Along The Way (途中で)
What lies deep inside someone’s heart? Is it something for other’s to know? Or is it for oneself only? I never knew the answer to that. But today I wanted to know the truth, know what lies deep in someone’s heart, and what it means to follow one’s own heart, when I saw her face, shun of any emotions, standing as if it were devoid of even the least of life itself, yet sparkling beautifully under the moon light.
But even in that emotionless face, I felt a glare of hatred and anguish, whether, towards me or life, I didn’t know at that moment.
After I came home from school today, exhausted from the everyday lectures, I could feel my soul calling for a hug in Stoic hope. The weekly jump magazine was just out, so my mind was more concerned to the continuation of the story of the manga I was reading than anything else.
I spent my afternoon like that, idly reading the magazine or doing other things up until evening, after which the sunset blossoms red and gold, and I usually come to my room to study or complete the home-works the teachers had given. While I was going through the books in my bag, I found a small note rugged between a book quite heftily. It was barely fitting in-between the pages of the book, wrinkled as a result.
“A love letter?” I thought as I pulled the note out from there. The page was rutted, and from the outlook, it didn’t seem the writer had advocated much care during its composition. Quite the devastation to look at, only if it was a love letter. I looked for the name of the person who sent it, which, to my surprise, was from one of my classmates, Mizuki Yuki.
This will be the last you will hear from me. Before leaving, I wanted to say something to you, so I left this note behind for you to read.
When the first time we met, you stirred something deep inside my heart. You couldn’t understand it, but to me the pain was too hard to live along with. Even then, the time I spent with you, those little memories, they were very precious to me. But I can’t keep up with the guilt of living any more. It’s crazy, isn’t it, when you want to live as you like, but your heart says otherwise. I just don’t know what to do any more, it feels like the inside of me has become hollow. Can you tell me if there is something left in my heart, something I can cling onto, or is it too deep for anyone to dive into?
That said, if you are reading this, don’t come looking for me. This is a goodbye, for the both of us. I will end it all, from where it all started. Thank you for everything.
It took me a while, as my mind was dazzled after reading the lines in succession. But after realizing, I didn’t waste much time and started looking for her. I felt an unease in my heart. Inside me a dark fog was gushing out, as it was suffocating me, and everything in front of me was going pitch black.
I took my phone out and tried to call her, but her phone was switched off. After that, I scrolled up and down in my contact list repeatedly, and contacted every one of her friends I could, but no one knew anything about her.
My hands were getting sweaty, as was the screen with the touch of my fingertips. I heftily rubbed the screen with my trousers, while checking if I missed someone or not. I didn’t call her home because her mom is at work usually during this time, and also because I didn’t want to make her worried.
“Still no clue.” I placed my arm before my forehead. I sat on my chair, violently swinging my head left and right, trying to think what to do. I have already contacted everyone I could, but to no avail. I clenched my fist and slammed my arm on the table, thinking of what to do now.
Even though she told me not to come looking for her, to me, it was more like she is telling me to go look for her. My heart was aching because of my ignorance, forgetting about that promised place long forgotten, where she might still be waiting for me.
Suddenly a thought came to me, like a petite luminance in the back of my mind. I picked the letter that was idly lying on the table, and went through it once more.
‘I will end it all, from where it all started’
“The place where it all started.” It might just be my imagination, but still it’s my last hope. I didn’t wait to take a breath. I grabbed my phone and letter and stuffed them inside my pocket, while heading outside.
My destination, our school, the place where we had first met and where everything had begun, where our fates first intertwined.