Chapter 2:

The Greatest Role Player in the World Part 2

God of Exploitation AKA How I Survived a Fantasy World Through Leeching and Manipulation


Jaydee walked me into what appeared to be a police station, but the smell gave away the original purpose. It was a barn. Inside was like a typical barn. There was sunshine flowing from the windows, the ground was dirty with brown dust and hay. There were several wooden structures placed around for different purposes. Some spots were cleared out, some had piles of broken wood, and some had what appeared to be props for roleplay. Inside, Jaydee guided me to a familiar looking person.Bookmark here

"'Sup Eeyell." Jaydee was calling out to a man with a tricorne hat.Bookmark here

"Oh hell no." I said. The man with the tricorne turned around and walked up to me. It looked like he created a new hat out of, uh, mud, I hope. He was still wearing that weird moustache on his face, but it had the shape of a frown. Jaydee introduced him to me.Bookmark here

"Orgy, this is Eeyell Nurserow."Bookmark here

"My name isn't Orgy, it's -"Bookmark here

"Jaydee, why the hell did you bring this asshat here?" angrily replied Eeyell.Bookmark here

"Relax, he is tryin' to learn how to roleplay. Now, he wants to do some roleplay where he gets to have some armor." Jaydee scratched his head for a moment, and sparked an idea. "I know, you two can play cop and robber roleplay. Orgy can borrow my armor, and pretend he stole it."Bookmark here

"Hey, wait a minute. Shouldn't I be the cop? Because like, cops wear armor or something? This already doesn't make sense, yet I insinuated the idea."Bookmark here

"Yeah, I'll teach this Orgy guy some roleplay. You can leave us alone." said Eeyell, more calmly.Bookmark here

Jaydee took off his 'designer armor' and gave it to me. I put it on my body, and already I feel like I could walk a few miles in the field without worrying about enemy attacks.Bookmark here

"Alright you two, have fun in here," echoed Jaydee as he left the two of us alone. The door slammed shut.Bookmark here

"Alright Eeyell, I don’t want to cause any trouble, and you probably hate me. So, let’s quit this roleplay crap, I’ll leave you alone, and I’ll just start my adventure."Bookmark here

*WHAM*Bookmark here

Something slammed into my face. It was only what I would describe as a brick falling from a building, except it was like falling horizontally. I was on the ground, gripping my face. I slowly opened by eyes to see the source of the pain. A wooden ladder was in front of me. However, it wasn't laying on the ground. At the end of it was Eeyell gripping the sides.Bookmark here

"Oh, I'm sorry, must've fallen from the ceiling."Bookmark here

"Yeah, maybe get faster at catching next time. You know, that really hurts."Bookmark here

*WHAM*Bookmark here

It became obvious now. An equally painful force crushed the top of my head. Eeyell was attacking me with this ladder.Bookmark here

"Come on man, this is just roleplay. You're a robber that stole some armor. This is my natural reaction. But what would be an overreaction? MAKING FUN OF MY ROLEPLAY!"Bookmark here

"WHAT!? I didn't even know what the hell you were doing when I first saw you. Can we like start over and be friends?"Bookmark here

Eeyell's face was maniacal. My words were not getting to him. He softly yet firmly pushed me with the ladder.Bookmark here

"Get into your prison, dirtbag."Bookmark here

Eeyell guided me into a wooden fenced area made for barn areas. There was no wall coverings of any kind.Bookmark here

"Uh, shouldn't a prison have like metal bars or something? There's not even a door. It's literally an open entrance into this pen."Bookmark here

Eeyell looked enraged now.Bookmark here

"YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN! THIS IS NOT A FENCE NOR PIG PEN! IT'S A GOD DAMN PRISON!"Bookmark here

"Yeah, okay. But I can still like walk out of here any time."Bookmark here

I casually walked out of the entrance of the pig pen. The guy just stared furiously at me as I continued to trek to the barn door.Bookmark here

"Yeah, this roleplay sucks, I'm leaving. Oh, and tell Jaydee I said thanks for letting me use his stuff."Bookmark here

*WHAM*Bookmark here

Once again, I was struck into the face with the ladder.Bookmark here

"Oh come on, why do you have to go for my face? That's the one place I don't have armor."Bookmark here

