Shutter

The faint ambiance of the other classmates echo outside my dirty window. There are still a couple of minutes to lie in bed, before my clothes have to be dug from my closet. The alarm clock now rings, but it hasn't been needed for months now. I'm so lazy to even remove it from it's place beside my bed. My body instinctively wakes itself up in time for school. I had thought this type of mental function wouldn't spurt out of me till I was much older.  It's real annoying....Everything is annoying. I just want to lie in bed and stay in my room all day. Just to be left alone. Minutes pass, and I'm reluctantly putting on a white polo with brown cargo shorts. I head down the stairs where my navy blue backpack filled with week old papers and gum wrappers lies. Evading it for the time being, I head into the kitchen, stains here and there on the surface of the island and the cabinets. To the right, an old coffee machine that no longer works, my older brother used to intake on his early bird flights for his manufacturing job out of state. He's out of state now, settled down with a family of his own. I reach for the cabinet over the sink, looking for some Tylenol, that I am sure will need later on during the day. I pick up the container, and it's almost gone. Sighing heavily, it's the last available, and it's not enough to cover me for the day. Oh well, I'll have to drown out most of the nonsense today on a miracles whim. Lucky me. I grab the bottle and throw it into my bag, grab it, and I'm out the door for another great day of school. Most mornings, I walk to school myself. I'm about 10-15 minutes away from the school, and the only time I'd really have to stop along the way is by the crosswalk by the church. The community around here are all big religious nuts, always protesters in front of their church post, arguing for or against some outsiders stance of marriage, life, orientation, you name it. Personally, I don't pay attention to any of it, it has nothing to do with me. Haven't been to church, don't plan to go to church. There was only that one time I was in attendance -
{Flashback}
"Nooo, my baby Alicia *sobs* God why!?
"That sick individual - never going to pay for what he did. Never going to get the suffering he's caused us.
A crowd of people: "Yeah!"

"He was a coward - a spineless monster with the sole objective to cause a tragedy. He took away our dreams - our children's dreams"
A crowd of people: "Yeah!"
It's been two years since those days and while the publicity of that ordeal has passed, the pain of the lives lost that day are still felt.
 I entered the school gates and quickly made my way into the giant building. As I made my way in, sweat secreted from my hands as anxiety crept into my body like a virus. I've always felt like everyone has had their eyes on me, waiting for me to make a move, speak up, get a reaction out of; some of that may be true. I walked over to my locker, where a group of others were conversing, getting ready for class. Their conversation seemed to dim as soon as I opened the locker for my school materials. I kind of wanted to stare at them and ask what the deal was, but I wasn't in the mood to start something. I walked away to go use the restroom and wash my hands, when one of the students near my locker yelled out to me. "Hey Victor, right? You forgot to close your locker." I peered my eyes back, and my locker was left open. I still had the lock in my hand, nerves getting the best of me. I walked back, eyes blank, and attempted to lock it, when the dude quickly slammed the locker on my hand inside. I let out a quick yelp and made a glare at the built blonde haired boy who had made a joke out of it. "Go on, do something about it,  your own damn fault anyways, " he replied, trying to get a reaction out of me. I turned my back and head towards the bathroom. 
"C'mon Joss, why'd you have to do that to that kid?" a nearby girl asked.
"I'll do whatever I want to the kid. It's what he deserves after all"
In the bathroom, I washed my face, trying to relax. Looking into the mirror, I could only recall the miserable lifestyle I've been leading. Flashes in my mind of faint memories of when I used to be happy, just make me sick, embarrassed at this point, that that was a truth, that life had opportunity.
