The Easiest to Fool

"...and then you finish with 'so, yeah, that's what happened. As you can see we had an eventful date, and that's why I'm too tired to tell you about any of the details, bye!' You avoid any further questions and your secrets are safe. I'll be the only one to ever know how boring you really are. It'll be our little secret. Or something."

"Do you seriously think anyone would ever believe that?"

"People are easier to fool than you'd think."

“But the restaurant didn’t even have floors. And what was that part about ‘whatever appendages’ the robot ‘may have’? Is it just me or does that sound kind of dirty?”

"That's because it's meant to be."

And that brings us to the present in which Aito found himself back in the park after hearing Ikazaki go on about… something, supposedly a way for Aito to explain away the fact that the two of them didn’t really do anything special on their date in case anyone asked, but in reality no more than a series of unrealistic and at best vaguely connected delusions.

“Are you serious about any single part of this, or are you just trying to mess with me?”

“Of course I’m serious. The most serious I’ve ever been.”

“Prove it.”

“Why? You’re the one that asked me out. Shouldn’t you at least trust me enough to, you know, believe what I say? Actually give me a chance and whatever other stuff people usually do if they’re in love with someone?”

"I'd claim that even love has its limits. And obvious stupidity could reach those limits pretty quickly."

In reality Aito needed Ikazaki on his side, love her or not, but she… maybe didn't know that. If her hearing was bad enough not to overhear two rather loud guys arguing at a distance of less than five meters away, maybe she didn't know.

Maybe.

So no harm in playing hard to get.

“Ikazaki, while I would like you as my girlfriend, there's also three other girls vying for my attention, so… strictly speaking I don't need you, and at this point just a tiny part of me is starting to reconsider some things. I'm not a huge fan of idiocy, you see."

"Quite a bold claim considering who it's coming from."

"Hey, I don't know how you meant it, but that sounds straight up mean."

"I know. That's what I intended."

"And we're drifting off track from the original topic. You claimed you'd prove how serious you are about… whatever that stuff you made up was all about."

"Just to be clear, I didn't make it up."

"You're going to claim the earth was destroyed five minutes ago, and yet here we are, talking about it like nothing happened?"

"Yup. Earth was destroyed, but then it got better again."

"Are you seriously asking me to believe any of that?"

"It's not my fault you're no fun. If you don't like my ideas you can always give up on getting me as one of your girlfriends, leave right now and never come back, and I'll make sure to feel sad about it for at least a few minutes. I did hear that bet you made though, and I'm thinking you'll be at a disadvantage without my… affection. Let's call it that."

"Well, you heard wrong."

She hadn't, but if you wanted to lie confidence seemed the most important factor, and so Aito lied. With confidence, at least a little bit of it.

In this case the sheer blatancy of his lie betrayed his true intentions.

"Nope, pretty sure I heard right. But do you really think lying yourself when you're trying to expose me is the wisest choice you could make?"

"So you did lie."

"No, because that was a hypothetical. Actually, you want proof that I'm serious? Fine. Is there any single thing I could do right now, right here, and without any additional need for preparation, that would convince you of how serious I am?"

It had come. Aiito's chance to strike back and prove he was more than a bumbling idiot, or at least to catch Ikazaki off guard with something completely out of left field the way she had with him.

"Jump up on that bench, take of your blazer and… if you’re wearing a shirt or something underneath, then that too. Then shout that stuff you said earlier about giant kittens starting their new lives on Earth. Make sure you sound like you mean it. And for good measure you should probably make sure to strike a ridiculous pose at the same time. Simply put, do all the things I could think of that I don't think any sane person would ever do without some really exceptional circumstances, because I’d claim your behaviour at the moment seems weirdly fitting of that description."

“Alright. A bit crude, and in no way does that request make me feel any respect for you as a person, but I’ll do it.”

Ikazaki jumped up on the nearby bench with a nimble hop, unbuttoned her blazer, and threw it and the shirt she’d been wearing under it onto the bench. Then, predictably, she raised her voice to a level clearly audible to anyone in the vicinity — not a lot of people, but far more than anyone would deem reasonable to do that kind of thing around.

"My dear fellow current visitors to this park, It is with great regret that I have come to inform you! Inform you about—"

It was at this point that Aito finally broke free from his shock and managed to protest the rather sudden turn of events… setting the fact that he asked for it himself aside.

“Wait! Don’t… don’t actually do that.”

“You literally just asked me to.”

“I didn’t think you’d do it.”

“During the approximately… 57 minutes… we have spent together today so far, have any of my words or actions given you the impression that there is anything I wouldn’t do for the sake of proving a point?”

“How am I supposed to get any idea what you’re like during such a short time?”

“Good point. You’d do well to think about how your actions can be related back to it. Anyway, I have some business to attend to.”

Without further ado, and before Aito could stop her, Ikazaki continued her announcement from earlier. This time while doing a handstand and without Aito’s interruption.

“As I was saying, I am here to announce that we’re all dead! That’s right, we died and the world ended approximately fifteen minutes ago. Please enjoy being replaced by your new giant kitten overlords. That was all, thank you for listening.”