*BANG*Bookmark here

Eeyell slammed my armor with his ladder. Despite the durability, it was almost as painful as getting hit in the face. Except now it's major internal bleeding in my organs.Bookmark here

"Ugh, guh. What the hell is wrong with you?"Bookmark here

"This is my roleplay, and you're trying to leave it? YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY MY ROLEPLAY UNTIL I AM SATISFIED!"Bookmark here

"Why are you using a ladder anyways? I mean, thank goodness you aren't using a sword or something."Bookmark here

Eeyell suddenly paused with his mouth opening with nothing to say. However, he began to speak.Bookmark here

"I have mastered the use of blunt weapons. However, I don't use any crap from the market. As long as I build my own strength and precision, I can use practically anything as a weapon. The strength a weapon gives is literally nothing with the strength I built over these years. That's why I am going for long range stuff. Longer range is a huge advantage to me. This 15 foot ladder makes me unstoppable in the field. And it looks like it works on you. I mean look at that. Your armor didn't do a damn thing to protect you from me."Bookmark here

-Bookmark here

This guy was serious business, and a real psychopath. The first enemy I encountered, and it's one of the strongest people in this world. I had no way of training, and any equipment I got won't do anything. This was seriously bad. What happens if I die? When a human dies in this world, they will be sent to another border world. Most times if someone dies in the fantasy world, they are guaranteed to respawn as a new person. You know, start as a baby in a random location with no memory of the last life. I mean, just like what these guys said, you don't want to keep living the same memories over and over for the rest of your life in different worlds. However, I am a God. What happens to me? If I lose my memories, that would be disastrous to my border world. Okay, maybe they could sustain, but still, lacking one God could cause some confusion, especially with that parasite taking over my body.Bookmark here

I couldn't give up, but I had absolutely no idea how to beat this guy. There's no way I could land a punch with this guy using a ladder to pummel me. With the strength I was given, I could seriously feel my body failing. It might take a few more swings from him to seriously kill me. Bookmark here

Just at this moment, Eeyell approached me, while scaffolding the ladder up until it touched the ceiling. He was reaching into his pocket.Bookmark here

"Here, drink this up!" yelled Eeyell. He poured some liquid in my mouth. I didn’t feel any pain. In fact, I started to feel the opposite,Bookmark here

"Wait what? This is part of the roleplay? Was that a potion you gave me, 'cause I'm feeling better alre-"Bookmark here

*WHAM*Bookmark here

"Shut the hell up! I don't want to kill you. I am here to force you to play my roleplay. You're going to learn how to roleplay with me, one way or another. So, when you are reaching the brink of death, I will heal you up, and we will do this over and over until you get it right!"Bookmark here

He was not trying to kill me. He was torturing me for this stupid game! I don't even want to play it!Bookmark here

"THIS ROLEPLAY IS FREAKIN’ STUPID!" I yelled out in anger. "WHY ARE YOU SO INVESTED IN THIS ANYWAYS?"Bookmark here

*WHAM*Bookmark here

Eeyell didn't respond, but he made the same scared face he made earlier when I asked about the ladder. Suddenly, I felt something odd. I know who this guy is. In fact, I know why he is so invested in this.Bookmark here

"Your teammates hated you." I replied.Bookmark here

Eeyell picked up his ladder, hesitated for a moment, but slammed it against me again.Bookmark here

"YOUR TEAMMATES HATED YOUR ATTITUDE! THEY HATED YOUR COMPLAINING! I CAN TELL BECAUSE YOU WERE LIKE THAT WITH OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR WORLD! YOU WERE HAPPY TO FINALLY LEAVE ALL OF THEM AND NOT HAVE TO GO ON THE JOURNEY!"Bookmark here

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP!? I KNOW THAT!" screamed Eeyell.Bookmark here

I think I understand now. With my God body, I learn everything about everyone in an instant. Every person is a solid memory in me. However, now I'm in this human body. The mind of a human is not as powerful as a God. So, I actually have the memory of everyone I have met in the border world, but have difficulty recalling them. In order to learn everything about a person however, I just need to gain more superficial information about them. Bookmark here

