Chapter 23:

Missing you

Scorpion Grasses or simply, Forget-me-nots

“When I say I love you more, I don’t mean I love you more than you love me. I mean I love you more than the bad days ahead of us, I love you more than any fight we will ever have. I love you more than the distance between us, I love you more than any obstacle that could try and come between us. I love you the most.” – Unknown

Bookmark here

Some days have passed since the letter was written. The girl tried to rest but every time she closed her eyes, he wasn’t there. What was the point of enjoying sleep if you know your dream won’t be beautiful? Bookmark here

She clearly got sick, but the doctors that checked her couldn’t label a specific disease or understand what’s wrong. Her eyes were admiring something invisible while her lips curved up shyly from time to time. Sometimes tears fell off her pale cheeks as her mind wandered far away. She spent the day fidgeting and looking through a window. Bookmark here

The woman knew her daughter didn’t glance at the city. As Kibo’s head was slightly resting on the glass, she slowly looked up at the sky. The clouds were pretty funny with all of their shapes and colors. Every time the sun was raising the girl was at her spot in front of the window, counting the shades of yellow, pink, and purple. Bookmark here

Usually, she would fall asleep smiling and wake up shortly after with an empty look. The woman bought her some plushies because that’s what young ladies find comfort in, right? She didn’t know what else to do. Her child was like a soulless body that moved on its own. From all of the stuffed animals, Kibo kept a little teddy bear that she liked to hug tightly. His color was the same as Haru’s shirt and she enjoyed his company.Bookmark here

After a whole week, the symptoms were finally clear. Indeed mothers know their children best. The woman took a chair and placed it next to her daughter. She could also look outside the window and chose to stay quiet for some good hours. Her intention was to let Kibo get used to her company and get more comfortable. Bookmark here

The silence between them was broken only at dawn when the girl put a hand on her mother's shoulder and smiled with sad eyes. Bookmark here

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” She suddenly said with a calm voice.Bookmark here

It took all the efforts for the woman to understand her words. She wasn’t talking about the view. Bookmark here

“It’s the most beautiful part of life.” She confirmed as she took the hand resting on her shoulder into her own. Bookmark here

As expected, it was cold.Bookmark here

“Have you ever regretted it?”Bookmark here

“Falling in love? Not even a single second. Meeting the wrong person? Yes, a lot of times.”Bookmark here

“How do you know it’s too late for love?” Bookmark here

“The moment you aren’t honest with yourself.”Bookmark here

“Was father your first crush?”Bookmark here

The woman started to smile when memories from her youth played in her mind.Bookmark here

“Not even the second.” She chuckled softly. “Do you know what they say about the first love?”Bookmark here

The girl shook her head effortlessly.Bookmark here

“You never forget it. It’s very special and it’s the most innocent.”Bookmark here

“If you had the chance, would you get back with your first love?” Bookmark here

Her sad eyes were wandering with curiosity all over the woman’s face. She searched for answers, hoping to be guided by someone with experience.Bookmark here

“Sweetie, I’m a married old woman with two children. You shouldn’t seek these kinds of things from me. We grew in different environments and at different times. You should know best.” She said while patting Kibo’s hair with slow and gentle movements.Bookmark here

“But that’s the problem…I don’t know! Right now I can’t even see him and confess! Mom, I messed up something that was supposed to be a beautiful part of life!” Bookmark here

“Does he live far away?”Bookmark here

“Further than you can imagine…”Bookmark here

The doctor that gave her the pills disappeared, as well as the box of pills. She didn’t have any proof left about her traveling in another universe. Only she memorized the sweet scent of Haru’s perfume, only she felt those electric shocks, only she saw the forget-me-nots around the fountain. Everything was in her head, she couldn’t show anyone if they asked. Bookmark here

“I’m still not over the incident with those pills, but I was really scared. Can you understand that?” Bookmark here

She was right. From the whole family, only the two of them were left. The girl understood that very well. Bookmark here

Kibo nodded with tears in her eyes.Bookmark here

“Even if you looked awful that day… I still got more worked up this week. I feel like you are slowly killing yourself with this sadness of yours.” She placed her free hand into a pocket searching for something. “Don’t misunderstand, I threw away that box of pills!” Bookmark here

She took out her fist and placed it in the girl’s hand. She lessened the grip and a small crumpled paper fell in Kibo’s palm. “But I thought you might need this.”Bookmark here

The girl looked at her palm in confusion. What could she possibly do with a crumpled paper?Bookmark here

“Don’t judge a book by its cover. Open it.”Bookmark here

She did as she was told and to her surprise, in the middle was placed one of the pills. Her eyes widened while her body froze. Bookmark here

Her mother giggled at her reaction. “Not those pales anymore, are we?”Bookmark here

It took her some time to understand why Kibo fell sick. At first, she thought it was because of the drugs, but something felt off. She was broken. She was missing someone very dear to her and the woman could feel her pain. Everyone has a hard time letting go of someone.Bookmark here

Those pills offered her daughter something that this world couldn’t. Maybe she slept well because of the mediation or maybe she dreamed of someone, but in the morning, despite her tired expression, she was always happy. This was all that matter. One last time won’t kill, right?Bookmark here

“This is the last one, ok? Do you promise to never take something like this ever again?”Bookmark here

Before she could say anything else, the girl hugged her tightly. She needed this, it wasn’t just her connection with Haru, but it was her second chance.Bookmark here

“Thank you! Thank you! I really appreciate it!” She tightened her grip, making the woman laugh as she put her arms around Kibo.Bookmark here

“You still didn’t promise!”Bookmark here

“I promise! I swear! I won’t go back on my word!”Bookmark here

Thank you, Aiko! Thank you, Ichiro! Thank you, dear universe! I can’t express how happy I am! I won’t mess up again! Bookmark here

Haru, my dear Haru, I’m sorry I left you without a word! Let’s say our goodbyes properly, shall we? Just wait a little more and I will be there. Bookmark here

Aiko, I will fulfill my promise to you! Bookmark here

Ichiro, I will live up to my name!Bookmark here

Bookmark here

Mother, I won’t let my first love go. I’ve made a decision. I will not give up on him!Bookmark here

You can resume reading from this paragraph.