'Her' Resolve

I don’t think there will be any lessons on the first day. Students, specifically first years and transferees, were free to go around the school to help them know the way around. As for me, I’ll do that later since I have other more significant problems to worry about right now.

It was still hard to ignore the stares. I noticed my friend peeking at me too. Maybe she already figured out who I was. I stated my name during my introduction so connecting the dots was easy. I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings earlier and missed hers, but I definitely wouldn’t forget her name.

She’s Suzuki Miyano, a friendly and outgoing person who made friends by talking with anyone in under a minute. An extrovert, by definition. We met during a group activity, and the rest just happened. I’m not sure how exactly, but I got along with her with time. We grew closer eventually, close enough to call each other nicknames. Even now, it was pretty embarrassing for me, so I could only manage to call her by her first name.

I know she would understand my situation, so I walked toward her. She already noticed I was approaching and just looked in front, facing the board in response, not away this time, at least. As I saw her face, getting closer and closer. Upon a clearer look, her delicate face seemed to be... blushing? She appeared to be quite flustered. Was she sick? Maybe it was the wrong time to chat with her. Nevertheless, I asked;

"Hey, are you alright?"

She didn’t respond, only facing me but looking down. I gently placed my hand on her brow to check her temperature.

"Awawawa@#%!"

She uttered some strange noises that I couldn't quite make out. She’s definitely sick.

"You're heating up. It would be best if you went to the nurse's office. I'll accompany you."

I'm worried she wasn't feeling well on the first day but still forced herself to come. I get it; not attending the first day of school was sure to leave a bad impression, yup. But you really ought to take care of yourself more. Being sick is a good enough reason.

"Uu-umm.. I, ahh, no.. I-I'm fine. Ahaha..."

Yeah, that didn't sound anywhere close to “fine” at all. But if she really insists so, I can't do anything about it.

I noticed the seat next to her was empty, so I took my bag and moved there. No one said anything, just peeked, then looked away like usual. But Suzuki looked puzzled, questioning what I was doing, and she spoke up.

"W-what.. are you... doing..?"

You don't need to stutter whenever you talk, you know…? We're good ol' pals! Or could it be that I was the only one who thought that way?

"Changing seats. Do you not like me here...?"

"Ah... n-no. That's not..."

Oh... now I get it! I guess from her perspective, it's pretty embarrassing having a friend cross-dress and act all close and buddy-buddy with you.

The friend of a weirdo would surely be weird too. But I really have something I want to talk to you about, though...

"Do you mind if we talk outside?"

Sorry, but please put up with it for now. I need someone to talk to about my current situation.

"Eh?! Umm.. "

"Later would be fine too."

"Oh no, no... It's okay."

I walked out of the room first, and she followed behind me. She was fidgeting and was keeping her head down. I think I know the reason why. She obviously doesn't want anyone to know she's friends with the cross-dressing freak in front of her.

After examining the area, I picked a quiet location where no one could or was near enough to hear us. I looked behind me, and her face was still flushed red down to her neck.

"Are you really okay?"

"Mmm"

She just nodded in response. I have no reason to push the topic further if she keeps insisting she’s okay.

"Long time no see, Suki. Haven't seen you since graduation."

"Ehh?! D-do.. I know you.. perhaps?"

It was pretty funny hearing her stutter every time she talked. Knowing her personality, it was quite a rare sight. Although her response did hurt me a bit, it seems like she doesn't really know me. I even used the nickname she told me to call her by.

"It's me, Kanacchi."

Well, calling her nickname and then using the embarrassing nickname she usually calls me by every day would definitely make her remember me. I hope so.

"Huh?!? Kanacchi??"

Visibly shocked, clearly shown on her face, with her mouth wide open, it’s safe to say she definitely remembers now.

"Yep, same old me."

“It was weird how you had the same name and was even written with the same characters with someone I knew! But seeing someone entirely different during the introduction was completely unexpected!”

“Was it really that surprising?”

