VOLUME III: Later That Night...

"Phyllis!" I screamed as I forced my way through the clothing rack and into her Mall Dimension.

The vapourwave glow of the concourse hit my eyes while the sound of turn-of-the-century muzak tickled my ears. The clatter of my boots against the tiled floor echoed as I raced towards the food court. Rounding the corner, I immediately saw her. Covered in a cloud of dispersing pink sparkles, Phyllis—the loveable lich, summoner of me to this world, and technically my employer—coughed from behind one of the grey tables where she appeared to be enjoying a meal from the MacRonald's CostConscious Menu.

“You fugging knew!” I cursed, stomping towards the lich angrily. "You knew all of that was going to happen, didn't you!"

“Knew what?” Phyllis replied with a smile before coughing out more sparkles. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Izzy baby."

“You knew that the coven of hags was already dead, and a Fliant invasion was well underway! You knew it would fug with my mind. That it would hurt the triop—”

“Ohh, Space Nozis, you say?” She continued coyly as she plucked a fry from the tray before her. "Were they wearing big purple hats that read 'Make Esseria Great Again' orrr..."

“Don’t fug with me right now, Phyllis!” I yelled as I reached out, taking hold of her tray of food and throwing it to the floor in a flash of anger. “We almost died. I almost died!” 

I felt tears beginning to form at the edge of my eyes as I choked on my next words, after all, the last few hours had been exhausting. Following the celebration in Tahvinstead, we had been returning to Goodshore when Rionriv collapsed into her seat. The image of the blood-soaked sorceress still hung in my mind, tainting the joy we felt hours before from our successful mission. Her parents, looking to rush her home, medevac’d her and her sister via griffin to the Thantossa household. This left Sharzin and me alone in the carriage, sitting in a tense silence for the remainder of the trip back. 

Once we had arrived back at Goodshore, I was still met with no answers as to what had happened to Rionriv or whether she was alright. To make matters worse, Sharzin had been allowed into the Thantossa residence, while I was barred from entering by the butler. I waited for nearly two hours on the front step for them to let me in. That was two hours of banging on the door and crying out to any of the triop who would listen. But no one came to get me. No one answered my calls. Finally giving up, I decided the next best place to go was to Phyllis's to demand answers. And all this was to say that not only was it nearly two in the morning, but I was also in a frantic state.

“Th-they’re not telling me what’s going on with Rionriv.” I whimpered, my chest beginning to tremble as I fought back the sobs that threatened to escape my lips. "Th-they won't let me in. They won't tell me what's going on. And no one is talking to me."

Gently touching the gem on my temple, I thought of Aesandoral. I hadn't gotten to see her reaction to my origin story. And it had been impossible to gauge Sharzin's response after the incident as we both sat silently worrying about Rionriv. The day had finally come that I revealed to the group that I was the world's author, but it was bookended by severe trauma and then followed by a radio silence that felt as though I had been left on read.

Glancing up, I looked at Phyllis, who had remained seated all the while looking into my tear-stained eyes. She squinted for a moment before leaning back in her chair and snapping her fingers. The tray I had thrown reappeared before her, looking as it had before I sent it flying.

“Hmm, you done with your pity-party, Tahvin?” She replied, plucking another fry and tossing it into her mouth. “That is who I’m talking to right now, right? Big boo-hoo bish?"

“I-I’m still Ishara—”

“No, Ishara has always been more mature than this. He'd never have a temper tantrum like that. Throwing trays and demanding information? From me? That's something a big, fat idiot would do. Someone who thinks we can control and extort this badass lich.”

Dabbing her face with a paper napkin, Phyllis crumpled it up and tossed it onto her unfinished burger. She then stood, patting the chair for me to sit before touching the tray that had been before her. The red-and-gold packaging shifted to a dozen tacos wrapped in aubergine paper. My stomach growled as I looked between the food and Phyllis, immediately not trusting it.

“Sit, it’s fresh.” She answered my distrustful gaze as she walked forward before gently tugging at my hand. “I can tell you’re hangry, child. You're not yourself when you're hangry. Have a snackers.”

