Malice and Mischief

They screamed at each other for what felt like forever, lungs burning and voices cracking, yet the skeleton didn't flinch, arms still raised in surrender.

Skeleton: "...You done?"

Paddy: "...Maybe."

The skeleton tapped the side of his skull with a metal finger.

Skeleton: "See? No brain. No evil thoughts. Probably."

Jak peeked from behind a crate.

Jak: "...Probably?"

The skeleton shrugged, well, as much as a pile of bones could.

Skeleton: "Fifty-fifty. Sometimes we wake up screaming and eat mana. Sometimes we just... well, me!"

Balloon's eyes narrowed.

Balloon: "And you're... not evil."

Skeleton: "Correct! Friendly neighbourhood skeleton crafter."

Paddy: "Alright then. What's your name?"

Skeleton: "Don't have one."

The thieves gasped like that was somehow the most tragic thing they'd ever heard. 

Jak jumped forward, eyes blazing with inspiration.

Jak: "Then I… shall name you… Mr. Boner!"

The skeleton froze. His jaw clicked open in silent horror.

Mr. Boner: "…You have got to be joking."

Jak: "Nope! Look at you! You're boney! Classic branding!"

Balloon pinched the bridge of her nose.

Balloon: "Please, for the love of mana, don't encourage him."

Paddy shrugged.

Paddy: "Could be worse."

Boner: "…I hate this already."

He dropped his arms with a metallic clunk.

As the group calmed down, Paddy finally noticed the red light glowing faintly in the skeleton's eye sockets. 

Paddy: "So… what's with the spooky eyes? Style choice?"

Boner crossed his arms with a rattle.

Boner: "Random chance. Some get blue. Some get gold. I got… red. The colour of 'probably evil.' I wanted purple. Purple is classy."

Paddy: "Red suits your… aesthetic."

Boner: "An aesthetic I never asked for!"

They followed him cautiously into a half-collapsed warehouse, and that's when they saw it, the skeleton's workshop. 

The thieves froze in the doorway, trembling at the sight of an assortment of objects scattered on tables and shelves. 

There were vials, orbs, and scrolls… except, to Paddy, they weren't scrolls at all. 

Boner: "Very high mana resistance. The guards think they're dangerous, so I collect them before they spread the malice further."

Paddy: "…Are those paper towels?"

Boner: "Cursed scrolls. If you read them, your hands get dry."

Paddy: "…No, that's just… never mind." 

Balloon kept her distance, glaring at a glowing glass tube full of shimmering colours. 

Balloon: "What is that?"

Boner's eyes gleamed as he stepped forward, chest puffed with pride.

Boner: "Ah. My most dangerous possession."

He gestured dramatically to a strange glass object, bubbling with various coloured blobs.

Boner: "The souls of the damned… forever writhing in molten agony."

Paddy raised an eyebrow, stepping closer. The warm glow flickered over the dusty workshop walls.

Paddy: "…That's a lava lamp."

Boner: "A what?"

Paddy: "A lamp. From my world. Decorative. No souls. Just hot wax and vibes..."

His jaw dropped. 

Boner: "You're telling me I've been guarding vibes for thirty years?"

Before anyone could stop him, Jak reached out and poked the lamp.

Boner: "DON'T TOUCH THE SOUL LAMP!"

He slapped away Jak's hand away with a clang.

As they looked around, the armoured skeleton rambled, finally explaining his condition.

Boner: "I was a normal crafter once. Dabbled in enchantments. Then malice started pooling in the district… all that death, all that mana rot. I breathed it in for too long and… well."

He gestured to his entire body.

Boner: "No mana, no flesh, just bones. Not the best retirement plan. At least I got a second chance!"

Balloon shivered slightly.

Balloon: "Most skeletons come back as feral monsters. You were… lucky." 

The group eventually circled back to the pile of blackened corpses that had spawned the malice. The thieves refused to get closer than the doorway, hugging each other for comfort. 

Paddy strolled right up, squinting at the corrupted remains.

Paddy: "…Smells like a bin fire. I don't feel anything, though."

Balloon: "That's not possible…"

Boner tilted his head. 

Boner: "No crawling mana? No pounding heart? No screaming soul?"

Paddy: "…Nope. Maybe a bit hungry." 

Balloon: "He's immune…"

Balloon's eyes flickered with a rare spark of hope. The skeleton grumbled, rattling his bones.

Boner: "Oh, that is deeply unfair. Even the disease doesn't want you." 

Balloon: "…Immune." 

Paddy blinked at her.

Paddy: "Uh… yeah? I guess?"

She quickly looked away, but he caught the faintest smile.

