The truth behind the pills

You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.
—C. S. Lewis

Kibo woke up in her bed again. She stretches her arms and stares at the ceiling.

Why do people wake up in the morning? Why there is no possibility of sleeping for how much they want?

At some point, people will get bored and will return to reality anyways. If something doesn’t catch your attention it becomes dull and you don’t even bother to remember it. This is human nature.

In the beginning, she was afraid of taking the pills, but now she can’t live without them. The truth is that she is still scared, scared about the fact that she doesn’t want to live in this universe anymore. Haru’s world is not better, but she found it easier to integrate.

Also, every time she traveled in that Tokyo, everything felt more and more real. It’s not some kind of a sweet dream, it’s still a cruel reality, but different. She would like to be part of it. Was there no solution?

She lets out a deep yawn and her eyes get teary. She was tired, but at the same time, she felt charged. No matter what happens in the night, she wakes up smiling and happy.

“I already got used to it. I chose this reality that includes both universes.”

Kibo gets out of bed and searches for her box of pills.

“I wonder how many I have left…”

They weren’t in the drawer anymore. It’s ok, they are somewhere in the room for sure. She used to be messy. Yes, that’s why they aren’t where they are supposed to be.

She looked for them under the bed, but she didn’t find anything. She looked in the closet, but still nothing.

Under the rug?

“No, that’s stupid!”

As she searched the other drawers from the desk, her eyes fell again on the rug. She stared intensely at the flat surface. There is nothing under it! It’s obvious! But her pills were nowhere to be found.

Her mouth lets out a groan and she stands up.

“I’ve lost my mind!”

She raises the rug to look under it. Of course, she didn’t find what she was looking for, but to be honest, she had hope. She hoped…

Her room was turned upside down and not even a single pill was found.

Tears were rolling down her cheeks leaving marks on their way. Her face felt hot and her body was trembling. Her thoughts were running crazy, but she couldn’t remember anything from yesterday.

That’s right, she doesn’t recall what happens in the daytime, her memories are from when she’s sleeping. Her eyes were moving chaotically in all directions trying to see a trace.

“Where could they be?” She whispered. “Where? Where?”

She kept on searching as adrenaline flowed in her veins. Her body felt week, but she had this powerful will that pushed her around.

“WHERE ARE MY DAMN PILLS?!” She screams from the bottom of her lungs.

At the sounds of her scream and her body hitting the ground, the mother rushed into the bedroom.

“What the hell is going on? Kibo!” She rushed to check the girl.

The view was like a nightmare. She was looking sick, but it was more than that. The woman bit her tongue trying to hold in her tears. She kneeled and help her daughter, but the girl pushed her away.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?” She yells full of anger. “THINGS DON’T DISAPPEAR OUT OF A SUDDEN!”

It took her some time to realize the situation, but she came to the conclusion that her mother took them. That was the only explanation.

“What do you mean?” She was worried and barely holding in her tears.

“DON’T PLAY DUMB! WOMAN, WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?”

At this point, everything was too much. Miss Maboroshi couldn’t hold back anymore. She used to be the aggressive one or her husband, but never her child. She was always calm and polite. Even in the worst moments, even when she was living in hell, Kibo accepted all as it was.

That was the daughter she knew. A kind and calm person. Of course, this doesn’t mean she never suffered, but she didn’t show it. She didn’t want to make things more complicated.

After her father was arrested, the atmosphere in the house became better. The two, daughter and mother, had even girls' nights and talked about everything.

Their ending was finally looking good, but after a while, the girl locked herself in. She was still the same, but the surroundings felt different. She lied about her interviews being successful. She failed every single one of them. Either she didn’t go or she intentionally gave strange answers.

She looked more and more tired every day and she seemed high all the time. It was as if she was in trance.

There was only one possible explanation for all of this. Her reaction from earlier proved the woman’s fear right. She was taking drugs.

“You won’t see those pills ever again!”

Kibo’s eyes widened as she started hyperventilating. The pain inside her heart was impossible to describe.

“You’re lying…” She whispered with a cracked voice.

This situation was too much for her. She lost herself once, but she won’t let this happen twice.

“Why would you ever take drugs? They are harming your health and look at you! You’re a mess! If you had a hard time you could have talked to me … We were getting along so well… Tell me, why would you do this to yourself?”

The only drug she had was happiness. She was happy. Does her mother what to take this great feeling away from her?

“Give them back.”

“GIVE ME A GOOD REASON AT LEAST!” The woman finally lost it.

“I deserve them. After all this time I can say wholeheartedly that I am happy.”

“How can some pills-“

“It’s not the pills that make me happy. It’s where-“ She paused for a second not knowing if she should say it or not. “Where they take me has me all thrilled. It’s also who I see there and who I am in that place.”

There you go. She admitted it.

“For how long have you been taking them?”

“I don’t know… But I can tell you if you say how many pills were left!”

The woman hesitated for a bit, but eventually decided to let out a short “20”.

On Kibo’s face, a sad smile appears.

“So it’s been 80 days, huh?”

She has been seeing Haru for 80 days without a break. They have been plotting the impossible for so long…

Time flies fast, doesn’t it?

The woman was speechless. How did she not realize sooner?

“Mom…”

“Can I please have them back? 20 more days, please! I won’t ever take anymore after these! I swear!”

“Oh dear Lord! What should I do with her?” She thought