ArufaBeta - "Han Hito" (Heavy Roasting Warning!)

Parody Summary:

Guilt. It's a cooming kink, that horniness when the world feels like it's going to crumble like Oreos that you took out your bag after letting them in there for 3 months, all because of something you've done. As some say, the world is more down bad in hindsight.

But what if the world *was* down bad and it really *was* your step uncles fault? Enter Niko Niko NIIIIIIIIIII, a nerd emoji living in Serpho he more like slurp on this hoe!!! Pure comedy am I right? Anyways.... By chance, while driving home from picking his cousins up from the airport, his older brother just took a shot of heroine and crashed into the interstate next to the laboratory. Barely injured, he looks for help and finds a pile of "don't touch it" scientific junk outside the lab. There was an ominous box that screamed death, so he did what he had to do open it of course, releasing a DNA-editing virus upon this world seeking to eradicate humanity!!!

Follow Niko as he trying to repay humanity by being a tier 3 simp on Twitch!

Will he find a cure or will he jack off to death trying?

Read "Mid Mito: The Cooming of Patient 69" to find out!

chap 1

(Of course it needs to be a beefy chapter, why do y'all like seeing me suffer T-T)

Okay MC on some monologue while sleeping on a tarp, man is too poor to afford a normal bed, that you know 99% of humanity normally sleep on smh. He woke up to some people talking in the distance with his 0 drip.

BRUH MAN STARTS TO STALK TO PEEPS THAT ARE A COUPLE LIKE PREY, MAN IS READY TO GET CUCKED WHAT A LOSER LMAO!!!

Anyways MC like the virgin he is could not wait any longer and asked them tf they searching on his Florida lawn. Some Bri'ish accent thot told MC that they are Shelter... what am I reading that right?

LMAO THEY SEARCHING FOR GAME, MC GOT LEGIT -50.0000 RIGHT HERE, HOW LOW OF A POINT MUST THE COUPLE HAVE GOTTEN IF THEY THINK MC GOT GAME LMAO!!

Anyways the Boy his arm is baddie bad.

MC is talking as if he claimed territory by cumming on tress for 2 years straight, I mean he had to release those frustrations somehow, not having a gf does something to a beta nobody/waste of oxygen and look it worked people can't walk on his lawn anymore. (btw we are in a forest)

YO THE THOT JUST CALLED MC OUT FOR HAVING NO DRIP LMAO!! MC SO WACK THAT EVEN NOT INTERESTING SIDE CHARACTERS BE SKINNING HIM ALIVE!

Anyways MC got triggered and wanted these 2 bozos to die and tried to lie his way out of helping them, however Miss Thot had seen enough beta virgins to know that MC was 100% capping since he has Gauze on right now.

MC decided to help them and the boy straight got up and hugged him HMMMMM YES SOME GAE ACTION, because this book so shit that it needs BL bait just people be reading this garbage called a novel these days lmao.

Thot went all Karen on them because MC doesn't give a shit about their names, probably the only chad thing he will ever do in this entire story.

The girl's name is Sammy and the boy's name is Murry LOL WHEN A LOSER GOT MORE GAME THAN MC SHEESH MAN LIFE IS HARD LMAO AT LEAST HE CAN GET CUCKED NOW FUCKING DONKEY LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

Anyways some uninteresting dialogue at the camp...

NEXT!

chap 2

Oh great a Pussy PTSD backstory moment, MC flexed that his brother had a car and waited for them cousins to get in.

PFFTTTTT

THE BROTHER'S NAME IS CHAD LMAO

BROOOOO!!!

Their parents should have looked themselves in the mirror because I am sure that these ugly ass mofos wouldn't be able to "produce" something worthy of being called Chad. The fact that they had to cope this bad just make me almost wanna pity them.

Anyways.

Wait Who the fuck moans "Right, Right I'm Coming." and see that as totally normal... Apparently these damn idiots lmao, BL bait I'm telling you!!! MC is complaining that putting a few bags in a car is child labor, this right here is excatly why he will have 0 bitches in the future, man can't even carry his own meat for 3 seconds before being out of breath.

