Want and Need

Yume and I walk into the classroom before school starts. Well, it’s less walking and more Yume skipping into the classroom and me dragging my feet as I make it past the door. I reach my desk and collapse into my chair.

“I’m tired,” I mutter as I try to keep my head up.

I hear Yume let out a small laugh behind me, and then she says, “I saw this happening after that trip to the beach last night.”

Note to self—don’t go to the beach at night when I have school the next day. I guess we were out there much later than I thought. At least tomorrow is finally the start of the weekend. The first week of school has finally come to an end.

“Finally, more sleep…”

As I’m about to lay my head onto my arms, I hear Satoro say, “Sir Yuma, I must apologize yet again.”

What now? I turn my head to the right to look at him. His eyes stare at the floor as he bites his lower lips. Did more people bully him?

“Satoro?” I ask.

“I…am afraid I can no longer attend the beach and finish my drawing of Yume under the full moon,” answers Satoro.

“Huh? Why not?” asks Yume.

“Due to the behest of my mother, I am no longer allowed to pursue my goals of being an artist.”

His mom? Why did she stop him? Actually, why should what she say even matter? He’s got the talent for it, so it’s wrong for her to try and stop him.

“Just go. It’s not like she can stop you or anything,” I say.

“I…cannot, Sir Yuma.”

“Aww, but didn’t you say you wanted to be an artist no matter what?” asks Yume.

“I must confess; I would like to continue. However, my mother requests that I cease this dream and focus on math and science.”

“But why?” I ask.

This is so sudden. Considering how good he is, I thought his mom would keep encouraging him to draw. Now, it seems like it’s the complete opposite. Did something happen between yesterday and today?

“I…should have known better. My conversation with my mother yesterday drifted into art, and when I revealed that I have been drawing, she immediately discouraged me from furthering any more art related projects.”

“But that’s wrong. You’re amazing at drawing, Satoro. She can’t just stop you like that,” says Yume. “Right, Yuma?”

“Well, yeah. She can’t stop you, Satoro. If you want to draw, then draw.”

Satoro deeply bows, and then he says, “While I desire to keep drawing, I cannot allow myself to torment my mother. She is…all I have left. Thank you, Sir Yuma and Miss Yume. Your kind words are very much appreciated, and I will remember them.”

I don’t get it. What does he mean by tormenting his mom?

“Satoro?” I ask.

“No need to worry about me, Sir Yuma. It was nothing but a fleeting dream.”

Satoro forces a smile, then he walks back to his desk. Not like this. It can’t just end like this. He was supposed to help me in getting Yume back to the moon so I don’t have to be stuck to her anymore. I’m still lost on what he means by tormenting his mom. I don’t see how Satoro could harm his mom by drawing.

“Yuma? What do we do?” asks Yume.

I could just move on. Satoro is just one guy after all. There’s no reason that he has to be one of the three people we have to help out. There are hundreds of other people we can help out here—hundreds of other people who probably have easier problems to solve and goals to accomplish. We don’t have to help Satoro.

“Well, we can always find someone else…” I say.

I look over at Satoro again. His fake smile is long gone, replaced by a frown and solemn eyes. He stares into a geometry textbook—not reading, but just looking at the page with no interest or engagement. I don’t even want to know what’s going on between him and his mom.

“…but we might as well help him out, right?”

I don’t like leaving things like this. Satoro obviously wants to draw, even if his mom says he can’t. Yume and I know he is amazing. If his mom doesn’t like that, then that’s her problem.

Yume smiles widely and exclaims, “Yeah!”

Sorry Satoro. If being an artist is really hurting your mom in some way, then let’s do something about it. I won’t let you abandon your dream over something like that.

                                                                     ***

As soon as the lunch bell rings, I get up and walk over to Satoro. The conversation from this morning has been stuck in my head, and it still doesn’t sit right with me.

“Satoro,” I say when I get to his desk.

“Sir Yuma. What is it?” asks Satoro as he readjusts his glasses.

“Let’s talk.”

“While we have lunch!” exclaims Yume as she approaches from behind me. “We can even go to our usual spot!”

“I…will have to respectfully decline. There is no need to associate yourselves with someone like me.”

I feel my right eye twitch a bit. How annoying. He wants to shut us out again.

“We’ve had this conversation already, Satoro. Let’s go,” I say.

“Yeah! It won’t work on us this time!” adds Yume, pouting and pressing her knuckles against her waist.

It didn't work in the first place.

Satoro looks back down at his phone and says, “But I…”

“No.” Both Yume and I cut him off from anymore excuses.

“…then may I at least bring my phone with me?”

“You really think we’re going to say no to that?” I answer.

