Bit sketchy, innit?

“Well, those two were certainly…”

“Absolutely feckin’ loopy?”

“I was going to say ‘interesting characters,’ but yes, that’s about the half of it.”

By the time Court and I had watched the idiot couple shamefully trundle the other way, the sun was already dipping over the horizon, which meant we’d likely have to make camp soon. But considering how much bloody time had been wasted saving those numpties from the consequences of their actions, we had decided to make a bit more headway before settling down for the night.

So, for a bit longer, we walked and talked with what little light was left.

“Still though, what sort of pillocks decide to marry someone they just bloody met because some dusty old book told them to.”

“That’s just how much people trust the nomicon. It’s predictions are startlingly accurate.”

“Codswallop. I did one thing the ruddy book didn’t account for and it’s whole bloody plan changed. About as reliable as a 1987 Skoda Favorit.”

“Disregarding the fact that I have no idea what that last part means, you can’t really use yourself as a counterexample. You are special, even if you don’t act like it.”

“Load of bollocks. Ain’t that thing literally made for us Earth folk? If it can’t even predict what I do, what ruddy good is it?”

“I don’t have much attachment to it myself, so I won’t argue with you on that, but you won’t find many who agree. The people of this world swear by every word of the nomicon. Insulting it is practically blasphemous. Like spitting on God Himself.”

“Whether it’s God or a book or Eric feckin Cantona, if someone or something is responsible for draggin’ me out of me ‘ouse during the prems, I ain’t gonna be all too pleased with it. ‘Specially when every bastard this side of the portal seems to worship the bloody thing.”

“Something tells me you’re gonna get us killed by locals before the lizard even has a chance.”

Guess I’ll have to keep me mouth shut about the bloody book from here on out. Imagine that, going to arms just because someone dared to doubt what’s written in a dusty old book. Glad we don’t do that back on Earth.

It ain’t the only thing that bugged me about this whole “marriage” rubbish though.

“Ain’t the whole relationship between those two a bit sketchy in the first place?” I said, making Court raise an eyebrow.

“Sketchy? In what way?”

“Well, he freed ‘er from slavery, right? Bit hard to build an equal relationship from that, innit?"

“I’m confused. What do you mean?”

“Well, to ‘im, I’m sure she’s just a pretty girl he wants to marry or whatever. But to ‘er, he’s the bloke that freed her. Probably feelin’ a whole tonne of gratitude, and with too much gratitude you also get debt. Can’t have an equal relationship if you feel in debt, can ya’s? Power imbalance or whatever, innit.”

Court looked at me with a conflicted expression, even though I thought I was being pretty bloody clear to be frank.

“I… think you’re overthinking this, Arch.”

“Am I? You don’t reckon it’s a bit sketch to wife up someone who literally owes you their life?”

“There’s nothing wrong with gratitude, right?”

“Bollocks. Lemme put it this way, why’d you decide to tag along wi’ me?”

“Because… you saved me from slavery.”

“Right, and you probably feels like you needs to pay me back for it or some rubbish, yeah?”

“I… suppose you’re right.”

“And if I asked you to pay me back with a ring on your finger?”

“I’d… probably accept out of obligation,” she sighed. “I guess I see your point.”

“With that pair, they seem like they’re on the same page, no matter how barmy that particular page may be. But it still ain’t sit right wi’ me. If it turns out those two are crap match, poor girl ain’t gonna have the wherewithal to leave ‘im, is she?”

“...I really hope you’re wrong about this.”

“So do I, lass.”

For as much of nutter as he was, that Charlie chap didn’t seem like too bad a bloke. But that ain’t mean he’ll make a good husband for the girl. Can only hope he ain’t end up making the worst of that debt she owes him.

Can’t say it made me feel all that good about me whole deal with Court, neither. Girl said it herself, she only decided to tag along cos she felt she owed me summat. Ain’t feel right to free the girl just to make her tag along like a bloody lapdog.

Then again, could hardly do this shite on me own, so sending her away wouldn’t do. Gotta find me a good middle ground, I s’pose.

“On that topic,” I said, turning me head just a tad to look at her, “what’re you ‘opin’ to get out of all this?”

“Hmm? I mean… not being burned to a crisp by an oversized salamander would be nice.”

“Not that, you prat, I mean you personally. What’s ya wantin’ to do? Get stronger, get rich, any big aspirations ‘n’ shit?”

She met my eye for a second, then looked down at the ground, all dramatic-like.

“I’ve… been a slave for as long as I remember, y’know. I don’t really know if there’s anything to want for me. I’m sort of just… letting life lead the way, I guess.” She kicked her feet slightly as she walked. If you ain’t even satisfied with your own bloody answer, don’t give it, numpty.

“Sounds like a load of shite.”

“Excuse me?”

“Think about it, lass. Every bloody question I ask, you’ve got an answer to. Culture, history, religion, the whole feckin’ shebang. You can’t tell me you’ve got nothin’ to remember if you know all that shite.”

“I… don’t know why I know all that, though. I have no memory of learning it.”

“Codswallop, can’t say you ain’t got any memories just cos you don’t remember ‘em.”

“….I sincerely don’t follow.”

“For you to know all this shite, must have some memories joggin’ about your noggin’, even if they ain’t come to mind. We just gots to open the hatch some’ow, right?”

At that last line, Court practically stopped dead on the spot and stared at me. Chill out, would you, lass?

“You… think we can get my memories back?”

“Haven’t the foggiest,” I said, stopping to look back at her. “But worth a shot, innit? We’re gonna be walking across the whole bloody country, may as well take the chance to ask around about it, yeah? Hell, if this ruddy journey is gonna take a year, may as well take a month or so out to figure some shite out or summat.”

“But why would you go to that extent? I’ve already offered you my services until the dragon is dead, and I don’t think regaining my memories would assist all that much since I seem to still know what I have to. You don’t get anything out of helping me.”

“Not about what I get out of it, is it, lass? You’re just following me cos you got no other choice at the mo, ain’t ya? Ain’t a whole lot better than just bein’ a slave at that point. You get your memories back, you’ll actually have the chance to make your own bloody choices, not let someone else make ‘em for ya. ‘til then, I ain’t gonna feel right about all this ‘guide’ business. If you’re gonna be ‘elpin’ me, I want it to be ‘cos you actually wants ta, not just ‘cos you got nowhere else to go.”

She tilted her head at me in confusion, like a pup when it’s tryna decide whether to play with the cat or chase it up the fence.

“You’re a strange man, Arch.”

“Am I? I reckons I’m just a normal bloke. ‘s this world that’s weird, innit.”

“I do wonder about that. Your common sense seems so different from ours, your world must be truly strange to me.”

“Hey, once the big salamander’s kicked the bucket, I’ll show you round. Suppose you’ve never even had a Gregg’s, have ya? Poor thing?”

“Might have to take you up on that offer. Maybe then I’ll understand what’s going on in that head of yours.”

“Oi, you make me sound like a right nutter.”

“Only a little,” she chuckled. “Thanks, Arch. Despite your… quirks, I’m glad it was you that freed me.”

“Now you’re just bein’ bloody mean.”

“Maybe just a bit,” she said, smiling a tad as she walked past me. “Come on, let’s keep moving. Destination isn’t getting any closer, is it?”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s alright, let’s go,” I replied, rolling me eyes and catching up to her.

For a busy bloody day, it wasn’t too bad a wind down.