“I kind of am…” I replied as I moved to sit. "T-Thank you, Phyllis. Sorry I—"

Reaching for the first taco, a burst of magic shot from Phyllis’s arcane-rifle-made-cane. The blast scattered my food across the cafeteria in an instant, plastering the walls like a Jackson Wallock painting and giving me a small heart attack.

“What the hells, Phyllis!” I yelped, lunging back into the chair as I looked between the food shrapnel and the lich. "What was that for?!"

“That’s for ruining my lunch,” She replied with a huff, tapping her cane to the ground and returning a tray of deconstructed tacos to the table. “Here, this is what you actually deserve.”

“Gee, thanks,” I responded, frustratedly plucking a spork from the tray. “So kind. I said I was sorry. Plus, it's like two A-M not—”

Stabbing the tray of taco bits, I raised the meal to my mouth. In the moments before it could reach my lips, another blast of magical buckshot knocked the spork out of my hand and turned the remainder of the meal into a sparkling pink dust.

“Ah! Phyllis! What the hell?!”

“And that’s for being so rude and acting like you've earned answers, you little shit!” Phyllis yelled as she crawled up into the booth seat across from me. “Now, show me the ruby you got!”

With a sigh, I pinched at the bridge of my nose. Now that I could remember the entirety of my life as Tahvin and all the good and bad things that influenced the creation of Phyllis, it had become truly surreal sitting across from her. In an instant, my love-hate relationship with her became that much more complicated. So, grumbling passive-aggressively, I withdrew the two halves of the oversized ruby gem I'd stored in my bottomless bag. The gem that had been embedded into the scaled exterior of the giant hentai-monster Kr'throc that had wanted me, in particular, dead.

“Nice,” Phyllis remarked, reaching her hands out to grow the table to a size that could better hold the large ruby pieces. "Oh yeah, I love when you shove things that are big and rock hard in my face."

"Phyllis, don't..."

The minute the rubies had been laid out before her, she leaned in and began to inspect them eagerly. Touching their rough surface, she pushed the halves together, and I watched as they flared to life. In an instant, the fragments merged, forming a large singular stone once again before disappearing into Phyllis's chest. 

“Ooh, yeah, baby, you really filled me up with that." Phyllis moaned softly as she rubbed her body. "Thank you, Ishara. You will be compensated for your retrieval of these precious fragments. Do you want coin, or should I take these dentures out?”

“Goddamnit, Phyllis." I retched, holding back the bile that threatened to spew forth at the thought. "Stop. Just...don't. Money. Give us money. And, next time, be upfront about what you want us to do. If you've got information, then tell me. Hell, I would have still done this job if I had known ahead of time.”

“I know, but you needed the struggle to move on.” Phyllis stopped and looked into my eyes. “It's called character progression! It's what the people want! Speaking of which, I see you remembered some other things. It seems you've got your mojo back.”

“Yeah, so much for your mental dam," I remarked, as I stood and walked over to the nearby poutinery. "I remember everything and more. I think I saw Ishara's past at one point. There was a necklace—”

“Ah, yes, good. You're actually starting to be a Kalish. I gave the necklace to the boy's parents as part of the deal to save his life, and so he could live like a normal child. Without it, he would have died before the age of six. You know this.”

I looked down over my body, the one Phyllis had given me to inhabit after my soul and consciousness had been brought over from World Eighty-Two. I couldn’t help but feel bad for the boy whose body Phyllis stole on my behalf, but there was nothing I could do to fix it. After all, I was pretty sure I had experienced dying a second time on the other side. My cosmic do-overs were done.

“Where's that ruby fragment now?” I finally asked as the Hawaiian-style poutine appeared on the counter before me. "Did you deep throat that one, too?"

“Nah, I'm a size queen," Phyllis answered, flashing me a less-than-seductive wink. "That little fragment wouldn't please me. So I shoved it inside of you, for the time being. And no, I am not contractually obligated to tell you more. But would you like me to tell you how I got it into that body? Spoiler. Not the mouth.”

Releasing another sigh, I thought for a moment about what to say next. With a shove of poutine past my lips, I enjoyed the mixture of pineapple and ham atop fries, the warmth calming me. As the flavours brought me momentary joy, I thought about everything that had happened over the last two weeks and how much had changed. That was when something dawned on me. Something major that I could take advantage of.

Technically, the contract between Phyllis and me had been breached the moment all my memories returned to me.