The cousins are Maya and Chloe and fucking hell does this family shit make me cringe, Chad can't even speak normal regular English with his maidenless dialect. Bruh if Maya wants to curse let her curse if yall wanna curse just do it, yall gonna be single for life anyway. Why take the effort to change to something better when nobody would ever love you and be part of this cringe ass bootleg Spy X Family type of shit.

Dayum I can't take this shit anymore imma skim, If wanna hear family talk I'll watch a 3rd rate sitcom because even that trash is better than whatever this book is supposed to be.

SKIMMING INTENSIFIES!!!

Bruh MC legit admitted he is a beta bitchass when he said no girl ever wanted him when Chloe asked lmao.

Chad is trying to flex that he has 2 Gf's at once but we all know its part of his imagination, like who told this man he could get off his meds smh!

who tf is Sumisu? breh what was the author smoking this is why you don't come up with character names after you binged yaoi smut for 5 hours. Name is BL bait like more things in this book lmao.

I wouldn't be surprised if MC suddenly genderbended in the middle of the book, since BL bait is the only thing this book got going for it lol.

Anyways they crashed because Chad had driving skill issue smh!

Basically they were being retarded and opened something no not some gurls legs because they have 0 game more like something bad.

NEXT!

chap 3

Okay we start with a generic "I woke up in the morning" but instead of it being in chapter 1 its in chapter 3.

*clapping sfx*

Truly great work!

Dayum MC can't math what a dumbass!

Okay apparently because Murry has 2 different eye colors, he be a chad now? I mean he still is a beta probably getting pegged each night by his gf, but still better than the endless masturbation spree MC is in lmao.

Okay so miss Thot gotta feed a family of seven now and has to do it by noon. MC straight gave her a bow and said. "Listen idk how you gonna do this, but you better bring some fucking food or else we eating yo booty tonight as dinner :devil emoji:"

Damn MC got his arm rammed by a deer, sheesh even animals see this man as a cum bucket LMAO Niko got them LIFE ISSUE!!! COPE!!!!

I fucking swear the beta energy so strong that I just wanna kick his balls, the way he talk just gives that 100% certified loser vibe, like is it certain that his gf is real and that it isn't just a hallucination? Whenever I look at Murry I get a feeling as if he is a gender-bent self insert...

AYO AUTHOR WHAT'S THIS?

lmao moving on.

Bruh MURRY ASKS SOME OF THE DUMBEST QUESTIONS EVER, WHY DO YOU PATROL, TO PROTECT SUPPLIES YOU MORON. EVEN A 5 YEAR COULD FIGURE THAT MUCH OUT. THINK MURRY FUCKING THINK!!!!

Okay so something woke up and I don't think it resembles a human being anymore 0-0 like Maya is seriously on some sick game. Who could your skin ever be slimy, yuck fucking disgusting please no more screen time for this abomination smh.

GFTO!!!!!

BRO EVEN MURRY ALMOST CRINGED AT HER EXISTENCE DAYUM!!!

EW AND HER FINGER PLEASE AUTHOR STOP!!!

Author deadass has either a suffering kink or sickness kink, please end this torture I can't T-T

Okay so Murry is a furry? But they about to do a infodump so I just gonna listen to that lol.

HOLD ON SO!!!!

HUMANS TURN INTO ANIMALS BECAUSE OF THE VIRUS?!!!

AUTHOR HAS A FURRY FETISH!!!

HOLY SHIT!!

Well that was Cycle A

And Cycle B is that the virus pulls a HIV type of counter attack fucking you up.

Bruh Murry just ratio'd MC lol with his big brain shit.

OMG SO MUCH SHOE HORNED DIALOGUE SAVE ME PLEASE ITS BORING AS FUCK!!

NEXT!

chap 4

(Please anime gods save the from the midness, the torture is never ending)

Oh no not a "telling sad shit and baskstories at a campire" type of thing.

Fucking boring I am legit not interested all these characters made me cringe harder than TikTok and that is one of the worst thinks you could ever hear about this book.

Of course policman's friend got to have a memed name like Mason, I bet they tied him up in a chair screaming what the numbers mean on some old ass TV.

Bruh wait it goes to the past smh, I don't wanna spend any minute longer with this garbage ass family, how this is dumpster fire of a story even allowed to HF, its so mid that it brings down the value of the entire site. God end my long days of Han Hito torture T-T

Anyways they got home basically and put on USB drive in his pc to see what on it. This takes place ever Chad committed driving issue.