I exited the bathroom, and made my way to homeroom. Inside, the class was quiet, waiting for homeroom teacher to give out the morning address. I was the last one to enter. My seat was on the far right, 3rd set from the front. I sat down, put my bag on the floor, and at a glance realized, someone had vandalized my desk...again. It's so habitual, that every week, a custodian cleans it at the end of the week. This time around,  a direct threat, scribbled in marker, "Kill yourself". I stared at the message and peered around to other classmates, and no one was paying attention to my glances. Clearly, it could have been anyone. The font was so purposefully manufactured and stenciled; whoever did it thought ahead , so they wouldn't be apprehended or caught. I could bring it to the teacher's attention, but no one would squeal. It's high school code, you do that, you get cast as a 'puss', it's not something you want on your name through these 4 years. Everyone remembers. High School hierarchy is bad enough, but in this town, it's swollen with hatred and animosity towards each other. All because of that incident 2 years ago...

A police cruiser pulls into the parking lot of the local hospital. Two cops and an apprehended suspect, bleeding from the leg exit the vehicle, with screams emitting from the victim.
"Alright, alright, bud, take it easy, you're going to live....unfortunately", said the male cop.
"This wouldn't have happened, if you hadn't lost your temper, sir, replied the female cop as she helped the convict into the hospital."
"This fucking hurts, I was going to submit man, I swear," muttered the convict pleading to the female cop.
"Don't pull that shit on me, I saw your glock hiding in your back pants pocket; the first chance you got, you were either going to make a run for it, or shoot me or my partner," retorted the male officer."
The man scoffed in pain, but in chuckle trying to hide his intentions, "W-What?" N-no, it's not even my gun man, you've got the wrong idea."
"Well, we got you on counts of drug possession and an unlicensed firearm, so you're being arraigned for something, pal."
The two cops handed the man over to the hospital staff, their shifts now over, ready to start their commenced civilian life.
Female police officer, Kay L'evleah, age 20 is a 5'6 brunette, who has recently graduated from police academy. She serves as a cadet and partner to  star veteran officer, Lyle Desrosias age 23,  a decorated man in blue who has booked the most suspects and has tried to keep a city safe rising with criminal threats.
"Bout damn time, alright, well that's our day, how was that for week 1 of your hands on debut? replied Lyle.
Kay retorted with snark as Lyle made his way toward the exit, " Impressive, but as to be expected, from someone of your caliber. It's not as ruthless as the instructors told me it would be."
They exited the building, walking down the stairs.
"That's how I handle most cases, in this city, we can bend our "civil" moral codes to get results. 
They paused. "You should be jotting that down somewhere; this is important advice you'll have to follow when you're in charge one day."
" Well hopefully, by the time I'm in charge, the province will be cleaned up enough, I won't have to resort to measures that require brutal take downs and calling my suspects, " shit stained demon spawn?" Really?"
They both enter the car, ready to head back to the station for the day.
"We're entitled to our own creative opinions of addicts and felons, right?"
She smiled at him, putting her seat belt on, "Haha, yeah I suppose so."
The police car exited out of the parking lot, their station about 2 miles down the road.
Kay peered out the window, observing her surroundings. Lyle peered over, trying to start a conversation.
"You trans-located from District 32 about a month ago, right? That place any different from here?"
"Everyone was happier with their jobs for one. Officers hung out with kids, playing street hockey and basketball, and bought food and home supplies for the ones who couldn't afford it. Total drastic difference here."
"Yeah..", "Lyle said without emotion as he turned on a red light."
"And what, you've lived here, your entire life, right?, Kay responded back.
"Did you need a case file to pick that up?" Lyle smugly replied.
"Just a guess, you seem to have a strong connection with this community."
An awkward pause is shared between the two, as Lyle gives a quick look in observance.
"Hmph, if that's what you call it."
The two continue their car ride, and they finally arrive at the station, where a couple other cruisers, carrying suspects enter the lot, ready to have the convicts registered for processing. They exit the cruiser, staring down the other officers bringing in their respective catches of the day.
“Everyone seems to have made a catch today, is activity this often a normal thing around these parts?” inquired Kay.
“Today is different”, Lyle stated not facing her, heading in the direction of an officer taking one in.
“Lopez, how was it out on Aero, Matthews, and Weeser Road? I heard a lot of activity on the radio today.”
