The final say

Ivy scoured the room with her eyes, a hellfire burning within her eyes, making me all the more likely to soil myself in terror. She was bald, a fate I believe she was fully deserving of. The only problem was that she was pissed off, and not restrained.

"Ook! Ou ald irl, ook [You bald girl, ook]," the blubbery bald ape cooed as he tried inching over to Ivy like a caterpillar.

A part of me went pale with terror, but the rest said, "No, this is fine." If Ivy takes out all her anger on fatso, I might be in the clear. The only problem was that Ivy kicked the bald ape like a football, sending him into the wall with a splat. The ape then oozed down it, sort of like one of those sticky toys you throw at a wall. Gross, and unsettling. Is this what really happens when you shave a gorilla bald?

I had bigger problems to worry about though, as Ivy had me in her sights.

"H- Hey Ivy-sama. Y- You look like a queen," I stuttered, desperately trying to kiss her ass to save my skin.

The scowl on Ivy's face slowly began to vanish, morphing into a smirk.

Did it work?

SMACK!

STOMP!

No, it didn't work. And now, I'm on the ground with a sore stomach and Ivy's converse planted right on top of my head.

"You want to boot lick? Sorry, I only wear sneakers. But if you want to grovel, then I got no problem with ya being gravel," Ivy sneered as she began rubbing her foot on my head.

Bad! This is very bad! If she gets to violent, the bald cap is gonna rip, and then who knows what will happen. Is there anyone that can stop this bitch and save me!?

"Ivy..."

***

Ivy paused her torment of Momo and turned to face me. Locking eyes, we exchanged sorrow. Her's was obvious; she had been cheated out of her hair, and a fair victory. And me... I think I'll use my pen for this.

"Ivy, could you come here for a second?"

Ivy calmly nodded and made her way over. To many, she was a thug, a "gangster gyaru" if you will. But that was all a facade. She was just a rich girl that was terrified. Terrified to the point where she'd willingly make herself out to be a vicious bully, simply to avoid appearing vulnerable. Ivy was a sweet girl, deep down.

"W- Who are you?" Ivy asked as she nervously shuffled in place.

"Call me Jeter, the god of this world."

"I don't believe in religion."

"Then think of me as the world's creator. That's the more accurate explanation anyway," I smiled as I patted Ivy on her head.

Her eyes closed shut in terror, and her face began to turn red as she began to visibly shake. Poor thing. I'm going to make Gothfried pay for doing you so dirty like this, and that monkey of a boss for forcing his fetish on my work.

As I summoned my pen, the others shot me glares.

"Who said you could rewrite things?" Silas snarled.

"Me, myself, and I, that's who," I retorted as I tilted Ivy's head and readied my pen.

...

As I separated my face from the floor, I was greeted with a sight straight out of an alternate dimension. Ivy was acting timid, allowing that weirdo to draw on her head with some weird pen.

Before I could interact with the madness, the bald ape, now somehow free from his restraints, rolled up to me. "Ook, you were very mean and sadistic... You pass, sexy baldy, ook."

"So does this mean the world is saved?"

"Of course, ook, ook, but only if you fully agree to my worldview; shaved head, eyebrows, and eyelashes daily... that it, ook."

"Really, all we gotta do is stay bald for the rest of our lives?"

"Yes, real bald too. No bald caps, me like real smooth women, ook, ook."

This guy's a creep! But I have to admit, he's sadly got a bargain deal. Ugh, this means I'm doomed to really going bald. Well, for the world to go on... Better get lifelong royalties too.

"Alright, you got a deal. I stay bald, get royalties, and the world-"

"I refuse," Jeter proclaimed.

"Um, who cares about-"

"I just said it, I am the god of this world, thus I have the ultimate say in all of this, and I say NO!"

"Overruled, you're-"

"Jeter, do we have to have this conversation again?" the bald ape frowned, this time with a more hostile tone in his voice.

"No we don't, because you already know my answer; I refuse to cede control of this world to anyone else! It will end in a year, and that is regrettably the final word."

OK, I'm lost. Why does this weirdo get the ultimate say? His buddies said they were planning on just turning the planet into a next gen solar system, but only if we failed to persuade them otherwise. I literally just got this guy to say "Yes", so why the fuck is the weirdo who started all this being a prick!?

"Ivy! Gorilla, to gorilla, you agree the world should be saved, right!?" I called out.

"Shut it Momo, I'm... I'm in the middle of something," Ivy mumbled.

What? Her whole character just changed. I know she can put up a girlie act, but this?

"Oi, weirdo, you rewriting her brain or something!?" I yelled at Jeter.

"No, I'm doing my best to give her hair again, but I'm afraid, it's going to be more on the basic side," Jeter frowned as he stepped back.

As Ivy turned around to face me, the world clearly malfunctioned. She now had her hair back, but it was now completely straight and styled in twintails. Her eyebrows and eyelashes were back, but the gyaru makeup and spraytan were gone, exposing her bare face to the world. To my greater shock, the spray tan on the rest of her body was gone too, meaning she wouldn't be caught with a spraytanned body and un-spraytanned face.

"So, do I look beautiful?" Ivy nervously asked.

"Ugly as fuck."

"YOU'RE DEAD, BITCH!" Ivy shouted as she delivered a roundhouse kick to my face, sending me flying into the wall.

Ok, she's only had her mind selectively rewritten. Lovely.

"Ivy, care to reiterate my response to Mr. Ookley?" Jeter asked.

"Loud n' clear!" Ivy smiled as she picked up the fat ape.

"Ook! You not bald anymore! Put me down!" the ape fumed as he tried to struggle.

Or maybe he was just jiggling his blubber. It was hard to tell, and I wanted to focus more on the pain in my face anyway.

As the two reached the window, Ivy held the fat ape over her head, demonstrating to all that her species of bitch is clearly of the gorilla variety.

"No! Me want to save your world, ook! Jeter! Do you not want your estate to continue to get royalties, and your world to live on long after-"

"Shut up. You heard my reply. No, means NO!" Ivy, the honors," Jeter glared.

"With pleasure. Go SPLAT ya fat fucking lard ape!" Ivy shouted as she chucked the fat ape out the window.

I rushed over as fast as I could, arriving just in time to see the fat ape splat down on the pavement below, bursting into blood like a giant water balloon.

"Uh, he's fine, right?" I nervously asked.

"Sure, I described the sight I saw as akin to a water balloon bursting, but he clearly just splatted onto the pavement like anyone would do if they fell out of a window this high. Sure there's a pool of blood around him, but he's fine, right? I mean, he's a supreme being, right?"

"Huh? What do you mean water balloon?" Ivy snarled.

Oh shit, I said my thoughts out loud.

"Well!?"

"Uh, um. Well, you know blood is mostly made up of water so in the sense, we are- actually, 90% of our bodies are made up of water so we're all considered-"

"Too fucking sciency, shut the fuck up!" Ivy fumed as she slugged me in the gut.

I hurled up some blood, but didn't let the pain distract me from the ape. He looked motionless, but then he began to glow, and dissipate into light as if he was really dying. Then his body was gone. Fuck, the world's still fucked, all thanks to the weirdo Derek Jeter wannabe and Bitch gorilla. Now what the hell are we supposed to do!?