With her duties fulfilled, she jumped down and gave Aito a graceful bow.

“Ikazaki, I literally told you not to do that no more than a minute ago. So what, exactly, are you doing?”

"Exactly what you said would happen. I'm being exposed. More specifically, my skin is. Oh, and I also lied. The world didn’t end. The fact that we’re standing here is proof. But yeah, you were right. The giant alien kittens have not yet come for us, so we have at least a few days more to live. Congratulations, Koike Aito. you have successfully gotten through my defenses and exposed what I was trying to hide, both figuratively and literally."

“If you’re willing to at least pretend to seem reasonable, would you mind explaining what that whole act was all about? And the sheer craziness of your story…”

"The one about the giant kittens? Wait, did you not like the giant kittens? Seriously? Sure you shouldn’t listen to it again? Hearing it again might change your mind. Or if you somehow didn't like that one, I've got plenty of other stories where that came from! How about the one about how I'm actually a demon from hell sent here to seduce you with my very demonic very evil powers of… something I can't remember at the moment, because, uh… all the other demons felt bad about your miserable attempts at finding love and begged me to help things along. That's a good one. At least one percent of it is even true."

At this point Aito honestly couldn’t tell if this was who Ikazaki really was or if she just had decided that the prospect of dating someone like him would be ridiculous in the first place and chosen to spend their entire date making fun of him. In the latter case things seemed rather hopeless, in the former scenario Aito only knew of one winning move.

To play along.

“I see, a most reasonable proposition. But alas, Ikazaki. You’ve made some assumptions, and I dare say that not all of them may be reasonable. I can easily see some fatal flaws in your logic.”

“Really? Where?”

“Simple, really. In that first story you told… You’ve chosen to assume that I wouldn’t have kicked the giant robot’s ass before it could fire any of those ‘laser beams’ you speak of.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I’d say you have no proof of that.”

“True. But I’m pretty sure you called my story stupid, and if you didn’t you certainly thought it, yet you’re now pretending to take me seriously? Wasn’t all of this ‘sheer stupidity’ just a moment ago?”

“...well, yeah. To be honest it is kind of stupid.”

“If you think my hobbies are stupid, we could just end this date right now and go our separate ways.”

“You’re being pretty contradictory yourself too, Ikazaki.”

“If you’re going to complain we could also end this date right now, never to see each other again. Except at school, but that doesn’t count.”

“That wasn’t a complaint.”

“Really? Are you suuuuure about that? It’s not supposed to be your way of not-so-subtly complaining about my erratic and indecent behaviour?”

"No, it's not! Not just a complaint, anyway.”

After spending most of the date so far figuratively speaking getting led wherever Ikazaki wanted him to go, the gears in Aito’s head had at last started turning, preparing him for a counterattack, of sorts.

“Ikazaki, listen to me. What I'm trying to say is, critique. That's the point I was trying to get to! I'll give you critique, tell you what to think about. Your excuses are super stupid at the moment, but they don’t have to stay that way. So, maybe your ideas don’t work as they are. But if you think about it some more, fix the most obvious issues? I'm sure it'll be awesome. Maybe I didn't phrase it great, but help me make things up to you by at least letting me make that… excuse… you tried to help me with just now truly awesome. Maybe someone will even believe you. "

“Really? You think there’s room for improvement? I’d say I’m perfect the way I am. But go ahead and tell me what you think I’m missing.”

"Pacing. You’re going way too fast for me to follow. Take your time instead, maybe think a bit more about the details. Do that and I'm sure you'll do great!"

It was at this point that Ikazaki burst out into uncontrollable laughter, much to Aito’s equally mixed surprise and dismay.

“I’ve been thinking this all the way since our ‘date’ started and at this point even I am starting to feel just the tiniest bit afraid of asking, but… by now you do realize I’ve just been trying to mess with you the whole time, right?”

“Yeah. Of course. At some point I definitely did think about the possibility. At some point.”

"Really? Well, whatever. To be honest I don’t care. I honestly didn’t expect you to take me seriously for more than like, a minute though. So, I'm going to admit that I only went on this date to mess with you. But as a thank you for being incredibly entertaining to mess with, I'm willing to give you a second chance. A second date.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, rather seriously. I’m always serious.”

Aito chose to ignore the apparent contradiction and instead take this opportunity to formulate a plan of his own - one that barely would keep him in the game.

“Would you mind if we went on that second date exactly two weeks from now?”

“Planning to win bets on technicalities, are we? Can’t say I mind too much. I take it you’ll also want permission to call me your girlfriend until then?”

It didn’t take much further negotiation for things to go the way he wanted, greatly assisted by the fact that Ikazaki had seen through his entire plan right from the start. Koike Aito may not have realized the true reasons for his eventual modicum of success, but he did gain something from the experience.

The ability to respect that people were into things he may not like, or even find ridiculous. A lesson none was more fit to teach than Ikazaki.

And so, Aito grew, and learned, even if just by the smallest of increments.

A small step for sure, but a big boon when trying to score dates with at least four girls with vastly different personalities, hobbies, and interests. In short, a huge help for Aito's future plans.

Hopefully.

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