Can You Keep a Secret?

My name is Ichika Wakabayashi, sixteen years old. I attend an all girls school in a (not quiet enough) rural town. I am the only child of a single mother. And I have a secret. A secret that I can't tell anyone. . . Cliché, I know. What am I some of kind of magical girl, you ask? If only. . .

I'm not even sure when it began. I was young, I know that, but I do have some cloudy memories of before I was like this so I know I wasn't born with it. At least I think I know. . . So fuzzy. I don't have many memories from before sevenish years ago and I was already like this before then.

Anyways, at some point something incredible happened to me and I didn't even notice. I thought it was normal so I didn't think about it at first. But it was not normal. I was not normal. You see, I can hear other people's thoughts.

Cool, right? I'm a telepath! Yay me! No. . . Why no? I can't control it. I hear everyone within a five meter radius whether I want to or not. So when I'm in class I can hear most of the people in the room. It's overwhelming. This is why I always want to be by the window. So less people will be in range of me.

My doctor gave the school a note saying I have to be by the window at all times. He did it thinking that the fresh air and cool walls would help prevent me from having my episodes. He doesn't know why I even have them. But I'm not going to complain about my permanent window seat. The coolness does make me feel a little better so maybe he's on to something. Doesn't stop my episodes, though.

However. . . I think I might know why I have these episodes. They always happen when I become overwhelmed by everyone's thoughts. So it must be because of that. Too much input at once. It's always accompanied by a high fever. So, like a computer, my brain shuts down when it overheats from being overwhelmed by large amounts of data. At least it makes sense to me.

Have I told anyone about this? I tried. My doctor said it was unscientific. There was no evidence. I can't remember what people think word for word and it gets harder and harder the more people there are around me. He chalked up my supposed telepathy to me being incredibly perceptive and nothing more. My parents agreed. The other person I told. . . She became scared of me and stopped talking to me. I haven't seen her in over five years. I haven't tried to tell anyone about it since. So it's a secret.

And now here I am, back in the present day, inside my classroom alone with Yasuna Tsutsumi. Someone I don't know at all even though we only sit two desks apart. And I am about to unconsciously do something very stupid. . .

"I can't hear you."

"Huh?" She stared at me with bewilderment. "You can't hear me?"

Damn iiiiiiit!!! "Uh. . . I mean I can hear you. . . yes. . . but I. . . can't hear. . . Um. . . Well. . ." I'm panicking. Five years. Only to slip up now. What am I doing?!? My mask, that I had so carefully crafted, was slipping. Gone was the cold and menacing pretend delinquent Ichika Wakabayashi. Replaced in an instant with this stammering mess.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She cautiously approached me. I guess I'm not so scary to her right now? I can still save face, right? I can put my mask back on, right? "Should we go to the infirmary?" She reached out to touch my arm.

I hauled back instantly. "No. No I'm okay! Really!" I was starting to shake by now. I'm pretty sure she can tell. . .

"Really?" Seriously, why is she so calm all of a sudden? Don't you know how scary I am?!? Back up!

"Yes!" She stared into my eyes with great suspicion as she inched closer. Her face is too close. Too close! I turned away instinctively. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. "I think! Maybe?" My mask is done for isn't it?

"Uh-huh. . ."

Another brief moment of silence. What do I do? I can't tell her the truth, right? If I do she'll think I'm crazy and hate me and leave. . . me. . . alone. . . Wait. . . Isn't that what I want her to do? Could this be my new mask? The crazy mask? I'm not sure I like that. . . I'd get teased instead of ignored. But if it's only Tsutsumi-san it's okay?

I started to calm down and looked her straight in the eyes. Her big, bright, blue eyes. They're like the ocean. So peaceful. I could get lost in those eyes. I didn't notice how beautiful they were before. . . But now. Up close. Close. . . Oh god. . . She's too close. Personal space! Personal spaaaace!

"Okay." I slumped back down into my seat defeated. "I'll tell you. . ."

