A Serial Killer Reborn as... A CAT!?

"Hey! You!" A voice suddenly says before continuing "Yes, you! The Dork in the bookstore! I've got a fun story to tell you that'll make your hair curl!"

"You've probably heard of me before on the news, on Twitter or even on the Dark Web but never imagined I was anything other than a Bogeyman!" The main character says calmly yet menacingly before continuing "I am "He", the Serial Killer who the mere idea of has you looking over your shoulder when you hear a strange sound behind you!"

Suddenly the image of one of the victims hands appears as the killer says "No one could escape me and no one could prove I even existed!"

The image is quickly replaced with a figure making a letter with newspaper letters and A4 paper "I made fools of the cops with anonymous messages they could never trace back to me!" before it is replaced with the image of a police officer shouting with frustration at the letter.

"I was even able to make my kills look like random acts of God!" He states as the image shifts to a statue falling off a building toward one of his victims.

"But then I get taken out by a GAMER!?" The killer says as his memory of a gamer managing to catch him tampering with his WiFi source so it'd electrocute him when he goes to find out why his net connection died.

The memory shifts to the killer running while trying to cover his face as the Gamer takes a pic of his face as the killer says "THAT DAMN BRAT GOT A PICTURE OF MY FACE!! Thanks to him the police were able to ID me, this is all his fault!!"

"I bet you're wondering how I'm still alive when someone like me should have been executed!" The killer calmly says as his memory transitions while he says "I know you're imagining some scenario where I get recruited for some sketchy job in prison or escaped but you'd be wrong."

Suddenly the Memory finishes transitioning to his execution before he says "I WAS Executed and I died but it didn't take!"

Suddenly his memories disappear as he shouts "That's right! I was Reborn! The infamous serial Killer that once terrorised Japan has been Reborn as..."

"A CAT!?" The killer shouts angrily as he looks at his reflection in a bookstore window with the person he's talking to on the other side looking at a Manga.

The cat looks angrily at his reflection like he wants to sink his claws into someone's face as he thinks "Who in the Censored Hell thought this was funny!!? And why am I a Ginger breed!!? If this is someone's idea of a joke it's not Censored Funny!! And why do I keep saying Censored???"

The cat's ears suddenly twitch and he jumps in the air just barely dodging a net wielded by someone in a uniform as he thinks "There's no way I'm letting the Fuzz get me again, dying once is bad enough, I'm not getting off’d for being a stray!!"

While in midair the Cat kicks off the man in the uniform and sprays him in the face before escaping onto a bus that's just pulling out as he thinks "Censored!! If I weren't a cat you'd be dead, you Censored!!"

The moment the bus stops and the door opens the Cat jumps out quickly thinking "If I stay longer the driver will likely see me!" and just as he thinks that the bus driver yells "You better run freeloader!!"

As the cat runs into a back alley he thinks "That Censored will likely be a while before he can try and track me down again!"

"I need to figure out a way to kill that guy before he finds me again!!" The Cat thinks as he walks casually down the alley when suddenly he gets the unmistakable feeling someone is targeting him and looks up and sees another Ginger Cat hissing at him with a borderline violent look.

As he stands there staring at the other cat he thinks "Does this Censored think he's king of the Alleyway or something!?"

"He's dead." The cat thinks as the other cat continues to hiss at him readying to jump at him.

While the other cat is getting ready to jump him the Cat notices a familiar sound from the entrance to the alley and looks at the other cat and thinks "This wanna be Yakuza doesn't realise he's dealing with someone who killed Yakuza Bosses in his previous life!"

The other cat jumps from the top of the AC unit it's standing on and tries to jump on the main character but he jumps behind a pile of garbage bags.

As the other cat looks around for him confused as to where he went, suddenly a net comes down on him as the wielder says "FINALLY GOT YOU!!"

As the guy with the net drags off the other cat he says "You're going to regret having sprayed me! Your last meal will be stale kibble!"

As the man walks off with the other cat caught in the net the main character emerges from the garbage before looking him in the eye and sneering at him and laughing quietly in a feline way as he thinks "Two birds with one stone!"

As the cat in the net sees the look on the main characters face he flips out and starts scratching, clawing and biting trying to get free having realised what kind of trap he just fell into before the human says "Pipe down or you won't even get a last meal!!"

"He, he, he, two pains in the tail dealt with, now that I don't need to look over my tail every time I hear a van pull up I can plan that guy's death in peace." The main character thinks as he walks down the alley sure he's finally gotten rid of the man with the net for now before thinking "That Censored has been hunting me for a week so now I actually have time to plan."

