Head First

Compared to the opening ceremony, the rest of orientation was dreadfully dull in comparison. Jacob and the rest of the first-years were led into the school's main entrance, where they were to deposit their outdoors shoes and put on their school shoes, and then locate the notice board, where everyone's names were written down, aligned with their classrooms. Jacob was assigned to Class 1-4, and he felt a bit of disappointment upon seeing that Shinji-kun wasn't in his class--he was off in 1-1. Ah well, that just means he'd have one more new name to remember by year's end. The homeroom teacher of Class 1-4 was apparently a woman named Shimada Kumiko, but some rando faculty member was filling in for her today, on account of Shimada-san recovering from a cold.

"That's pretty weak," Jacob growled to himself, "Calling off work just because of a cold? Pfeh. One of those things I'll never understand about the Japanese, I guess."

Class 1-4 was quite easy to find, as it was directly across from the notice board, so all Jacob had to do was turn around and walk right in. Neat! If only everything could be so simple, right? Once inside, little sheets of paper bearing their names were taped to the desks--apparently their seating had already been decided, and Jacob had the misfortune of having the front-row window seat, the furthest seat from the rear door they entered through. It sucked to be so far up front, though it could always be worse--he could be trapped in the middle somewhere, or placed directly front and center--so front-window would be fine for now. The desks were the hinge-type, where the light-brown facade swung open to reveal the contents within, and it seemed that their required textbooks were already deposited therein.

That faculty substitute-teacher guy began talking as the class took their seats, and Jacob's eyes seemed to glaze over as he did so. Everything about this faculty member seemed hand-designed to bore him out of his skull, from his boring combover to his boring blue suit and his boring glasses, boring brown shoes, right down to his boring-ass face which spewed out a boring-ass voice. He didn't even catch the guy's name, but it was probably something like Takeda Takeshi. In fact, Jacob was pretty sure he heard that name come out of the guy's boring mouth, but whether it was one of the students' names or the man's own, his mind refused to discern.

Timetables were then passed out, and Jacob got his first glance of what he was in for. "Ah, crap, Civics first thing in the morning, followed by Japanese lit? Where the hell's P.E.?" He found it--4th period, right before lunch, every day but Tuesday, which would be Health class. "Damn. Gotta work on an empty stomach, huh? I'll have to snack out sometime before then."

"You'll have to be discreet about it," came a thin male voice from behind him. Curious, Jacob turned to see a well-groomed and tidy-looking kid who, strangely, wore his straight black hair in a manner so that his overgrown bangs covered his right eye, like he just walked out of some mallcore album cover from the mid-2000s. It was a look Jacob hadn't seen since then, and now, all of a sudden, some random Japanese kid was sporting it. How had he not noticed him earlier?

"Er, right. I'll keep that in mind, umm..."

"Yoshikawa Minato," the swooshy-banged student said with an expression of great interest. "That impromptu speech of yours was pretty impressive, I gotta say, but I could tell the principal was caught off-guard by your telling those guys in the back to go drinking with you. Generally, the powers that be frown upon students talking about that kind of thing, even if they happen to be of age," the boy said with slick casualness.

Jacob smirked. "Who says it was impromptu? Maybe I prepared that speech with Principal Katou-rtoise." He then proceeded to chuckle at his own joke, having only just now come up with it.

"Well, if you did prepare that speech beforehand, no one told Horii-san about it," Minato said with a grin, "She was sweating bullets up there, when she announced you were to make a speech."

"Oho? Paying close attention to the lovely Fujiko-chan, were we?" Jacob leered playfully, but Minato remained cool and calm, giving Jacob a confident wink in response.

"You know it! If I'm going to be Student Council President, myself, one day, I have to keep a close eye on the current President, right? I'll also have to do my part in being a role model for my fellow classmates--speaking of which, you're new to our school system, right?"

"Heh, yep, I sure am," Jacob replied.

"In that case, if you've got any questions, I'll do my best to help you out." Minato looked surreptitiously around the room, gauging the nosiness levels of their peers before adding, "As for snacking out, the best time for that is between periods, when the teacher switches out. You'll typically only have a couple minutes, but that's good enough to get a bun in your belly for gym class."

