Be true to yourself

”Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” – Paulo Coelho

“Still no visitors for me?” The boy asked with sparkling eyes.

“You just had two yesterday. Do you miss them already?”

No. He wasn’t missing Hoshi or Meiko. He waited for that one person to visit him. But she wasn’t there. No one knew where she disappeared or when she will come back.

“You lied, suicide girl. You made a promise you can’t keep.” He thought as a day passed without any news from her.

What did he expect? She comes from another universe after all! For sure her world is better. She had her fun and now there is no reason for her to return. He always knew that her company won’t last forever, but it hurt. A lot.

He needed her here, right now. He grew used to her presence following him around.

It felt like she took the first chance to run away as soon as he turned his back for a second. Was he overthinking?

“Not really. I am expecting someone.” He said with a smile as her image appeared in front of his eyes.

No, she wouldn’t run from him. Something must have come up. She will return to him.

“Oh? Your girlfriend perhaps?” The doctor teased him.

“Aiko is not my girlfriend!” Haru said right after like a little child.

“Too bad, you seem to like her!” He winked and went to sit on a chair next to the boy.

They aren’t a thing. None of them confessed. Maybe she didn’t even like him.

“Haru, listen.” The doctor became serious. “I have to make sure you understand the situation you are put into. All feeling has their role. Emotions make us humans. They show who we truly are and they make you a unique individual. Everyone cries differently, everyone has their way of laughing and everyone has their past. No one is the same with another.”

The boy sighed as he looked at the man beside him.

“I always thought that if society says we are right then this is how we are supposed to be. I have been taught from a young age that the majority comes before the minority. For me to achieve my dreams I must find a lot of courage, but I don’t think I have that much anymore. I need to be brave and express my point of view, but I don’t want to handle the consequences. People will laugh, they will make fun of me subtly and conveniently. It’s me against this society, me against everyone. Wouldn’t you give up? Wouldn’t you change your mind? Wouldn’t you think that you are wrong? Wouldn’t you feel ashamed? In the end, you will beg for forgiveness, a forgiveness that you’ll never receive. You will only be able to live under their ‘pity’. “

“Haru, you already chose your path. Now you have to choose between returning and going further.”

“I want to return. I’m afraid, doctor!” He said with a visible fear reading on his face.

“Things won’t be the same. I hope you realize that.”

A sudden smiled appeared on the boy’s face.

“I don’t care, but I also don’t care if I keep on fighting. There is no difference for me. I’ve learned to live like this, but it’s different from the rest. I already have people I want to protect. They were even foolish enough to entrust their life to me.” He chuckled remembering their expressions. “They believe in me, so why shouldn’t I believe in myself? I will say it again, I want to go back. But I can’t and I won’t. You see, I’ve made up my mind ever since a specific someone promised to stay by my side in this fight of mine. I will prove to everyone that the chance isn’t impossible even if my actions will be considered wrong.”

“A specific someone? I’m sure you learned a lot from that person.” The doctor said with an amused look.

“Life is more than what you see or hear. It’s about those words or unspoken thoughts that sound crazy and appear involuntary. Behind the words and rules, there are silly emotions that make you feel like a walking fool but have the power to make your day better. They can bring a smile to your face or they can make you drown in your tears. You are interested in knowing as many aspects as possible, right?”

“Indeed.”

“Then let me tell you something that not even your special glasses can’t teach you. Being able to develop feelings is an art. Without realizing we are all artists that consider their piece of work too insignificant or too basic to expose it. We lose ourselves while trying to achieve our goals, but one thing never changes no matter what you do. How you feel about the world around you will never be different. Sure, you can try and hide it or ignore it. But for what reason? Dear doctor, let me tell you something fascinating. We humans are filled with so complex emotions that even psychologists fail to understand them. That is our nature, that’s how we are. No one is allowed to take that away from us. I wish for change, but I’m not egoistic wanting something irrational. The change isn’t for us, it’s for the generations that have to come. It’s for the kids and teens. For people that didn’t let themselves brainwashed by FF or the government!”

“When it seems to make sense I get to hit my second thoughts. What you lack is evidence to prove your words, Haru. I’m the logical type of person and I don’t get easily touched by meaningless words.”

“I wasn’t trying to touch you with my words, doctor! I just had these things in my mind for quite some time now and I just found the opportunity to let them out. Thank you for listening!”

He kept on smiling no matter what they were talking about. Haru was an interesting being. He wasn’t the smartest person this doctor has met, neither a rare handsome face. But he had something that the rest of the patients didn’t. He inspired confidence. He made the ones who approach him forget about the world they live in. Hoping wasn’t exactly Chimon’s thing, but was willing to try.

“If you manage to bring me some proof, I will be willing to tag along.”

“Proof you say? But you have it right under your nose and still don’t believe me.”

Chimon raised an eyebrow not catching on.

“Be true to yourself, doctor! Be true to how you feel! That’s my evidence. Only you know what is going on inside this cold shield of yours!” Haru points to the heart.

Before the doctor could say something, a nurse enters the room with a relaxed face.

“Haru, you have a visitor. Don’t make her wait!”