"Tell me what?" She sat down across from me and before I even realized it she had already placed her hand on top of mine. Is she really worried about me? Should I pull away? Why bother? She'll pull away herself soon enough. . .

"Well. . . Um. . . You see. . ." I'm getting tense again. . . It really is embarrassing after all!

"Yes?"

Oh hell. . . She's either going to laugh at me or be disgusted with me or both. Just spit it out and get it over with, Ichika! "You see I have this. . . ability."

"Ability?" I stare at my fists, and clench the end of my skirt tightly in my grasp. I'm afraid to look her in the eye now. . .

"Yes. . . An ability that I have no control over. That works automatically on everyone near me. . . Until now. Except for you."

"Huh? Me?"

"Yes. . . You see I can hear other people's. . . thoughts. . . But not yours. . ."

Silence. I always treasured silence more than anything. But this silence was different. It was uncomfortable to say the least. What kind of face is she making now? I don't even want to know. . .

"Okay. . . So. . ." And then more silence.

"So. . . what?" She hasn't pulled away yet. Is it maybe. . . pity? Am I too pathetic to even be laughed at? Never saw that one coming. . .

"Um. . . I'm not sure what to say? I mean. . . That's an incredible story I guess?"

"I didn't expect you to believe me. . ."

"Well you did just say that you can hear other people's thoughts but not mine. That's rather convenient. I can't even test what you're saying. . ."

"I know. . ." I just kept staring at my fists silently. Her hand still hasn't moved from on top of mine.

"But I mean, it'd be kind of strange to come up with such a ridiculous lie so quickly, right?"

Yes. . . I'm strange. It's not a lie but I can't prove it so hurry up and hate me and get it over with.

"It would explain your reaction though. . . So if it was a lie you must have come up with it beforehand? That doesn't make sense."

Yes. . . I'm strange. I make no sense. Just hate me and get it over with already! Stop torturing me like this!

"Okay. I'll try to believe you."

"Huh?" What? I look up at her. Her gaze is fixated on me. She's not laughing. She's doesn't look disgusted. This isn't a look of pity either. She's being serious? "You're just teasing me aren't you?"

"Nope." No hesitation. Her eyes were unwavering. "Wait. . . is this why you stay away from everyone?"

"Ah. . . Yeah. . ." All the built up tension I'd been feeling suddenly vanished. As I began to lay back in my chair she suddenly let go of my now relaxed hand. I guess she's not worried about me anymore? "If it gets to be too much I can sort of. . . overheat. . . and faint. So I try to make everyone. . . dislike me. . . To get as much distance as possible."

". . . Suddenly everything actually makes sense. . ." A sudden epiphany. This look of understanding and realization. Did she actually get it?

"It does?"

"I think so. Hearing people's thoughts causes you pain. So you try to push them away by putting up a front. Right?"

"It's just as you say." She gets it.

"And you keep it a secret because. . . Being an outcast draws less attention?"

"If I told people then I might become a target for bullying instead of being left alone. . ." She's sharp.

"I see. I knew you weren't a bad person. I knew there had to be a reason why you acted the way you did." She began to relax a little. Her serious and attentive expression from a moment ago gave way to the more calm and gentle one from earlier. This suited her much better. "So this was it, huh?"

I don't know why, but I feel like I could tell Tsutsumi-san anything. I feel comfortable talking to her now. I feel so silly for getting so freaked out earlier. Maybe I'm just relieved that I actually told someone about it? Maybe I'm just relieved that she's not afraid of me?

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Then I guess now it's our secret."

It was at that moment that I saw something that I hadn't seen in so long I'd almost forgotten what it looked like. Is it because it's been over five years? I don't know. But the beaming smile she gave me at that moment looked like the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. And a single solitary tear streaked down my cheek.

"Thank you. Tsutsumi-san." I quickly wiped my cheek with my sleeve. Did she see?

She stood up and reached out her hand to me. "Come on. We have to clean up soon. It's getting late."