As the practically-faceless faculty member droned on, Minato provided Jacob with more useful tidbits of information on getting acclimated to school life. The emo haircut was a bit of a turn-off (not that kind) at first, but Minato turned out to be a sharp and insightful kid, one that Jacob felt lucky to have encountered so early in his high school career. Perhaps this new generation of young people really would change the world one day. Or at least, make it suck a little less.

When the students were all dismissed in the early afternoon, there was a great commotion by the front gates as many students and their families wanted to take this opportunity for commemorative photos and interact amongst each other. Jacob was about to keep on walkin' when a handful of students--seemingly from all three years--approached and asked to take some pictures with him.

"Yeah, sure, I'll bite. I'll take a few selfies with you kids, but don't tag me in any of 'em! Last thing I need is for the NSA to have an easier time tracking me."

Once the crowds began to disperse, Jacob figured it was time to head home, himself. Knowing that he only had a few days of true free time left, he made himself a mental note, to plan one last trip to Mount Takao. Sure, it's a very curated and tamed hiking experience, but Jacob got the feeling that he wouldn't be able to go on a real hike anytime soon, so a light hike was better than no hike at all. At least the nearby noodle shop, Akebono-Kei, was always worth the trip.

***

Monday, April 10th, 2023. Zero hour. This was it. It only took about 15 minutes to walk to Kameda High, so his usual routine of waking up at 6:00am meant that Jacob had plenty of time to get his morning jog, morning shower, and a good breakfast in before it was time to leave. Rule #1 for anyone wanting to call themselves a survivalist: Always be prepared! Even for something as ordinary as high school. Before long, the time had come. Time to head out and get this over with.

Along the road, he encountered Shinji-kun, who had apparently set off mere minutes before Jacob had. "Hey, hey, Shinji-kun! Mornin'!"

"Morning, Jake," came the fastidious teen's response, his face somewhat stony and nervous-looking. "So this is it, huh? Our first day of high school..."

"Nervous already?" Jake asked with a confident grin. "You realize midterms aren't until the end of May, right?"

"You joke, but I'm serious about doing well at Kameda. If I let myself slack off now, then I'll slack off when it really counts." Shinji winced. "Also I'm worried that the Calligraphy Club here might not be up to the standards I'm expecting..."

"Oh yeah, I forgot you were into that calligraphy stuff," Jacob said with glazed eyes, clearly not fond of the subject. "Well, whatever tickles yer pickle, I guess--" Shinji chortled at this expression. "--but while we're on the subject of, er...extracurriculars, I'll be looking at what the sports clubs have to offer. Maybe Track will gimme a good workout..."

They discussed their expectations for the various school clubs as they walked, the pair soon being absorbed into a large stream of Kameda students. Upon arriving at the gate, Jacob took some pleasure in seeing the security guard visibly shrink away from him, and he gave the guard a sneering smirk as he passed.

"Yeah, that's right, pencil-neck. Admit me," he growled with malicious glee. As he entered the school building, he swapped out shoes and noticed that there were already three envelopes in his shoe locker. Two of them were sealed with different heart stickers, and one of them was addressed "To Jacob-kun~", with the "bu" looking suspiciously heart-like. He couldn't help but laugh out loud as he slid his shoes on, collected the love letters, inserted his outdoor shoes, and promptly threw the three envelopes into a nearby trash can. "Heh, the chicks here have good taste. Too bad I ain't interested."

To the front of Class 1-4 he strode, taking his seat next to the window. Turns out he was about 13 minutes early for homeroom, so he made a note to himself not to be in such a rush next time. That swoopy-haired Yoshikawa kid arrived a couple minutes later, so after exchanging greetings, he'd be able to get some more information from him.

"So, hey, what's homeroom like, here in Japan?" Jacob asked, mostly just to kill time until the teacher arrived.

"Well, I'd say, probably the same as it was in America?" Minato rubbed his eyes as he spoke, clearly not much of an early bird. "Teacher shows up, gives us some news and announcements, and takes attendance. Then the extended homeroom once a week is a free-study period, usually, but closer to big events like the Culture Festival, it's the period where we make preparations for that."

