Conversation Under a Starry Sky

Azreal stared into the bonfire, lost in his thoughts. It was normal in Teatris for families to go around visiting their neighbors after night fell. Having kitchens and sitting areas for gathering outside of the homes was the standard, unfortunately for him.

Azreal recalled when he had first moved in. He had repeated panic attacks when people approached him out of curiosity and, as soon as he’d understood how the village’s social life worked, he’d pretend to not be home once the sun went down.

Regardless of how well-intentioned everyone seemed, it still felt like the claw of some immense beast was burrowing into his chest and tearing at his heart and lungs. When he’d have to leave the house, he couldn’t escape the severe anxiety that would come when anyone looked at him. His paranoia that people secretly wanted to hurt him was so intense that he wanted to tear off his own skin and disappear.

At some point, Azreal had become able to tolerate those intense emotions. But He’d only truly learned to handle being around people once Nanny had come into his life.

Next to the fire pit, Sori and his friend Rimea were sprawled out playing a board game. Nanny sat at a table having a lively discussion with Rimea’s grandparents. There were maybe a dozen other people present. Azreal still wasn’t a big talker, but he could find this soothing and cozy. He struggled to interact with other people, but enjoyed watching them. 

He couldn’t help but think back to when he first met Nanny.

To call her condition bad would be an understatement. She was so malnourished and ill that he had mistaken her for a corpse. When he realized she was still breathing, he took her back to his home and had to nurse her around the clock for three weeks before the doctor could think she might survive. He hadn’t thought much about it at the time. He had just followed his instincts because there was still a chance to save her.

His plan had been for Nanny to leave eventually but Nanny had become attached to Azreal and refused to abandon him. She saw him as a child who sucked at taking care of himself. While he worried she was being overly grateful, he couldn’t bring himself to protest. He couldn’t leave an elderly woman with no money or connections to fend for herself. In all honesty, there was a part of him that craved love and connection. As much as he resisted it, there was a piece of him that was still a sad, lonely child who wanted to be wanted.

Nanny had constantly bugged Azreal about leaving the house and would quite literally drag him out at night. His neighbors somehow all knew of him, despite his best efforts to stay under the radar, and were excited that he’d finally emerged.

‘How old was I back then, anyway?’ Azreal racked his brain as it took off down yet another trail of thought.

He didn’t know when he was born so he could only estimate. ’I’m approximately 27 right now and was 17 when I moved here. So, I had to be somewhere between 19 and 20? ‘

A lot of Azreal’s life was made up of guesswork.

His birth family had sold him. He was around five. He had no memory of his parents and only a faint impression of the family member that had discarded him. He didn’t know if his parents were even alive when he was sold.

The one thing he knew for sure that he had been brought over from a nearby continent. He had only the recollections of an ancient, angry mercenary to help him. He remembered his home village being a burnt out, decayed environment. Everything was shades of red and brown and smog continuously blotted out the sky. It was dark and grimy; some sort of mining town that had destroyed its own environment and fell into poverty, he inferred.

He’d visited during a mission out of curiosity, but the land had gone completely barren and no life was present. Even the ruins were few and far between. The one connection to his past had vanished into dust. Azreal had only really wondered about his past that once. He’d never thought seriously about trying to find out his identity.

He had ran through life numbly, simply trying to stay alive and forget. Whole years of his childhood were a total blank. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fill in the gaps. There were spells to return lost memories, but he avoided them. Maybe it was paranoid, but he feared the memories that he had blocked out more than having whole periods of his life that were black. The human brain didn’t just block out that much for no reason. Whatever had happened would probably be more traumatic than having no idea who he was...

“Hey, Az? You good?”

Azreal jumped as Mari tapped his shoulder. “Is someone so spacey really a mercenary?” She teased playfully.

Azreal smirked . “Like you’re one to talk about paying attention!” He stretched as Mari sat down on the bench next to him. “I was just thinking. I don’t really talk much to the others at night. I just watch and get lost in my thoughts.”

Mari blew on the steaming mug in her hands. “You got something good?” He changed the topic.

“Yeah.” Mari wrinkled her nose. “Gosh, I can’t remember the name! But it’s...some sort of fancy coffee?” She fanned her drink with her free hand impatiently. “I’ve tried Nanny’s coffee, but this is an extra strong type from the tropical continents. It was mixed with ground cinnamon and some sweet root before they boiled it. Rimea’s mother gave it to me.”

“I see...” Azreal studied Mari as she pouted over her drink. She looked absolutely stunning in her new outfit!

The teal and pink really made her white hair stand out and the outfit clung to her petite body perfectly. The top exposed a bit of her midriff, and it was honestly a perfect fit for Mari’s personality. She was beautiful and elegant but, at the same time, a free spirit and a bit of a tomboy who didn’t care what anyone thought of her.

The fact that she insisted on going shoeless everywhere just added to her charm. And Nanny had brushed her hair back and tied the last foot of her hair off with a ribbon, so it didn’t drag on the ground...

Azreal blushed and glanced away. ‘This isn’t like me.’

He never gave much thought to outward appearances. He was very much a bare bones, observable facts type of person. It wasn’t that he was oblivious, just that he didn’t notice the things that most people focused on. He was trained to analyze and predict human behavior as a mercenary. But Mari...

Mari was different. Maybe due to her being a unicorn rather than human? She was fascinating to him, nonetheless. He’d encountered plenty of mystical creatures, but their unnatural beauty had only been an observation.