I gently grasped her extended hand. It was smaller than mine but so soft and warm. It's been so long. It felt nice. "Hey, Tsutsumi-san. . . Can I ask something?"

"Anything!"

Here comes the nerves again. Maybe I shouldn't say anything? No. If it's her I'm sure it'll be okay. "Can we. . . maybe. . ." Without thinking I gently squeezed her hand. "Can we be friends?"

She looked surprised. It was rather sudden I guess. We just met after all. And this entire conversation was really weird, right? There's no way she'd want to be. . .

"Of course!"

Ah! There's that smile again. So unfair. . . I'm not sure how I looked at that moment. Did I look strange? I couldn't know. I don't even remember what my face looked like the last time I used these muscles. But I didn't care. I was smiling for the first friend I've had in over five years. I'm not alone anymore.

_________________________

The comforting sound of a familiar voice. "Hey, Yasuchi! Are you going straight home today?"

"Hmm? No I have a club meeting. We're trying to decide what we want to do for the culture festival."

"So dedicated. Aaaah I guess I'll go ask Kanachi."

I can't tell if she's sulking or just teasing me. "Sorry Hi-chan."

This girl is Hikaru Akita. She was the first girl to talk to me when I transfered to this school. She's always so bright and cheerful and well liked by everyone in class. I'm a little jealous of her ability to befriend anyone she meets. She's always trying to bring me along to hang out with other people but I'm not very good in crowds. Still. She's always trying to find time to talk to me. So we have become close. She's my one and only precious friend.

"I wonder if she likes karaoke?"

"Say. . . Hikaru?"

"Yeah?"

It was around this time that one girl started to stand out to me.

"Who's that girl alone in the corner?"

I casually pointed in her direction. Hikaru took a quick glance but turned back to me abruptly.

"Her? Ah. . . That's Ichika Wakabayashi-san. People call her the 'Lone Wolf'. You're better off ignoring her. She's mean to everyone. I think she likes being alone."

"Really?" She was staring out the window, ignoring everyone around her. Her short hair swaying ever so slightly in the gentle breeze. She looked stern. Resolute. Mean. Just like Hikaru said. An air of unapproachability surrounded her. But somehow. . . "But doesn't she look kind of lonely?"

"Lonely? Wakabayashi?" She seemed shocked to hear this and turned to look at her again. I guess she's trying to size her up? "I don't see it. . . Ah!" She shot up suddenly. "Kanachi is gone! Sorry I'm gonna go find her! See you tomorrow!" She bolted out of the room before I could even reply, smiling and waving at me all the way.

"Hi-chan. . . If you do that you're going to run into someone. . ." **thud**

"Wah! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"I tried to warn you. . ."

But I guess even Hikaru can't be friends with everyone, huh? That's surprising.

I turned back to Wakabayashi-san. She was still idly staring out the window. I wonder what she's thinking about all this time? Is she waiting for everyone else to leave? Hmm? One of the girls is approaching her.

"U. . . Um. . ."

She looks so timid. . . This girl is trying to talk to the "Lone Wolf"?!? Who is that anyway? Is that. . . Kisaichi-san? Maybe she also thinks she looks lonely. Wait. I should get ready to leave. I don't want to eavesdrop. But I'm curious. . . Wakabayashi-san hasn't even turned to look at her.

"What do you want?"

Yikes. Well that tone was thoroughly unpleasant. . . Maybe Hikaru was right after all. . . Kisaichi-san looks like she's about to cry. Maybe it's a good thing Wakabayashi-san isn't looking at her. . .

"Um. . . Nevermind!"

I didn't know peoples faces could turn that red. Ah! She ran. I watched the poor girl as she dashed out of the room. When I turned back to see Wakabayashi-san she was looking in my direction.

Oh. My. Gooooooooood! I think that was the fastest I ever packed my bag before. She didn't notice that I was watching her did she? That would be bad. I swiftly left the room and ran down the corridor. I could hear one of the teachers yelling at me to slow down but I didn't dare to until I was safely around the corner.

