New Life, Who 'Dis

I was suddenly in my childhood room, sitting atop my bed. Before me, the boxy television screen revealed a small boy with pointed ears and a green tunic. He swung his sword with expressive grunts and cries as he collected precious gemstones from the grass he trimmed.

Then the screams started.

I paused the game, moving my eyeline like a bird of prey in search of a meal. But I wasn’t hungry, I was afraid. Pivoting my head allowed me to shift my ears around the safe space, a trick I learned to help me avoid angering my parents.

Currently, because of where the sound was the loudest, I could tell they were in the kitchen on the other side of our large and echoey home. It was only faintly possible to hear what they were saying, but it seemed that one of my older brothers had done something again.

Mom was furious, I could tell. Her voice carried the most between her and dad. But then, after a burst of shouts, the argument quieted. Harsh words were replaced with dad's heavy footfalls coming down the hallway.

I quickly jumped from the bed, turned off the video game console, and slid the controller behind the family picture I had to keep on my desk. Having just hidden away the evidence that I had been playing games, dad threw my door open and screamed at me for being locked away in my room. Whatever my brothers had done, I had once again caught the parental aggro from my quiet corner of the house.

He approached me, hand raised. I flinched.

I awoke with a start, sitting up in an unfamiliar bed. No longer in my childhood home nor my apartment bedroom, I was somewhere else.

“Gyahh—what the fug?” I gasped, grabbing at my racing heart.

What was that? I thought to myself, thinking about the vivid dream—no, the memory. Why did I—why was that…?

Breathing deeply, everything began to come back to me. The moments before coming to Esseria. Being in the body of a Kalish, equally blessed and cursed with reliving memories of past lives every time I closed my eyes.

Bah-dump! Bah-dump! Bah-dump!

With a grip of my chest, I began to slow my racing heart with calming breaths. I was used to nightmares, but that had been different. That was too real.

Looking around, I was now in a small studio apartment. The walls were adorned with game posters from all my favourites: a super soldier in green armour and a blocky rifle; a retro-futuristic pinup model with a laser pistol pushing a brand of special cola; and a floating, multi-eyed monster chasing down a trio of terrified adventurers.

But nerdware wasn’t the only thing here. Dangling from the walls were bookshelves full of various tomes and hanging plants drooping their limp leaves. Beside them was a single window revealing rolling hills of amber set in early-morning light.

Reaching over, I touched the wooden frame. With a flicker, the image changed, and rain splashed against the darkened window that now overlooked an underground, noir cityscape.

What the hell? I thought as I looked through the glass. Tapping it again, the image shifted once more to an endless, sandy desert.

“Do you like it?” Phyllis asked deep in the back of my mind.

“Whaa—” I gasped audibly as I looked around.

Phyllis was standing in front of the door leading away from this dwelling. She smirked, walking towards me slowly. Her walker had been replaced by a cane that was, in fact, a magical rifle from a bygone age.

How very Chekhov-esque…

“Phyllis, where am I?”

“Your room, obviously. Well, the room you always wanted. This is where you’ll sleep while I own you—I mean, umm, while you’re still poor and under my employ. So don’t get rich too quickly!”

I looked around the space once more with this understanding, and I could see it: bookshelves with my favourite textbooks, light novels, and epics. Rows of disks loaded with a few of my favourite movies and bands were slipped neatly into towers scattered around the room. The desk space beside the window was even tailored towards LoFi realness, ideal for those lonely nights of moping that I enjoyed.

Walking over to one of the posters, I peeled it away to reveal a secret mini-wet bar.

“Awk!” I gasped. It was beautiful. The truest form of bachelor pads.

“Yeah, it’s pretty…c-cool?” Phyllis stammered.

“What?”

“Well, it’s giving—hmm…living in mom’s attic? Umm, failure to launch? Oh, oh, oh, what’s that word that means you don’t boink, because you can’t get any.”

“Gah!” I growled, looking away from her, thinking to myself for a moment.

That hit hard, deep in my soul. Wait—I don’t have one, right? I don’t think I want to know.

“Phyllis! It’s not that bad—” I finally said, only to be cut off.

“Look,” She slid a second door open, revealing a small bathroom. “I made the shower have lights that strobe different colours and made sure the drain was large enough, so it doesn’t clog with your excessive ejac—”

“Okay, enough.”

“Oh, don’t be so sensitive—oh crap, that’s what your mommy used to tell you. Triggered much?”

“Phyllis!”

“Mwahahahaha—” She cackled as she disappeared in a burst of pink sparkles, her voice lingering for a second longer. “Gotta go! Customers are coming in. Don’t hermit too long or you’ll go blind.”

I was left alone in my dream room, which suddenly felt a bit more like a shrine to a me that was dead. And the longer I thought about it, maybe it was actually a prison.

I don’t think I want to be in here right now.