Chapter 10: Questions

“Owww.” I whimpered as Ms. Clare put on what she calls “rubbing al-co-hall” on cuts and scrapes I have on my body. “So you can take multiple punches and cuts, but can’t handle some alcohol?” She chuckled. “Weird, right? Ow.” After she finished, she wrapped those bandages around my arms and put smaller bandages on my cheeks and forehead. She took a step back, “Well…I’m not a professional doctor, but I think I did a good job.” She said as she started putting the stuff away in her large red box. “Thank you,” I said. “Of course. But, if you don’t mind me asking, why were guys after you in the first place?” She asked. “They said that they were gonna take me back to the Facility….my old home.” “But why? If they deemed you as a failure, why even bother taking you back? I think you mean more to them than they let you believe.” “You think so?” She nodded, “They clearly want you for something. But I don’t know what it would be.” I scratched my head, “Since we’re asking questions, can I ask you some?” “Oh uhhhh, go ahead.” She told me. “My mother told me to live, love, and be free. Now, I know what it means to live…but I don’t really know what it means to love or to be free. Can you tell me what they are?” She stared at me for a second before responding, “That’s a pretty tough question. Let me start with the easier of the two,” She cleared her throat, “Being free or having freedom means you aren’t bound by anything or anyone. Being free is being able to make your own decisions and be independent.” She stopped, looking at me to see if I understood what she said. “How do I know if I’m free or not?” I asked. “Well, it’s not something you’ll know. But I think your mother said to tell you to never go back to that facility and the Organization. She wants you to live your life the way YOU want to live it.”

“I see. Now, what is love?” I asked her. “Other than a second-hand emotion, it’s a little bit more complicated to explain.” “What’s a second-hand emotion?” She looked at me confused, “What? OH! Right,” She chuckled, “Sorry, it’s from a song, a little off topic.” I didn’t know what a song was, but I wasn’t gonna ask. Maybe later. “Anyways, there are multiple ways you can really define love, but I’ll keep it simple. Love overall is just having a really strong affection for something or someone. To put it in your terms, you REALLY like something or someone. Like, you really like your mother, right?” I nodded. “Well, then you love her. You really like orange juice, right?” I nodded. “You love that too. Love is just liking something a lot. I think your mother wanted you to surround yourself with people you love. Of course, there’s the romantic kind of love.” “What’s that?” She looked at the ground “It’s….uhhhh. Yeah.” I tilted my head in confusion, “Yeah?” “Yeah. You know, it’s basically just having affection for someone, but you know….yeah.” She looked up at me as I still had a look of confusion. “*sigh* Okay, being romantically in love means you find someone you want to be with. Think of it like in your nature shows, how the male and female animals will want to be together.” “So I need to fight other males to get the female I wanna be with?” “What? No. Look, it’s something that’s pretty hard to explain. People, who are in love can’t even explain how they feel.” “How will I know if I’m in love with someone?” “That’s something I can’t answer. Because the only person who’ll know is you. It’s like an instinct…you’ll just feel it. Love at first sight.” “Have you ever been in love, Ms. Clare?” Her face turned red and she looked away, “Well…..I’ve BEEN in love. Now, as you can see, I’m thirty-five and still single. Clearly, my instincts suck.”

That night, I stayed up looking up at the ceiling, thinking about what Ms. Clare had said. To be free is living life how I want to live it and surrounding myself with people I love. But I was still confused, if I wanna be free, I have to stay away from the Organization…BUT THEY WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE. Not to mention, I wanna love EVERYTHING, so do I surround myself with everything? Thinking about being free made me realize that the other experiments that are in the Facility must also want to be free, but they didn’t get the same chance as I got. It makes me wonder if I can’t free them. CAN I free them? They must also want to see the world and live their own lives, right? The questions I had answered only made new ones. And with them being made, I can’t go to sleep because I want answers. Maybe I’ll ask Ms. Clare tomorrow.