We’re a Company Now! (Please Don’t Ask What We Do)

The night was still damp with mud and tangled leaves as the five trudged back toward the city gates. Paddy’s boots squelched with every step, his temper simmering beneath a layer of exhaustion.

He was still insisting, for the hundredth time, that he was not anyone’s boss. The others ignored him, grinning and pushing each other forward like a pack of wild dogs.

The wiry man with the infamous gap in his grin was the first to break the silence.

Jak: "Call me Jak."

Paddy: "No need to introduce yourself, Jak."

Jak laughed, clapping Paddy on the shoulder.

Jak: "Nah, you’re the boss now, whether you like it or not."

The woman with twig-strewn hair and sharp eyes rolled her neck and started to smile.

???: "Name’s-"

Paddy: "Alright, enough! No need for introductions. We’re parting ways once we get back anyway"

???: "But we planned our intro and everything!"

Paddy: "Nope. Not happening."

The thieves deflated as he pointed at each of them.

Paddy: "You’re Thief #1, you’re Thief #2, you’re Jak, you’re Thief #3. And you-"

Paddy glanced at the slave still shuffling along.

Paddy: "You’re… The Slave."

The Slave: "…Slave?"

Paddy: "The Slave. Capital letters."

One of the thieves threw up his hands at Jak.

Thief #1: "Wait- why does he get his name?!"

Paddy: "Seniority. He said it first."

Jak grinned like a king.

Jak: "Boss likes me better."

Paddy: "I AM NOT YOUR BOSS!"

He stomped ahead. Behind him, Thief #2 sulked.

Thief #2: "…We even rehearsed cool nicknames…"

The group muttered curses. Paddy just yanked his coat collar up and sighed as loud as possible, as if volume alone could erase idiots.

Jak: "Y’know, boss, this ain’t so bad. Free air, free mud, free walkin’."

Paddy: "Stop. Calling. Me. Boss."

The rest of the thieves shrugged in unison. The slave just stared at his bare feet. 

Paddy groaned into his hands and stomped onward.

By the time the city gates loomed overhead, the morning fog had started to settle over the streets. The guards gave the mud-covered and chain-rattling group a long look but, miraculously, said nothing. Paddy figured they assumed he was escorting a bunch of criminals somewhere official, which, technically, he was.

The moment they crossed into the city, Paddy spun on his heel.

Paddy: "Alright. This is where we say goodbye."

The group stared at him.

Thief #2: "We live here now."

Paddy: "You already lived here!"

Thief #3: "Yeah, but now we live here… with you."

Paddy: "No. Absolutely not. I don't even have a home!"

Thief #2: "Perfect. We’ll match."

Jak folded his arms, grinning.

Jak: "Boss, think about it: extra hands, extra eyes, extra bodies, ones that get stabbed instead of you."

Paddy: "I don’t want extra bodies to get stabbed!"

The slave lowered his head.

The Slave: "I don’t have anywhere to go. If I leave, someone will just buy me again."

Paddy: "…Ah. Well. That’s grim."

Balloon, still trudging with them, muttered.

Balloon:  "They’re still here..."

Paddy: "They won’t leave!"

All the thieves (and Jak in harmony): "Family sticks together, boss."

Paddy was about to explode, then froze. Slowly, a terrible, brilliant idea formed.

Paddy: "…Wait a second."

He looked at the thieves. At the slave. At Balloon.

Paddy: "Fine. You want to follow me? Then we’re doing this properly."

Balloon squinted.

Balloon: "Properly… how?"

Paddy straightened his coat, spat out a leaf, and puffed his chest with the air of a man who had just invented both capitalism and con artistry.

Paddy: "We’re starting a company."

Balloon: "…A business?"

Paddy: "No. A company. Sounds fancier."

One of the thieves lit up.

Thief #1: "Ooooh, like the guild?!"

Paddy: "...Sure. We take jobs, make money, and most importantly, I’m the boss, officially. Which means I can fire you all whenever I feel like it!"

The group nodded enthusiastically, ignoring the last part entirely.

Jak: "What’s it called?"

Paddy paused. His eyes darted to the lamp in his hand, still flickering softly.

Paddy: "…N Lamp."

Balloon: "N Lamp?"

Paddy: "Yup."

Balloon: "…What does the N stand for?"

Paddy: "It depends..."

Balloon groaned into her hands.

Within the hour, Paddy was standing in front of the King again, muddy, exhausted, and flanked by five filthy strays who looked like they’d been scraped off the underside of a wagon.

King: "…And these are?"

Paddy spread his arms proudly.