That. Was. Scary! Wakabayashi-san is scary after all! It took a minute to calm myself down. I couldn't get her stare out of my mind. I don't think she was looking at me though. It was more like she was just blankly staring in my direction. And as scary as it seemed I still couldn't help but think. "I still think she looks lonely. . ."

That was my first ever encounter with my future second precious friend.

_________________________

It's already Monday. Once again I am about to be assaulted from all sides by the incessant cacophony that is my classmates inner thoughts. I can't turn it off. I can't turn it down. All I can do is try to focus on the lessons and endure. Hopefully I can make it to the other side still conscious. And then I have to do it again tomorrow. And the day after. . . Every weekday for the rest of my school days. This is my life.

However. . . Something has changed. I am no longer swimming alone in a sea of despair. It's not like Tsutsumi-san can really do anything to help me, but somehow just knowing that she's here brings me the smallest amount of peace.

We traded contact information on Friday and have been texting each other off and on all weekend. We came to an agreement. In order to keep people away from me during school and maintain my image as a ruffian we will continue on as we always have. We can only talk to each other when we're alone and via text.

Will this really work out? Is this enough? My situation hasn't changed at all. I just have the tiniest bit of support now. Is that really all it takes to make me happy?

Ah crap. . . It's happening again. . . I'll just bury my face in my arms and rest until it dies down a bit. . .

"I wonder what the lunch special is today? I have money for once so I kind of want to try it."

"Why do my English and history exams have to be the same day?!?"

"I still haven't been able to lose any weight. . . Will I look fat in my swimsuit? I'm afraid to check. . ."

"Dai-senpai has a date with another girl. . . Was I not aggressive enough? This sucks!"

"If I take this shortcut here. . . I should be able to buy my manga and still get home same time as usual."

"Oooo so close. I've almost saved enough to buy that dress before summer break starts."

I hate this. . . So much. . .

". . . . . . . ."

. . . There you are. I wish everyone could be like you. My oasis.

"Who does she even think she is?!?"

"As I thought. I can't do it after all. . ."

"Ugh. . . I don't wanna go to gym class. . ."

"Tomoe is a lifesaver!"

"It's so hooooooooot!"

"How many times must I tell her?"

. . . Will it really be enough?

". . . . . . . ."

Maybe I should just be thankful for even a split second of peace.

I raise my head and look over towards Tsutsumi-san and realize she's staring at me. . . Uwaaaa this is embarrassing. . . If you stare like that people will notice. . . I take out my phone and lay it on my lap as I cover my head with my other arm. Hopefully she'll see this before class starts.

If you keep staring like that people will notice.

I'm not even going to move until I get a reply or the teacher comes, whatever happens first. It didn't take long.

Sorry. . . I guess I got a little worried when you slumped over your desk like that.

It's okay. I'm fine though. Don't worry about me.

Okay.

The door slid open and our teacher walked in. "Okay everyone! Settle down now! Akita-san! get to your seat!" That startled me a little. Why does she have to be so loud this early in the morning?!? I stuffed my phone in my pocket as it buzzed from another message. That will have to wait for later. I hope sensei didn't notice.

Lunchtime came without incident and I rushed for the door. It's cloudy today and looked like it might rain so maybe I'll have the roof to myself for once. I just need the rain to hold off. I can already hear the glorious silence! After winding my way through the crowd heading in the opposite direction, the cafeteria, I was finally all alone. I'm almost to the stairs. It was getting quiet. I could relax now.

**click**

Ah! The last thing I'll hear for almost thirty minutes! Thank you roof! Thank you clouds! Thank you cramped little space behind the entrance way! I can't remember the last time I felt this cheery. If anyone saw me like this my reputation would be ruined. I really should be more careful. But for some reason I just can't help it today.

I like this. Quiet. Peaceful.

