I Won't Kill Myself for the Second Time
“Welcome back George, you’re just as ugly as I’ve remembered.
What a messed up soul I’ve got here.
Three days. For a person that didn’t want to come here ever again, that’s a rather quick change of mind. Did you miss me? Time for your second round of reflection. Our main dish for today will be connected with - pets. Oh, this is not going to be fun.
I’m really glad that a parasite like you decided to enter my domain on its own accord. What? You weren’t expecting this? Huh! A pity that you can't read the memories of someone under your pet category. I know what type of demons you’ve dealt with before and will tell you that they’re nothing like me. Remember - I’m the 31st demon of reflection Votroadan and seeing through souls to reflect them is my work! Like it or not, now I’m going to gaze deeply into yours. Let's drag to the surface the things you don't want to think about the most.
But first, we need an appetizer or two, like that whole event with Viktoria. I actually must praise you! At that time you really would throw yourself at her, if you could. But you couldn’t, so I will only praise you a little, don’t disappoint me next time you meet her. Keep your intentions and death threats fresh, make a good use of that tube, I'm counting on you. She almost killed you after all, right? But I’m worried, lately you've got a tendency to let everyone do whatever they want to you and forget about it three steps later. All those excuses about gathering information, waiting for a good moment to strike and worming your way into their hearts - crouching tiger style? Yeah right, the only time when you have balls to act is when you’re dealing with a girl half your size… alone. One of them wanted something from you badly and the other couldn’t use her power anymore - a real man of the year. My head almost hurts when I think about it.
How insecure can you get? You see people only in two categories, enemies and playthings. Enemies are to be avoided or exterminated while the others are to be for your use only.
Wait! I almost forgot, you still deserve a little more praise. Sorry about that I’m multitasking a bit.
You’ve found your bottom line! That’s a really, incredibly, extremely, enormously important step, just why is it so damn low? It only required the girl you want to look after like your own little sister offering her own body, before you could finally, with conviction, say ‘STOP that’s too much even for me’. All the progress of your soul reformation that you’ve made since our last meeting is connected with this girl - Violet. Courage to tell her the truth? Present. Brain to understand her true motives? Present. Finding a solution that works for both parties? Let’s say it’s also present. Avoiding breaking her heart and molding her to your liking? Not that you could do that even if you wanted, she’s way stronger than you thought. The important question is… what will you do next. Did she sell you out to Viktoria? Does she deserve punishment? Do you want to abandon her and forget about everything you’ve told her? You can’t deny that when you think about it a part of your heart burns brightly with anger, but you also decided to hear her out first. Good, that’s good. Ekhm... - ‘onii-chan, look Vio school swimsuit edition’ -'onii-chan, did you took me in only to receive more money from father?' - ‘onii-chan, stop smelling my hair you sick fuck’ - ‘onii-chan, help me please’ - ‘onii-chan, hug me harder’ - ‘onii-chan, please take me away from home’ - ‘onii-chan, let’s sleep together’ - ‘onii-chan, stop wasting air and let’s go have our revenge in that cafe’ - ‘onii-chan… please be gentle’ - Aaaaa! That was embarrassing, I shouldn’t have done that. Anyway, I trust that you will pick the correct ones from among those, it will be on the test.
A mistake? An accident? You may have fooled Adam and others, but splitting Aurora’s soul and taking a piece of it for yourself had been your true goal. After all, there are so many things you’ve obtained thanks to it and gifted her with all the scary parts you didn’t want. Thanks to it she’s overly childish and will never mature, forever a perfect younger sister, in theory at least. You also got rid of the headaches that were driving you mad, passed them to Aura. During the nights when she for hours cries from pain, unable to sleep or find relief in painkillers, you comfort her. Aura's extremely grateful for that! You molded her into your obedient and loyal little sister because having unlimited access to her power is a great thing to play with, even if it makes her mind crack every time you force her to do something against her will.
And now, the end of chapter one titled ‘praise’ and the beginning of chapter two titled ‘the fuck are you doing’.
True, it helped her to live a human’s life again, but the price, in my opinion, was too great. You will break that girl again sooner than later. There’s already a huge fracture in her mind after you made her kill Victor. Do you even realize that taking in a part of her soul turned you into a different person compared to the one you were before? You don’t! Well, now you do. Try thinking about it really, really hard and ask yourself which one of them is ‘you’?
Sometimes I really watch your memories with my mouth agape and I’m like ‘wait, how can you be so friendly with that guy now?’. Alright, even I can understand that you wanted some answers to your questions, but please, I beg you, go and find some integrity mate. Don’t tell me that you’re actually scared of him and will proceed to bootlicking now? He didn’t even touch you and you allowed him to take you to an empty warehouse in the middle of the night! With no explanation! And then he started laughing in your face... The only time when your feeling of superiority manifest itself is when you’re THINKING badly about him, such a hero. I bet it will get even worse now that you’ve seen him fight. A person that can stop all your hostile actions and beat you to a pulp, there’s nothing you can do against him, right? IF this is really the way you want to reform yourself… go on, I won’t stop you. A piece of advice, at least try making him look at you as his equal. Aura’s not the only one jealous of Rora's affection you know?