Officer Geraldo Lopez, a more seasoned man in blue, who is Lyle’s senior, a man of mestizo descent, tall, black mustache, inscribed police insignia tattoo on his right shoulder, approached his attention, while his partner took in the convict in the background.
He scoffed, “Desrosias! Always in the know for what’s going in parts you don’t cover.
“Just answer the damn question, will ya?”
Lopez paused for a second and gave a look to Lyle. “Well, if you have to know, you’ll have to read the report I’m submitting.
“Tch, ridiculous,” muttered Lyle.
“But if you want a short answer to get that ego under check, yeah, something’s brewing out there, no doubt about it.”
“You’ve noticed the spike then in neighborhood gatherings, and sales at nearby pawn shops”, said Lyle.
“Moreorless. Whether these sales are legitimate or not, it’s sure a warning sign that tensions are running high in low income communities, said Lopez.
“Or some of us have painted targets on our backs”, joked Lyle.
“We come into work each day with that expectation, but if anyone’s got the biggest one, it’s you.”
Lopez walked away after his partner into the station, “See ya around Deputy.”
“Right….”
Kay, stood at the door of the cruiser, waiting on her superior to finish his business.“Hey Deputy, you mind giving me the walk in to the front office?”
Lyle followed Kay into the reception area of the dispatch office.Phones rang off like crazy, even at the end of their midafternoon shift. They passed off the secretary, who was waiting for their daily logs.
“Heather, we had about 13 logs today. Our latest apprehended had  an Unlicensed firearm possession and he had a couple of grams of cocaine on him, should already have a file in the system for him under a Geraldo Hernandez, if I’m not mistaken”, Lyle proclaimed to the corrections officer taking note of the news.
“Yeah, we got him checked at the hospital from the onsite team. Just sign off on the paperwork on the desk over there, and you guys can clock out for the day." Another team will finish off the last part of their incoming apprehension", said the corrections officer.
“Thank you!”, uttered Kay.
Lyle and Kay both head to the changing rooms, to change back into their civilian clothing. As soon as they finished changing, they met once again at the entrance.
“Do you need a ride back to your place?” asked Lyle.
“Thanks for the offer, but I’m going to take a jog home. “
“You just worked a full shift, and the first thing you’re going to do is jog. Kay made a look at Lyle inferring he was trying to make up for something. "Hey, I'm just saying, the grind has no remorse for tired officers. Still though, all this, huh?"
Kay sported traditional jogging attire, short shorts, running shoes, and a light blue sports bra. Kay propped up her hair with a scrunchie she had on her person.
“I’m going to be fine. This’ll help reduce the stress this place puts off. You on the other hand, should find an extra-curricular activity of your own to ward off your own demons. Girls don’t like shaggy men.”
“Huh?” Lyle looked in confusion.
Kay sighed, “Whatever. Do whatever, you’re my superior anyways.”
She exited the building, starting her stride down the street.
“Remember 6am Monday, be ready for another day!”, Lyle yelled at her.
“Will do, sir. Peaace!”
Lyle turned his back, as he head towards his grey 2006 Lexus ES in the parking lot. He muttered, “She really shouldn’t be out by herself like this.” A thought ran across his mind to tail her, to make sure nothing suspicious or dangerous would approach her. On the other hand, he didn’t want to undermine her strong determination to do as pleases. He looked at the time display as it read in his car. He looked in his rearview mirror, as he saw the last of her image vanish from view behind a street corner.
“It had better not be all soap operas on TV when I get home, or so help me”, as he turned the ignition on his car and drove away, making up his mind to relax.”