“C’mon!” shouts Yume.

She grabs Satoro’s wrist, urging him to come along with us. She smiles at him, and eventually he stands up, letting Yume pull him along as they make their way out of the classroom.

“Miss Yume, wait! I—”

“It’s not much further!” Yume’s excitement overpowers his protest.

I sigh and slowly follow them out into the hallway. Yume and Satoro reach the stairs and continue running up. I’ll give Yume credit for being able to get people to go along with her. It helped a lot this time. As I make my way towards to the stairs, a girl, with bright green eyes and long purple hair reaching her waist, walks towards me—a large group of students following close behind her. I step to the side to avoid them, but then the girl moves to the same side. She approaches me with a small smile. Oh boy. Here we go. What did I do this time?

The girl opens her mouth to try and say something, but then she leaves her mouth hanging as she panics to gesture her hands. Finally, she blurts out, “H-Hello! W-Would you like to be friends with me?”

She’s more nervous than I thought considering she seems to be in charge of a bunch of people. Maybe it’s a coincidence? The group remains behind her as she talks with me. No, they definitely seem to be with her.

“I’ll…pass I guess? A bit awkward, sorry,” I answer.

“T-Ten thousand yen!” says the girl.

I reel my head back at the sudden outburst and ask, “What?”

“I’ll pay you ten thousand yen to be my friend! That’s…a good negotiation, right?”

She’s breathing hard just from saying that. Is she about to have a panic attack? Anyways, did I hear her right? She's paying me to be a friend? I'm very tempted to take the offer.

“That’s…a bit much, isn’t it?” I ask.

The students behind her start talking to me.

“Just take it, man!” shouts one boy.

“Yeah, it’s quite a great deal just to be her friend,” remarks one of the girls, full of sarcasm, before giggling with another girl.

The girl pulls out a ten-thousand yen note and shakily pushes it towards me. Is she serious?

“P-Please?” she asks with trembling lips.

This seems like it would be easy money. All I have to do is just grab the bill and then say I’m her friend. Yeah, right. It’s too good to be true. This is probably just an elaborate prank to film me or something. The note probably isn’t even real.

“I’ll pass,” I answer.

I walk around her and her group to get to the stairs. As I walk away, I can hear her faintly sigh before she and her group walk further down the hallway.

“How weird,” I tell myself.

It's not everyday that I see someone trying to buy friends. That entire concept just feels so wrong and gross to me. What's even the point if you need money to keep friends around?

I walk up three floors until I eventually reach the rooftop. The sun greets me as I open the door to a clear sky.

Yume waves her arm at me and calls out, “Yuma!”

Satoro slowly waves his hand at me as well. Don’t copy her, Satoro. She’s a bad influence. I walk towards them and join them under the shade. Seems like there’s no breeze today. The three of us sit in a circle as we open our lunch boxes and eat our food. Mom packed chicken and rice for me and Yume today. Satoro has cooked pork and udon in his box. As usual, Yume has already downed half of her lunch before I even start eating. This girl’s appetite is endless.

“Sir Yuma,” says Satoro.

“Yeah?” I ask.

“Is it wrong for me if I wish to be selfish in wanting to be a bad person?”

“Bad person?” asks Yume.

“I want to be an artist. I want to draw. The truth is that I thought I could convince my mother that art is a subject she no longer has to fear. However, I failed. Hence, the conversation from this morning.”

“I’m still confused on why your mom is so against you drawing stuff,” I say.

“That…” Satoro lets out a deep breath as he contemplates on how to answer. He continues saying, “That would be the result of my father—he is the bad person who she disallows me to be like.”

“Eh? Can’t your mom and dad just talk about it then?” asks Yume.

“They no longer wish to talk to each other. My mother and father are no longer together. The reason is the fact that my father was an aspiring artist who sought another lady who can free him of any financial troubles. He abandoned my mother and me when my mother could no longer support him.”

Satoro puts his food down, unable to eat after saying that. Man, what a surprise. I was not ready for that bombshell.

“That’s…messed up,” I say.

So his dad left him and his mom for a woman with more money? Now I see why his mom doesn’t want him to do art and what he means about his art tormenting his mother. I feel a knot forming in my stomach after pushing him to keep drawing earlier.

“Satoro…” says Yume.

“I love my mother since she took care of me as best as she could alone. I wish for her to never relive through the trauma of my father abandoning her ever again. He has left a deep emotional scar that she may never recover from.”

I don’t know about this anymore. It feels wrong for me and Yume to keep pushing him to draw then.

“However, I simply cannot let it go. Even now, I want to sketch the shadows of the fences as the sun creates a forest of shade along the rooftop. I want to draw the perfect image of Miss Yume.”

