The days are as hazy as the blue screens and the frantic characters dancing within them. The sky an unsightly blur, the people around me, morbid figures, crawling….drooling breathing sleeping…. The world, bit by bit, is becoming more and more unsightly. I can’t stand the brightness of the day so within the same week I quit work and stopped going to school, deciding to myself I would never return. I stay in my apartment alone engulfed in the darkness.
I sit in the corner like the days in that room. I sit in the corner staring to the slits of moonlight growing thicker then thinning. My legs are pressed to my chest as my arms wrap around them, my knees serve as a sort of pillow. Everything in my room is gone, I look around a bit wondering what had happened since then, but all I can recall is falling...falling...falling.
Outside of the room I hear shuffling but am too preoccupied with the weight of what feels like the world. Staring, over and over into the same spot between my feet, I rock. The door rattles softly then slowly opens, I can smell her perfume. Alluring. Sweet. Safe? My neck and torso follow as my eyes look to where she is. In the doorway Lilac stands looking down to me, I see her lips forming a tight-lipped grin as she covers her nose. The bottom half of her face shows me what I’ve been waiting for.
A smile. When I need it most.
The top of her face shows horrid disgust. An unsightly being presented before her. Hatred clouds her eyes. Hatred.
I can’t resist her beauty, that smile, all of her. I love her. I love her. I love her. My dry and lifeless eyes stare to the beauty of my world. The beauty of my world stares to my eyes.
Blood begins to trickle from my eyes, it feels warm. Warm like no tear I’ve known before. Freeing. Everlasting. Soothing. Th-thank…
She slams the door shut, from behind it I hear the quick patter of shoes. Clatters. Thuds. My front door slamming.
From my eyes.
Slamming like thunder against the cracked planks.
What is my world? What is the world? Who is the world? Where is the fucking world? Why? whYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhYwhY?
I look to the cracked planks now drenched in my Blood. The blood pools, but like the slits of moonlight the pool of blood grows thicker then thins. Eloquent beauty.
...this fucking world.
Before I know it, my fist is through the drenched planks. I can feel it slightly throbbing. The pain fades quickly. My hand returns to my side. I no longer see the blood or the filthy planks. My eyes shift once more to the doorway. Nothing there. Nothing. Nobody is coming to care or help me ever again. I feel a burn from my left collarbone to my inner thigh.
For pleasure. Hate.
I rise slowly and make my way to the bathroom. I let the water run on me as I replay that visage. Half of her face showed me the world I desired, the other half ready to throw me away.
That tight-lipped grin.
The hatred and disgust in their eyes...as they stole...mY Happiness…