Just as I lifted the lid of my bento I heard that familiar sound again.

**click**

Damn it! Why?!? I thought for sure I'd have the roof to myself today!

". . . . . . . ."

Oh. It's Tsutsumi-san?

"Um. . . Wakabayashi-san?"

She called out quietly. She probably doesn't even know that I'm up here. It must be embarrassing to call out to the school's biggest outcast without even knowing if she's there. If someone else heard her it would be difficult to explain why she's looking for me of all people.

"Tsutsumi-san! Behind the entrance way!"

A moment's silence and then I saw her face sheepishly peeking around the corner to look at me. Okay. That was unexpectedly cute.

"Hurry up before someone notices. This is my hiding place."

I motioned for her to join me and she hurried over and sat down next to me. Suddenly my tiny ledge feels an awful lot smaller. This can't be comfortable. . . I'm sorry Tsutsumi-san.

She didn't complain though. She just sat beside me, smiled sweetly and said "I know."

What a relief. . . Wait a minute. . . "Wait? You know?!?" That was a shock.

"Yup! <3" She was positively beaming. That smile is so unfair.

But more importantly, my secret hiding spot isn't a secret? Sacré bleu!

"My secret hiding place. . . I wonder how many people know. . ." I'm feeling a little dejected. Not gonna lie. I thought I hid myself so well. . .

She laughed. "Probably not many. If any. Maybe it's just me?"

Well that made me feel a little better. I'll convince myself only Tsutsumi-san knows. I was going to tell her about it anyway. It's the best place for us to hang out at school.

"You left in such a hurry. I was hoping we could go together. But you never checked your phone."

"Phone?" Oooo that must have been what she messaged me when I was putting my phone away. "Oh. I forgot to check after I put it away. . ."

"It's fine. I should have sent it sooner."

She really is a sweet girl. How did I luck into getting to know a girl like this? I truly am unworthy.

"You're not with your friends today?" Surely she must have others to spend time with, yet here she is with me.

"Hikaru got dragged to the cafeteria with Kana and her friends. Besides. I wanted to see you."

"Me? Why would you go out of your way just to see me?"

"Why?" A look of confusion. "Because you're my precious friend after all." There it is. That smile again. . . Wait. . . She just said something super embarrassing without hesitation.

"P. . . precious?!?"

"Yup! <3"

I think my heart just skipped a beat. . . This girl. . . How does she always know exactly what to say to set my face on fire? So glad this is in the shade. Maybe she can't see just how red my cheeks are right now. I can hope.

Hmm? Shade? When did the sun come out?

**click**

Before either of us could say anything else I once again heard that dreaded click. I guess that the sun, freed from its cloudy prison, has lured some girls to it like a moth to an open flame. Good bye my peaceful lunch break!

I sighed heavily. "We're no longer alone. . ."

Tsutsumi-san also seemed to be a bit dejected by this as well. "Seems so. . ."

They entered the roof mid conversation and they were loud. There was no trouble hearing them from where we were.

"Hey did you see how fast Wakabayashi-san ran out of the room?"

"Yeah, yeah. It was crazy fast, even for her."

"She really lives up to 'Lone Wolf' doesn't she?"

Oh come ooooooon! Why does it have to be about me?!? I do everything I can to try and make people not want to talk about me.

As they walked over to the bench their energetic conversation became a dull murmur. However. . .

"Where does she even go to every day?"
"How can someone be so desperate to be alone?"
"I'll never understand that girl."
"Does she even have any friends at all?"
"What a sad way to spend your school life. . ."

Please stop it. . .

"No. . ."

". . . bayashi-sa. . ."

"She's such a delinquent. She's probably smoking somewhere."
"And why does Kisaichi-san keep trying to talk to her?"
"Ugh. . . How did we end up spending lunch talking about the 'Lone Wolf'?"
"She'll never get a boyfriend this way."
"Can we talk about something besides this loner?"

Make it stop. . . Please. . . **throb** Help me. . .

