My New Life (I Didn't Die or Anything Though)

Mrs. Fischer ran down the basement stairs clutching a piece of paper, "James, we're rich!"

"Mom, what are you talking about? I'm in the middle of a game."

"This letter! It says that you're a descendant of a rich family and they want you to go meet them!"

"That's definitely a scam. Just throw it away," James said as he put his headphones back on. 

Mrs. Fischer walked over to her son and lifted up his headphones, "If it was really a scam, then why would they send you a sword?"

"Wait... That letter came with the sword?!" James said, now remembering the letter he ignored at the bottom of the sword package. 

"Yes! It can't be a scam!" his mom said. 

"I'll be right back guys, gotta talk to my mom," James told his online friends as he muted his mic, "That's what they want you to think. The sword is probably worthless, and just placed as bait to get people to fall for the scam."

"Just read the letter," Mrs. Fisher said, pushing the paper towards James. 

"Fine." James reluctantly took the letter. 

Dear Mr. James Fischer, 

We have recently discovered a new line of the Rokujou family originating around the year 1786. Your great-great-great-grandfather, Rokujou Nichiyama, had an illegitimate child who ended up being swapped for Nichimiya's legitimate child, a.k.a. your great-great-grandfather, Rokujou Moriyasu. Basically, we have found out that the ancestral line after Nichiyama are all illegitimate, and you are actually descendant of the legitimate line. You are a Rokujou, in short. You are also the last surviving member of the legitimate Nichimiya line. We know this is very sudden, but we would love if you would come to Japan and rejoin the family. Please inquire with us at the attached phone number so we can get you situated. We are also aware that you are a family man, so you can bring them along as well and we will pay for your living expenses until you have a sustainable income with us.

-Rokujou Daisuke, Rokujou Family Patriarch

"This is bullshit. They're trying to entice us to go to Japan since I'm a weeb," James said, "I guarantee there's some Indian scammer guy on the phone number who's gonna try to gather your credit card info." He crumpled up the paper and threw it at one of his glass figure display cases where it then bounced to the floor. 

"I guess you do know more about this scam stuff than I do..." his mom said. 

"Don't worry, I always know how to detect scams," James said as he put his headphones back on. 

Two weeks later, a man with black hair, black aviators, and a black suit arrived at their home. 

"I'm looking for a James Fischer," he said. 

"Jaaaaaaaames, someone's here for you!" Mrs. Fischer yelled. 

"Coming," James grunted. 

As he reached the top of the basement stairs with the front door in view, he froze. 

"Oh shit!" he yelled and ran downstairs as fast as possible. 

"James, what's the matter?" Mrs. Fischer said, "I'll be right back, sir," she said as she ran after James. 

Down in the basement, James was stashing something under his bed while simultaneously deleting hundreds of files off of his computer. 

"The FBI is here for my hentai, the FBI is here for my hentai!" James silently repeated to himself over and over.

"James, what are you doing? You have a guest!"

"I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME!" James screamed as he started crying dramatically. 

"Come upstairs this instant!" his mother said, "You can't hide down here forever!" She grabbed onto James's arms and dragged him towards the stairs. 

"NOOOO! I DON'T WANNA GO TO JAIL!"

"What are you talking about?! Why would you be going to jail?!" 

James continued to scream and cry as his mother dragged him upstairs and to the door. 

She opened the door back up, "Sorry about that sir, he's here now."

"Apologies if I'm interrupting something," the man said with an obvious Japanese accent, "The Rokujou Family sent a letter to this house a while ago and we were wondering if you got it." 

James stopped crying when he heard the man's words. His head turned downwards and his hair covered his eyes. 

"You... I deleted all of my hentai... Because of you... It's all gone... Because of you!" James's face became furious as he jumped at the visitor in a fit of rage. 

Mrs. Fischer grabbed the back of her son's shirt before he reached the man, yet he continued to claw and punch the air in the man's direction. 

"6 years... It took 6 years... 6 years to build up that collection!" 

"James, calm down and listen to our guest!" Mrs. Fischer sternly said. 

"I assure you that I am not hentai, sir," said the visitor, "I am just a messenger from the Rokujou Family."

"Wait... Didn't I get a sword from the Rokujou Family a while back...?" James thought out loud as he stopped trying to fight. He stood up and faced the man with a serious expression, "So you're saying I can go to Japan, right? Let's go then," James said tauntingly.  

"Very well. Let us go to the airport then," the visitor responded. 

"You sure changed attitudes quickly when you realized you get to go to Japan," Mrs. Fischer pointed out. 

James and his mother packed two suitcases with some living essentials and loaded them into the back of their visitor's expensive-looking rental car. 

"If we end up getting kidnapped, it's your fault," James said to his mom as they got into the back seat of the car. 

"Who would kidnap us?" Mrs. Fischer said back. 

"Oh, there are many people that would love to have my head." 

"Do you need to tell me something, James?" she said, concerned, as the car started moving.