The cat's stomach suddenly growls before he looks at the garbage bins nearby and thinks "Judging by the smell I'm guessing this alley serves a sushi joint."

"That explains why he was so serious about driving me off but I don't want a parasite so I'll find a meal elsewhere." The cat thinks as he wanders off looking for food in a different place.

After an hour of searching the Cat finds himself an open window with another cats bowl of food just sitting there unguarded and thinks "Perfect, I may not be able to be sure what I can eat now as far as human food but I know cat food is perfect."

The cat carefully survey's the environment noticing that there's a fence along the way to where he wants to go but see's a dog bowl and some dog toys in the neighbouring garden as well as a plant pot on a higher up ledge and a large table next to the open window and thinks "Good thing I'm a cat now or this wouldn't be nearly as easy to pull off!"

The cat jumps on the fence and begins walking along it casually and calmly with his tail raised for balance before noticing the dog sleeping in a nearby dog house by a gate that was previously obscured and thinks "Lucky mutt being a sleep or I might have to make you sleep for good!"

The cat creeps along the fence quietly until he reaches the table and jumps over before looking around and seeing no sign of the cat that lives there and thinks "If the fuzzball who lives here shows up then I'll just have to add another notch to my belt..."

"Now let's see if the owner is anywhere nearby, it'd be a pain if they caught me stealing "Mittens" dinner? Why? Who calls their cat “Mittens” in this day and age!?" He thinks as he reads the name off the bowl before looking around as he sneaks in looking to steal the contents of the bowl.

The cat creeps up to the bowl and makes sure there's no one around before eating all the food in the bowl and quickly sneaking back out the window at the sound of someone coming the moment he finished eating thinking "Sounds like "Mittens" owner is coming this way, better bug out quick as I don't need to kill some random fool."

As he quickly exits the window he bolts across the table and jumps on to the fence but before he can make his escape he sees the dog giving him a dirty look before it starts growling at him and runs over and starts barking at him.

The cat looks at the dog with a look of near homicidal annoyance as he thinks "Damn mutt had to wake up now!! Guess you're dead after all "Akira"? Seriously? Is this neighbourhood full of dorks!?"

"Whatever, I have a way in mind to get rid of you "Akira" so go on and bark while you can!!" The cat thinks as he jumps onto the ledge with the plant pot and lures Akira under it before thinking "Stupid mutt Akira, you're so easy to kite it's hardly worth my time!!" before pushing the plant pot with his body and doesn't bother to look as he hears it go crash against something quickly followed by Akira's canine yelp.

The cat sneers at Akira without looking to see if he actually killed him before sneaking off with his stomach full and his bloodlust seemingly sated as he thinks "Guess I'll resume my search for a place to get a regular supply of food and information on my primary targets."

After turning the corner out of an alley the main character looks up at the crowd and sees a familiar face on the other side of the street and thinks "It's that guy from the Jury!"

"I don't know why but for some reason since I've become a cat I can't make out faces clearly unless they're around 60 metres away, must be a cat thing." The cat thinks as he stalks his target from a distance.

"If memory serves, this guy wasn't only on the Jury but related to another target but I can't remember who." The cat thinks as he continues to follow the man as he walks up to a car and starts looking for his keys.

As the cat rushes to get up to the car unnoticed he thinks "I'll stalk him for a while and remember who his relative was before killing both of them, for now I need to get in that car."

As the man digs out his keys he suddenly gets a call on his phone just as the cat is crawling under the car as he mentally snickers before thinking "Perfect timing, while he's busy with that I can get into position..."

While the man gets into the car still talking on the phone the cat tries to crawl up into the guts of the car’s engine but while attempting it thinks "Damn it! It's tight in here and it smells of grease! Also..., WHY CAN'T I SEE!!? I mean, cats have night vision right? why aren't I able to see anything!!?" (Answer: Cats can see well in low light conditions but still need at least little light to see.)

"That's it, I'm out of here!!" The cat thinks angrily as he crawls back out and jumps on to part of the undercarriage instead thinking "Much better, and can a cat even survive in the engine block of a car while it's running??" (Answer: Chances are a cat WILL NOT survive being inside a car's engine when running.)

The man finishes his call and starts the engine as the cat sits there with a sinister look on his face as he thinks "Hahahahaha! I've got the perfect spot to hide while I wait for this moron to drive me to where he lives, though not being able to see certain colours anymore is still rice balls..."