He really wants to keep going, huh?

“Are you sure about this, Satoro?” I ask.

“I...no. I had many nights where I would ponder on how to tell my mother of my desire for art, and I never formulated a plan or answer.”

“And that’s when you decided to just tell her yesterday?” asks Yume.

Satoro nods and says, “As you already know, it did not end well. She told me to stop any ambitions I have for art. When she said that, I decided I will follow her wishes and discard anything related to sketches and art.”

“But you couldn’t, could you?” I ask.

There’s no way he would be able to just toss out everything he cares about so quickly. I would know considering I did the same a couple of years ago. It’s just not possible to throw away something you love no matter how hard you try. It sticks to you like glue or a certain annoying girl.

“I truly thought if I willed myself to rid myself of any art, I would be able to. However, when I see the works I have made…”

He opens a sketch of me and Yume sitting at his desk, eating lunch.

“Oh, that’s us, again,” says Yume.

“Yes, and it pains me if I even have to think about deleting each of my works. They are simply too precious to me. Every line I made, every color I put onto canvas, and every art I drew—I treasure them. They are the only things I can truly say are still mines.”

He really cares about his works more than anything. It's messed up that he tried to delete them as well just to try and not think about them anymore. In that case...

“Then, you don’t have to do it alone. You got us two to help with that,” I say.

“Yeah! I’m sure your mom will listen to us if we help you!” exclaims Yume.

“Thank you…Miss Yume, Sir Yuma…”

Satoro’s tears begin to well up on his eyes. He’s been through a lot, hasn’t he? He was even willing to sacrifice his own passion just so his mom doesn’t have to be reminded of his crappy dad. A small feeling of dullness manifests itself inside me—close to my heart. I don’t know what it is, but after listening to Satoro talk so much about wanting to be an artist, it makes me want to read some books about space again. It feels as if something deep in me opened up, and it now wants to see the moon and stars again.

                                                                  ***

Yume, Satoro, and I walk out of the school as the week comes to a close. While many students are looking forward to the weekend, we are looking for one thing—Satoro’s mom. She pulls up to the curb once again in her old brown car. She steps out and waves at us.

“My mother is here. I am not sure how much we will be able to converse with her,” says Satoro.

“Only one way to find out,” says Yume.

“That’s not exactly a great plan,” I say.

We all walk towards her. I take a deep breath, with Satoro and Yume doing the same after me. We approach her and she greets us with a smile.

“Hello there! I saw you two with Satoro the other day as well. I’m guessing you’re the two people he keeps talking about,” says Satoro’s mom.

“Oh? Really? He talks about us?” asks Yume.

“That’s nice, but—” I begin to say.

Satoro’s mom interrupts me by clapping her hands and saying, “Then, how about you two come to our house tomorrow? A celebration for Satoro being able to make friends!”

Is that really a cause for celebration?

“Mother…” says Satoro.

“Oh! We have to go shopping then! Can’t have a party without food after all!” continues his mom.

“Wait, we need to—” I try speaking again.

“Come, Satoro! Don’t worry about a thing! I’ll prepare great food for all of us! Here, let me write down our address!” exclaims his mom.

Is she really that excited for a party about making friends? There is something much more vital to talk about.

“Hold on. Let’s talk abo—” I start talking once again.

“Here! Now then, let’s go, Satoro!”

She pushes a crumpled up note into my hands. She's so fast.

 “Mother…” says Satoro.

His mom isn’t giving me a chance to speak at all. She’s in such a rush in handing me a handwritten note of their home address and pushing Satoro to the passenger side that she doesn’t leave any time for us to discuss anything. It’s ticking me off.

“Now, now. We should hurry before it gets dark. Get in!”

Satoro reluctantly gets into the car, and before Yume and I can get another chance to say anything, they drive off down the hill. I watch them drive off until they’re out of view. I can’t believe that just happened. We didn’t get to talk about anything at all.

“That…didn’t go well, huh?” asks Yume.

“What a pain…” I respond.

“A party though. Sounds fun!”

“For such a dumb reason though.”

“Aww, c’mon Yuma! She invited us so we should at least go. Besides, we can talk when we’re all there.”

“I guess so. If she’ll let us talk, that is.”

I only hope we don't get a repeat of our brief conversation today.

“Oh well. Let’s go home then, Yuma.”

I shrug my shoulders and walk behind Yume as we walk down the winding sidewalk away from school. I just hope tomorrow will be a good opportunity for us, otherwise we might not get much of another chance. I want this to succeed now because if he can achieve his dream of being an artist, then maybe, I can also…

At the end of the day, I completely believe in Satoro’s dream of being an artist.