Right now isn't going to help however. Even though I found an insecurity, it is only making him angrier. If I keep this up, he might even kill me. I just need to figure out a way to mentally break him so he loses his guard. It's very hard to think though, mostly because of this tense situation, and the head trauma this guy has given me. Wait a minute. The ladder. A long-ranged weapon. Something is sparking in my mind the more I think about it. Let me try something.Bookmark here

"E-Eeyell. If you want to kill me so bad, why don't you get a sword and chop me up?"Bookmark here

Eeyell, once again, paused for a moment.Bookmark here

"I already explained it. I prefer blunt long ranged weapons since my strength does all of the work. Now, are you going to roleplay right, or not?"Bookmark here

Bingo. I think I've figured it out. Bookmark here

"Okay Eeyell, I will roleplay."Bookmark here

"Thank you, Orgy. NOW GET IN THE DAMN JAIL CELL NOW!"Bookmark here

"Heh, you won't be taking me in tonight. I am actually an armed robber. BEHOLD WHAT I HAVE!"Bookmark here

I brandished my weapons in front of Eeyell.Bookmark here

"Uh, what the hell is that, I can't see it?"Bookmark here

Damn, guess I have to spell it out.Bookmark here

"You can't take me when I've got this sharp rusty nail in my hand."Bookmark here

Eeyell looked a little startled, but composed himself slightly.Bookmark here

"Y-you're bluffing. That's just a dull piece of wood from the ground."Bookmark here

"Oh, it's super sharp and metallic alright. Watch this."Bookmark here

I scratched myself with the nail. But it was a lot sharper than I was expecting because now I'm bleeding out like crazy.Bookmark here

"OW, DAMNIT THAT HURTS!"Bookmark here

I crept closer with the nail, and showed my thumb with blood dripping down.Bookmark here

"B-BACK OFF NOW! I'M DOING THIS FOR MY OWN DEFENCE"Bookmark here

The man stepped back and slammed the ladder into my hand.Bookmark here

"YOU SEE THAT YOU LITTLE NOOB? THAT IS WHY I HAVE A LONG-RANGED WEAPON! YOU CAN'T HURT ME WITH THAT STUPID NAIL! I'M UNSTOPPABLE!"Bookmark here

Suddenly, another rush flowed through my head. The talk about the rusty nailed opened up something about this crazy man. I can use this to my advantage.Bookmark here

"You hate getting visits from the doctor. You also hate having to cook."Bookmark here

"What are you going on about now! GO MUMBLING ON ABOUT STUPID SHIT IN YOUR JAIL CELL!"Bookmark here

"You have always been afraid of getting shots. You faint from the moment the doctors pull the cap off. You've only taken a blood test once. It's the sight of the sharp needles, and the stinging pain as they pierce through your skin. You fear the blood that spills out so easily."Bookmark here

"Ugh, AGH SHUT UP!"Bookmark here

"Once you were cutting up some vegetables. You rubbed you hand against sharp knife. It was a complete accident, but you began screaming in agony. You have nightmares of something trying to rob you with a knife. Maybe that's why you are doing this roleplay. Yes, I remember now. Your cause of death was a stab wound. That’s why, not only are you using a blunt weapon, but it is a long-ranged one as well! YOU’RE SCARED OF KNIVES AND OTHER SHARP INSTRUMENTS!"Bookmark here

"AAAAAAAAAGH!" The man turned red, and was sobbing heavily. I saw the ladder in his hands wobbling. Bookmark here

This was my chance. I use the last of my strength to grip the ladder. Almost like taking off a fridge magnet, I pulled the ladder out of the grip of Eeyell. He was now on the ground wailing in fear without his weapon.Bookmark here

I ran over to the corner of the barn, where there was farming equipment. I disposed of his weapon, and grabbed one important item.Bookmark here

"Now, listen up. What do you not understand when I say 'I don't want to play this stupid roleplay?'" I asked. I walked up to the shaking man and pulled out the perfect weapon: a scythe. I pointed the scythe directly in front of Eeyell’s face.Bookmark here

"Waaaaah-haha!" cried the man. However, he began slowly getting up to his feet. All of a sudden, his eyes open up, and his body flies at me. He punches me in the armor. I hear a loud bang like before. I fall to the ground, scythe still in my hands, but feeling very weak. This man was not kidding. He is seriously strong without weapons.Bookmark here