Mari was gorgeous and she had a gregarious, somewhere erratic personality. He frequently had no idea how to relate to her but, at the same time, he felt at ease with her in a way he’d only felt with his family.

‘This is odd. I know she’s in love with me with me but what do I feel for her? I don’t even know what love's supposed to feel like...’

Azreal cared about Mari and wanted to become closer to her but how did one bond with other humans? His stomach flipped as her recalled what a jerk he’d been earlier.

“So, what was it?” Mari asked suddenly, looking at him with her large green eyes.

“Huh?” Azreal looked completely confused.

“What you were thinking about. You said you like to think? What do you like to think about? I love you but I still don’t know much about you.”

Azreal blinked at her. “Well...I was thinking about my age. I know that’s a weird thing to think about!” He rubbed his head bashfully as Mari stared.

“But my past is, shall we say... blurry.” He sighed. “I have no idea when I was born, what my birth name was, or who my parents were. I became a mercenary as a kid. I didn’t have a choice. I had to do it if I wanted to survive and let's leave it at that. Well, that was the second thing I was thinking about, actually. I was thinking about meeting Nanny, and that made me think about how many years ago that was, which got me thinking about my age.” Azreal rambled.

“Sorry. My brain makes strange connections and, as soon as a new idea pops up, I feel compelled to follow it.” Mari giggled.

“What?” He blushed, sure she was making fun of him

“You’re...hmmm....I’m don’t know how to explain it. Honest? Blunt? When you're comfortable talking, you say everything you’re thinking, exactly how you’re thinking it. It’s easy to understand but clunky compared to how other humans talk. You’re polite but at the same time, there’s something unfiltered about it.

Azreal blinked, unsure how to respond.

‘Is that good or bad?’ He wondered. ‘Does that mean that I’m just a strange person or that I’m heartless and inhuman?’ He could feel his heart rate beginning to spike.

“You’re a shockingly genuine person, if that makes sense?” Mari explained. “You don’t make any effort to hide who you are. It’s refreshing, honestly. Humans...” Mari stared into the depths of her cup.

“Humans are good at masking and pretending. It isn’t necessarily entirely good or bad and depends on the situation. But...I’ve been tricked by plenty of people over the years. I’ve met some people who seemed kind but turned out to be monsters.”

 ‘I wonder if that has anything to do with her family?' Azreal noted. 'Mari’s talked about her aunts, uncles, and cousins, but never her parents. From what she’s mentioned, it seems she hasn’t had contact with her family in decades.’

Mari shook her head, as if to throw off the memories. “But you’re not like that. You’re probably one of the most genuine humans I’ve met. I can read emotions and auras and you’re incredibly easy to read.”

‘Honest, huh? That’s...not a word I’d associate with myself.’ Azreal thought. ‘Most of the time, it feels like I’m barely clearing the bar to be a decent human.’

 “I think I understand what you’re getting at. Thanks. Honestly. I don’t feel like there’s anything about me to praise most of the time, so...” He paused awkwardly. “Are you going to try that?”

“Oh, yeah!” Mari remembered  her drink. “Welp, here goes!” She clasped the mug with both hands and took a sip before making a face.

“That bad?”

“Strong. Bitter and sweet at the same time. It’s...an acquired taste.” Mari wiggled her nose and Azreal laughed.

“You want some?”

“No!” Azreal frantically waved her away. “I don’t like coffee! It tastes like spicy dirt!”

“Yeah, I haven’t seen you drink anything but tea before.” Mari noted, taking another sip.

Azreal shook his head. “Tea’s the only drink I like. Coffee is gross and I’ve never tried alcohol. People do offer it during night visiting and nothing against it but...” He shrugged. “Let’s just say most mercenaries don’t do much good in their free time. And copious amounts of alcohol are part of it.”

He leaned backwards and looked up at the stars. “I have a lot of bad memories associated with people drinking when I was a kid, so I avoid that crap like the plague.”

Mari looked at him curiously. It seemed to Azreal like she was trying to drink up every little piece of information about his past that she could get.

 She wanted to know more about him and was listening to him!

It was strange. Azreal oved God, Nanny and Sori from the bottom of his heart, but those relationships were different from friendship. Azreal had maybe one person he could consider a  friend, and he saw them rarely.

“I think coffee is delicious, but tea just tastes like soggy weeds to me, so we’re even on hating drinks.” Mari said casually.

Azreal wanted to know more about Mari, too! Feeling like he was known by someone else made him want to reciprocate and know everything he could about her and how she thought in return.

“Your sense of taste is stronger than a human’s, right?” He asked timidly, getting a nod in response. “And you like to eat...what sort of food is your favorite?”

Mari’s eyes lit up like the stars. “I love meat! Meat is amazing! But maybe I just like it because I can’t have it in my true form? When you brought those fish back the other day and Nanny fried them and put them on that sauce with mango chunks and savory flower things? I loved that! I knew what mangos were, but I never could try one before since they’re from the tropical continents.”

“You said you can’t eat meat. Are unicorns' herbivores, then?”

“So, the plants that typically make up the main part of a unicorn’s diet are-”

The two continued like this, back and forth, sharing trivial information that seemed as precious as jewels. The night slowly ticked by as the two engaged in seemingly normal talk.

While it was the first time had had such a deep conversation with another person, both felt like it was the most natural thing in the world; a sense of belonging under the stary sky.