(L̶o̶u̶ )

Lou wasn’t at Lunch, or Recess 2. Nor did he show up for any Lunch or Recess after. It’s been two grueling weeks since Lou was dragged out of my room like illegal baggage, and I’m starting to think he might really be gone for good.

I mean, that behavior thing shouldn’t be taking this long should it? Did he do something wrong? No, Lou doesn’t make stupid mistakes often. He definitely wouldn’t make two at this scale in a row like that either.

I’ve always walked to lunch alone, but it feels so much more lonely when I know there’s nobody I have to meet at my destination. Everywhere I go, I’m just surrounded by meaningless ambient sound. And when I’m in my room, it’s completely silent. Turning on the TV doesn’t help anymore. I couldn’t even say whether or not Major succeeded in the siege.

“Would you like chicken nuggets or a chicken sandwich?”

I guess today is a crispy chicken day. I don’t even keep track anymore.

“Sandwich,” I tell the cafeteria worker.

I am handed my meal, then I step aside so the person behind me can get theirs.

I walk to my seat, the same seat I’ve been sitting in for as long as I can remember. I sit down, but the spot next to me stays empty. Seeing Lou’s spot unoccupied… I hate it. It almost makes me want to disappear too. Maybe then I’d be able to see him again. All it would take is to break one rule. One measly little rule that doesn’t harm a soul in being broken. So stupid. Unfair.

I lay my head on the table and stared at my chicken sandwich. It’s just sitting there, getting cold. I can’t even think of a good reason to care. It’ll still be edible regardless.

How long I just sat there like that, I don’t know. But soon enough, the buzzer buzzed just as loudly as it always does, and Lunch was over. Out of time, I took a couple bites of the sandwich and threw the rest away. In a couple hours it’ll be Recess 2, and a couple hours after that they’ll bring dinner to my room like they always do. I’ll eat that, then go to sleep, and do it all over again tomorrow.

Yesterday ended just as I expected it to. And today is starting exactly the same. Even though I used to spend every day hanging out with Lou, it never felt this dull or repetitive. Every day was like a new adventure. Every day was fun. Every day was a day to look forward to.

Right now it’s Recess 1. I remember the last Recess 1 with Lou, right before he was taken, there was this cockroach. He was so afraid of it, I couldn’t help but laugh at him. So, like any good friend would, I scooped it up and threw it at him. Then he started crying like a little girl. I apologized of course, but it was still kind of pathetic.

Today, I can’t laugh or cry. There aren't even any roaches in this shady corner I’m sitting in. I really feel like stepping on one, and squishing it as much as I possibly could. But of course they’re nowhere to be found. Those roaches know how to do everything in the most inconvenient way possible. I wonder, if that roach incident hadn’t happened, would the rest of that day have gone the same? Maybe Lou would still be here, somehow. Not that it matters. It’s not like I’m anywhere in the ballpark of discovering time travel. And even if I was, I like that cockroach memory. I’d probably try changing something else.

Maybe I’d go and change that time when--

“Bowey Buzzcut. I wanted to let you have your space at first, but it’s been like 2 weeks now. Don’t you think you’ve spent enough time moping around?”

It takes me a moment to even realize there's someone speaking to me. I slowly tilt my head up to meet the eyes of an older kid with sort of long, wavy hair. He has the sides of his head shaved, and his hand out. I look at his nametag. All I can read on it is ‘J.’ It looks like he covered the rest of it somehow. I guess he didn’t really like his name or something.

“Who are you?”

“Don’t you know? I saw you looking at my nametag,” he says.

“All I get from your nametag is your name. I still don’t have any idea who you are.”

“Fair enough. I am seventeen years old, and my birthday is in the first quarter. My television shows me a large variety of programs, but I only really watch about half of them. I could probably say more, but I’m sure you’ll get to know me better as time goes on.”

“What are you talking about,” I ask.

“I’m saying that I want to be your friend.”

He’s still holding his hand out, probably expecting me to just grab hold and become his new buddy.

“Why?”

J doesn’t reply to me right away. There is clear hesitation before he starts speaking.

“Your friend went missing a couple weeks back, right?”

I don’t have any interest in pity friendship. Ignoring his outstretched hand, I stand up to walk away, but another boy blocks my path. He looks like he's around my age, and has black hair that is mostly brushed back. Out of habit, I look down at his nametag too. ‘Coal,’ it says. It doesn’t look like this one whited-out any of his name.

“Just hear what J has to say,” he tells me.

“I don’t want to hear any of it.”

“You’ll make Coal mad if you say that. He’ll probably tie you to the ground and force you to listen to J’s monologue.”

I turn around to the new voice and se a girl this time. She has darker skin, and her curly hair is tied off on each side. She looks a bit older than me too. Not as old as the first guy, but still. Her nametag reads, ‘Helvetica.’

“Oh you shut your damn mouth Hel,” says Coal, raising his voice.

“Language like that is probably against the rules,” replies the girl.

“I really couldn’t care less. They didn’t give us a rulebook, so how should we know what we can and can’t do, huh?”

“In everything we are shown, the word 'damn' is only ever used by adults. I’m sure even you could reason out what that means, Coal.”

“Now you said it, Miss Goody-two-shoes.”

“Calm down, little boy. You see, like I already said, grown-ups are allowed to use those words, okay?”

“Oh, you…”

They're not even paying any attention to me anymore. Is this some kind of monkey in the middle where instead of a ball I intercept it’s one of their comebacks? No, I think it’s just that they don’t get along.

“That’s enough, you two. You’re gonna scare off our new friend.” The tallest one hasn’t forgotten about me. He’s the one I most wish would have.

