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I had the same dream again.

It was a familiar dream, it was a dream I always have. It was a dream I have become accustomed to.

I am what some would call a lucid dreamer, yes, what you are thinking is right, I am one of those individuals who are aware that they are dreaming or can control the happenings in their dreams.

Even though I am a bit appreciative of this ability, this dream particularly has made this ability a bit scathing. Don't get me wrong, although the idea of being able to do whatever one wants in a dream may sound appealing on paper, in reality, it works in twisted ways. This reminds me of W.W Jacobs's short novel The Monkey's paw, which was a pain to write an essay for when I was a middle schooler. I never really read novels but I try to read the classics from different countries, maybe to understand what makes them special enough to be deemed a classic.

The contents of today's dream went something like this, it's always a girl probably 7 or 8 years of age, who was tightrope walking in the middle of nowhere or maybe it was in the skies, I'm a bit hazy about the details. of course, I'm also there. It was both a fascinating and surreal sight. In the beginning, the girl was balancing herself pretty well, but when a strong gust of wind blows it sweeps the child off her balance. and naturally, me being me would try to save the child by trying to reach her side struggling to balance along the suspended wire, after all, I could control my own dream's structure and storyline. But no matter how hard I try I can't reach her side, the distance between us keeps on increasing no matter how much I keep walking. but as the girl's grip on the wire begins to slip and is about to fall into the abyss, I somehow manage to close the distance between us, but by then it was too late. The girl falls into the abyss...every single time, no matter how hard I try, no matter what way I choose to do it, in the end, the result is the same. It's like I'm trapped in an endless cycle of failure and my punishment is watching the girl die over and over as a result of my failure.

It truly is my monkey's paw, my ability to control my dream comes with the grim price of that girl's death.

Every time I try to sleep, I see the same dream, but it's slightly different every time, like the girl's clothes, the surroundings and every time she is found involved in some kind of situation where she is likely to fall and every time she beings to fall I try to save her but every time I fail and she falls into the abyss...

If this was the price I had to pay then I don't want to control my dreams anymore.

 sleep was the only place I was really at peace. I slept away my entire summer break. I didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to see anything nor did I want to hear anything, 

I just wanted to sleep.

Perhaps I'm being punished for...for... for everything I guess...

After being forced to awaken with cold sweats due to the sleep terror, this train of thoughts suddenly leave me as I noticed that the bus I am currently travelling has neared my point of disembarkation.

I gaze out of the window, even though it is already halfway through the first week of April for the rest of Japan, the town looks like it's stuck in the cold embrace of winter.

Cold wind strokes my cheeks as I look around the bus only to find out it was near empty. I try to let out a sigh disguised as a yawn, the warm wind from my mouth condensed to form water droplets and formed fog in the air.

Maybe it's the winter blues, but the near-empty bus, the snow-covered grasslands and the frost formed in the windows all created a kind of melancholic atmosphere, it's a familiar feeling which is hard to explain.

The town has changed a lot in over three years in which I left it, which would be odd in the case of normal towns but not for this town. "The place I once grew up is no longer familiar to me" this thought made me feel extremely restless therefore I didn't want to dwell upon this topic any longer, so I decided to think about something else but nothing good comes to mind.

The bus has stopped somewhere near my destination when I inquired about it I was informed about the roadblock caused by an avalanche, although calling it an avalanche would be a disgrace to a real avalanche. It was indeed small but it was big enough to disrupt my path.

I decided to wait until the show is cleared as I had nothing better to do even if I reached home, maybe it was the warmth inside the bus that coaxed them but my fellow passenger also elected to do the same.

The sleep that departed from me earlier has now returned and I choose to sleep as I didn't want to think about anything. As I began to close my eyes and relax, readying myself to be taken by sleep an unfamiliar voice called out to me.

"Hey, I haven't seen you here before, you new here?"

The voice was from the seat adjacent to mine and the owner of the voice was a tall guy who was a bit skinny for his height, I don know if lanky is the right word and he had slicked-back hair. But his most prominent feature would be his radiant smile.

