Chapter 19:

If You Were A Single Feeling

who I am is not who I want to be



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Nothing can surpass human curiosity. I wondered why Karma and Saho were together, who that was, what they were feeling. Of course, I would most likely never find out, but it was the type of curiosity that stays unanswered without me being too bothered by it. I call it Observant curiosity. Curiosity is a useful motivating factor, but just like anything else there is just being curious about anything and selectively being curious and optimizing the benefits of that curiosity. There is a big difference between random largely useless curiosity and purposeful useful directed curiosity. Bookmark here

I wanted answers. I was not sure that the girl in the picture was Karma or not. I wanted to make sure. I reached the building of cyber detectives. I entered the department of cyber forensics and reached the wall similar to the wall that was in the photo. It was exactly the same. There was no mistake in it. Now the only thing left to confirm was if that girl in the picture was Karma, or not. They had a few similarities, but yeah, they looked like two different girls. I started to look for Saho here and there. I did not have his contact number. I was wondering to directly go to Saho and ask him whether he knows this girl in the picture. I asked a junior if he knows Saho.
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And he was like as if Saho is a great hero. He praised Saho a lot and led me toward an office where Saho was working. Saho was definitely an arrogant person. Unfortunately, he was good-looking, handsome, and lots of girls had a crush on him. One of the reasons I was worried about that photo was because the girl looked like Karma. She seemed to be very close to Saho in that photo. I was concerned if it was really Karma. Bookmark here

Meanwhile, Karma reached her home. After Eiji confirmed that nothing suspicious was going on in Mr.Manzo's mind, Eiji drooped Karma at home. Eiji was still a servant in Mr. Manzo's resident, but he was plotting against Mr.Manzo.
Karma and Eiji decided to reveal Mr.Manzo's past. Karma told Eiji that she is planning to take revenge on his father.
Eiji promised Karma to help her.
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Karma stepped inside her home. At the very first moment, she realized that the key was placed in a little bit different direction. She opened the door, and Hazel rushed toward her. Karma was worried for Hazel too. She was going to fill the food bowl for Hazel and realized there was already some food in the bowl. She wondered to herself how is it possible that there is still food left in the bowl after ten days. The lights of the kitchen were on. She went inside the kitchen and saw broken glass. She knew Hazel has a habit of breaking glass. It was normal for her. She searched all over her home, but nothing was stolen from her home. She turned her phone on. Bookmark here

(Phone buzzing incoming call from Karma)Bookmark here

My heart pounded with each breath. My heart pounded like it was hummingbird wings.
While standing outside Saho's office, Karma called me. I was not able to believe it. I ran in the opposite direction from Saho's office and picked the call. My heartbeat was racing. That phone call triggered the primal flight reaction or something like it: a massive flood of adrenaline that shot through me like a drug and made me felt deeply alive. I totally forgot about Saho. Bookmark here

I picked the call and cried like a crybaby. I was happy that she is back in my life.
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''WHERE WERE YOU?"Bookmark here

"I WAITED FOR YOU SO MUCH."Bookmark here

"YOU MADE ME SO WORRIED."Bookmark here

"NOT FOR A FRACTION OF A SECOND I STOPPED TO THINK ABOUT YOU."Bookmark here

I said to her while I was continuously sobbing.Bookmark here

A one-minute pause.
Karma while gathering up the courage to speak. She wiped her tears and said in a trembled voice.Bookmark here

"Can you please come over?"
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"I need to talk to you."Bookmark here

I felt as if she is in danger. I totally forgot about Saho and ran toward her home.
I was not able to tell that what would have happened with her when she was missing. I did not have any clue.
My heart seemed to swell into a mallet and swing against my rib cage. Bookmark here

When I reached her home, she was already waiting outside for me. I instantly hugged her so tightly. She wrapped her arms around me and whispered in my ear.Bookmark here

" Thank you for coming."
We hugged long enough to hear each other's breathing. I pat her head.
She looked a little bit weak and slim. She asked me to come inside.Bookmark here

