My Secret

After we spent a while sitting on the ground beside that building — after I spent a while crying and composing myself, we decided to leave. Where? About an hour ago, we got on a bus and rode back to Tronito. I didn’t know why we took the bus instead of Mr Morales’ car — and I didn’t ask Bailey about that…

But now, I am sitting on a bed in the guest bedroom of Bailey’s apartment. It was small, definitely smaller than the one I’ve been staying at, but it was comfortable.

Bailey was wearing sleepwear similar to the one she wore at the hotel. And I was wearing some clothes she lent me — her underwear, cotton shorts, and plain pink tee-shirt.

“It’s late, so you should try getting some sleep. I’m in the room next to this one, so just bang on the wall if you need anything…”

I watched as she was leaving the room…

“Um… B-Bailey?..”

She attentively turned to me.

“Yes?”

“I… um… I want to… Um…”

I wanted to tell Bailey about my past. Or at least tell Bailey about how I know Mr Morales. But why? Well, she asked about it back when we first met, and not telling after all this time wouldn’t be right. She seemed genuinely curious about it — I don’t know if she really was, but her interest was convincing…

But I’m torn about it. After all that happened, what might be Bailey’s reaction? Will she hate Mr Morales? Will her opinion of him improve like it did Connie’s? Hm… Whatever happens, I can’t concern myself with Mr Morales anymore.

“Um… B-Bailey? I… um… I want to tell you how I met Mr Moral- I-I mean Ren…”

I stuttered at the last part. I guess I can no longer call him by his first name…

“Huh? Are you sure? I mean, back when I first asked about it, it seemed like a sensitive subject to you…”

She sounded weird… But it doesn’t concern me.

“Yeah… Well, you seemed like you really wanted to know about it… And I don’t think keeping it from you would be right…”

I started caressing the back of my neck and looked away.

“And… Oh, never mind… Sorry for making it seem big…”

Bailey walked to my bed and sat beside me, putting her hand on my shoulder. She could tell that I had a lot on my mind and I was really sad about something.

“Okay… And you don’t have to tell me everything if you don’t want to…”

I was hesitant, but I continued…

I decided to just tell her a really condensed story of how I met Mr Morales.

“Basically, I was homeless for six months… And sometime during the last few days of June, we met…”

I think I had another motive for telling Bailey about this. I think… I think I was hopeful that Bailey would take pity on me. But that’s odd — I really shouldn’t guilt other people, and I’ve tried avoiding using that tactic for so long. But I could no longer hold it in — my desire took over.

I saw Bailey nod her head.

“I see…”

She put her hand on her chin.

“Thank you for sharing… You were pretty unsure about doing it, right?”

I turned to her.

“Eh!? That’s not the reaction I was expecting…”

She shrugged.

“Well, what reaction were you expecting?”

“I-I don’t know… I guess… I guess I was just expecting you to hate me…”

It just makes sense to me…

“Hate you!?”

Bailey shook her head and smiled.

“That’s odd. Who’d ever hate someone that went through a tough time? That’s stupid.”

“But if you heard the whole story…”

“I don’t need to. You’ve been homeless for six months… Camryn, just by hearing that, anyone would feel sad you had to go through that — anyone would feel proud of you for persisting through such hard times…”

Are you sure?.. But she doesn’t know the whole story… She said she doesn’t need it, but I don’t think it’s true. If she just heard it…

No, I don’t want Bailey to hate me as well…

“Camryn, you’re a girl that’s very hard to hate…”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, you’re very lovable! I probably don’t know about you as much as Valerie and Ren do, but I think I know enough! And I know that you’re the most helpful, nicest, and most cheerful girl I know! I love you — and in fact, everyone loves you!”

No… I’m just deluding her…

“No, that’s not true… You shouldn’t love me — I’m horrible!”

“And who the hell told you that!”

She raised her voice and was angry about something. She then flung her arms around me, squeezing me tight.

“Who made you think that!? That’s just not true…”

Not true?.. No, what she’s saying isn’t true. I am horrible. If only she knew my crimes, she’d know as well. But…

She leaned closer to my ear, lowering her voice to a whisper.

“And if you think you’re horrible, you’re wrong… It’s just not true.”

W-What?

“Camryn, love yourself… And if you ever find it hard to do so, just remember everyone you met, and it’ll be much easier to do…”

H-Huh?.. What is she saying? Am I actually… Oh, I guess I never confirmed it. That Mr Morales hates me — that anyone hates me. But I was so certain that they would… Was I wrong?

This time, I returned the hug… It was comfortable… It was relaxing… I wanted to stay like this forever…

“B-Bailey… Thank you…”

…

After a few minutes, we sadly departed… Bailey stood tall in front of me. She smiled.

“And Camryn, always remember that…”

She then started scratching the back of her head.

“Um… Tomorrow, we should get you back to Ren’s…”

I leaned forwards in surprise towards her.

“Huh? W-Why!?”

Although I sounded a bit distressed, Bailey maintained her calm demeanour.

“Ren must be really worried about you.”

That’s not true.

“But don’t rush yourself… Anytime, just tell me and we-”

“No, you’re wrong…”

She looked up at me in puzzlement and I slightly raised my voice.

“Bailey, I know it — he doesn’t give a damn about me!”

She narrowed her eyes.

“I came to the realization last night… Yeah, he doesn’t care about me. He pretends to care. He pretends to be concerned about me. He just acts that way! He’s just a puppet controlled by the feeling of being good… His only concern is the feeling of being better than others!”

There’s no money involved, so that has to be the reason… It’s just my experience with being a trophy — kept by others to make themselves feel better…

“I…”

I sighed after a few seconds of my heavy breathing.

“Sorry… I know I’m just acting like a spoiled child. I’m just a kid whining for attention right now…”

I looked down again.

“It’s just selfish to expect love… And because of my selfishness, I tricked myself into thinking that he cares… And it hurt so much when that illusion finally disappeared…”

But Bailey put her hands on my cheeks and brought my head up. She smiled kindly at me.

“As his former high school and university classmate and current co-worker, I think I know a bit more about Ren than you do…”

She kneeled so that we saw each other eye-to-eye and spoke in an equally kind tone.

“Remember what I said earlier? You’re lovable and impossible to hate… And you two have been together for the longest time. Ren is worried about you — I guarantee it… It seems counterproductive because I took you away from him, but when I saw that you were sad, I thought you needed some time apart to recollect thoughts…”

She was slightly embarrassed about the last part, she regained her composure.

“Anyways, Ren is worried about you and is waiting for you. And he loves and cares for you so much…”

I was doubtful. I think it was harder to decide because he acts so stable, but I didn’t really sense that he cared over that month-long period of living together…

But…

“I think I’ll believe you for now… But I don’t think I’ll know what I’ll do if he isn’t…”

But Bailey put a reassuring hand on my shoulder…

“Camryn, you don’t have to worry about that part…”

She flashed a smile and quickly rose to her feet.

“Okay… My schedule for tomorrow is flexible, so we can go anytime — don’t rush…”

“Okay… Good night, Bailey.”

“Yeah, good night, Camryn.”

I swung my legs onto the bed and brought the comforter over me as Bailey silently turned off the light and closed the door. I was staring in darkness at the ceiling.

Hm… I wonder how things will go…