Being a Girl Online Made Me Become a Girl in Real Life
About halfway home from the station, I am surprised to see a certain high school girl casually sitting down on the ground, leaning against the side of a vending machine. Cardigan half worn hanging on her forearms, with a cigarette in one hand and holding a can of coffee in the other. It's certainly a strange sight to see this late in the evening, or any time of the day to be completely honest.
She looks up noticing me approaching and cracks a slight smirk that she always likes to do.
“Yo!” With a cigarette held between her fingers, she waves her hand to greet me.
“H-hey.” I croak out as I’m still trying to compose myself from the pain radiating from my stomach.
“Looks like you got your ass handed to you haha. Did you even try to fight back?” She pats the ground beside her signaling me to sit beside her.
I slowly put my back against the wall and slide myself down to sit beside her.
“Saya, you know me. When we were kids you always beat up the kids that annoyed us. Also, have I ever really fought back when you used to beat me up…”
“Haha, you really are such a girl sometimes…”
I try to reply with something snarky back but the pain stops me. I need to rest for a moment. What is she even doing here anyway? It’s almost like she was waiting here for me. Also, I know I look like a mess right now but she doesn't look the greatest either. Her hair is scruffy and her uniform looks like it could use a good wash.
“Here, looks like you could use one, they might help with the pain.” She holds out the lit cigarette she was just using towards me.
“I not gonna smoke-”
She abruptly pushes the cigarette in between my lips before I could refuse.
“Now, breathe in-” she says as she demonstrates how to suck the air in.
While she holds it to my lips, I mimic what she did and inhale as much as I can. It tingles as it feels like the smoke is burning my throat and lungs. I grab hold of the cigarette as my lungs reach their capacity. As I breathe out my eyes get watery and I start to cough all the smoke out of my lungs uncontrollably.
“That’s pretty much how everyone’s first time goes haha.” She laughs.
Each time I cough it sends a sharp pain through my stomach. She lied, this definitely didn't help with the pain whatsoever.
“Shiki, you didn’t know the simple girl rules, be careful where you go alone at night.” She says while taking a sip of her coffee.
“Here to just make fun of me?”
“Yep! Hahaha. When I told Touma the truth he didn’t believe me so I wanted to see the juicy aftermath.”
“Well, are you satisfied?” I say as I sigh.
“Nope!” She says as she gives me a big smile.
As the cigarette slowly burns away in my hand I decide to give it another shot and take another puff. It’s disgusting! Why does anybody use these things?! The taste of smoke lingers in my mouth and I feel like trying to spit it out. I put out the cigarette on the floor beside me and throw it on the floor beside me.
“I haven't seen you at school all week so why are you in your school uniform?”
“Hehe.” She takes out her pack of cigarettes to light another.
“Well, I got into another fight with my mom a few days ago before going to school and well she told me I’m not allowed back… guess she finally gave up on me too.”
“Saya…” I whisper.
“So, I decided to just skip school and roam around…”
She was outside alone with no home to go to for how long now? Somehow I feel like this is all my fault, even though I didn’t directly cause her to be kicked out of her home but maybe the stress of everything had some impact on her. I was definitely the switch that triggered her to start to act strange.
“Where did you stay for all this time, are you okay?”
“That’s none of your business now is it?” She brushes off the question.
Guess she doesn't want to talk about it much. I probably shouldn’t force an answer out of her. I just hope she didn't do anything dangerous.
She closed her eyes and takes a long drag from her cigarette blowing the smoke up in the air.
“After having some time alone to think about everything I realized I’m not mad anymore. I just want answers from you Shiki…”
“W-what answers do you want to know?”
“Shiki, if you lie to me I swear I’ll continue where Touma left off!” She jabs me in my stomach with her finger.
“OW! Okay, okay I'll be honest I swear!”
She turns towards me and looks at me directly. The aggressiveness of her previous demeanor changes into a more somber tone.
“Did you love him?”
“What do you mean?”
Even though it was a straightforward question I asked her to clarify so I can buy time to think of how I should answer. I could easily lie to her and tell her I only love her but that won't be the truth. Lying has gotten me many things but I’ve done too much of it recently. I need to be truthful.
“Were you in love? He said he cared about you a lot and you seemed to like him too”
“I promised that I would be honest so yes… The truth is I think I did feel something for him.”
“Hmm, I see.”
“Maybe I fell for his charm in one way or another but he was the first to make me feel special. Everything all started out as a lie but before I knew it my feelings were real for him. ”
“Was your heart broken?”
I think I was hurt by what happened but part of me accepts that it was my fault it all went bad. I would be lying if I said I didn't partially believe that that could have worked out though.
