* Edging Life and Death and Magic

*

“Guuh—” I awoke once again with a start, sitting up in the bed I rested. "Bunnies!"

Slapping my hands to my face, I heaved heavily in a failed attempted to catch my breath. My trembling fingers tapped against my cheekbone and brow as tears formed at the corners of my eyes. Another memory, a moment forgotten for good reason, of being forced to kill soft creatures and a piece of my childhood innocence.

What the fug am I supposed to be learning from this? I thought, pulling my shaking hands away, half expecting to see them covered in blood. 

But they weren't. No matter how real it felt, it was still a dream—a long-past moment, triggered by fighting ratdogs and corgsquitos. Creatures that were very different than the bunnies and squirrels that I had been forced to shoot.

"Beasts, trying to kill me..." I muttered, thinking of my Dad's words as I reached down to the spot where the ratdog had taken a piece of me. My shaking hands rubbed at my leg, clenching to a fist as I gripped at the leather. "Not bunnies. Not squirrels. Beasts...trying to kill—"

I exhaled, beginning the process of calming myself down, before a voice spoke out to me.

“Hey,” Their muffled voice came from a distant full-body cast. “You okay over there?

“Umm, y-yeah?” I said, looking around for a moment.

I didn’t know who rescued me from bleeding out, but I had awoken in the sterile halls of the Al’Magi Student Infirmary. Without questions or red tape, they had healed me while also restoring both my ripped clothes and damaged armour to their original state.

As I examined my extremities, I began to realize there was likely a reason the items I had picked up on the cheap were in the bargain bin to begin with. The most notable reason being that they didn't work well in combat. Eventually, I would have to get my hands on some better armour, though that would have to wait until after I was making money. 

Currently, though, I was just glad that I had written a student healthcare program into my story. No asking for insurance first, just helping students who almost died because of the dumb vermin trap plan.

I'm beginning to second-guess this arc of the hero's story...

“Okay, if you say so." The voice continued. "You seemed to be having quite the panic attack there. First time in the infirmary, huh? If you have questions, there's a chart at the end of your bed."

Looking myself over for a moment, I confirmed I was in one piece before standing and reaching the edge of the bed. I lifted the small clipboard and glanced at my chart.

“It says it was a vermin trap and...” I muttered, scanning the page. “Something about my student identification didn't function properly. And that a pair of students, Rionriv Singlemoon and Sharzin Thistlewillow, brought me in.”

Makes sense that my student identification didn't function properly. It is a forgery after all...

“Vermin traps? Classic first-year baddies.” The cast spoke with a chuckle. “And that's not good. The S-I-D badge is the failsafe, you know? If it's not automatically teleporting you to the infirmary when you go down in combat, then you run the real risk of dying on campus. And there's no coming back from that, you know! Good thing for those girls. Glad you’re feeling better.”

“Thanks?” I said as I tossed the clipboard back to the bed and walked over to the restrained being. “What happened with you?”

“Me? Oh, demon ate my bones.”

“A demon ate your bones?!” I cried out, looking at the figure’s chart, confirming what I had been told.

“Yeah, but it’s really not that bad the second time around.” They insisted. “You really get used to it. It’s just like being liquid inside a waterskin, right? I only wish the spell they used to regrow the bones wasn’t so itchy.”

“Can relate.” I lied, looking at the chart one more time for the person's name. “Well, good luck, Murph—"

My words became trapped in my throat as I inhaled a sharp breath.

Murphy Grandshneck. I thought, my heart racing as I read the name over again.

Murphy Grandshneck was a nondescript first-year student who would fly under the radar for the next three years. Then, it would be revealed to the heroes that he was the cause of the evil that had been afflicting the Academy since they started. 

The main villain of their school arc was currently lying before me in a truly vulnerable state. It wouldn't take much for me to easily extinguish him before he could complete his plan to kill dozens and trigger another academic schism. 

One pillow away from being a big hero and all it would take was murdering a kid who had done nothing wrong yet.

“Hey, thanks,” Murphy spoke happily. “What was your name, friend?”

