Chapter 13:

Our Get-Rich-Quick Scheme Hovered… Briefly

N Lamp

The headquarters of N Lamp & Co. smelled like damp wood, dust, and many bad decisions.

Paddy leaned against the counter, nursing a mug of cold tea, watching Boner rummage through a crate of mismatched alchemy tools and scrap metal like a raccoon.

The lamp lay proudly on the middle of the room's only table, flickering weakly. A few cracks of morning light filtered through the grimy windows, illuminating the team's 'lab,' which was really just a circle of boxes with a few nails hammered into the wall for 'organisation.'

Paddy: "Careful with that. It's our one valuable asset."

Boner: "Relax. I think I know what I'm doing."

He jammed the lamp into a wobbly tripod, which creaked like it was signing its will.

Balloon stood in the corner with her arms crossed.

Balloon: "Why are we doing this here? We don't even have a fire exit."

Paddy: "Because Boner swore he could figure out what this thing does if we gave him space."

...

Paddy: "Wait… you are a he, right?"

Boner: "…Technically, I was a he. Not anymore, for… obvious reasons. But I like to think of myself as one still."

Jak: "Aw… so you're not a lady skeleton?"

Boner: "No."

Jak: "Shame. I would've called you Miss Boner."

A clank followed by a crash suggested he'd just broken something, but he ignored it.

The rest of the crew sprawled on the floor, unhelpful as ever.

Jak was carving 'Jak's Chair' into a crate with a stolen butter knife, while the other thieves were playing cards with stones.

Paddy rubbed his temples.

Paddy: "Y'know, I could have taken this to that Bubel Guum. He's a professional, isn't he?"

Boner: "Pfft. That quack? He just licks crystals and calls it research."

Paddy: "…He's also still alive, which is more than I can say for the last guy who looked at my lamp."

Boner: "Alive is a generous term. I'm... mostly functional. But yes, outperforming the previous fellow already!"

Paddy didn't find this comforting.

Boner carefully reached into a small pouch dangling from his belt and pulled out a handful of shimmering, tiny glowing specks.

Boner: "These, Paddy, are mana particles. Tiny bits of raw magical energy, perfect for experiments like this."

He let a few float near the lamp, watching as the particles shimmered and danced, until they reached the lamp's surface and bounced off like marbles ricocheting on a polished floor.

Paddy: "Like they're playing bumper cars."

Balloon: "Seriously, they just can't touch it."

Boner smiled, adjusting his goggles.

Boner: "Exactly. The lamp's surface reflects mana completely... not just spells, but the raw essence itself!"

Jak: "Wait, why do you need goggles? You're a skeleton!"

Boner just gave a dramatic sigh, tapping the side of his skull.

Boner: "Every great crafter needs a pair of goggles. It's tradition."

He turned his attention back to the lamp, holding it carefully in his bony hands. The dull glow pulsed faintly, like something waiting to be awakened.

Boner: "Alright, let's see what this baby can really do."

Balloon stepped forward, her fingers curling in a familiar gesture. The air grew crisp and cold, frost spreading along the walls. She formed a sharp shard of ice in her palm, its surface catching the pale light.

Balloon: "Ready when you are."

Boner nodded. With a small flourish, he raised the lamp between them, angling it toward the shard.

She launched the ice projectile with a fierce snap of her wrist.

The shard sped through the cramped room, but at the last second, it glanced off the lamp's surface, shimmering bright as the mana it carried bounced perfectly away.

The reflected shard shot like a guided missile, smashing clean through the window with a crack and disappearing into the streets.

Jak: "Bloody hell!"

Boner carefully traced his hand along the lamp's rim, his bony fingers trembling with excitement.

Boner: "So it doesn't just reflect mana, it absorbs it too. See this faint glow? That's raw energy stored inside, humming."

Paddy squinted at the lamp, the faint flicker pulsing like a heartbeat.

Paddy: "It's powered by something like... electricity."

Boner blinked, confused.

Boner: "Electricity? What the hell is that?"

Paddy grinned, leaning in.

Paddy: "How would I explain this... You know lightning? That flash in the sky that burns and shocks? Electricity's basically... something like that... but captured and controlled."

Boner's goggles gleamed.

Boner: "Then the mana must become lightning to power the lamp, magic can be anything, so why not that?"

Balloon: "Alright, smarty bones, what can this 'magic lightning lamp' actually do for us?"