“... Maybe a little.”
“Hehehe.” She lets out a small laugh right in my face.
“Though that feeling of heartache was nothing compared to when I cried in front of you last week…”
“Oh…” She looks away and goes back to smoking.
“Did you really do this all for me? You tried to get me but ended up falling for someone else?”
“Yea it was all for you, that’s where my heart was at. I was set on getting you back. Even though I liked him I would give it all up for you Saya.”
“Well now that I’m more calm, that’s some dedication. You must really like me after all.”
She says it so casually but I do… I like you Saya. I need to tell her directly so she understands. I wouldn't have done all this crazy stuff if I wasn't seriously scared of losing her. I don't care if this isn't a good time to tell her or if she will get upset, but I have to say it.
“Saya… I really like you.” I tell her as clearly as I can.
“Aww you look so scared. I bet that took so much for you to tell me haha.”
“No it’s from the pain! My body hurts!”
She giggles at me for spilling out my heart for her.
“Another thing, I want revenge... you will pay for what you did to me.”
“M-more. I'm already in so much pain. Surely me getting my ass beat was enough right?”
She simply looks away and ignores me.
“Oh, you think I forgive you? Haha you are so funny!”
“Well whatever you want to do, I'll take it.”
“Really? Okay then I'm sleeping over at your place tonight… I kinda got nowhere else to go at this point.”
“Refuse anything I ask and I'll raise more hell Shiki, your mom and everyone in school will know about this haha. Oh and Touma haha I'll tell everyone how close you got with him.”
Touma specifically told me he didn’t want anyone to find out about this so if Saya blabs about this to others… I might have to go into hiding.
“I’ve got nothing to lose, you say you like me but I want you to hate me haha. I’ve got you wrapped around my finger, this should be fun.”
“Saya… I’ll take that as a challenge. I’ll never give up on you until you forgive me.”
“Heh don’t get me excited Shiki.” She springs off the ground and starts walking in the direction to my home. “Let’s go Shiki, I’m hungry and tired!”
I slowly get off the ground and limp behind her. She leads the way to my apartment just down the street. I put the key in the door and put my hand on the doorknob.
“I hope my mom isn’t home...” I murmur.
“I hope she is home! What, you don’t want her to see her pathetic crossdressing son?”
I open the door and to my luck she isn’t home.
“It’s Friday night so she usually comes home really late.”
Saya walks by me and into my apartment like she practically owns the place. She kicks off her shoes at the entrance and makes her way to the kitchen to raid my fridge.
I fix her shoes at the genkan and rush into the kitchen to see what she is doing. But she’s already heading into my room with a bottle of cola and some snacks. I follow behind her into my room where she sits down at my computer desk and starts munching away at the food.
“Imma be honest I've been sleeping outside the past few days, I really need a shower and new clothes. Find me something to wear to bed!” She crosses her legs and commandingly points at me.
“I don’t really have any girl stuff that would fit you.”
“Lemee see them.” She says as she downs half of the bottle of cola in one gulp.
I pull out my secret stash of clothes and show her everything I brought.
“They are all too girly for me and they are too small anyways… Shiki, why do you have underwear? Don’t tell me you are...”
“I-it’s for authenticity!” My face becomes fully red as I realize I was duped by Yuri to wear them unnecessarily.
“Ehh..” She makes a weird face at me then turns her attention to my makeup bag.
“Wow, lot’s of fancy makeup in here. Where'd you afford to buy all that?”
“My friend Yuri, I told you about her you said she wasn’t real. But anyways she gave them all to me to help me with becoming a girl.”
“Hmm, Yuri huh?” She gives a small smirk for some reason.
“Well I’m going in the shower, please prepare me something to wear for when I come out! Also I want a hot drink waiting for me!” She says as she leaves my room.
“I’m not your butler...” I say snarkily under my breath.
“Yea, you are right… You’re actually my maid Shiki.” I hear her laughing in the hallway until the door of the bathroom locks.
I didn’t think she would have heard that since she was already out of the room but she did. I start to do my maid duties. I then look for something in my closet she can wear. I find the biggest top I can in my closet and a regular pair of shorts for when she gets out of the shower. I put her old clothes in the laundry and go to the kitchen to make some miso soup for her.
I feel like a girlfriend that’s doing all the chores around the house. Well, I guess this isn’t so bad. I’m kinda glad she is still talking to me even after everything. She is even going to be sleeping in my room tonight. This is a dream come true! Me alone with Saya… and she knows how I feel about her. I shake my head at the weird thoughts that invade my mind. None of that will ever happen.