“Umm, Tah—Ishara,” I said and glanced around the room. 

At that moment, I was torn over what I was looking for. I wanted a way to escape, but I also wanted a way to end the life of the kind boy who would one day cause so much pain.

“Ishara, that’s a unique name.”

“Yeah, I didn’t choose it,” I mumbled, noticing a small box at the corner of the room housing a gleaming sword behind a slim piece of glass.

Approaching it, I read the comedic but succinct text before me: “Break Case in Event of Monster.” The reasoning was a bit on the nose, but it would work.

If I could kill Murphy before his ancient memories awakened, I could prevent the entire Academia Magicale Arc. If I did that, the school might be better prepared for conflicts that I knew were coming its way, but it would also change the future history of the world. 

Worth it.

Raising an elbow to smash the glass, I stopped as a voice bellowed from the other edge of the room.

"What are you doing up, young man?" A concerned woman announced, her heels clicking against the tiled floor as she charged towards me. "You should be resting."

"Oh, heh—" I turned quickly, rubbing the back of my head. "I, yuhh, I feel much better, thanks. Can I go?"

"I'll be the judge of that, Mister..."

"Ishara," Murphy said from the cast.

"And you, Mister Grandshneck, should be resting! Not talking. Flapping that jaw of yours could shatter those delicate bones."

Finally reaching me, the woman gave me a once-over. She cast several spells, watching how my body reacted before lecturing me on being sure to report immediately to the Dean of Student Acquisitions, Jack Atlas, at the Registrar's office for an updated card. 

Yet another important name that I was in no way going to make contact with. But I wouldn't let her know that. So instead I nodded and agreed.

After the nurse gave me the okay to leave, I hastily gathered my things and departed with a new determination that I just needed to be a bit more careful in the future. And having learned nothing but a newfound respect for the dangers of this world and that monsters come in every shape and form, I exited back to campus to continue my grind. Those levels weren’t going to gain themselves after all.

But first, I needed to do something, and that was figure out how spells worked. A task that could be taught in school or by Phyllis.

Over half the day had passed while I was laid up in the infirmary, meaning that by the time I returned to Phyllis' shoppe, the Lich had retired to her mall for her evening supper. Luckily, I knew how to reach her, or at least I thought I did.

What was supposed to be as easy as going through any circular clothing rack or diving into an empty bargain barrel, in fact, wasn't. Just one of those things that Phyllis had changed in comparison to my story. Luckily, as I searched I came across someone I was familiar with manning the cashwrap. Someone who stood patiently, watching me make a fool of myself.

"Hey, Vathos," I said, eventually giving up in my search and approaching with a wave of my hand. Even though we had never met I already knew the man well, though this was the first time he was making my acquaintance. "I need to get to Phyllis' Mall Dimension."

The Devilkin man before me was a unique kind of beautiful. Standing nearly a foot taller than me, his body was a deep red colour with black ram's horns atop his head and matching abyssal eyes. He would have been an intimidating figure to run into while travelling a dim, back alley, but being under the employ of Phyllis for longer than anyone in this age had been alive meant that the man had been defanged psychologically.

This himbo of a figure, as dumb as he was attractive, was dressed in the most strange assortment of clothing. Purple leather skinny jeans hugged his legs, revealing a bulge that could make a straight man blush. Over his shoulders hung a vibrant, multicoloured kimono, flared open to reveal his Adonis-like body beneath. There was no shirt, just a leather harness, and abs so chiselled and well greased that you'd wonder if he did anything other than work out. The answer to which was mostly no.

"Huhhh?" He gasped, turning his head as the golden earrings and chains that hung from his horns shifted and jingled. "How do you know this?"

"Know...what? I work for Phyllis, Vathos."

"How do you know my name?"

"Cause...I-I work for Phyllis?"

"Since when?"

"T-Today?"

"I don't know about that…”

Rubbing at my face, I thought of ways to prove to him what I said was true.

"You're Vathos," I began. "You enjoy poutines with—"

"How do you know this?!"