Since I’ve already mentioned one of them let's talk about the silver duo now.
What about Aura’s family?
By making Silvie agree to a mother category contract, while having a part of her daughter’s soul in your own, you basically made her your own mother. Thanks to it you can bask in the warmth of that fake family and put them aside every time they’re bothering you. Mother’s love is a deep and forgiving one, she will cover for you every time something goes wrong.
As for Silvie… there are no problems? Impossible! How?! You treat her with respect?! You think that she’s a rather good mother? Her explanation was useful? You’re even thankful for her help with taking you to the hospital, cleaning, and safeguarding? Now I understand… she reminds you of your own mother. Alright, I already knew all that beforehand, but it still had to be said in this way. A pity that when there are no problems to deal with, the progress of your soul is also stagnating. Unless… you will start being jealous of Aura for having such mother and will want to ruin it. It’s a road that will reform your soul in a totally different style, so be careful with it. Don’t follow that girl example.
And that serious childhood friend of yours that was following you like a shadow?
Giving Adam a boyfriend category was simply done because you saw him distancing himself after you got entangled in Aurora’s life and were scared that he was going to leave you alone. Was keeping him at all cost really what you wanted? Even if his personality got twisted into something entirely different?
As for Aura… you’re a perfect fit for her mental age. She’s thirteen, right? The two of you playing together, using every possibility to stab the other in the back, the escalation of that conflict and the grand finale when you apologize and obtain forgiveness. Yup, as soon as you finished playing it all went back to how it used to be, or not? To tell you the truth you lack the information to understand her. I will do it your style: Meeeting number one - she cries. Meeeting number two - she plays. Meeeting number three - she protests. Meeeting number four - she plays, enforces, listens, negotiates, laughs and tells you that she hates you… ok, she used different words, but wasn’t that what she had in mind? But, she still seeks protection in the warmth of your hand. Oh well, aren’t most girls going through puberty like that? There’s still a possibility of you getting burned so handle her with care. If you will ever want to decipher that silver princess, you will have to recall some of the thoughts you had today, there are tips hidden inside them.
Now they’re all competing for your attention like a bunch of brainless puppets. I somehow don’t see much fun in playing alone with dolls.
How can you even look in the mirror? You forced Aura to give Victor an order that killed him simply because of your quarrel with Viktoria. It was a coincidence that you’ve met with him, but everything else was a premeditated murder, one where you didn’t even have to stain your hands with blood, as Aura did all the work for you. How dare you tell her that it was just a failed experiment with a new order, ‘tell him to be unaffected by the seal, let’s see what happens’, she’s not that stupid and yet will follow your every whim, you trained her well.
Why I’m suddenly so nice to you? Treat it as me showing you a little compassion, because it’s time for the main dish doggie.
The moment you saw the recording of the new Victor crying in front of his laptop was the moment when you had realized ‘that person is even more pathetic than me!’. WRONG. He may have his faults, but compared to you he's still a lot better. You actually felt that, right? That’s why you’ve decided to pull him down by force, not to let him change for the better, after all someone has to keep you company at the very bottom. The things you've said back then, do you even realize how many of them can also be applied to you? Wasn't George's call for help your own? Listen to me girl, there’s still hope, but do you even want to reach for it? Or are you actually content with bathing in the mud, making mudballs and calling them your precious gems? When this phase ends, let’s talk.
You had no choice, I know. It could end badly if you refused, I know. It actually helped a bit, I know. It’s just that - please stop lying to yourself. Adam and Aura already saw through you. It’s the main reason why he treats you this way and why she called you a ‘pathetic bug’. Weren’t you in a euphoric state when Rora went inside you? Drooling, with a crazy look in your eyes and ecstatic that you’ve obtained an owner, even if you were forced to ignore it, they still saw everything. Adam even gave you a hint 'yeah mate, guess you still didn’t look in the mirror today'. When you’re in trouble the truth comes out. You swearing to be her loyal puppy for life - as if that was even required, she already has a tight leash around your neck. The reason why you couldn’t refuse Aura to come here is also connected with it, after all, it was an order from your master, everything else was added by you as a distraction so you could keep lying to yourself. Keep it up and soon you will be pleasuring yourself while thinking that she may be able to see everything from the inside of your body. A slave for the rest of your life. The worst part is that you don't even fully realize it yourself. That girl is seriously messing around in your brain and the pet category you’ve agreed upon will really turn you into an animal.
AND IT’S FUCKING DRIVING ME NUTS! I’m preparing everything to reform your soul and help you reach one of the endings, but that girl is ruining all of my hard work! Wake the fuck up and look at what’s happening to you! Don’t turn into one of her puppets.
This phase ends here.
Let me introduce myself again. I’m the 31st demon of reflection Votroadan, you may call me Votr. You’ve just been mandatorily enlisted into my soul reformation program and I will be your judge and guide.”