"I WANT TO DO A ROLEPLAY, AND ALL YOU ARE DOING IS BEING A SADISTIC ASSHOLE!"Bookmark here

"Okay, I'm seriously getting sick of this. Uh, sorry that I have to do this, but I want to get out of here now."Bookmark here

I grip the scythe in my hands, and swing at the man's face. It created a really brutal sight, but it's my only way. Eeyell's hands bloody up as they grip on his cheeks. I use this time to get up on my feet. This is my only time to run. As I make my way out of the barn, I hear what sounds like stammering, to chuckling.Bookmark here

"Hahahahah. Heheheh."Bookmark here

"Okay, seriously, I'm getting really tired of you. I don't even care how you feel now."Bookmark here

"Oh, you don't have to worry a damn thing of what I feel." Eeyell removed his hands from his face. His eyes and mouth were now smeared with dark red. He crept closer to me, and continued his talkBookmark here

"That actually wasn't that bad. It felt kind of like a scratch to be honest. Was I seriously that much of a baby with this stuff?"Bookmark here

"Oh no, this better not mean what I think it is."Bookmark here

"Oh, hell yes, it is. I never realized how much defense I have gained over time. Therefore, all these sharp objects, needles, and razors... THEY ARE NOTHING TO ME!"Bookmark here

"Crap! You conquered you fear!"Bookmark here

This is my only chance now though. He doesn't have a weapon to attack me. I bolt out the barn as fast as possible. The sunshine and fresh air was a slight relief. I can't stop now. I don't think these guys can help me. I can't take that risk. However, meeting them was inevitable, so I have no other choice. I find Jaydee with Louisa outside.Bookmark here

"Jaydee, you've gotta help me!"Bookmark here

"Hey man, please don't make me break character. I'm in a middle of something." He turned back to Louisa. "We've got to do something. There is a full-scale invasion of rats in this village. They might give us the plague! Agh damnit, where are my rat puppets?"Bookmark here

"Would you stop this? I'm going to die!"Bookmark here

"Hey, that's some good roleplaying, Orgy. Go play with Eeyell with this stuff though. There he is right now."Bookmark here

I flip my back around, and see an enraged monster they call Eeyell. He is holding the wooden ladder again.Bookmark here

"You are now a Kill On Sight target, Orgy," Eeyell called out.Bookmark here

There's nothing I can do. Even if these guys see me get hurt, they're just going to heal me up, and put me back with this behemoth. Without any weakness, this will become my own personal Hell. These guys are all nutcases for being friends with this lunatic. No, what am I saying? They’re all nutcases for doing this roleplaying thing in the first place.Bookmark here

With that said, maybe I just have to think like a crazy person. One last resort came to mind. Eeyell has no weakness to any sharp objects harming him. However, is he still lacking an immunity? I picked up the scythe and grabbed a hold of Jaydee.Bookmark here

"Hey, Eeyell, if you don't drop that ladder, Jaydee is going to be spraying out a lot. A lot of blood, not the other gross bodily fluids. Do you want to see this? Watching your friends get slice open with a sharp object?"Bookmark here

Eeyell gazes at me, and grimaces his face.Bookmark here

"Get that away from Jaydee! He didn't do anything to you!"Bookmark here

"Woah, guess I'll join you guys. HELP, POLICE! I'M BEING ROBBED!" Jaydee said playfully. He looks completely oblivious to the situation he is in.Bookmark here

"Jaydee, he is a bad man! He's got a scythe! Don't let him cut you open, do something!" Eeyell suddenly started to panic, and began shaking his ladder again.Bookmark here

"I don't have any weapons. I'm just a regular business man. Eeyell, do something!" Jaydee continued his roleplay. This is my chance of getting out of here.Bookmark here

"That's it! YOU'RE NOT HURTING MY FRIEND, ORGY!"Bookmark here

With a scream that sounds to be both heroic yet anti-climatic, Eeyell brought down his ladder onto me.Bookmark here

*CRASH*Bookmark here

It hurt just as much as last time. However, the last bit of my plan had come into play. The ladder Eeyell had been holding topples to the ground into pieces.Bookmark here

