Missing you

Some days have passed since the letter was written. The girl tried to rest but every time she closed her eyes, he wasn’t there. What was the point of enjoying sleep if you know your dream won’t be beautiful?

She clearly got sick, but the doctors that checked her couldn’t label a specific disease or understand what’s wrong. Her eyes were admiring something invisible while her lips curved up shyly from time to time. Sometimes tears fell off her pale cheeks as her mind wandered far away. She spent the day fidgeting and looking through a window.

The woman knew her daughter didn’t glance at the city. As Kibo’s head was slightly resting on the glass, she slowly looked up at the sky. The clouds were pretty funny with all of their shapes and colors. Every time the sun was raising the girl was at her spot in front of the window, counting the shades of yellow, pink, and purple.

Usually, she would fall asleep smiling and wake up shortly after with an empty look. The woman bought her some plushies because that’s what young ladies find comfort in, right? She didn’t know what else to do. Her child was like a soulless body that moved on its own. From all of the stuffed animals, Kibo kept a little teddy bear that she liked to hug tightly. His color was the same as Haru’s shirt and she enjoyed his company.

After a whole week, the symptoms were finally clear. Indeed mothers know their children best. The woman took a chair and placed it next to her daughter. She could also look outside the window and chose to stay quiet for some good hours. Her intention was to let Kibo get used to her company and get more comfortable.

The silence between them was broken only at dawn when the girl put a hand on her mother's shoulder and smiled with sad eyes.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” She suddenly said with a calm voice.

It took all the efforts for the woman to understand her words. She wasn’t talking about the view.

“It’s the most beautiful part of life.” She confirmed as she took the hand resting on her shoulder into her own.

As expected, it was cold.

“Have you ever regretted it?”

“Falling in love? Not even a single second. Meeting the wrong person? Yes, a lot of times.”

“How do you know it’s too late for love?”

“The moment you aren’t honest with yourself.”

“Was father your first crush?”

The woman started to smile when memories from her youth played in her mind.

“Not even the second.” She chuckled softly. “Do you know what they say about the first love?”

The girl shook her head effortlessly.

“You never forget it. It’s very special and it’s the most innocent.”

“If you had the chance, would you get back with your first love?”

Her sad eyes were wandering with curiosity all over the woman’s face. She searched for answers, hoping to be guided by someone with experience.

“Sweetie, I’m a married old woman with two children. You shouldn’t seek these kinds of things from me. We grew in different environments and at different times. You should know best.” She said while patting Kibo’s hair with slow and gentle movements.

“But that’s the problem…I don’t know! Right now I can’t even see him and confess! Mom, I messed up something that was supposed to be a beautiful part of life!”

“Does he live far away?”

“Further than you can imagine…”

The doctor that gave her the pills disappeared, as well as the box of pills. She didn’t have any proof left about her traveling in another universe. Only she memorized the sweet scent of Haru’s perfume, only she felt those electric shocks, only she saw the forget-me-nots around the fountain. Everything was in her head, she couldn’t show anyone if they asked.

“I’m still not over the incident with those pills, but I was really scared. Can you understand that?”

She was right. From the whole family, only the two of them were left. The girl understood that very well.

Kibo nodded with tears in her eyes.

“Even if you looked awful that day… I still got more worked up this week. I feel like you are slowly killing yourself with this sadness of yours.” She placed her free hand into a pocket searching for something. “Don’t misunderstand, I threw away that box of pills!”

She took out her fist and placed it in the girl’s hand. She lessened the grip and a small crumpled paper fell in Kibo’s palm. “But I thought you might need this.”

The girl looked at her palm in confusion. What could she possibly do with a crumpled paper?

“Don’t judge a book by its cover. Open it.”

She did as she was told and to her surprise, in the middle was placed one of the pills. Her eyes widened while her body froze.

Her mother giggled at her reaction. “Not those pales anymore, are we?”

It took her some time to understand why Kibo fell sick. At first, she thought it was because of the drugs, but something felt off. She was broken. She was missing someone very dear to her and the woman could feel her pain. Everyone has a hard time letting go of someone.

Those pills offered her daughter something that this world couldn’t. Maybe she slept well because of the mediation or maybe she dreamed of someone, but in the morning, despite her tired expression, she was always happy. This was all that matter. One last time won’t kill, right?

“This is the last one, ok? Do you promise to never take something like this ever again?”

Before she could say anything else, the girl hugged her tightly. She needed this, it wasn’t just her connection with Haru, but it was her second chance.

“Thank you! Thank you! I really appreciate it!” She tightened her grip, making the woman laugh as she put her arms around Kibo.

“You still didn’t promise!”

“I promise! I swear! I won’t go back on my word!”

Thank you, Aiko! Thank you, Ichiro! Thank you, dear universe! I can’t express how happy I am! I won’t mess up again!

Haru, my dear Haru, I’m sorry I left you without a word! Let’s say our goodbyes properly, shall we? Just wait a little more and I will be there.

Aiko, I will fulfill my promise to you!

Ichiro, I will live up to my name!

Mother, I won’t let my first love go. I’ve made a decision. I will not give up on him!