--------
The day went as I had expected it to. Torment. Ridicule. Embarrassment. The final bell rang for the day and it brought jubilation to know the day was over. My head feels like it’s going to implode. I’d been pushed around all day, got my lunch money suckered out of me, albeit blackmailed, and had false rumors spread around I was gay, threatening other people, and taking blame for other people’s actions. It makes me tired physically and mentally. I grabbed the books I needed for homework from my locker, and locked it immediately, and sped out the exit, to walk home. My expectation was to get home as fast as possible, but due my fatigue, I took it easy and watched my steps. The time was 2:43 and the day was still young for this province. As I was walking by, I saw a jogger on the opposite side of the street, stopping to drink some water. She looked like she was maybe in college. She was a vibrant site to look at, her body glowed in sweat in the sunshine that peered over her. Her eyes caught glance with mine, and my eyes quickly turned away to avoid any embarrassment. I continued on my way, but I looked back to make sure she had left, and she had. I’d be lying if my horny instincts weren’t telling me she had a nice ass too. As an infectious good feeling ran over me, I heard a loud scream in the background, coming from the direction of that runner. The scream matched the type of voice the woman would have. That temporary brightness I felt turned to an ugly shade of disdain that I had been accustomed to. My legs shook instantaneously, and breathing slowed and my heartbeat could be felt from any part of my body. Instead of running faster home, my legs went into the opposite direction to see if the woman was alright. I ran and saw glimpse and saw the woman alright, and sighed a breath of relief, but upon further inspection, she seemed to be glaring at something on the street, where we were parallel to the sidewalk. As I peeked closer, she got down on her knees, and started crying. My intrigue grew more with my heartbeat, even knowing there was no immediate danger. I closed in more, and regret stared me in the face back. A gigantic puddle of blood lay near the woman, where a child, no older than 5 laid dormant in the center lifeless. She broke down, “What the hell is this?!.” My body was frozen. I felt my body taken from me, like it had 2 years ago. True despair lives in the pain of others live and on sight. This kid died instantly upon impact. He was a kid, his whole life was snatched away. The woman's tears subsided and called on her cellphone, “Dispatch, this is “L’evleah, badge # 4982 off duty, uh Lynard Ave off Yaz, 1 civilian child is down, requesting ambulance and CS team over. Before the woman had a chance to get a second glance at me, my legs reversed and I booked it in the opposite direction. I couldn’t take it anymore as tears left my eyes. The pain was eating at me. I have gotten no relief and no promise anything would be better. I reached my front door after the sprint and closed it behind me. My lungs were on fire, but it didn’t matter. I jotted up the stairs, ran into my room, stared at how pitiful I looked, and punched my dresser mirror in utter frustration and aggravation. My mind was telling me this was the most emo, edgelord action, but these emotions needed to be expressed fully. I rummaged all my belongs in sight; everything a sore to what lifestyle I had been leading. Rage filled me at the helplessness I’ve had to live with over the past of couple years. My bed, dresser, desk, papers, magazines, all damaged, and thrown all over the place, exhausted the energy out of my body. I sat down on the floor, blankly staring into space. My mind was a jumble. I turned near my bed, and unbeknownst to my knowledge, a small chest the size of a computer monitor lay there opened. Again, my curiosity took control to see what was inside. Inside was a glowing golden revolver, with minor scuff marks with the notation of C42. It was a first quality gun that had somehow made its way into my possession. I slowly inspected the gun, my fleeting thoughts of life draining out of me. I respected the fate this tool of death was bringing me, though the gold plating was a little humorous for an act of weakness and cowardice. I pulled the hammer of the gun and felt it cock into place. I placed it against my temple, as streams of fear and happiness departed my eyelids. Everything my life stood for would be extinguished. I whimpered,” If there is a heaven and a hell, I hope there is none instead, I just want to be nothing, at peace.” As the last words left the lips of my mouth, the thought of pulling the trigger hadn’t processed. Blackness and the void of sound surrounded me, as the welling emotions felt minutes ago dissipated. I looked around and wondered where I was, “Hello, hey, where am I?” In the physical realm, there I was standing in my room, revolver in hand, dazed and unaware. The identity of Victor Vitus was now in the hands of an unknown entity. "Even though he wished death, he still lives on", said the voice.