My Government-Issued Girlfriend Can't Be This Cute!
Yup. I'm in here again.
It'd been a while since I'd visited my sister Chidori's room. The barren, white walls seemed foreign to me. Only furniture and some picture frames were left—she'd taken almost everything else with her.
I heard a shower running down the hall. Fantasies triggered of accidentally walking in on Asagiri as she bathed, but alas, anime wasn't real life. My parents overseas preferred she sleep in Chidori's room instead of our guest room, and weren't thrilled about me harboring a fake girlfriend since they quenched grandkids. But I was sure my sister would pop something out eventually.
I lied back in the bed and slipped out my phone: no new messages, of course. Realistically speaking, I didn't talk to anyone anymore besides coworkers and my childhood friend who recently ghosted me—again. I'd been unapproachable most of my life, for various reasons, so chasing people away wasn't anything new. Turning a new leaf would be nice though.
"Hey Nishikata, I might've used all your hot water. Sorry, not sorry."
A dripping wet Asagiri stood in the doorway. She wore a sports bra and exercise knickers even tighter than her earlier gray shorts.
"Uhhh, do you need more towels or something?" I said, sizing her up.
"No, but can you make your thirst less obvious?"
"I mean, you're gonna be living in a guy's house starting today. Probably want to watch how you dress."
"Aren't you technically my boyfriend? Showing some skin should be fine."
"Would you wanna see me half naked?"
"I wouldn't mind."
What kind of new generation of girls is this? "W-Well, it's been a bit since I lived with someone. I'll act modest even if you won't."
She looked around the room. "This was your lil’ sister's pad, right?"
"Yeah. Chidori's away for college right now. Probably won't be back until holidays roll around."
"Hmm." She examined the bed's headboard. "Bet she had sex at least once here."
"Pfff, better question is how many times she did." I felt a sudden jolt on the mattress. "H-Hey! What are you doing?"
Asagari climbed on and crouched over to examine the headboard. Her ass was practically in my face. "Yeah I see some weird scratches, and the bed is creakier than it should be. Conclusion: Your sister gets laid, and you get onaholes."
"Hey! I never said I had onaholes!" She's way too close for comfort!
"Don't most guys? That's what they taught me in training to expect around desperate dude's houses."
"The heck? What kinds of things were they teaching you?"
She hopped off the bed and opened the nearby closet. "Mostly self-defense techniques; don't mess with me, Nishikata."
"Oh right. When Chidori finished her own training, she kept wanting to try out wrestling moves on me."
"Huh? Your sister did the GiG program too?"
"It's what's paying her tuition."
"Tell me how it went! I'm curious." Asagiri sat right beside me.
"She didn't exactly tell me everything, but Chidori ended up dating her client even after his tenure ended."
"For realsies?" Her face lit up with emotion. "That's awesome! Was he super hot or something?"
"Kind of? I don't remember his story though, just that they're still dating even now."
"Can't believe this cringe program even works," she meekly said. "To be honest, at first I thought it was just a way for lonely dudes to get company. Big Brother obviously wants us to fuck and have kids, but that's super rare. So when I hear about relationships actually working out, it just makes me happy, you know?"
I scooted closer to her. "I mean, if they want us to have kids . . ."
"Don't push your luck." She sprang for the doorway.
"Sorry, bad joke."
"No, only I'm allowed to tease! Remember, I have the Kill Switch on me at all times!" She reached into her sports bra and pulled out a little device. "I double-click this and cops come swarming! They'd be here in minutes! Almost infinite range with God-like battery, and it's 100% water and shockproof! Superior Japanese engineering!"
“I’m sold! Where do I buy one!”
"They do delivery!" She gave the alarm one solid click.
"H-Hold up! Are they actually coming?"
A playful tongue stuck out of her mouth. "Don't worry. One click just turns on the tracking; three clicks turns it off."
"Isn't putting a literal kill switch between those clicks an oversight?"
"Don't look at me, I just work here."
"Yeah, working in my house. What are you even gonna do while I'm gone?"
"I got work tomorrow. Someone's gotta put food on the table."