Paddy walked over to her, with his grin stretched wide, and a mischievous glint lighting his eyes.

Paddy: "Make us rich. Very, very rich."

Balloon smirked, stepping closer, her cold fingers brushing against his arm.

Balloon: "Careful, Paddy. You're starting to sound like one of those conmen back at my home town."

...

Balloon: "Swimming in coins?"

Paddy grabbed her hands and spun her like a kid.

Paddy: "We'll be rolling in gold!"

They both started bouncing on the spot, laughing and flailing their arms exaggeratedly as they imagined their future fortunes.

Paddy: "Imagine it, Balloon, electricity powering everything! Lights, tools, maybe even-"

Balloon cut him off, suddenly serious, blinking at him.

Balloon: "Wait… how exactly does this make us rich?"

...

Paddy: "Shit. I didn't invent the electricity stuff. I just bought the damn stuff from someone who did! I'm basically just a consumer!"

Their arms went limp. They slowly knelt in mutual shame.

The room grew quiet, the weight of reality settling in.

...

Then, without warning, the lamp on the table shimmered with a sudden bright pulse.

Paddy and Balloon looked up, startled.

While they'd been busy daydreaming about swimming in treasure, Boner had been quietly fiddling at the edge of the table. He coaxed a stream of shimmering mana particles and wrapped them along the lamp's grip, muttering to himself like a child stacking cards.

The particles swirled and pulsed. The lamp trembled, hovering off the ground just a little higher, always pushing against the magic below.

Paddy blinked, connecting the dots.

Paddy: "…Wait. It's… it's repelling the mana. Like… just like two magnets fighting each other!"

Boner tilted his skull, confused.

Boner: "What's a magnet?"

Paddy: "Uh- doesn't matter! Point is… we can ride this!"

Balloon: "…Ride it? Like what?"

Paddy snatched the lamp off the table and cradled it like a prize broom.

Paddy: "Like a witch's broom! We'll soar through the skies, laughing down at all the poor fools below!"

He straddled the lamp dramatically and gave it a little kick, eyes alight with greedy fantasy.

For a brief, glorious moment… it rose. A whole six inches off the ground.

Paddy: "…Hah! Look at me!"

Then it wobbled, buzzed, and sank back to hover barely an inch above the floor, slowly drifting like a lazy turtle.

Balloon crouched, poking at the space beneath it.

Balloon: "…So it's not a flying broom."

Paddy froze.

Paddy: "…Or… rather…"

He pushed off experimentally, and the lamp hummed forward, gliding smoothly over the warped wooden floorboards. His grin returned in full force.

Paddy: "I love it."

Paddy planted one foot on the lamp like he was about to surf a wave, the other dangling for balance.

Paddy: "Behold… the future of heroic travel!"

Balloon squinted, as she put her hands on her hips, half-impressed and half-concerned.

Balloon: "…What are you doing?"

Paddy: "Riding it. Like a… uh… you wouldn't get it. Trust me, it's cool."

He kicked off gently. The lamp hummed and glided a few inches forward, smooth as butter.

Paddy: "Hah! Look at that! I'm a genius!"

Jak clapped, and the others joined in unison.

All: "Go, Boss, go!"

The lamp picked up speed as it drifted across the room, and Paddy bent his knees, pretending he knew what he was doing.

Paddy: "See? Totally under control-"

The lamp suddenly twitched hard to the left, then lurched forward like it had a mind of its own.

Paddy: "OH NO-"

He windmilled his arms desperately as the lamp accelerated, zipping toward the far wall.

WHAM!

The lamp tilted upright mid-glide, and Paddy's stomach dropped as it turned into a vertical battering ram. He barely had time to yelp before it rocketed him chest-first into the wall, pinning him there with a hollow THUNK.

Balloon slapped a hand over her mouth, stifling a laugh.

Balloon: "…You okay?"

Paddy groaned, peeling himself off the wall like a piece of wet paper.

Paddy: "…I meant to do that."

Jak: "MY TURN!"

Thieves: "NO, OUR TURN!"

All five idiots lunged at the lamp in a flailing, shouting dogpile all over each other as Paddy weakly reached out a hand from the floor.

Paddy: "…Don't… it's not… safe…"

Too late. The lamp hummed ominously.

Jak: "WOOOOO!"

Thieves: "I regret nothing!"

The whole group shot across the room, slammed into the opposite wall in a tangle of limbs, and collapsed in a heap.