CHAPTER 10.5: WILL AND DETERMINATION

**Maddie**

I had no idea of how long I stayed in this dark place.

“…”

Contrary to the one I always see in my dreams, this place was empty…just plain blackness, everywhere I turned. And ever since I was swallowed by that darkness, I’d been alone. Not even my mother bothered to come here…well, that’s if her spirit could really come.

Kuro…

“…”

My memories of him lingered, though my mother kept on casting doubts on his sincerity. Slowly, the scenes where we were together played in my mind once again. Reminiscing those times when, for example, he sang a song for me. Or when he tried his best to unite Cherwind just to return safely to my side. Or when he turned the Academy upside-down looking for me when I ran away from him because of my stupid jealousy…

“…”

How about that time when Kuro risked his life fighting for my dreams? That moment where he stayed behind with the other knights from Amaranth, just to buy us time to escape? His cold, dead eyes when he was killed trying to uphold my honor in the Tri-Skill tournament?

“…”

But most importantly, I cherished the time when Kuro appeared before me as life was slowly leaving my body, tearing his shirt—one his last connections to his own world—to dress up my self-inflicted wounds…just because of my desperation and sadness.

I…I only realized just now that Kuro had done a lot for me…and yet, I repaid his faithfulness and kindness by doubting his love.

“Kuro…I’m sorry…” Tears slowly gathered in my eyes until it silently fell down my cheeks. That man…that otherworlder…he only put my interest before his own. And now, I’m here. Trapped in this dark, lonely place. All because I let my unreasonable jealousy get ahead of me.

If I can free myself again…I swear I will never doubt you again, my dearest Kuro…

“…”

Please, help me…I want to see you. Even if you don’t remember me anymore, I’ll make you fall for me once again. Only…let me be by your side.

“!!!” Gently, I felt my hand become warm. Surprised, I saw both of them glowing white.

What’s happening? I never activated my god-powers!

“Maddie, what are you doing?” a familiar disembodied voice rang throughout the darkness.

“Mama?” I called out to her. “Where are you?”

“I’m asking you what are you doing? Why did you activate your god-powers?”

“Mama!” A resolve appeared in my heart, and it steadily grew stronger, “I want to see Kuro!”

“What are you saying? That man left you for his student! Why do you keep on throwing yourself to him?”

“Yes, it’s true that he loves his students, but he also showed his love for me! It’s time that I answer his feelings; I’ll also love those people he loves!”

“Stop this foolishness, Little Maddie! Your destiny is to become great—”

“I never cared for those things, Mama!” I interrupted her. “And nor do I want to be dictated by some obscure idea called ‘Fate’! I will love the man my heart chooses, and not even the gods can stop me!”

“Enough of this talk! Stay where you are, stop your god-powers!”

However, I ignored her demands, and increased the intensity of the god-power in my hands. Soon, I was like a beacon, shining amidst the darkness with my ability to heal.

“Maddie, Madelaine! Stop this foolishness of yours!”

“My apologies, Mama…I know you only wanted what’s best for me, but I will not become like you! I will love the people my beloved loves as well! This is my will, Madelaine Ann Rubinforth’s will!”

And with that, I released the god-powers that accumulated in my hand. It drove away the darkness, which was soon replace by a pleasant feeling I hadn’t felt for quite a while…

“…”

At that moment, I opened my eyes.

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The first thing—or sound, rather—that greeted me when I woke up, was the sound of people scrambling away from my bed. From the corner of my eyes, I even saw someone tripped on a nearby sofa chair and fell face-flat on the floor.

“Ugh…what’s happening?” I asked, as I suddenly felt a stinging sensation in my head.

“I-Is that yo-you, Maddie?” I think that’s Ruro’s voice, calling out to me from a considerable distance.

“Uhm, yes?”

A chorus of relieved sighs echoed throughout the room where I was, then my friends appeared beside my bed.

“How are you feeling, Maddie?” It was Lily, with a bandage on her right eye, and a splint on her left arm. She was smiling, yet her eyes had a sad expression on them.

“What happened to you?” My dizziness quickly evaporated the moment I saw her injuries.

“You did that yourself, see?”

“!!!” I was even more surprised to see the Saint of the Flame, Seirna, standing by the doorway. Like Lily, she was full of injuries…her right foot was broken.

“What—”

“The ‘Seductress’ possessed you and fought against us, if you can’t remember anything,” Seirna never let me finished. “You’re so powerful, it took the combined might of Lady Ruro, Princess Lily, Duchess Henristone and myself to subdue you.”

“You can’t be serious…” My eyes went around the room, which I realized, was half-destroyed. The walls to my left were pulverized, the other furniture were broken to bits, and the most painful of all…Lady Henristone and Ruro sustained broken bones like the others.

“I am serious all the time,” she answered. “And now, looking through your mind, that spirit you call ‘Mama’…that’s the monster we fought for several days.”

“I was in the dark for so long…”

“Yes, I know. Your ‘Mama’ is the ‘Seductress’ herself, and she used your body to defeat us.”

The awful realization hit me like a speeding carriage. So that’s why that spirit had always cast doubts on Kuro; she’s purposefully twisting my memories! But…when I looked into that entity’s thoughts, I couldn’t tell that she’s a fake…

“It’s because she really is your mother, Lady Madelaine,” Seirna revealed. “You did your duty in checking her thoughts; I commend you for that. It’s just, the truth about you and her is more fucked up than what you are led to believe.”

“H-Huh? What do you mean?”

“Maddie…” Lily held my hand, “…your mother, the Lady Erika Annie Michelle, is the Seductress, and your—no, our memories of her—is in fact, created by her to fool everyone.”

I could only stare at my friend. I couldn’t even peek into her thoughts, for I was afraid of what I’d see, “So…I’m not…h-human?”

“You’re human, I can confirm that,” Seirna insisted. “However, your ‘birth’ is not really like how normal humans are born. Then, using her last powers, the Seductress spun a tale to fool everyone that she and your father, the Duke of Rubinforth, did have a union.”

“I…I brought that entity in this…world…”

“Yes, I’m glad you realized that.”

“Then…I should…kill myself…”

The moment she heard that, the Saint of the Flame grabbed me by the collar of my dress and pulled me close to her, “Listen here, Madelaine Ann Rubinforth, I don’t care from whose womb you were born, but the last thing this world needs is for their Saint to abandon them in the middle of a problem like this. Lady Ruro and my powers are not enough to defeat that monster, so we need you—as well as the other saints. If you’re planning to kill yourself, then at least do it when the problem had already passed.”

“Maddie,” it was Ruro, “don’t do it. Though you’re the ‘daughter’ of the ‘Seductress’, you’re a different person. Look, Chersea would never be in peace if not for your dreams.”

“Yes, milady!” the Lady Henristone backed her up. “Time and time again, you proved that you’re the kind, reliable Saint we humans have loved. Please don’t say those sad words; you done nothing wrong.”

“And what about Kuro, Maddie?” Lily asked. “Don’t you know? When you tried it before, he was the one who exerted the most effort in looking for you! He even risked James’ anger just to alert us of your disappearance.”

Though the sadness of the realization that I was from that monster they call the ‘Seductress’, my friends’ words calmed my heart and reassured me that everything would be alright. With tears in my eyes, I said to them, “Thank you…”

“Hmph! If you want to do something right, then help us defeat your ‘Mama’,” Seirna muttered.

“Of course…it is my duty, not only as a Saint, but as someone who loves!”