My Government-Issued Girlfriend Can't Be This Cute!
Yup. I'm in here again.
The barren, white walls of my sister Chidori's room seemed foreign to me. Only furniture and some picture frames were left—she'd taken almost everything else with her.
I heard a shower running down the hall. Fantasies triggered themselves of accidentally walking in on Asagiri as she bathed, but alas, anime wasn't real life. My parents overseas preferred she sleep in Chidori's room instead of our guest room, but they weren't thrilled about me harboring a fake girlfriend. Their tangible quench for grandkids was palpable, though it was only a matter of time before my sister popped something out anyway.
I lied back in the white bed and slipped out my phone: no new messages, of course. Realistically speaking, I didn't talk to anyone anymore besides coworkers and my childhood friend who recently ghosted me—again. I'd been unapproachable most of my life, for various reasons, so chasing people away wasn't anything new. Turning a new leaf would be nice though.
"Hey Nishikata, I might've used all your hot water. Sorry, not sorry."
A dripping wet Asagiri stood in the doorway. She wore a firm sports bra alongside exercise knickers even tighter than her earlier gray shorts, and the sheer amount of water still in her brunette hair gave it a darker shade.
"Uhhh, do you need more towels or something?" I sat up and let my eyes explore her curves.
"No, but can you make your thirst less obvious?"
"I mean, you're gonna be living in a guy's house starting today. Probably want to watch how you dress."
She twisted her hips around slightly, as if trying to give me new viewing angles. "Aren't you technically my boyfriend? Showing some skin should be fine."
My eyes were having trouble staying saintly, but I needed to maintain a semblance of composure. "Would you wanna see me half naked?"
"I wouldn't mind."
What kind of new generation of girls is this? "W-Well, it's been a bit since I've lived with someone." I fake coughed into my knuckles. "I'll act modest even if you won't."
She ignored me and looked around the room. "This was your little sister's pad, right?"
"Yeah. Chidori's away for college right now. Probably won't be back until Christmas rolls around."
"Is that so?" She examined the bed's headboard, then her devious eyes lit up once more. "Bet she had sex here at least once."
"Pfffff, better question is how many times she did." I felt a sudden jolt on the mattress behind me. "H-Hey! What are you doing?"
Asagari climbed on and crouched over to further inspect the headboard. Her defined, wet ass was practically in my face. "Yeah I see some weird scratches, and the bed is creakier than it should be. Conclusion: Your sister gets laid, and you get onaholes."
"Hey! I never said I had onaholes!" She's way too close for comfort! But damn, nice!
"Don't most guys have fleshlights? That's what they taught me in training to expect around desperate dude's houses."
"The heck? What kinds of stuff were they teaching you?"
She hopped off the bed and peered into the nearby closet. "Mostly self-defense techniques; don't mess with me, Nishikata."
That triggered a memory. "Oh right. When Chidori finished her own training, she kept wanting to try out wrestling moves on me."
"Huh?" Excited, child-like emotions sprung from Asagiri's eyes. "Your sister did the GiG program too?"
"It's what's paying her tuition right now."
"Tell me how it went! I'm curious." She sat down beside me, close enough for our knees to bump against each other.
Hnnnggg. "W-Well, she didn't exactly tell me everything, but Chidori ended up dating her client even after his contract ended."
"For realsies? That's awesome! Was he super hot or something?"
"Kind of? I don't remember his story though, just that they're still dating even now."
"Can't believe this cringe program even works," Asagiri meekly said. "To be honest, at first I thought it was just a way for lonely dudes to get company. Big Brother obviously wants us to fuck and have kids, but that's super rare. So when I hear about relationships actually working out, it just makes me happy, you know?"
I scooted closer to her. "I mean, if they want us to have kids . . ."
"Don't push your luck, fam." She sprang for the doorway.
"Sorry, bad joke, haha."
"No, only I'm allowed to tease! I have the Kill Switch on me at all times!" She reached into her sports bra and pulled out a little device. "I double-click this and cops come swarming! They'd be here in minutes! Almost infinite range, God-like battery, indestructible, and it's 100% waterproof! Superior Japanese engineering!"
“I’m sold! Where do I buy one!”
"They do delivery!" She gave the alarm one solid click.
"H-Hold up!" My wobbly arms flailed about in confusion. "I was just messing around! Are they actually coming?"
A playful tongue stuck out of her mouth. "Don't worry. One click just pings my location again, two clicks means you're a dead man walking."
"What if you accidently click it twice? Where's the fail safes!"
"Don't look at me, I just work here."
"Yeah, working in my house." I tried sounding assertive to start negotiations of some sort. "What are you even gonna do while I'm gone?"
"I got work tomorrow. Someone's gotta put food on the table."
Asagiri tucked the switch back into her sports bra. "Well, you mentioned your parents pay all the bills from overseas. If food is all you gotta worry about, I think you have it pretty cushy.”
My stern eyes stared her down. "Says the person who pays nothing at all."