The cat continues to sit there snickering to himself thinking he's smart as the car pulls away but as the car hits a pothole the cat hits his head on the metal above his head and thinks "CENSORED!!" before hitting another and thinking "Censored!!" and then again another pothole before thinking again "CENSORED!!!" after which he looks at the road and thinks "WHAT THE CENSORED IS WITH ALL THESE CENSORED POTHOLES!?"

Just as the cat thinks he's free of the difficulties from the potholes suddenly the car starts driving over a dirt road and stones and dust keep getting knocked up under the car hitting the cat as he thinks "WHY IS HE DRIVING ON A DIRT ROAD!!!??? WHERE ON EARTH IS THIS GUY GOING!!??"

After exiting the dirt road the cat thinks he's Finally going to get to enjoy a leisurely ride but instead he hears something noisy in the distance getting much closer real quick as he thinks "Please don't be what I think that sound is, please no more!"

A minute after the cat thinks that the car pulls up to a set of roadworks where the road is getting resurfaced and the smell of hot tar and hot asphalt chips assail his sensitive nostrils forcing him to desperately cover his nose thinking "WHY!!!??? I know I'm a serial killer but how could my Karma be this bad!!!???"

Suddenly a dog in a police issued Canine Officers Vest starts barking at him aggressively as if it knows he's a serial killer and its cop instincts are telling it to arrest him as the cat thinks "DAMN COPS!! I don't care if you are a dog, if my nose wasn't overwhelmed by this stench I'd memorise your scent and find you later!"

The Canine officer continues to bark at him trying to get under the car to get at him when suddenly the Canine Officer's Human Partner says "Pochi, what's under there?"

"Officer Pochi!? What a cliche..." The cat thinks stunned at the name of the second dog he's met today as Officer Pochi's Partner kneels down to see what Officer Pochi is so upset about before seeing the cat and standing up and pulling on his partner's leash saying "Leave the cat alone Pochi..." thinking the cat is just a cat as the cat thinks "I'll remember this Officer Pochi..."

As Officer Pochi's partner pulls him off the car’s driver drives on oblivious to why the dog was barking before pulling into a parking lot.

The man parks his car and exits as the cat gets off the undercarriage of the car with a look like someone who just rode a cross between a roller-coaster and a pinball machine and staggers to safety as he thinks "It's finally over…”

"That does it, I'm not ever trying something so nuts after today..." The cat thinks as he pulls himself together before looking around for the man he was stalking and sees him enter a nearby cafe and thinks "Why come all this way just for some cafe!?"

After the cat sees him enter the cafe he looks around for a good vantage point and spots a nice tall tree with a suitable branch and looks around for traffic before bolting for it and climbing it and sees him inside the cafe taking a seat across from another man before talking to him and presenting him with a large envelope as the cat thinks "What's this? Am I watching this guy doing some kind of sketchy trade? Is he going to get drugs from the other guy!?"

The second man takes the envelope and opens it pulling out a bunch of white sheets of A4 paper consistent with a Manuscript as the cat thinks "WHAT!? He's a Writer or maybe a Mangaka!?"

The cat notices the name of the cafe on the sign before as he thinks "Well that name explains why he'd drive all this way just to go to a cafe, if memory serves, this is that three star place the millennials never shut up about."

"As if I need more reasons to kill this guy but he seems to be going out of his way to give me more..." The cat thinks with a sinister look as he sits there in the tree getting progressively more hissy with every moment he watches the two men talking.

When he sees the man finishing his meeting the Cat quickly jumps down from the tree and begins heading back to the car when suddenly the man he's stalkings voice shouts "What a cute kitty!"

The cat freaks and wonders who he's talking about and looks around for other cats and sees none before coming to a realisation and thinking "Does he mean me!?" At which point he bolts thinking "I AM NOT CUTE!!!"

Suddenly as the cat is running away he gets hit by a relatively slow moving car and is knocked to the side as the driver drives on ignoring him as he thinks "CRAP!! Just how much worse is today going to get!?"

He tries to get himself back on his paws but before he can someone quickly grabs him and the voice of the man he was stalking says "Don't die kitty!" as he rushes him to his car and drives him to a vet.

As the man drives the cat's vision becomes blurry as he thinks "Oh god..., is this it for me again...? If there's a god of serial killers amid the myriad of gods in this country would he even bother to help an atheist like me?"

"Of course I'll help you if you believe in me." A voice answers as the cat loses consciousness and he asks "Who said that?"