I made coffee for both of us and brought it to her.
We sat on the Sofa. I sipped the coffee. Letting the liquid linger in her mouth, she savored its taste. It was sweet in the beginning, but as it went down, it turned sour. Bookmark here

Karma set the cup down. What was she doing there, drinking her favorite coffee, sitting on the spot silently? Bookmark here

She stared down at the table and was surprised when she felt teardrops running down her face. I pushed the cup in front of her and wiped the tears from her face. I gave her a chance to explain herself. Unfortunately, the words she desired to say weren’t there when she needed them.Bookmark here

After that coffee was cold. The wistful aroma of coffee disappeared, and the warmth it was providing her hands was long gone.Bookmark here

Her head raised slowly. It was the first time in my life that I saw her crying. I was worried for her. She was about to say something, and she sniffled between words. She felt her throat closing up. Tears streamed down her face.
While crying she said:Bookmark here

"It's so unfair, I work so hard, but I was not able to save her. She is gone."Bookmark here


She could hold the heartbreak no longer, and she fell to the floor as her grief poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears. I tried to comfort her. I couldn't understand what happened to her. She was not able to speak properly.
I hugged her again so she can feel Calm down. My arms wrapped around her like chains. She clasped me so tightly we were nearly one person. Her words broke up, and all she could say were stuttering sounds. Hot tears streamed down her face, and she squeezed her eyelids shut in the hope her tears would stop. Her choppy breathing and watery eyes remained for quite some time, and she sat there unmoving.Bookmark here

“Would you like a refill on your coffee?”
I said to her.
Karma looked at me eagerly.Bookmark here

“Yes, that would be nice,” she replied.Bookmark here

I could not understand her. I had no clue about what happened to her. I did everything possible to make her feel better.
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After few days, she recovered a little bit from trauma. I did not insist she tell me anything until she started to look normal.Bookmark here

15th February 2020:Bookmark here

She seemed overpowered that day. She was not sobbing or crying anymore while expressing herself. I did not believe what I heard until she repeated herself. Bookmark here

She told me that someone killed her grandma in front of her eyes. I asked her:Bookmark here

"WHO?"Bookmark here

But she did not seem to tell me anything about it. I told her to report it to the police and she grew aggressive and said:Bookmark here

"Don't you even think of involving the police in any matter related to me."Bookmark here

I tried to convince her of the police but she did not agree.Bookmark here

She seemed non-interested in the police. She said:Bookmark here

" The police can't help me. I don't believe police can help me in gaining what's fair.Bookmark here

The person who killed my grandma is someone I recognize and a close person to me. "Bookmark here

I did not understand why was she not reporting the murderer. It did not make sense. I was curious about everything related to her. I was looking for means and ways that could provide me answers to my questions. I tried, again and again, to make her speak about it, but she was stubborn.Bookmark here

The Role of Curiosity in Investigation is essential. I had curiosity in knowing her. I was sure that she is hiding something from me. I was at a dead end. I had no means to find out her information. The most dreaded scenario in an investigation occurs when an investigator reaches a point where there are still unanswered questions, but there are no leads left to pursue answers. This is common, especially when things like data retention and availability often limit us. Bookmark here

In such scenarios a required data source might not be available, a lead from other evidence could run dry, or the data might not point to an obvious next step. Without adequate motivation to explore additional avenues for answering questions, the investigation might miss logical paths to the answers they are seeking. They may also fail to adequately ask the appropriate questions.Bookmark here

I did not plan to steal her data without her will. I was only aiming to make her talk about it. Bookmark here

On 3rd March, I was at her place for bug bounty hunting. She randomly thought of eating noodles, she went to the kitchen, but there wasn't any left. She came to me and said:Bookmark here

" I am going to the grocery shop for buying some noodles. Take care of Hazel. I'll be back in a while." Bookmark here

I said to her:Bookmark here

" Bring bubble tea for me, and in exchange, I'll take care of Hazel."Bookmark here