Paddy: "My company. Think of it like a guild."

The King stared.

King: "These folks wouldn't be related to a certain manor incident I've been hearing about, aye?"

Paddy: "Entrepreneurial talent, sir."

Balloon pinched the bridge of her nose.

Jak: "Hi! Jak. Official company morale officer."

Paddy: "Stop talking."

The slave stepped forward, bowing his head slightly.

The Slave: "…I’ll be useful. I promise."

The King hesitated, then leaned back with a sigh.

King: "Patrick Doherty… if you actually think you can use these 'people' to handle this Demon King threat-"

Paddy: "Absolutely, Sire. We will handle everything... if you give us a building... please..."

...

King: "…Then I suppose I can grant you a building. But only because we’re desperate."

Paddy spun on his heel once again, grinning like a man who had just conned a monarch.

Paddy: "You hear that, team? We’re moving up in the world!"

Balloon: "…I’m going to regret this."

Jak pumped his fist.

Jak: "Boss! Does this mean we get uniforms?"

Paddy: "No!   …Maybe.   …I’ll think about it."

He glanced down at his sputtering lamp, its light barely holding on. For the first time in that world, Paddy felt like maybe... just maybe... one of his ridiculous plans would work.

The city guards led them through the quieter district behind the main market, where rows of old, half-forgotten buildings slumped against each other like drunks. They stopped at a small structure wedged between a shuttered bakery and what smelled like a tanner’s shop.

The guard fished out a ring of keys and handed one to Paddy.

Guard: "This is yours now. Technically. Don’t cause trouble... Or at least don’t get caught."

Paddy: "Technically?"

Guard: "If you fail to pay your first tax or blow the place up, it reverts to the crown. Enjoy."

The guard left without another word, and the crew all stared at their new 'headquarters.'

Balloon: "…It’s small."

Jak: "It’s perfect!"

Thief #1: "Needs a sign."

Thief #3: "And beds."

The slave peered through the dusty window at the empty interior, one large room with a warped wooden floor.

The Slave: "...and a broom."

Paddy pushed open the door with a triumphant flourish. The whole building groaned like it was offended.

Paddy: "Welcome… to the future home of N Lamp & Co. Adventuring Solutions!"

Balloon: "You literally just made that up."

Paddy: "I’m workshopping it."

The crew stumbled inside, leaving muddy footprints everywhere. Thief #2 immediately fell through a loose floorboard.

Thief #2: "We’re gonna die here."

Thief #3: "…I call top bunk."

Paddy ignored him and found a crumpled folder on the dusty counter by the door. Inside were some official papers: rental agreements, tax forms, and a signature line for the registered owners.

He grinned like a fox.

Paddy: "Perfect. Just need a signature or two to make it official."

Balloon peered over his shoulder.

Balloon: "You’re going to put your name on this?"

Paddy: "Absolutely not. Liability isn't for people like us."

He tucked the paper under his arm, eyes gleaming.

Paddy: "I know just the pair for this."

Jak: "…You’ve got people for this already?"

Paddy: "Oh, I’ve got the perfect people."

An hour later, Paddy was back at The Wobbly Pig, the crooked tavern that smelled like regret and wet hay, confidently pouring ale in his cup.

Paddy slid the papers across their table.

Paddy: "So, here’s the deal. As part of my elite hero party, you both get full ownership of our official guild hall."

Iris: "Ownership?"

Paddy: "That’s right. You’ll be legally recognised as our, uh… visionary executives."

Garrick: "Visionary! Ha! Truly, the title befits one with Spirit-Sight!"

Iris: "And I see truth through fog and deceit…"

Paddy: "Exactly! Yes! As you say! So just sign here. Big, bold signatures. Make it heroic."

They didn’t hesitate. Garrick scrawled his name in the way that looked like a sword fighting a chicken. Iris drew a spiral and a star at the end of her name, because of course she did.

Paddy: "Perfect. Congratulations. You now… officially own N Lamp & Co. Adventurer Confections!"

Balloon: "…Did you just change the name again?"

...

Iris: "Wait… where are you going? We can hear you walking."

Paddy froze mid-step, then coughed loudly.

Paddy: "Ah… heroic business. Very important. Back in a flash."

Garrick: "We shall guard this tavern with our lives!"

Paddy slid the paper into his coat… then yanked it back out, grinning like a fool.

He raised it high with one hand. The morning sun hit the wrinkled contract like a holy relic.

Paddy: "…N Lamp & Co. is officially open for business!"

A random passerby squinted.

Passerby: "…What’s an N Lamp?"

...

Paddy: "…It depends."