"Hmm, yeah, that is mostly how it went down back in the States. Except the extended homeroom thing--that shit's weird. But hey, good to know. Thanks, Yoshikawa."

With perfect timing, at that moment, the classroom door slid open and an absolute vision began entering in slow-motion, as the lighting in the room became more blown-out and shone like a spotlight. Or perhaps, that's just what Jacob's mind was doing, as a beautiful woman carrying a brown leather handbag now graced their humble classroom.

Not only did she have one of the most beautiful faces Jacob had ever seen in-person, her skin was slightly tanned, as though she spent much of her free time outdoors, and her hair fell in long, auburn waves that looked supremely soft to the touch. Her light-blue button-up shirt and navy blue dress pants seemed to be barely able to contain what Jacob suspected to be an absolutely rockin' body, and she was quite tall for a Japanese woman--she must've been nearly six feet tall! And no ring on her finger, to boot? Hoo, boy, he was gonna have to try his luck with this woman, before she escaped! She placed her handbag next to the teacher's desk, stood up straight, and addressed the room.

"Good morning, class," she said in a sweet, casual tone, before picking up a piece of chalk and writing on the blackboard. "I am Shimada Kumiko, and I'll be your homeroom teacher this year, as well as your English Language & Literature teacher." Upon finishing writing down her name, she turned to face the class once more. "I'm terribly sorry I missed orientation, on account of a cold, so I'd like to take this roll call as an opportunity to get to meet all of you, so let's get started: Aizawa Michiko?"

"Here!"

"Ayakawa Ren?"

"Here."

Well, this changes everything. Now Jacob's gonna have to be a good boy, because this Shimada chick probably won't be that interested in a guy who slacks off and doesn't take her class seriously. Or would she? Would he have to ditch the beard? Or is she into that kind of thing? Would she even be interested in a foreigner? Aaaaaggghhh! There's too many variables!

"Nanami Kaito?"

"Here."

"Nomura Touko?"

"Heeeeeere."

"Fukumoto Shuichi?"

"Here!"

Damn! This whole thing could collapse on a dime! There just isn't enough information yet! He needs to scope Shimada-san out, see what kind of person she is. Get into her headspace a bit. Yeah, that's it! He just needs to figure her out! Figure her...out...figure...her figure...

"Jacob Young?"

At once, Jacob sat straight up and answered her call: "Tits!"

As soon as the word had flown out of his mouth, he became quite aware that he was staring, without any obfuscation or subtlety, directly at Shimada-san's breasts. It didn't take Sigmund Freud to make the connection.

"Mm-hmm, that's what I thought," she muttered under her breath before continuing, "Yoshikawa Minato?"

"Here!"

"Roppongi Mitsuha?"

"Here..."

Jacob was frozen where he sat. He had one job, and he blew it--now she probably thinks he's some kind of pervert. Which, sure, okay, he is, but that's beside the point! Now getting into her pants--er, rather, winning her over--was going to be a harsh uphill battle. Damn! Damn, damn, damn! Just when he had achieved success during orientation, he pissed it all away on the first actual day. Truly, this was a dire omen.

***

First period: Civics. Okamoto Sachiko-sensei was a portly and matronly woman in her mid-40s, her brown hair pulled up tight in a bun and she wore a homemade lavender cardigan in addition to her standard outfit. Her sweet and syrupy demeanor gave Jacob the impression that she thought she was teaching a room of grade-schoolers rather than high-schoolers, but once the lesson proper started, the stark complexity of the subject at hand--a detailed outline of Japan's parliamentary system, particularly its National Diet and the powers bestowed upon it--was an immediate reminder that this class would be no joke. At all.