I clenched my jaw, quietly cursing myself for making such a beautiful idiot for Phyllis to have as a plaything for three thousand years. And, just I felt my own sanity leaving me, the world provided a saving grace as the cabinet behind the cash wrap opened and Phyllis stepped out.

"Alright, I'm all good. Take your fifteen, dummy." Phyllis turned to see me. "Oh, hey, dummy two. How's my little ruby jujubee? Enjoy almost dying?"

"Phyllis," I growled, suddenly feeling even more agitated simply by her presence. "You need to refill the syrup more often!”

"Meh, not my problem, you hogged it all. No refunds! Now shoo, shoo. Customers may come in!"

"No, wait," I adjusted my tone to be more pleasing as I approached the counter and slapped my hand to the surface. "I need help."

"Obviously, but I don't offer those kind of services." She paused for a moment, touching her lips. "Unless...I mean, I can take out my dentures and really take you for a spin."

"Gah, no!" I cried out, the thought causing me to dry heave for the second time today. "No, Phyllis! Not what I'm talking about. I need help with magic! Can you teach me how to cast spells?"

"What? That?" She cackled loudly. "That's easy. You're a pro."

"I most certainly am not! I shot a spell out by accident earlier and have no idea how I did it."

"Oh, that's normal. Just a little pre-magic. Nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to everyone when they're starting and exploring their young, magical bodies."

"Why do you have to make it sound so weird?"

"You made me this way! And these are very technical terms!" Phyllis screamed at me. "Alright, listen up. The best and easiest way to use magic is to picture it in your head. Okay? Have a nice, clear focus of what you want to do, and then just goon your magical sense to it."

I stared blankly at Phyllis, unsure if she was being honest or not.

"What?"

"Just goon it. Edge the magic until you can't hold it back anymore. Until it feels too good. And then just blow your magical load all over the enemy. Go ahead, try it on Vathos right now. Just think of soaking him with all your magical goon juices."

"Phyllis...no."

"But it's how you do it!" She yelled, turning to face Vathos as she pointed a finger at him.

I watched as her eyes narrowed and she gently licked at her lips before releasing a finger twitch in his direction.

"Lubricate!" She screamed out.

Vathos' already glistening body became even more drenched where he stood. Suddenly, his posture shifted, and with a faint squeak, his feet slipped out from under him, sending him tumbling to the ground.

"Ow." He said dully and in a tone that revealed how used to that particular abuse he was.

"See," Phyllis turned back to me and reached over the counter, unable to grab me. "See you—see, just...come closer so I can grab you for effect."

"No." I instinctively took a step back. "I do not consent."

"I own you! You signed over your consent. Let me grab you by your stupid shirt and tell you how to edge your magic organ. Hint, it's not up your butthole. It is up your peehole, thooough."

This was not in my story. None of it. This was either Phyllis having a fun time tormenting me, or the world had decided to do something weird.

"No... no, it's not, Phyllis."

"Yes, it is! The magic organ is connected to your kidneys!" She insisted, walking her way around the counter towards me. "So just grip that wand of yours, think about the magic behind your peehole, and goon to what you want to do. Then...Blow your load on the bad guy!"

Her grabby hands reached for me as I began to back away from her. But she continued to pursue, beginning to chase me with pinchy little fingers.

"Get back here, let me help you goon magic! You wanted this! You asked for this! Lubricate me, my little ruby jujubee!"

"No! Leave me alone!"

"Mwahahahahaha—" Phyllis cackled, chasing me around the store.

I finally escaped back into the cool coastal night, just beyond the saloon doors and where she could no longer chase me. Yet another benefit of being in a contract with Phyllis was that she couldn't leave her shop. Which, for nights like this, would be a blessing.

"Goddamn it." I sighed to myself, thinking about what she had taught me.

And as much as I hated to say it, from what I had already experienced in this life and the last...Phyllis wasn't wrong.

Magic was like edging.

A distant sound alerted me as I turned to see a trio of huge rats emerging from an alley, looking for a meal. My heart began to race.

“Goddamn it.” I released an anxious sigh, glancing back to the shop. “Fight or flee?”