Balloon: "If you can walk through malice like that… then maybe..." 

Paddy: "…Maybe what?"

Balloon didn't answer, but for a heartbeat, she looked… lighter. 

Just then, a distant clatter made everyone jump. The skeleton spun, bones rattling. 

Boner: "...Someone's been sneaking around here at night. I’ve seen cloaked figures. Leaving symbols. Dropping bodies. Feels like cult work to me." 

Balloon's eyes narrowed. 

Balloon: "Athrye… or worse." 

Jak and the other band of thieves gulped. 

Jak: "…Are we gonna die?" 

Paddy shrugged. 

Paddy: "Only if you're lucky." 

He scratched his chin, staring at the corpse pile. 

Paddy: "So… we're just leaving it? Stinking up the place?" 

Balloon: "Don't touch it." 

Jak: "Yeah, boss, what if it explodes? Or curses your whole family?" 

Ignoring them, Paddy hefted his lamp like a golf club and gave the pile a casual bonk. 

CLONK. 

Nothing. 

Paddy: "See? Harmless." 

Suddenly, the lamp flickered to life. Soft, golden light spilled over the charred corpses. The black-and-red malice writhed and recoiled, like smoke sucked into the glow. Within seconds, the oppressive heaviness lifted. 

The thieves stood frozen, slack-jawed. 

Balloon: "…It's dissipating." 

Boner leaned forward, eye sockets flaring. 

Boner: "That… that shouldn't happen. Malice doesn't just… go away. Not without some sort of purification." 

Paddy waved the lamp around lazily, watching trails of malice fizzle out like smoke. 

Paddy: "Maybe it's just shy."

They stepped back as the air cleared, the thieves slowly peeling themselves off each other. 

Balloon crossed her arms, eyeing Paddy with a spark of real hope. 

Balloon: "If you can do this… maybe we can cure malice poisoning. Maybe… we can save people." 

Paddy: "Save people? I was thinking more like… charge entry fees. Step right up, and get your free anti-malice lamp bath!" 

Balloon just sighed, but that faint smile lingered. 

Boner eventually broke the silence. 

Boner: "So… you're starting a company? I want in." 

Paddy blinked. 

Paddy: "…In? You're a skeleton." 

Boner: "Correct. A very useful skeleton. I can craft, repair, and handle cursed junk without my mana going haywire. Which, y'know… I don't have. Give me a bed and maybe a cupboard for my cursed stuff... yes?" 

He tapped the side of his skull proudly. Clink clink. 

Paddy rubbed his chin. 

Paddy: "I dunno… having a skeleton on the payroll sounds… weird. People talk." 

Boner hesitated, then shuffled over to his workbench. He picked up the lava lamp with both hands, the colourful blobs writhing slowly inside. 

Boner: "…Then let me sweeten the deal."

He held it out to Paddy like a sacred relic. 

Boner: "Take it. The most treasured piece in my collection. The… Soul Lamp." 

Paddy: "The lava lamp." 

Boner: "Not anymore. Now it's a signing bonus." 

Paddy stared at the lamp. Then at Boner. Then back at the lamp. 

Paddy: "…So, I get free labour and the lamp?"

Boner: "Yes." 

Paddy took the lamp and nodded slowly. 

Paddy: "Alright, Mr. Boner. Welcome to the company."

Boner's jaw dropped in horror. 

Boner: "…We are not keeping that name." 

All of the thieves were already spinning in circles. 

Jak: "Welcome to the family, Mr. Boner!" 

Balloon groaned, but even she couldn't quite hide her smirk.  As they prepared to leave, Boner noticed their outfits for the first time. 

Boner: "...Wait, are you all criminals?" 

Jak puffed his chest. 

Jak: "No! We're a respectable company!" 

Boner looked them up and down slowly. 

Boner: "Right. Respectable. Sure. I definitely trust the stripe gang and their lamp-swinging boss." 

Paddy: "Welcome aboard, Mr. Boner." 

Boner: "Congratulations. My dignity is officially dead. Again." 

Thieves: "BONER! BONER! BONER!" 

The group filed out of the warehouse, the night air feeling lighter without the malice pressing on them. Paddy led the way, lamp in hand, Boner clanking behind, still muttering about purple eyes. 

Before they were out of sight, Boner paused and glanced over his shoulder. 

Boner: "…If that much malice was here, and it's gone now, something worse might show up to replace it. This was just the beginning." 

Up on the warehouse roof, a cloaked figure crouched in silence, watching them disappear into the dark streets.  A faint sigil glimmered on the tiles beneath them before fading, like a spiderweb of light.