The wall is behind me, and these three people have me surrounded. What is this? Forget being friends, it’s like they’re trying to capture me and do some immoral types of torture to gain intel.

“I don’t know what you think I know, but whatever it is, I don’t,” I say.

“What? We don’t want information or anything from you. You’ve been watching too much TV,” says J.

I’ve actually been watching less than the recommended amount of TV, but that doesn’t really matter.

“Then what do you want from me?”

“I already told you, we want to be friends. I think our group could use someone like you.”

What’s that supposed to mean?

“Listen, Bowie, this ‘group’ is interested in essentially pointless investigations on this place and creating extravagant theories based on the ‘evidence’ they gather in said ‘investigations.’ They came to you because your friend went missing, and they think you might want in on all this too. If that sounds interesting to you, then this is the group for you. If not, I’ll make sure they get lost.”

“Way to summarize, Helvetica. Nice one!” J puts his hand up for a high five, but Helvetica gives such a weak clap that you can tell she wasn’t all into it.

So they are just talking to me because Lou is gone. But, it’s not exactly pity. Investigations on this place? That’s what she said, right?

“Are you guys detectives or something,” I ask.

J replies quickly, saying, “Nah, the only detective here is Coal.”

I look over at Coal, but eye contact wasn’t on his agenda. He just looked sort of upset. He might still be mad at the girl.

“Ahem.” Helvetica clearly wants attention. Or, that’s what I thought, but she didn’t say anything afterwards.

“So, anyway,” J continues, “Coal is our detective, Helvetica is our police-involved person, and I’m not anything. What about you?”

“What do you mean,” I ask. I don't understand anything he’s talking about.

“I already told you, my TV shows me all sorts of things, but I haven’t chosen a favorite, so I’m not anything just yet. Or, wait, could it be that you didn’t even realize that’s what the TVs are for? Yeah, they show us the field they’ll have us go into when we’re adults. So, eh, what’s on your TV?”

J finally stops talking, giving me a chance to think. Helvetica was calling their theories extravagant, but what J is saying actually makes sense. If they really are detectives or whatever, then, maybe…

“Hello? Bowie?" J is waving his hands around. "Is it really that hard to remember what’s on your TV literally every day? I was starting to think that maybe you were a bit slow, but if this is what’s happening then-”

“No, sorry, I was just thinking. My, um, my TV is all military stuff. Also, since you guys-”

“Oh, sick! Military stuff sounds so cool,” exclaims J. “So, they show you guns and all that, right? They don’t actually let you start using ‘em till you turn fifteen, though. How old are you? And when’s your birthday?”

This rapid-fire information is hard to keep up with.

“I’m, uh, twelve. My birthday is in the second quarter,” I reply.

“You were the last birthday group then. Oh, then you’re the same age as Coal. Well, almost. He’s a first quarter baby.”

That means Coal is one quarter older than me. I’m the youngest here. No wonder they’re so comfortable trapping me and making me answer their questions like this.

“You’re asking me so many questions, but you’re not giving me any chances.”

“Oh, that’s-”

Helvetica covers J’s mouth so he can’t keep talking.

“Go on. I can’t keep him quiet forever,” she says.

“Well, um, you see, since you guys investigate and stuff, I was wondering if maybe you could, like, help me-”

“I’m gonna stop you right there,” Coal interrupts. “If this is about your old friend, he’s gone for good. You’d best give up on him now and move on.”

…

Why’d he have to say it like that? He couldn’t even let me finish saying my appeal? I don’t know what I was thinking anyway. There’s no way they could do anything. Even if they’re older, they’re just a bunch of kids. Just like me. We’re completely powerless against the grown-ups.

J finally moves Helvetica’s hand from his mouth and gasps for air.

“Don’t listen to Coal, he’s a bit of a pessimist sometimes. I’ll be honest, I don’t know anything about what could have happened to your friend at this exact moment, but we won’t learn anything if we don’t try! Your friend might still be out there! You can’t give up!”

He called Coal a pessimist, but J is obviously an optimist. I mean, I understand that Lou has been gone for two weeks, and Coal is probably closer than J is, but… I think I’d like to have some of that optimism too. I want to have hope that I’ll be able to see Lou again, one day.

I look back at Coal. It looks like he doesn’t like going against what J says. He’s completely quiet now.

I turn my head toward Helvetica. She’s wiping her hand on her shirt with a grossed-out look on her face. She must have gotten some of J’s spit on it when she was covering his mouth.

Finally, I meet eyes with J again. They look so sincere. I’d have to be the biggest skeptic in the world not to at least want to trust him.

“Okay, I’ll join your group. I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but I’m going to try my best,” I say.

“Try your best for what,” J rhetorically asks. “It’s not that we want help from you or anything. It’s not like we saw you as an asset and came to pick you up.”

“Then, what is it?”

“Oh my goodness gracious, how many times do I have to tell you?” The look in J’s eyes didn’t falter one bit. “I want to be friends. Now, if that’s alright with you, then we’d love to have you join our group.”

It took a lot, but those words were what broke the tint, and finally put a smile on my face. The past two weeks have been the greyest I can remember. But, I have a feeling, somewhere deep inside, that the future will show me more color than I’ve ever seen before.

I still miss Lou. Even if we can’t find him, I’ll never, ever forget him. I know that for a fact.

But, J, Coal, Helvetica- I think they’ll be pretty memorable too. I might not fit into this group at all. They’re nothing like Lou, and he was my only other friend. But even if they’re different, I think this is a good different.

After all of that delay, I grabbed a hold of J’s hand, which was held out the entire time.

I don’t know what the future holds - what’ll happen tomorrow - but if I get to be with them, I can’t wait to find out.