Asagiri tucked the switch back into her sports bra. "Well, you mentioned your parents pay all the bills from overseas. If food is all you gotta worry about, I think you have it pretty cushy.”
"Says the person who pays nothing at all."
"No biggie, I'll help around the house. I'll go cook something right now actually."
"You can cook?"
"Yeah, I'm a wiz with the microwave."
I felt a vein pop somewhere. "Why do you make me suffer?"
"Hmmm . . . Think of it as practice for having a stay-at-home wife."
Fantasies manifested of my blonde, busty coworker donning only a kitchen apron while prepping a meal for me after work. She'd say that classic phrase: "Do you want dinner, a bath, or me?" Then we'd get to single-handedly solving Japan's low-birth rate.
"Housewives usually do other things for the man of the house than just cook," I said in a flirty tone.
"Yup. I'll feed the cat too."
I give up. "Fine, might as well show you how things work around here. Let's go downstairs."
"Here, dry yourself off some more." I reached into the closet and pulled out a spare towel. "Don't want you saying you're abused or something."
She grabbed it and sprinted outside. "See you down there!"
This girl was already acting like she lives here—she kinda did though. Maybe I'd cut her some slack.
My eyes were drawn to wet blemishes atop the bed. Asagari's ass print was perfectly caked onto the white comforter; her soaked legs left their mark too.
Give not into temptation, give not into tempt—
Screw it, when was the last time I rubbed one out anyway? She could wait a bit.
I scurried down the hall and closed the door to my room.
"You sure took your sweet time," Asagiri said, leaning onto the marble countertop.
Water brushed against my hands as I washed them off. "Had to finish setting up your room."
"Thanks for bringing my stuff up earlier, but what needed setting up? My room looked pretty good already."
"Yeah well I'm a perfectionist."
"Hmmm . . ." She started pacing around the kitchen. "Just so you know, I'm gonna pick that room apart for hidden cameras. If I find anything, 'Kill Switch' time."
"You really think I'm weird enough to put cameras in my sister's room?"
"I saw your own room; I can guess what your kinks are."
"Alright try me," I said as I turned off the faucet.
Asagiri tossed the towel wrapped around her neck at me. "Have at it," she said.
"I rubbed that everywhere, including inside my pits. Use it to jerk yourself off later."
Actually not a bad idea. Wait no, this was my sister's towel. "W-Why do you keep assuming I masturbate?"
"I guarantee it. I'll jerk you off myself if I'm wrong."
"Is that a challenge?"
"Yeah. Let me search your room and if I don't find any tissues or onaholes you win."
Shit. I still hadn't emptied my trash, let alone bothered to hide questionable items since I lived alone. "Erm, could we try that tomorrow then?"
"Now or never."
What could I say? My room was dirty? She already checked it was clean though! I’m sick? But I said I’m working tomorrow! Did this girl 4D chess me? She planned everything ahead just for this checkmate moment!
"I-I think I'm gonna have to pass," I said, defeated. "There might be some documents from work you shouldn't see, yeah."
The smuggest smug I've ever seen stretched across her face. "Liar. You probably beat your meat before you came down here too, didn't you?"
"Fine! Yeah, I did! So what? It's good stress relief!" I sorted clean dishes into various cupboards.
“Stress relief? Is that what guys call it these days?"
"Everyone calls it what they want."
She leaned forward on the countertop again. "Hey, hey Nishikata. You wouldn't by any chance be a virgin?"
"Are you a virgin?" I countered.
Asagiri earnestly smiled and helped put away dishes. "Nah, I'm messing with you. I had a boyfriend in high school but broke things off fast. Was bored afterwards so I thought I'd try this GiG thing out, and if I was lucky, maybe I'd find someone I really care about."
"Sorry you ended up with me."
"Why sorry? If I got assigned a normie I don't think I'd be able to be myself, so I'm actually glad."
Can't she be this wholesome all the time? "If you want to try dating for real, we—"
"Alright, you've made your stance clear."