"I said it." The voice answers before the cat gets a vision of a dangerous and heavily armed looking humanoid figure wearing trophies from various kills who says "I am the God of Serial Killers, I am a being born of the evil desires, thoughts, beliefs and actions of serial killers and I depend on them for my survival."

"Wait, you ACTUALLY exist!?" The cat thinks with a note of scepticism at the idea of such a god actually existing before saying "Even if I believed you, how could you be of any use to me in this situation?"

The God laughs maniacally before saying "You'll find out when you next see your prey..."

The cat looks at him with his mind's eye like he doesn't like the sound of that and says "Just what are you not telling me...?"

The god grins mischievously before saying "I'm a god of Serial Killers, meaning I back murderers so what do you think I mean by that?"

"You wouldn't do anything bad to your patrons would you!?" The cat replies afraid of the answer before saying "And why haven't I heard of you before!?"

The god turns away giggling before stopping and with his back to the cat says "I'm an evil god, you really think I'm going to have a shrine and a Facebook page like Kofuku?"

The cat looks at him stunned at what he just heard before saying "Then just tell me one thing, Am I Going To Live or Die!?"

The god simply replies "You're going to live for now.”

"Now go send me more offerings!" The god says as suddenly he disappears and the cat starts to slowly regain consciousness.

As the cat begins to regain consciousness he hears a Human he's never heard before saying "This cat has no microchip, if it has an owner we have no means to find them so unless someone takes it in it will be euthanized."

The man the cat was stalking replies to that by angrily shouting at the vet "I'm the reason the cat got run over so if he needs an owner then I'll take him!"

The vet exasperatedly replies "You do realise you'll be responsible for a large bill as well as this animal's life do you not?"

The man simply replies "I don't care if the bill is Y100,000 or Y100,000,000 I'll pay it as long as the Kitty lives!"

The cat manages to open his eyes confused by what he's hearing and sees the Man he was stalking standing in front of the vet with a fearsome look as the cat thinks "Wait... IS THIS WHAT THAT EVIL GOD MEANT!!!???"

The man notices the cat is awake and looks right at him and says "Sorry for what happened before kitty, I'm glad you're alright, I'll just talk to the nice vet and we can go home."

The cat stares at him in utter shock and horror, unable to spew the cold sweat he'd be covering the exam table in if he were still human as he thinks "I've never heard a more terrifying sentence in either my current or past lives...!"

The cat looks around for an exit and realises none of them are open and that even if they weren't closed he still can't stand let alone run and thinks "Thanks god of serial killers! I'm still alive but I'm stuck in this situation!"

After several minutes the vet gets a special needle and injects a microchip in the cat before saying "There, he's chipped, you had better take care of this cat."

"Of course I'll be taking care of my Haji, he's precious to me and I saved his life!" The man states as he pulls out his wallet before removing a bank card and taps it on the vets chip and pin machine before saying "This does cover both his bill and the stuff I need to get started right?"

"Yes Mr.Tanisuzu, this covers the bill and all the basic items you need that we carry." The Vet replies before saying "But I must warn you, it will cost you more to change the name on the chip."

The cat gets a totally dejected look like he sees the writing on the wall as he thinks "Guess I'll be living with my prey for a while before I kill him."

"At least I don't have to worry about stray hunters or food until I kill this guy, but why Haji, is it a play on Hajikami? A name I won't miss when this guy's dead..." The cat thinks as he looks up at his new owner before realising something and thinking "Wait, Tanisuzu!?"

"He has the same last name as that detective who caught me!" The cat thinks as he's placed in a carrier and the carrier’s top half is brought down around him before the door is shut, reminding him of the sound of the cell door in the prison shutting as it does.

"You evil god! You did this to me on purpose didn't you!" Haji thinks as his new owner picks the carrier with him in it up off the table and takes him to the car and places him on the passenger side before saying "Just stay here like a good kitty while I put your new stuff in the trunk."

Haji just lays there sulking as he thinks "I swear I'm adding that evil god to my list of targets for this..."

As Haji lays there in his carrier plotting the murder of an evil god suddenly his owner closes the trunk before getting back in the driver seat and puts on his belt before starting the engine and says "Just one stop on the way home to get you some toys, after that I promise I'll make the other day up to you."

"What are you talking about "the other day", I can't have been out more than an hour!" Haji thinks as the car starts moving before looking up at a sign with the date and time on it and sees it's been 3 days since he was hit by the other car and thinks "No way!? Has it seriously been three days!??"

As Haji's new owner drives, Haji looks like he's in hell before thinking "I swear, as soon as I recover I'm finishing what I started the other day!"

To Be Continued