Chapter 10: Questions

“Owww.” Ferral whimpered as Ms. Clare applied rubbing alcohol to his wounds. She chuckled, “You can take multiple punches and cuts, but can’t handle a little alcohol?” After she finished, she wrapped bandages around his arms and placed smaller band aids on his cheeks. She took a step back, examining her work. “Well, I’m not a professional doctor, but I think I did a good job.”

She started putting all the stuff back in her first aid kit. Ferral looked at his arms and touched his face. “Thank you.” Ms. Clare smiled, “No problem. But, if you don’t mind me asking, why were guys after you in the first place?”

“They said that they were gonna take me back to the Facility…my old home.” Ferral replied. Ms. Clare sat on the couch next to him. “But why? They called you a failure, so why even bother taking you back? If you ask me, you matter quite a lot to them.” “You think so?” She nodded, “They clearly want you for something.

Ferral scratched my head. “Since we’re asking questions, can I ask you some?” She looked at him, curious. “Go for it.” Ferral took a second before asking his questions. “My mother told me to live, love, and be free. I know what it means to live, but I don’t really know what it means to love or to be free. Can you tell me what those are?”

Ms. Clare looked away, trying to come up with her answer. “That’s a kinda tough question,” She replied, “But let me start with the easier of the two.” She fixed herself, sitting more comfortably and clearing her throat. “Being free or having freedom means you aren’t bound by anything or anyone. It means you can make your own decisions and not have to really rely on anyone.”

“How do I know if I’m free or not?” Ferral asked. Ms. Clare shrugged, “Freedom is different for many people. But, I think your mother wanted to never go back to that facility and the Organization. She wanted you to live your life the way you want to live it.” He nodded, understanding what she said, slightly.

“I see…but, what is love?” This time, Ms. Clare took a little longer to respond to this question. “There are multiple ways you can really define love. Overall, it’s an emotion we feel when we have a really strong affection for something or someone. To make it easier, it’s when you really like or care about something or someone.”

Ferral didn’t say anything, wanting to understand as much as possible. Ms. Clare continued, “For example, you really like your mother, right? You wanted to always be by her side, right?” Ferral nodded. “Then you love her. You really like orange juice, right? Can’t get enough of it.” He nodded again.

“You love that too. Love is just liking something a lot. I think your mother wanted you to surround yourself with people you love. Of course, there’s the romantic kind of love.”

Ferral tilted his head, confused. “What’s that?” She stopped, then looked down at the floor, awkward. “It’s…complicated.” She responded. “Complicated? How?” Ms. Clare’s gaze moved all throughout the apartment, not wanting to answer. Eventually, she responded. “Being romantically in love means you find someone you want to be with. Think of it like in your nature shows, how the male and female animals will want to be together.”

“So I need to fight other males to get the female I wanna be with?” Ms. Clare was stunned by his answer. “What, no. Look, it’s something that’s pretty hard to explain. People who are in love can barely explain it themselves.” Ferral asked, “How will I know if I’m in love with someone?”

“That’s something I can’t answer. Because the only person who’ll know is you. It’s like an instinct…you’ll just feel it.” “Have you ever been in love, Ms. Clare?” Her face turned slightly red with embarrassment. “More times than I care to admit. I’m thirty-five and still single…clearly, my instincts are awful.”

It felt like Ferral fully understood what Ms. Clare was saying. He thought long about it. What it means to be free. To love. And it stirred another question for him. “Do you think the other experiments feel free and love?” She thought about it, unsure how to respond. She shrugged, “It’s hard to tell, really. Everyone thinks differently, remember? It’s possible they want to be free, same like you. No way of really knowing.” It was starting to get dark, so Ms. Clare decided to have Ferral save more questions for tomorrow. She went to make dinner. Leaving Ferral with his thoughts.

That night, Ferral wasn’t able to sleep again. He stayed up staring at the ceiling, thinking about what Ms. Clare had said. To be free is to live life how you want to live it. Love is caring deeply about things. It seemed to make sense, and yet, he was still confused. If he wanted to be free, Ferral had to stay away from the Organization. But they won’t leave him alone! Not to mention, Ferral wanted to love everything, but how could he manage that?

Thinking about this made him remember his last question. Do the other experiments feel freedom and love? They must also want to be free, right? But they didn’t get the same chance as him. It made me wonder if I could help them be free. Is he even capable of pulling that off? They must also want to see the world and live their own lives, right? The questions kept piling, and Ferral couldn’t answer a single one. There was no way he’d be able to sleep now. He wanted answers. He wanted to potentially help his fellow experiments. He’ll ask Ms. Clare tomorrow, though he wasn’t sure even she would have all the answers.