I finish up with making the soup and go back into my room to do some final cleaning when Saya walks in the room fresh out of the shower.
“Shiki, do you have any extra underwear?”
“Wait, where are the shorts I put out for you?!” Saya walked in wearing only the sweater I gave her and bandages on her arms and legs.
“Come on, I wasn’t gonna put on pants without any underwear first.” She shrugs and goes into my stash of girl clothes.
“Saya you are in a boy’s room right now!”
She starts putting it on right in front of me. I quickly turn around before I see something I’m not supposed to.
“What? Better get used to it, we are gonna be roommates from now on!”
“I need somewhere to live so I will live here. Got any problem?”
“Do I have a problem? Yes I do.”
“Hehe you should be excited! The girl of your dreams living with you in your own home!”
“Yea sureeee.” I roll my eyes as I know she is trying to push my buttons.
I know a trap when I see one.
“I made you some food outside on the table, I'm going to head in the shower real quick too. I feel gross after getting beat up in a dark alleyway.”
I shower as quickly as possible because my mom should be home soon and I don't want her to run into Saya while I'm not there. Also I would rather not be sitting around dressed like how I am now. After my shower, I do the dishes that Saya left for me and return to my room.
“It’s a bit too early to be sleeping isn’t it?”
It's only 9pm and Saya already looks to be dozing off in my bed.
“Shiki come lay down here with me for a bit...”
I sit on the edge of the bed and facing away from her.
“I said lay down.” She pulls on the back of my shirt.
I slowly lay down on the bed edge of the bed and face away from her.
“Look at me.”
“Do I have to?”
I flip around on the bed to face her. She puts her hand on my cheek and touches the swollen part of my eye with the tip of her finger.
“Your eye is really bruised. What are you gonna tell your mom?”
“Just tell her that you hit me too hard when we were play fighting or something.”
“Shiki stay… until I.. fall asleep…” Her eyes slowly close with each passing word.
I don’t move a muscle. She still has her hand holding my face as she starts to drift away and starts to snore very quietly. She must be very tired from not sleeping in a proper bed for the past few nights. I’m still wide awake because it’s way too early for me to sleep now. She only said to stay until she sleeps so maybe I should slide out of here before my mom returns and finds us like this. It’s getting late so she should be here any minute now.
Wow I guess she must be out maybe I can try and leave-
She grabs onto the back of my neck pushing my head into her chest.
She gets more comfortable and wraps her leg around me.
Does she think I'm a pillow or something!
My first thought was this is bad because I can barely breathe but this is actually really good. If I suffocate like this it wouldn’t be a bad way to head out. The warmth of her body, the rising of her chest every time she breathes, her skin on my skin. I close my eyes for a moment to take it all in...
I can hear the sound of the lock on the door being turned. My mom is home and I’m suck like this. I gently push her away from me and she rolls over on her other side, still fast asleep.
I tiptoe out of the room and get ready to explain to my mom this situation.
I meet her in the kitchen looking for something in the fridge.
“Shiki you have someone over?” She raises an eyebrow and looks confused.
“Yea look Saya got kicked out of her home, you know how her mom is…”
“Yes of course, where is she now? Is she doing okay?”
“Yea, she’s fine but a bit tired. She is in my room sleeping.”
“Your room?! You better not have done anything weird to her! Actually never mind, I'm sure you wouldn't live if you tried something on her. Looks like she already hit you pretty badly.”
“Yea I'm fine thanks for asking! We just got into a little scuffle for fun, you know how she is.” I say as I remember my eye is visibly swollen still.
“Seems she’s at least having fun. She probably had a really rough day, you should go back and be there with her.”
“I'll talk about it more in the morning when she is awake.”
I quietly return to my room and slide back into the bed as if I never left.
“Don't just leave me without saying anything!” She angrily whispers to me from the other side of the bed.
“Wha- uhh, I didn't want to wake you up!”
Gah, I thought she was still asleep!
“Just don’t suddenly disappear, Shiki…”
“It sounded like you were talking with your mom. Is she cool with me staying over?”
Of course, my mom would never refuse something like that.”
“You’re right I just wanted to be sure… now next time you go anywhere please warn me first.”
Please… That’s the first time she asked me something politely.
My eyes start to feel heavy as I settle into bed. It feels so surreal that after all that I did and after how bad things went, Saya is laying right here next to me. Part of me wants to reach out to her and hold her but I’m pushing my luck even thinking about doing something like that. If I forget everything that’s happened before this moment and don’t entertain the thoughts of what might happen tomorrow, this is perfect.
I wish that this moment could last forever...