"Also!!! Why didn't you tell me..."

"Ah, I just didn't get a chan-"

"...that you were such a cute girl all along!? I always knew you had an unusually high voice for a guy, but... Woooowww..."

Unusually high? Did my voice seem like that? Anyways, let’s set aside this pointless chatter. I need to resolve this misunderstanding before it gets out of place.

"No, it's not like th-"

"Kyaaah~! You're sooo cute in your uniform omg!! Why didn't you wear one sooner back in middle school? Uwaaa I’m sooo jealous! Your skin’s so soft and smooth too!! "

Okay, now she's just plainly teasing me. I know seeing me cross-dressing is ridiculous but cut me some slack...

"As I said, it's not-"

"Hahaha let’s take a quick selfie Kanacchi!! I'll send it to our class group chat after. You still have your LIME app, right? You should at least check every now and then. It gets pretty lonely not talking with you. Ooooohh I wonder how our old classmates would react if they saw how totally adorable you are?"

I just stood there with a blank face, waiting for her to finish. She seemed to notice I wanted to say something, so she stopped blabbering.

"Ehehe.. sorry... So, what did you want to talk about? Or did you call me out here just to greet your old friend~?"

"I.."

I paused at what I wanted to say. She seemed to think I was a girl all along. Coming from her, an actual girl's perspective, and that says a lot. Should I keep up the act..? But that would cut off all my chances of returning to my normal... school life..? Normal? The dull and boring school life I've always wanted to change? Aren’t I contradicting myself in this case?

What do I really want...?

Yeah. I grew tired of that. I resolved myself, didn't I? To become a natural high school girl, you wouldn't even imagine once that it'd be a dude all along. I’ll still be straight, but I'll live my school life like a girl, or rather, as a girl.

“..just wanted to meet with you. Although just a few months had passed, it still felt too long. You're the only reason why I chose this school, after all."

I wasn't lying. I wasn't close enough with anyone else to call them a friend. I'm, in nature, an introvert. I couldn't bring myself to talk with others, much less befriend them. It’s not that I’m shy. I would speak to someone if someone talked to me. In other words, I wouldn’t make the first move.

A friend I knew in the same school put my heart at ease, even if we weren’t classmates. Noticing a lot of time passed, I looked at her and said to go back to the classroom together, at least I had intended to. Instead, she had a beat red face again. I pressed my forehead against hers.

"Hey, are you really okay? You're burning up again. I really think you should go to the nurse's office."

"N-no… it's not... Urkkh.. You should stop wording things out like that..."

I don't know what she was talking about, but I just went along and nodded in reply.

“Ohh also, about your nickname, I chose that since I thought you were a boy all along, but now, it doesn’t feel right… What about Kanakon? Or Kanna? Ehehe I can’t think of anything much at the moment… What do you think?”

“If it’s a nickname you would give me, I’m fine with anything.”

She always talked quite a lot. But it’s not like I found it annoying or anything. On the contrary, I liked listening to her. Before I knew it, I would smile whenever I was with her.

She would always talk about anything, seeming like she would never run out of topic anytime soon, and still flash a bright, alluring smile on top. I guess that was one of her charming points. She was popular with girls and boys alike, and I understood why.

I didn’t understand why she would still hang out with me; I would only listen and talk rarely. But despite all that, I am grateful that she would still spend time with me regardless.

“I told you.. to stop saying things like... Anyways, I’ll stick with your current one, for now, Kanacchi~”

"Sure. Well then, should we head back to the classroom? Although we could still walk around the school, since I'm not familiar with the place, maybe later."

"Hehehe I could show you around if that's the case. I've already been to this school once when I went with my older sister."

She seemed proud. It wouldn’t hurt to roam around the school since, in the first place, that’s what students should be doing today during their free time given.

My tension finally wore off, I smiled, probably the first time today, and perhaps it’s because I’m glad she’s back to her usual, cheeky old self again.

"Mm. Then, please take care of me."