She giggled and said:Bookmark here

" OK, Mister Script Kiddie. You better focus on bug bounty hunting."Bookmark here

And she went outside.Bookmark here

That Cat started to make noise.Bookmark here

MEOW, MEOW !!!Bookmark here

I filled his food bowl and started work again. Bookmark here

I randomly went inside the room from where I found that picture of Saho and the girl who looked like Karma. Bookmark here

Looking at the same data in different ways can yield interesting results. I tried to find that photo again it wasn't there. I started looking for it in a big black drawer, and I found it placed inside a diary in that drawer. Bookmark here

I was staring at the photo. I turned it and looked at the backside. Bookmark here

There were some dates mentioned on it and few symbolic words. I guess those symbolic words were only understandable for her. Bookmark here

All those dates were starting from 2017 and on-wards. Bookmark here

I checked her phone and looked for the contact named Saho. There was no contact from that name. Bookmark here

When I turned my eyes at the door, I could see light streaming into the room between the door and the door frame. Then I was struck by the silence. A silence that told me that Karma was standing on the back and seeing me searching in her drawers. Bookmark here

My heart was racing. I didn’t move. Paralyzed by fear, I knew I couldn't undo it but pay for it later. I didn’t want to pay for it. I just wanted peace. I wanted my life back. A happy life with Karma. I wasn’t ready to give up. Not yet.Bookmark here

Still, I remained motionless, evaluating the risk. She was staring at me as if she wanted to kill me. Her aura felt different. Bookmark here

My eyes were fixated on her As She was moving toward me and came closer to me and whispered in my ear:Bookmark here

“You have the worst qualities of that a human can have.”Bookmark here

My hands were shaking anxiously. I caught my breath, then slowly exhaled. She said:Bookmark here

“You don’t belong here.”Bookmark here

“Why don’t you go back to where you belong?”Bookmark here

“You make me uncomfortable.”Bookmark here

I could feel my heart thumping against my chest as I silently made my way through the hallway to the front door. I picked my coat from Sofa and Bookmark here

Still shaking, my hand clumsily seized the doorknob. I stepped outside, the frigid air pressing against my face. Bookmark here

I started to run fast as I could. I kept going, cutting through side streets, and suddenly Karma bumped into me. She was holding bubble tea in her hands. She said:Bookmark here

“You are so silly. I was kidding, and you took it seriously.”Bookmark here

“You are very talented, and you can accomplish anything in life.”Bookmark here

“You forgot your bubble tea.”Bookmark here

“I came here to give you this bubble tea.”Bookmark here

She grabbed my left hand with her palm perpendicular to mine and wrapped her fingers around the back of my hand and said:Bookmark here

"If You Were A Single Feeling, What Would You Be for me?"Bookmark here

"Do you know?"Bookmark here

I was standing still. I felt like I was on fire and like I might spontaneously combust at any moment, like someone had set a slow and steady match beneath my center, deep in the pit of my stomach.Bookmark here

she said:Bookmark here

" Irreplaceable."Bookmark here


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(Features of Rin Erwin:Bookmark here

Height: 4'9''Bookmark here

Skin Tone: BeigeBookmark here

Characteristics of skin tone: Light or fair skin, can freckle and can become light tan after repeated sun exposure (but the risk of getting a sunburn or skin peeling is high)Bookmark here

Hair: Middle length hair with little waves Bookmark here

Hair Texture: Soft and lushBookmark here

Descriptive Hair Color: RavenBookmark here

Eye: Magnetic/BrownBookmark here

The word “magnetic” is a good word to use for describing brown eyes, especially if the person has an intense stare or if the eyes are a deep shade of brown. It is easy to understand that you are talking about someone who magnetizes you and pulls you towards them naturally.Bookmark here

Cheeks: clean out-and-outBookmark here

Chin: Pointy ChinBookmark here

Jaw: Triangular jawlineBookmark here

Nose: Turned-Up Nose )Bookmark here


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Bookmarked
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