Second period: Japanese Lit. A sharp-featured, hawk-eyed man named Hayakawa Soichirou was this particular class's sensei, and his slick-backed hair, piercing eyes, and prominent hook nose at once reminded Jacob of a hawk or an eagle. The introduction to his class was strictly-regimented and no doubt tirelessly rehearsed, and he gave off the impression that he would be a massive stickler for detail. As for how unforgiving his classes would be, it was hard to say just yet, but Jacob was looking forward to this one the least--his grasp of Kanji was pitiful, and he was (unsurprisingly) completely unfamiliar with all the texts. "Kokoro" by Natsume Soseki? "The Sound of Waves" by Yukio Mishima? "The Diving Pool" by Yoko Ogawa? Might as well have assigned "War & Peace."

"And I'll warn you now," Hayakawa-sensei said as his period was close to an end, "Other schools might not make you actually read these important works in full, but I will not allow such indolence in my class. Our scope will be more deep and focused. The problem with kids these days is that they don't appreciate good storytelling. And how could they, if you can enter university without having read a single book all the way through in your entire life?!" The man clearly had opinions, and Jacob reluctantly agreed with him. Stories are good for the kids' brains, after all. Any school that skimps on enrichment wasn't worth his hard-earned tax money.

Third period: Math. The balding and chubby Mizuhara Hidehiko-sensei was precisely the kind of lame-ass middle-aged dork who tried to inject references and memes into his lessons. It was kind of painful to sit through, but he seemed to know his stuff, at least. He was probably likely to help Jacob out, once he inevitably became hopelessly lost, so that softened his opinion of the man somewhat. Still a lame nerd, though.

Fourth period: Phys Ed. Disappointingly, the intro class would take place here in 1-4 instead of the track out back. Ohno Sayaka-sensei was a decently good-looking woman close to Jacob's age, with tanned skin, short black hair, and a lithe, agile build. Her tone was moderately serious, and she seemed to believe in fostering an attitude of self-improvement among her students. Jacob might not be super interested in her, carnally, but he would love to go jogging with her sometime. She had the right attitude, and she seemed like she'd be a fun person to hang out with.

The next bell chimed at 12:30. Finally, it was time for lunch. Many enterprising students took this time to engage in club activities--either recruiting or seeking recruitment--but Jacob figured it was too soon to make that decision. They'd be doing this for about a week, Yoshikawa told him, so he figured he had some time. More importantly, there was some homemade curry (prepared with yakisoba instead of rice) in his bento box, courtesy of his neighbor, Chisato-san. The aromas, the flavors...even when eaten lukewarm as a boxed lunch, it was to die for! If only her husband were still alive, and the restaurant still open, Jacob would have patronized their business every damn day!

Suddenly, nearly 40 minutes into the period, Jacob's moment of bliss was shattered when the classroom door was slammed open with great force by a girl who shouted, pointing straight at Jacob, "Aha! Here you are!" Jacob nearly choked on a chunk of beef as he tried to make out the appearance of the newcomer through watery eyes.

"It's her!" one boy said with excitement. "The Tomboy Beauty of Kameda!"

"Hirano Chinatsu-san!" another whispered.

"I'd let her slam me..." came the languid voice of Ayakawa Ren.

This Chinatsu girl bore the green ribbon that signified she was a second-year student, and it was plain to see why she earned that "tomboy beauty" title: With tan skin and short black hair, she looked like Ohno-sensei in miniature, but Chinatsu was clearly leaps and bounds ahead in the looks department. She might've been lacking somewhat in voluptuousness, but she was nevertheless going to be a knockout in adulthood, that's for sure...that is, if she'd ditch the neon blue stripes she dyed into her bangs. With those, she looked like some kind of delinquent, in spite of being neatly-dressed otherwise. And now, she was marching towards Jacob with an exaggerated swagger, a rather sinister smile on her face.

At this time, Shinji-kun reached the classroom, out of breath as he clung to the threshold. "W-Wait...Hirano-san! I told you...Jacob might not...be into..." But whatever he wanted to say, he was cut off as the girl pressed her attack.

"Jacob Yangu," Chinatsu said with a leering grin, "I've heard all about you from Saito-kun, so naturally, I've come to collect you. You'll be joining the Calligraphy Club, as of today!"

