bot's got going on in there."

"My massages aren't shitty!"

"Dude, you once tried to give me a shoulder rub and ended up karate chopping my trapezius."

"I will reprogram your cow to only speak in binary if you don't shut up."

"Hey, don't threaten Bessie 2.0! She's sensitive about her code structure."

The drone let out another mechanical "MOOOOO", this time with a distinctly binary rhythm.

A blissful sigh drifted through the window, followed by Reiko's voice. "Your hands are amazing..."

"Initiating deep tissue protocol. Detecting multiple tension nodes requiring attention."

"Make it stop," I groaned, my robot head thunking against the glass.

"Hey, at least your body's finally putting those thick thighs to good use. Standing for extended massage sessions requires excellent leg strength!"

"I hate you so much right now."