"H. . . help. . . me. . ."

"Wakabayashi-san!"

**glomp**

Huh? Did I faint? I feel something soft. All around me. Suddenly I'm feeling warm. What's this smell? Is that gardenia? It smells nice. . . Wait. . . Where am I? What's going on?

"Wakabayashi-san!"

"Tsutsumi. . . san?"

Oh right. We're on the roof. I don't see Tsutsumi-san. All I see is the fence on the other end of the roof. Wait. . . I can't move. Something is heavy. . . Ah. That's why. It's Tsutsumi-san. She's hugging me. With all she has. This is embarrassing. . .

"Hey. . . Tsutsumi-san?" I reach up and gently grab her arm to pull her off me but she shakes off my hand and clings even tighter. She's shaking. . .

"It. . . it's okay. I'm fine." I start to pat her back to try and calm her down. "See? I'm okay. They're gone now anyway. You can let go. . . It's embarrassing. . ."

"No. They're still there." Her shaking calmed down a little. "But they can't see us. So. . ." She loosened her vice like grip but wouldn't let go.

"Don't be silly. If they were still there then I would be able to hear them." It was at this moment that I heard loud laughter coming from the bench. Huh? They really are still here. Wait. What? I don't get it. Why can't I hear them?

"I. . . can't hear them. . ." I suspended my disbelief just long enough to voice the words.

"What?" Tsutsumi-san pulled back a bit. Her arms were still around my neck, but she was now staring right at me and I at her. Her eyes were red, she was crying. I suddenly felt sick. I made this girl cry. I'm the worst. . . "Are you just trying to make me let go?"

"Yes. I mean no. I mean. . ." I'm getting flustered. It's bad enough with her face being so close to me right now. Add to that that I'm responsible for making her cry and yes I am desperate for some separation. But that's not the point. I seriously can't hear them. She doesn't have to worry about me. "Listen. I'm serious. I can't hear them."

"Really?"

"Really."

"So you're cured?" She looked like she was about to cry again.

"I'm not sure. . ." I gently grabbed her arms again. "But you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm better."

"Okay." She finally let go and went back to sitting beside me. She looked embarrassed. Well she did just hug me and cry on my shoulder. I'd be embarrassed too. I'm embarrassed for her.

"See?" I tried to force a smile to reassure her. I don't want to know how weird my face looks. Suddenly asking someone who doesn't smile to fake a smile is asking the impossible.

I could hear the other girls getting up to head back to class. We still had ten minutes left but I guess they wanted to head back early.

"Maybe we should head back to. . ."

What? It's happening again?

"We should have come up here sooner."
"It feels like I wasted my lunch break. . . Ugh. . ."
"Maybe I should ask Hiro if he wants to meet at a café after school."
"She's fiddling with her phone. Must be Hiro-kun again. Must be nice. . ."

"Wakabayashi-sa. . ."

"I can hear them again. . ."

"What?"

I'm really not sure why I did it. I guess I had a sudden hunch. I quickly grabbed Tsutsumi-san by the shoulders and pulled her back towards me again. I could hear her gasp into my ear as I held her close to me. I have no idea what she might be thinking. I have no idea what kind of expression she has.

"Just until they leave. Sorry." I know this is awkward. Please just humor me.

"O. . . Okay."

She just stayed there silently laying on me, her head resting on my shoulder. The voices began to fade again. Then I could hear their real voices as they got closer. They left the roof two and two and all that was left was a final click of the door. They were finally gone.

I let Tsutsumi-san go and she pulled away from me quickly. She looked at me in confusion with those big blue eyes still a little red from crying. "Why did you do that so suddenly?"

"Well. . . How do I explain. . ." I looked away nervously. "I was testing something. I guess."

"A test? Of what."

"This is going to sound bad no matter how I say it."

"Say it anyway."

"I have no idea why. . . But when you're. . . near me. . . I can't hear anyone. . . I think."

Stunned silence.