Jacob coughed, still reeling from nearly choking a few seconds ago. "I'm sorry, I could've sworn I just heard you say something stupid, little girl, but maybe that was the near-death experience talking. Mind running that by me again?" He gave her a smile that screamed DO NOT REPEAT, a dangerously-manic expression that would've scared away most people, yet Chinatsu seemed to be unfazed. More interested, even.

"I said, you'll be joining the Calligraphy Club. It's what I've decided, so that means it's what's going to happen. You'd better get used to i--"

The crack of Jacob's hand slapping his desk hard rang through the classroom, interrupting Chinatsu as the man himself stood up to his full, impressive height. "Yeah, that's about what I thought I heard. Now, listen here, Peanuts--"

"P-Peanuts?!" she gasped, surprised by this strange new nickname.

"No one tells me what to do. Except for authority figures who can throw my ass in jail, but we all gotta make exceptions somewhere, and I sure as hell ain't making one for a stuck-up little power-hungry princess."

Rather than any reaction he might have expected, Chinatsu quickly recovered from the shock of being nicknamed "Peanuts," and, now, seemed to be thrilled by Jacob's response. Perhaps...turned on? The thought made Jacob shudder with horror. Her grin widened, teeth bared, in an expression of undisguised hunger.

"Oh, I'm gonna enjoy bossing you around, Yangu-san," she crooned.

"I believe I told you I ain't joining your club," Jacob replied, his own manic grin returning for a no-holds-barred Crazy-Off with this seasoned pro in front of him.

She giggled. "How's this, then?" She shoo'd away the timid girl who sat next to Jacob and commandeered her desk, placing her right elbow in its center. "A contest of strength: Simple arm-wrestling. One round only. If I win, you join the Calligraphy Club. If you win, well, you can do whatever you want with me."

"Throw you off the roof?" he suggested.

"Not what I had in mind, but sure. Whatever." Chinatsu's tone was wholly unconcerned, as though victory was a foregone conclusion. Deciding that this little brat was making an extremely poor decision, Jacob scooched his chair over to the neighboring desk.

"Bring it on! Now, don't you go crying to Katortoise-san when I break your arm," Jacob growled with malicious glee.

"I'd worry more about yourself, grandpa," Chinatsu teased.

"Hey, Maruyama!" Jacob shouted at a sporty-looking boy from two rows over, "Get over here and officiate!" He then grabbed the cheeky girl's hand in preparation for the assuredly-brief arm wrestling that would soon commence.

The boy named Maruyama, who seemed to be one among those smitten by Chinatsu, had no objections. He scrambled over and placed his hand on top of theirs.

"N-Now, I'm gonna say 'go' after counting to 3, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, just hurry up, already." Jacob growled.

"Yup, I've gotta make plans to take this guy to the clubroom this afternoon," Chinatsu said with false sweetness.

"Okay..." Maruyama seemed to focus on remembering how numbers worked. "3...2...1..." And just as the "Go!" was emerging from his mouth, Chinatsu seized her only means of victory--sheer speed--and slammed Jacob's hand hard into the face of the desk before he even started exerting any resistance.

"Graaaaggghhh!" Jacob roared, left massaging his bruised knuckles, but Chinatsu was positively elated, jumping up and down where she stood. You'd be forgiven for thinking she had just won the lottery.

"I did it! I did it!" she shouted, spinning in place as she jumped, "I gotta go finalize the paperwork and get Jacob's name in ink before he tries to back out! See you after school, Jake!" She then proceeded to sprint out the door, snatch Shinji by the arm, and hustle towards the stairwell, a still out-of-breath Shinji wheezing along after her.

"Goddammit, Peanuts! Get back here, you flat-chested little rat!" He shouted loud enough for passersby in the hallway to peek inside, concerned and alarmed. "The staff'll hear about this, you hear me?! Also, your hair looks like shit, you bitch!"

Returning his chair to his own desk, Jacob could do nothing else but seethe at the moment. He'd have to find Katortoise and tell him about the perjury that Peanuts was about to commit. Surely he'd have to overlook his dislike of Jacob in order to uphold law and order, right? Surely he wouldn't let this travesty slide, right?