"Huh? W-what!?" said a confused Eeyell.Bookmark here

"You thought I would just leave your own weapon lying there in that barn? I've made a few major modifications to it. Just used this scythe here to cut up parts of the bars just enough that one hit was enough to completely destroy it with your own force, while staying intact during your run." I have a good judgement with physics. I am a God, so it's not just people I'm knowledgeable in. I'm not the best physicist, but enough to do stuff like that, I guess. Okay, I'm just overcomplicating things. I cut up ladder, ladder broken. Moving on.Bookmark here

"NOOOOOOO! JAYDEE, GET HIM NOW! JUST PUNCH THAT FUCKER IN THE FACE!"Bookmark here

"Hey, you've gotta do the fightin'. I'm just a defenseless business man."Bookmark here

"For crying out loud! You've got high attack. You can knock this guy out in one punch."Bookmark here

Upon hearing that statement, it seemed my plan would fall apart. However, something snapped in Jaydee...Bookmark here

"Excuse me, did you just talk about my real stats like that?" Jaydee sounded furious all of a sudden.Bookmark here

"N-NO! I WAS JUST SAYING, YOU CAN BEAT THAT GUY!" Bookmark here

"Shame on you, Eeyell. You decided to break the roleplay and treat us with our own fantasy world crap."Bookmark here

"It was that Orgy guy's fault. He made me do it. He was going to cut up my friends."Bookmark here

"I already know I wouldn't die. Now, let me remind you of something. I don't like you bringing up ideas of this real world, and having them interfere with our roleplay."Bookmark here

"But that Orgy guy. Why weren't you pissed off at him when he didn't know?"Bookmark here

"Of course, I knew he was a noob. I'm also okay with discussing my stats, but there is one thing I don't like. Being told to use my strength to harm somebody during roleplay." Jaydee's fist grew into a ball and charged at Eeyell. "I wanted to roleplay to escape from reality. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO DECIDE WHAT I DO EXCEPT ME!"Bookmark here

Jaydee began repeatedly pounding his fists into Eeyells face. I could definitely hear some bones breaking. However, the thing that surprised me the most is this side of Jaydee. I'd rather not be in that position, so it is best if I leave now while everyone is distracted. I took off the armor I was wearing.Bookmark here

"Hey, Louisa, tell Jaydee I said thanks for letting me borrow this thing, and teaching me roleplay."Bookmark here

"No promises," replied Louisa. It looks like I made absolutely no connection with her, and I will keep it that way. “I don’t know if I should blame you for all of this, but it’s best you leave now and head off doing whatever you originally wanted to do.”Bookmark here

“You’re right. Why did I even agree to do this roleplay again? Oh crap, weapons and armor. Do you have any of that stuff?”Bookmark here

“Ugh, you’re asking that now? I don’t even have that stuff with me.”Bookmark here

“Alright, forget it, I will do all of this by myself. Later.” I said, giving one last wave to Louisa, and to an enraged Jaydee.Bookmark here

I turned towards the entrance, but turned my head back one last time. The sight of a bloodied Eeyell on the ground as Jaydee continued to beat into his face like a jackhammer. I took one last look at the kooky town. The brilliant architecture was just an oxymoron to all the lunatics of this city. I turned my head back around, and made full haste out of here and into the green fields ahead of me.Bookmark here

As I left, I reflected on my experiencesBookmark here

"Wow, I learned absolutely nothing about roleplay here. But I did learn something new. If you can't beat someone, you might as well psychologically force them to get betrayed by their own friends."Bookmark here

It looks like psychology is something I will have to rely on during this journey. Not the greatest exposition, but whatever. I learned a lot about my body too. By bypassing the limitations of the human mind, I can recall anything about anyone in this world. Nevertheless, I'm stuck with completely nothing again except for my black suit. I have no money. I have no items, weapons, nor armor. I have gained zero experience, and my stats are still absolute trash. However, maybe this one ability I have will somehow get me to my goals of this world. I don't know how yet, but I am a God. I can't give up, because giving up now pretty much means a chance for catastrophe on this world. Bookmark here

Bookmark here

I am setting off on my first real adventure. One with actual enemies and not stupid overpowered crazy role players. Maybe I might find a few items. Maybe I might find some real teammates. I have no clue what's happening next, especially with what I just saw in the starting town. I'm guessing this will be a nonstop adventure of encountering wild abnormal stuff in this world. Abnormal to a fantasy world, specifically.Bookmark here

Bookmarked
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