"Huh, oh me... yeah I'm new to this place"

I lied with great proficiency, which was not something to be proud of. It was a natural reaction for me considering my family history and moreover, my track record as a respectable individual was not exactly great around these parts. Moreover, I didn't want to disclose my circumstance to a complete stranger.

"Haha!, I guessed right didn't I" said the man with an increasingly radiant smile in a loud voice reminiscent of drunk salary men.

"But it's quite strange isn't it, I all my life I lived here I never heard of someone moving into this town" 

Ahh... I get it, this guy may belong to one of those people who can randomly strike up a conversation with anybody.

"Haha, is that so", I managed to let out those words mechanically, hoping this conversation is over so I can go back to sleep.

"May I dare, what made up move to this town?"

Now, this breathed an air of Inquisition down my neck which was an unwelcomed one. Maybe the last time the message didn't get through but this time I'll make it clear.

"No, you may not" I protested.

"Ah...don't be so cold, you know what they say strangers are friends waiting to happen" proclaimed the main with a great deal of confidence.

"All I see is a grown-up trying to force a conversation on a minor"

"Hmm... I see, when you put it like that it certainly does seem a little creepy"

"Oh, so you can comprehend social cues" I said smugly

"You say some mean things kid, it's hurting my feeling ya know" said the man with an obviously fake frown 

Tch... this guy really starting to piss me off...

Since it came down to this, I have no choice but to use that...

"AHH...I GUESS I'll uh ILL TAKE A WALK HOME, YOU KNOW... TO ENJOY THE SCENERY AND ALL...HAHA...have a good one lads" I said, not too loudly, but it was audible enough for the entire bus to hear and left the bus.

I was not running away from him, it was...it was, you know...a retreat, ah, right a tactical retreat, so I said to myself as I began walking towards the light beaming from the clock tower of the town like a moth.

But my plan was jeopardized when the man with a childish grin on his face called out to me from the bus.

After grabbing his coat and his briefcase, he proceeded to wear his cartoonish beanie cap and after thanking the bus driver for his service he walked straight toward me much to my dismay.

"Right thinking kid, I was considering walking the rest of the way but was a bit dispirited by the cold, but after hearing your youthful spirited oration, I was moved and decided to grace you with a walk together "

My face turned into a grimace from a complex feeling I can't describe.

"What's up kid, you don't look too well, is the cold getting to you, young people are too weak and entitled these days...*sighs*" this man said as he gently slapped my cheeks looking genuinely concerned.

"What do you keep annoying me man, what do you want, also stop talking like rich old men, what are you 27-28 or something, also that beanie cap looks stupid" it seems my anger got the best of me(happens to the best of us...), and caused me to blurt out all the things that came into my mind.

" you sure say some mean things do you, it hurts my feelings ya know,".                               I think he said that before.

"I can't believe you would accuse someone of my stature of having any ulterior motives, and the way I speak is considered normal according to my major degree, perhaps I should lower myself for adolescent folks and use the slangs kids these days use like you or bae or yolo or something" I cringed a little at the use of "cool kids" slang ", and I cringed at myself for saying cringe", and  I am only 26".he said in a calm tone.

As I was saying stop talking like people from the 1800s, what are you a comic relief character from a poorly written romcom? , I said to myself

" And beanie cap is are comfortable and convenient" he said but this with more passion.

That would have been a completely reasonable statement if the man wasn't wearing a white beanie cape shaped like a cow's head.

That being said, I have an intuition that this guy does not have any ill intention, these people may come off as weird but are just overly passionate, I thought they were pretty annoying in the past so I used to bull-- I mean...tease them a lot. But now I am feeling different about these types of people.

" Hey kid, stop zoning out on me, are having some kind of inner monologue like one of those apathetic and depressed characters"

"Tch... Nooo!!" I said feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Well hurry up then, I haven't got all day ya know", said the guy with a big smile.

I sighed the longest sigh I ever sighed and began to move towards him reluctantly.

Both of us slowly walked towards the light emitting from the clock tower in the town hall in the cold paths of an almost ghost town, like a pair of moths to a flame.