The Sassy Gynoid Receptionist

The lobby on the second floor of the mages’ guild building was empty when Ashtin arrived the next morning, save for a lone gynoid receptionist seated behind a desk. Ashtin knew it would be busy in a few hours, filled with citizens submitting petitions for magical services, which was why he often stopped by early. The receptionist just happened to be his second-favorite gynoid in the world, R. Soffy.

“Heya, Ash,” Soffy greeted him. “Look at you, all grown up and ready for yer first mission.”

Some gynoids, like Soffy, adopted false personalities and acted like biological humans. People tended to trust them more readily, often sharing information that they would be uncomfortable telling other gynoids. For Soffy’s part, she imitated the kind of fictional sassy secretary that often appeared in 20th century American media. It was a strange choice. Completely divorced from its original context, the stereotype was no longer harmful to perpetuate, but aside from other gynoids, only historian mages knew what she was referencing.

“Thanks.” Ashtin tried to play it cool, but he was grinning ear to ear from the compliment.

“You want some gum?” She casually picked a pack off her desk and pointed it toward him.

“No, thanks.” Ashtin’s refusal caused Soffy to shrug and drop the pack on the table. “How do you even chew gum without saliva?”

“Let me tell ya, it’s real difficult. Opening a drawer, she pulled out a paper ticket and held it out to him. “Train leaves for Settlement 266 in three hours.”

“I was planning on teleporting in. I think I can make it the full distance if I use my new staff.”

“No can do. We’ve surrounded the city with an anti-teleportation field. No one’s gettin’ in or out without our knowledge.”

“Does that mean I have to go through customs? What a waste of time. Remind me again why each city has its own government. It’s so inefficient.”

“Tried planet-wide governments; they didn’t work. When the City Guard was under unified leadership, they started getting funny ideas about overthrowing the council. Better to have the settlements point their guns at each other. That way, no one risks pulling the trigger. Be a good boy and go through the proper channels, OK? That’s what the council expects of you.”

“Alright, alright.” Ashtin grabbed the ticket, but Soffy didn’t let go.

“You know, Ash, this mission… Even you gotta realize you don’t know the first thing about undercover work. It’s not too late to back out.”

“What? Have you been talking to my mom?” Ashtin intended it as a joke, but when Soffy smirked at him, his ears shot straight up.

“Not directly, but she filed seven formal complaints with the council. They were all rejected, of course, but I’m pretty sure she’s composin’ an eighth as we speak.”

“That’s pointless.” Ashtin’s words had a sharp intensity to them. “Why is she wasting her time?”

“Because she’s doing everything in her power to protect you. Look, Ash, I’m not sayin’ she’s right. She’s wrong about a lot of things, but I’ve known her for a long time. We were part of the same manufacturing run, and over the centuries, she’s demonstrated that she’s not always wrong. Before you commit to this mission, you need to decide what you really want.”

“That’s easy. I want to help the council make the world a better place, I want to grow a tail, and I want to live happily with my mom for the rest of my life.”

“Yer such a momma’s boy. What if you could only have one of the three?”

“Helping the council.” Ashtin answered without any hesitation, and Soffy, finally convinced that nothing she could say would dissuade him, released her hold on the ticket.

“Go on this mission then. With any luck, you’ll do some good.”

But Ashtin did not pull his arm back. “You make it sound like if I go on this mission, I won’t get the other two.”

“No one can predict the future, Ash. Maybe you will, but there ain’t been anything like this situation you’re walkin’ into for millennia. The council doesn’t have it under control, and that makes it dangerous. If a rogue mage is behind all this, maybe he’ll curse you so you can never grow a tail, ya know?”

“The council doesn’t want to lose a historian mage. They wouldn’t send me if they weren’t confident I could handle it.”

“Maybe.” Soffy shrugged and allowed an uneasy silence to settle around them. “It’s true that, in general, the council doesn’t want to lose you. Waste of resources and all that, but you should think hard about why they want you to go.”

“Way ahead of you. They expect someone to get hurt, probably me. That’s why they’re sending a healer.”

“I’m not allowed to comment on the council’s true intentions, but I can say that you need to learn to read between the lines a little better, especially if you want to achieve your dreams.”

“If you’re trying to tell me that I’m being set up to fail, I don’t believe it. The council would never do something so… irrational.”

“Again, I’m not allowed to comment, and nothing’s set in stone. Good luck, Ash. I really hope things go well, for all our sakes.”

Pocketing the ticket, Ashtin shook her hand. “Once this is all over, you’ll see that my faith in the council isn’t misplaced.” As he withdrew his hand, he felt Soffy slide something into his palm. A memory chip.

“I put some anime on there for ya. It’s a long train ride.”

“But I’m not allowed.” He tried to return the chip, but she refused to accept it.

“Don’t worry. I only put safe, brainless shows on there. No one will object. You don’t have to watch it if you don’t want, but keep it with you, OK?” In other words, don’t let anyone else get their hands on it.

“Thanks.” After placing the chip in the pocket with the ticket, he twirled his finger and a piece of paper appeared in his hand. “Before I head out, I’ve got a marriage petition I’d like you to approve.”

“Oh yeah? I had no idea you’d found someone. Who’s the lucky—” Her smile dropped into a scowl as she read the name on the paper. “Ash, this is your mom. I didn’t realize you were into that kind of anime.”

“It’s not like that! I just figured if we got married, she wouldn’t have to leave me once I came of age. There’s nothing… incest-y about it.”

Soffy turned away so she could side-eye him. “And what did she say about this?”

“I haven’t asked her yet. I figured I should get your blessing first.”

“Yeah, sorry, no can do,” She slowly tore the sheet of paper lengthwise and threw the halves over her shoulders for dramatic effect.

Despite her reaction, stunts like this were why she liked Ashtin. He took creative steps to achieve his goals, and he got up to mischief, but he never went too far, and he never disobeyed direct orders. He wasn’t supposed to know his mother’s name, just in case she had to be secretly swapped out with another gynoid, and Soffy honestly had no idea how he had obtained that information, but with only a few months until he became an adult, there was little harm in his knowing.

“Figured as much,” Ashtin said, a sad smile on his face. “I don’t suppose you’d like to get married?”

“Careful. I know you’re just trying to butter me up, but some might take that as sexual harassment. What is it you really want?”

Ashtin leaned close so he could whisper his next request. “Could I have my dakimakura back? Please?”

“You had a daki?” Soffy’s derisive laughter was loud enough so that if anyone else were in the lobby, they would have overheard. “What character did you have printed on it?”

“There was nothing printed on it! I know all my otaku goods have been confiscated, but this was just a sleeping aid.”

“Sure it was. Why don’t you just conjure one up before bed? No one would have to know.”

His grin contorted into an expression of pure shock. “I could never go behind the council’s back like that.”

“I was just teasin’ ya. Tell ya what. I’ll see what I can do about the daki while you’re away. Can’t promise anything though. Ain’t my department.”

“You’re the best, Soffy.”

“Remember that next time I ask for a favor.”

Having already spent too much time focusing on Ashtin, Soffy turned back to her work. If he was going to ignore warnings from three different gynoids not to blindly trust the council, she thought, then he was truly foolish. There was nothing more she could do to try to save him.

Even so, his heart was in the right place, and that made him her favorite kind of fool. She sincerely hoped he would, against all odds, find a way to be happy.