I spent the rest of the afternoon showing her around. I said she could have anything from our fridge or pantry, watch TV or even come into my room to play games while I'm away. Asagiri was fine helping with anything non-sexual, so I put her in charge of most chores.
"But my payment is lollipops," she said as I showed her how to feed Furbolt.
"Yeah, red ones. I brought a few packs but they won't last. Buy me more."
I poured cat food into a bowl and set it on the ground. "Sure? But why do you like them so much?"
"Gotta be ready to suck dick at a moment's notice."
"I'm getting desensitized to your jokes."
"Yeah, like you probably are after jerking off so much."
“Okay that stung.”
Furbolt strolled along and started munching on his grub. Asagiri got into position and snapped a photo of him with her phone. "Oh right, gimme your number before I forget. I'll send you pictures every time I feed Furbolt."
"I don't care about him that much."
"Yeah sorry. It was just an excuse to get your number without getting you excited."
"I did get excited though."
"Too bad. Best things I'd ever send are feet pics."
"Works for me."
She made a cringe face but then burst into laughter. The lollipop in her mouth almost slid out as she reached up to grab it. "You really are a lost cause, Nishikita."
"That makes two of us at least." I said as I walked over to the fridge. I pulled out some leftovers for us to eat.
But my girlfriend stayed quiet.
I turned around to investigate: Asagiri stood by the kitchen table and noticeably blushed as she fidgeted her legs. Her hand did that cute thing where she put the side of her fingers to her lips.
"D-Don't be dumb," she responded to my previous prompt. "I'm not like this because I want to, you know?"
What in tarnation? "Are you ok? I'll give all my socials right after we eat."
She suddenly sprinted upstairs. I was dumbfounded, but she came back running a minute later. Asagiri brought down the cat ears she borrowed earlier.
"Here. I shouldn't have just taken them, sorry," she said with a blush.
"Oh, don't worry. You can keep them actually. The person they belonged to said they're mine now, and she isn't into smut anymore."
"If you insist . . ." Asagiri blushed even more as she slipped them onto her head.
My cute, half naked, cat-eared girlfriend looked like a snack. "Let me take a picture."
"No! You'll probably fap to it later."
"I won't confirm or deny that."
She sighed. "Fine, go ahead. I'll be nice today."
I eagerly pulled out my phone. She sat in a chair and used the kitchen table to hide as much of her body as possible, blushing way too cutely.
"Would you mind doing that 'nyaa' thing with your hands?" I said.
"Like this? N-Nyaa?" Her hands compacted into cat paws.
"Perfect! Perfect!" I took a dozen pictures at once. She sank further and further into the table with each shot.
"You're gonna owe me a favor for this . . ."
"Yeah whatever." I set her as my wallpaper. Even if she's not the real deal, just looking at her would brighten a boring day. K'yaaa! My government-issued girlfriend can't be this cute!
I slipped the phone back into my pocket and wandered to the microwave. Actually, I kind of wanted to cook something good for her. I stored the leftovers again and pulled out our rice cooker. It's not much but hey.
"Don't sprinkle anything sus in it," she said, eyeing me like a hawk.
"Hey, we're gonna be living together now. Trust your boyfriend a little."
A sly smile spread across her face. "Alright darling. Your girlfriend is eager to eat whatever you pump out."
I wanted to say a dirty joke back, but the moment felt too wholesome.
I'd been alone in this house for who knows how long now. My old friend visited sometimes, but it's no substitute for the thing I've yearned for. A girlfriend? No. More like something to fill the void: validation, proof that I was working towards something more than just living.
My cat hated me, my family was gone, eccentric coworkers rarely contacted me outside work, and my last real friend was living out her life. What did I have going for me?
So I applied for a government-issued girlfriend, even if I didn't get much in return. But if I could somehow make it work, and not go crazy, or broke, and kept my horniness in check, that's proof I wasn't just a waste of oxygen.
Those sleeping pills Asagiri almost found in my room earlier—maybe I wouldn't need to kill myself with them after all.
My girlfriend at the table typed away on her phone as her gentle eyes drifted upwards and met mine. I didn't know what the future held, but at least now I had a reason to keep on living.