Too Awful To Say

It was strange, Yani thought, coming to the shrine as only a visitor. The people around her didn't know that she was Imon’s Godsinger. All they saw was a girl that needed help. She supposed they weren't exactly wrong.

She wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes before unspooling her neural link button. She chose a worshipwell in the corner, where she hoped no one would join her.

Yani pressed her button into the slot, and before Imon could even speak, her thoughts came tumbling out.

Imon, it’s awful, too awful to say. Yani thought to her. Please just look at my memories so I don’t have to say it out loud. If I do that, it gets even more real, and I- I can’t deal with that right now.

Imon took a beat to push a feeling into Yani’s mind. It was beams of sunshine that looked like you could touch them. The smell of just-ended rain. All of Yani’s favorites, presented like a buffet.

I know. Imon finally spoke. I see. I am sorry. I do not mourn to lose a Godsinger for the sake of their love, but I see this is not what you choose.

It's not. Yani sniffled, slowly being calmed by Imon's presence. But I have an idea to stop it.

Would you like to tell me about it? Imon gently prompted.

I can’t call it off myself, and my family won’t help me. Yani said. Which means I have to somehow make him do it. And he has to think it’s his own idea, because what if I just tell him I don’t wanna get married and he tells my parents right away? Instead I have to act like I’m okay with it, but like my personality is so weird he won’t want to go through with it.

Imon was silent for a long time. When she finally spoke, it wasn’t what Yani was expecting.

What can I give to you? Imon asked.

Yani had expected advice, maybe. She had hoped that perhaps Imon could offer some kind of solution that Yani hadn’t thought of. Something only a god could do, to save her from her fate. Instead, though it couldn’t be the case, it almost felt like Imon was at a loss.

Just… Hold me, please. I want to feel like someone is on my side. Yani said.

I am always on your side, Yani. Of course I am. I love you.

I love you too.

Unsure of what her next step was, Yani paused in front of the well, losing as many minutes as she could to the feeling of Imon’s embrace.

“Excuse me, you’re a Godsinger, right?” The girl with the cartoon rabbit purse was back, standing right in front of Yani. Still linked in, Yani couldn’t help but feel a twinge of annoyance at her for interrupting her moment with Imon. Not only that, it was an unreal feeling seeing her again. This girl she had helped yesterday had no idea that Yani’s entire world had been thrown out of its orbit. To her, Yani was the same kind girl she had seen the day before. She didn’t know that inside, Yani was falling apart, held together only by the thin silver threads connecting her to Imon.

She composed herself, though, as any good Godsinger should, before speaking. “Yes, but- how did you recognize me? I’m not in my uniform.”

“Your hair is in the same style as yesterday!”

She was right. Too distraught by last night’s events, Yani had never taken it down to wash it. It was still in the same intricate braids she always wore when on duty. Whole chunks of hair were escaping, though, from the tossing and turning Yani had done in the night. She was shocked this girl had been able to recognize her.

“I guess so… You prayed yesterday, right?” Yani responded.

“Yeah, but… It’s kind of an emergency situation. Actually, can I talk to you about it? It’s nice to pray and all, but I kind of want advice from someone who can, like… Respond. No offense to Imon.”

Yani’s eye twitched a little at that, but she tried not to let it show. This girl was not starting off on the right foot.

“What’s your name, first of all? And what’s bothering you?”

“Oh, right. I’m Terra Cygnus. I’m, um… It sounds dumb for this to be such a big deal when I say it out loud, but I’m in a fight with my sibling.”

Yani was hit with a wave of happenstance. Was this Imon’s way of helping her? Leading some girl to her who she could help? If that was the case, Yani was sure she was up to the challenge. She had never let personal issues get in the way of her Godsinger duties before, and she certainly wouldn’t let that change now. Not with someone struggling in front of her.

“That isn’t dumb at all.” Yani stepped to the side, undoing her link button and gesturing to a shady area where a bench awaited them. “Here, let’s sit and talk.”

“Thanks a bunch!” Terra sighed. “They like, know everyone I know too, so I can’t just vent to my friends or something.”

“So your sibling- they’re close in age to you? And your friend groups overlap?” Yani asked.

“Yeah, basically. They graduated last year, and I graduate next year, but I’m really popular, so my friends all know them ‘cuz of me.”

“...I see.” Yani said. She had never done well with popular girls. Not when she was a student, and now that she wasn’t, there was even less incentive to try to get along.

“Sorry, that came out weird, maybe? They’re really, really cool too! And super smart!” Terra said.

“So what caused the fight, then?” Yani asked. She was preemptively coaching herself to remain neutral, even though her instincts were telling her to blame Terra right off the bat. A popular younger sister with a… “less popular” older sibling felt all too familiar at the moment.

“I did. Because I'm an idiot who can't do her own homework, and I tried to take their old notes even though they told me a million times I couldn't.”

That seemed deceptively simple. Yani waited, hoping the silence would push her to elaborate. It did.

“It would've been bad enough if I had like, gone through their drawers or something, but I tried to go through their head. And they obviously caught me, and now they won't talk to me anymore or trust me at all ever again!” Tears swelled up at the corner of Terra’s eyes.

“So you pushed their boundaries, and now they don't want to talk to you? Have you apologized properly?”

“Well, sorta, but…” The tears started to spill over, streaking mascara down Terra’s cheeks. “They were really mad, and when they wouldn't listen or even talk back, I got mad too. And now it's been almost a month and they still won't talk to mee-heeee.”

Terra finally broke down into tears. She leaned on Yani, who stiffened in response. She wanted out of this situation, with this girl who she found to be clearly in the wrong. Only one solution came to mind, but she was sure if Imon were listening, she would agree. It was certainly the right thing to do. Not a distraction she was making up for herself. Not at all!

“Well, Terra, why don't we go talk to them together?”

“You'd do that for me?” Terra looked up at Yani with big, shiny puppy dog eyes.

“Of course. Today sounds like an excellent day to fulfill a sacred duty.”