"No biggie, I'll help around the house." She started spinning her arm around as if revving it up. "I'll go cook something right now actually."
"You can cook?"
"Yeah, I'm a wiz with the microwave."
I felt a vein pop somewhere, then my scowl turned into a defeated sigh. "Why are you like this?"
"Hmmm . . ." She cutely pressed her finger into her chin. "Think of it as practice for having a stay-at-home wife."
Stay-at-home wife? Fantasies manifested themselves of my blonde, busty coworker donning only a kitchen apron while prepping dinner for me after work. She'd say that classic phrase: "Do you want dinner, a bath, or me?" Then we'd get to single-handedly solving Japan's low-birth rate.
"Housewives usually do other things for her man than just cook," I said in a flirty tone.
"Yup. I'll feed the cat too."
"Fine yeah, I give up." I limped off the bed. "Might as well show how things work around here. Let's go downstairs."
"Here, dry yourself off some more." I reached into the closet and pulled out a spare towel. "Don't want you saying you're abused or something."
She grabbed it and sprinted outside. "See you in the kitchen!"
As the noise of stomping footsteps down the staircase ceased, I pinched my forehead. This girl is already acting like she lives here—well she kinda does though. Maybe I'd cut her some slack.
My eyes were drawn to wet blemishes atop the bed. Asagari's ass print from her wet shorts was perfectly caked into the white comforter. Her soaked legs down the bed's side left their mark too.
Give not into temptation, give not into tempt—screw it, when was the last time I rubbed one out anyway? She could wait a bit. Furbolt would keep her company.
I scurried down the hall and closed the door to my room, already pulling my zipper down as I went.
"Sure took your sweet time. " Asagiri was leaning onto the marble countertop by our sink. She'd taken care to finish drying off while I was engaged in adult activities upstairs.
Bubbles brushed against my hands as I washed them off. "Had to finish setting up your room. It takes time."
She stared at me with weary eyes. "Thanks for bringing my stuff up earlier, but what needed setting up? Room looked pretty good already."
"Yeah well I'm a perfectionist. Gotta do everything right."
"Hmmm . . ." Asagiri started pacing around the kitchen, keeping me in sight. "Just so you know, I'm gonna pick that room apart for hidden cameras. If I find anything, 'Kill Switch' time."
"You really think I'm weird enough to put cameras in my sister's room?"
"I saw your own room. I can guess what your kinks are."
"Alright try me," I said as I turned off the faucet.
Asagiri tossed the towel wrapped around her neck at me. "Have at it then," she said.
"Huh?" The towel I caught had an oddly pleasant, carnal scent.
"I rubbed that everywhere, especially under my armpits. Use it to jerk yourself off later."
Actually not a bad idea. Wait no, this was my sister's towel! "W-Why do you keep assuming I masturbate? We just met today."
"I guarantee it." Her small hand started a rubbing motion in the air. "I'll jerk you off myself if I'm wrong."
"Oh? Is that a challenge?"
"Yeah." She walked right by me, enough for me to smell scents of lingering, sweet shampoo from her hair. "I'm gonna search your room and if I don't find any tissues or fleshlights, you win."
Fuck. I still hadn't emptied my trash, let alone bothered to hide questionable items since I lived alone. "Erm, could we try that tomorrow then?"
She posed as if ready to run upstairs. "Now or never."
What could I say? My room is dirty? She already checked it was clean though! I’m sick? But I said I’m working tomorrow! Did this girl 4D chess me? She planned everything ahead just for this checkmate moment!
"I-I think I'm gonna have to pass," I said, defeated. "There might be some documents from work you shouldn't see, yeah."
The smuggest smug I've ever seen stretched across her face. She crept closer to me with her arms behind her back. "Liar. You probably beat your meat before you came down here too, didn't you?"
"Fine! Yeah, I did! So what? It's good stress relief!" I started sorting clean dishes into various cupboards.
“Stress relief? Is that what guys call it these days?"
"Everyone calls it what they want."
She leaned forward on the countertop again at an angle that pushed her chest out. Her earlier smug lips had climaxed into a full grin. "Hey, hey Nishikata. You wouldn't by any chance be a virgin?"
"Are you a virgin?" I said.
"Kidding! I'm pulling your leg." Asagiri earnestly smiled and nabbed a plate from my hands. By some miracle, she started helping me put dishes away. "I had a boyfriend in high school but broke things off fast. Was bored after so I thought I'd try this GiG thing out, and if I was lucky, maybe I'd find someone I really click with."
"Sorry you ended up with me then." The top of my hand grazed against hers as we reached for the same bowl. We both fidgeted like flustered teenagers.
"Why sorry?" She said as she walked towards the cupboard. "If I got assigned a normie, I don't think I'd be able to be myself, so I'm actually glad we ended up together."
Can't she be this wholesome all the time? "If you want to try dating for real, we—"
"Alright, you've made your stance clear . . ."
