Chapter 5:

Where does the world go at night?

...mY happiness...


Well, that’s most of what I remember of my life up until now, is what I thought to myself while looking up at the white stains smothered against the sky. She shuffled in her seat as she looked to me from across a flimsy table. H-hey? It’s ok if you don’t want to share how you feel. She grinned softly at me. I looked to her, dull eyes and all...expressionless and all, and said “I love you.” She hesitated for a moment as she looked into my eyes, she stared deeply... every time she stared into my eyes it felt like she could see everything in me. She made me feel naked...but more importantly, not alone.Bookmark here

Lilac was someone I started to talk to a lot, she became fascinated with me? I believe that’s how she put it. I don’t know how to feel about her in reality. She is beautiful I suppose. I don’t really think I care as to what she thinks about me.Bookmark here

She wrapped her hand in mine--it shook--as she looked into my eyes and said “I love you too.” I looked into her eyes slowly wondering. I stared and stared thinking to myself if I made her feel the same when I stared into her eyes—then I just nodded. From that moment on, we met every day and she even started coming over to my house. She called herself my girlfriend. I guess somewhere along the line I agreed…Bookmark here

The television’s light is plastered against my eyelids, she rustles beside me. I turn and look at her for a moment as she lays her head on my shoulder, her eyelids shut...slightly fluttering. I want to reach my hand out and wrap it around her but I simply stare. Suddenly she reaches for my arm and slightly wraps it around her. I sigh thinking she might have realized I was staring at her. I look to the television now, slowly growing more and more uncomfortable with my awkward position. My arm tries to return to its place beside me but she pulls herself onto me after a brief yank. She kisses my lips deeply as her eyes are closed and her eyelashes flutter, she smears her lipstick across my face...I am star-struck as I do nothing but just watch her up close—afraid? Bookmark here

She grinds the mound of her area against my area in the belief that I’m as aroused as her. Bookmark here

She doesn’t know.Bookmark here

She stops.Bookmark here

She sees the blank and expressionless look on my face. Even I can see it within her eyes, somewhere in there.Bookmark here

She gives a half-smile as she gets off of me and collects her things.Bookmark here

“Babe I’m going to go home, sorry.”Bookmark here

I look to the cable box to find the time digitized behind a small screen.Bookmark here

She’s gone.Bookmark here

I look down to my hands and my laps and shudder softly. I should have given her what she wanted...it’s no different from before, I think to myself as I lay sideways on the couch. I stare The light of the tv is plastered against my face again. I watch as the people turn to nothing but streaks of color. I watch as the demons creep for a bit and dance in my peripheral vision. I watch as the world spins too fast for me. I watch as the angels turn their backs and disappear again. I watch as my eyelids shut and the world turns black. I feel myself breathing, my skin crawling, heavy moans behind me. A lick, a bite. I feel it all in that dark corner. It comes back. I can’t keep my eyes closed any longer, I open them to the blurry streaks of color that form people on the television. The streaks dance around and at one point they seem to form a smile. I cry softly in the dark of the night as I stare at the streaks and hear the moans behind me...the grunting, the pain. Bookmark here

The world’s steps receding from me slowly. Humans, angels, demons, beasts...everything. Bookmark here

I stare and stare and wonder…Bookmark here

Where…where does the world go at night?Bookmark here

Wilting around me...Bookmark here

...Leaving me alone.Bookmark here

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