I spent the rest of our afternoon showing her around my house. We'd chit chatted as we went, and I said she could have anything from our fridge or pantry, watch TV, or even come into my room to play games while I'm away. Asagiri was fine helping with anything non-sexual, so I put her in charge of half the house chores.
"But my payment is lollipops," she said as I showed her how to feed Furbolt.
"Lollipops?" I replied.
"Yeah, red ones. I brought a few packs but they won't last. Buy me more."
I poured cat food into a bowl and set it on the ground. "Sure? But why do you like them so much?"
The familiar smirk reappeared. "Gotta be ready to suck dick at a moment's notice."
"I'm getting desensitized to your jokes."
"Yeah, like you probably are after jerking off so much."
Why am I getting bullied by my girlfriend? "J-Just watch how the cat eats!"
Furbolt strolled along and started munching on his grub. Asagiri behind him got into position and snapped a photo of him with her phone. "Oh right, gimme your number before I forget. I'll send you pictures every time Furbolt gets fed."
I put the cat food box back into the pantry. "I don't care about him that much."
"Yeah sorry. It was just an excuse to get your number without getting you excited."
"I did get excited though."
"Too bad. Best things I'd ever send are feet pics."
"Works for me."
She made a cringe face but then burst into laughter. The lollipop in her mouth almost slid out as she reached up to grab it. "You really are a lost cause, Nishikita."
"That makes two of us at least." I strolled over to the fridge and pulled out some leftovers for us to eat.
But my girlfriend by the kitchen table stayed quiet.
I turned around to investigate: Asagiri stood by a wooden chair and noticeably blushed as she fidgeted her legs. Her hand did that cute thing where she put the side of her fingers to her lips.
"D-Don't be dumb," she responded to my previous prompt. Her face was blushing like crazy. "I wasn't like this at first! It's what I grew into, okay?"
What in tarnation? "Everything good? I'll give you all my socials right after we eat."
She suddenly sprinted upstairs. I was dumbfounded, but she came back running a minute later. Asagiri brought down the brown cat ears she borrowed earlier from my room.
"Here. I shouldn't have just taken them. Sorry." She couldn't even look me in the eye as she offered me the headband.
If only you knew the history behind those. "Oh, don't worry. You can keep them actually. The person they belonged to said they're mine to keep now."
"Fine, if you insist . . ." Asagiri blushed even more as she slipped them onto her head again. My cute, half naked, cat-eared girlfriend looked like a snack.
"Let me take a picture."
"No! You'll probably fap to it later."
"I won't confirm or deny that."
She sighed. "Alright, go ahead. I'll be nice since it's our first day together."
The start of the most dysfunctional but functionally mutual relationship on Earth. I eagerly pulled out my cell phone. She sat in a chair and used the kitchen table to hide as much of her body as possible, blushing way too cutely. Little whimpers occasionally leaked from her lips.
"Would you mind doing that 'nyaa' thing with your hands?" I tried imitating the pose myself I'd seen countless times in anime.
"Like this? N-Nyaa?" Her hands compacted into cat-like paws. "N'yaaaaa . . . ?"
"Perfect! Perfect!" I took dozens of pictures at once. She sank further and further into the table with each shot, but I'd already frozen in time this wholesome moment.
"You're gonna owe me a favor for this, Nishikata." Even upset, it was hard to deny her alluring appeal.
"Yeah, yeah whatever." I set her as my wallpaper. Even if she's not the real deal, just looking at her would brighten a boring day. K'yaaa! My government-issued girlfriend can't be this cute!
I slipped the phone back into my pocket and wandered to the microwave. Actually, I kind of wanted to cook something good for her. I stored the leftovers again and pulled out our rice cooker. It's not much but hey.
"Don't sprinkle anything sus in it," she said, eyeing me like a hawk from the table.
"Hey, we're gonna be living together now. Trust your boyfriend a little."
A sly smile spread across her face. "Alright darling. Your girlfriend is eager to eat whatever you pump out."
I wanted to say a dirty joke back, but the moment felt too perfect. Like somehow, with just Asagiri's artificial presence in my life, maybe I finally had something to look forward to in the morning.
I'd been alone in this house for who knows how long now. My old friend visited sometimes, but it's no substitute for the thing I've yearned for. A girlfriend? No. More like something to fill the void: validation. Proof that I was working towards something more than just living.
My cat hated me, my whole family was gone, eccentric coworkers rarely contacted me outside work, and my last real friend was living out her life somewhere. What did I have going for me?
So I applied for a government-issued girlfriend, even if I didn't get much in return. But if I could somehow make it work, and not go crazy, or broke, and kept my horniness in check, that's proof I wasn't just a waste of oxygen.
Those sleeping pills Asagiri almost found in my room earlier—maybe I wouldn't need to kill myself with them after all.
My girlfriend at the table typed away on her phone as her gentle eyes drifted upwards and met mine. I didn't know what the future held, but at least now I had a reason to keep on living.
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