BRO MC IS A FUCKING DEGENERATE, MAN DOESN'T EVEN CLEAN HIS ROOM. HIS VIRGINITY IS OFFICALLY 1.000.000% CONFIRMED AND WILL ALWAYS STAY A CUCK FOREVER!!!

Like this guy is even to lazy to fold some clothes away so that he an other people CAN WALK FREELY IN HIS DAMN ROOM!

AND MC IS BROKE TOO HE RUNNING WINDOWS 99 ON THAT POTATO!!

How can his family bang so much children and cousins even tho they hella broke and are at the end that they might have to start selling them booties lmao.

So they are looking to the files right, finding out about the bioweapon and stuff but my question is...

WHO IN THE ACTUAL FUCK WOULD CREATE SUCH A THING IN THE FIRST PLACE, AND WHY DO THESE RETARDED SCIENTIST AGREE ON MAKING SUCH A DANGEROUS THING. LOOK THAT YALL LIVES DON'T MATTER IS NOT MY PROBLEM, JUST KILL YOURSELF AND SOCIETY IS FREED FROM YOU EDGY GAMELESS, MAIDENLESS, FRIENDLESS GARBAGE!!!

Bruh all these researchers screaming on the recording they watching, smh what periods does to people. You can't have this menopause bullshit in your facility man.

lmao NIko is coping callng it a Hoax, ahhhhh what a typical MURICAN I almost had pity for you even tho it was just a millisecond.

Aru?

Ayo Author self cameo, isn't that kinda sad......... please author go outside and make friends, self inserting to bad for ones mind lmao.

Bro the company left a bioweapon in the trash, ayo I would nuke the entire country at this point. My non existent brain cells legit hurt right now.

Well shit MC is infected with Bio Aids.

NEXT!

Chap 5

(ohhhhh noo another big boy! Please its the last one you can do this ALT don't die!)

Sammy came back and got to witness the monster called Maya.

STOP MENTIONING THOSE FUCKING WEIRD HANDS!! :barf:

Bruh when do these character shut the hell up, too bad words are needed to make an novel. Now I wish that words were never accepted, meaning that Han Hito would have never have existed creating a new world happiness!

BRUH THIS PEOPLE HAVE A HOLE ASS CONVO ABOUT DRAGGING A FUCKING DEER!! DON'T JUST STAND THERE, SHUT THEEEEEEEE FUCKINGGGGGGG HELLLLLLL UPPPPPP AND JUST DRAGGGG THE FUCKING CORPSSSSS DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE ISEKAI TO THIS WORLD IMMA POP ALL THEIR HEADS IN WITH BULLETS!!!

bruh they dragged that thing for 1 min and now they already fighting about who gets what.....

*sigh* I am legit sighing behind my computer just what was the author thinking, this shit is even more boring than moe girls slice of life content.

One does not make slice of life cringe out of pandemic/apocalypse stories and yet Han Hito made that grave sin.

End me please, just....

NO!

I gotta make it to the end! I can do it!

BRO WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH CHLOE?!!

PLEASE STOP!!

STOP!!!!!!

I didn't know the author was a first class sadist jeSUS!

Bro I can't these girls make me sad even thoughI hate all the characters and think they all shit, but I guess I still have a bit of human emotion left in my heart.

MC SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING EDGELORD YOU JUST DON'T WANNA HELP MISS THOT AND PEGGED BETA, YOU SELFISH CUNT!! GET A HOLD OF YOUR SHITY HORMONES DUDE!!

Stop this cringe ass drama this ain't a soap opera.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

OMFG I am having a mental breakdown over here. I think I just discovered a new torture method for the CIA. Tie people to a chair and make them read Han Hito for 10 minutes. I can guarantee you that the suspect will start talking lmao.

Wait guys........

ITS DONE FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES HELL YES GOD LOVES ME, MY LIFE IS SO BEAUTIFUL ALL OF A SUDDEN!!!

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!!!!!!

Ahhhhh finally some rest!

I don't know what the author was thinking, this person got some serious kink insert like family torture, sickness and endless pain. The character seemed written by a AI as well as the shitty boring ass plot. I would rather revisit 177013 (don't search it up) than to ever see this abomination again. Like how can a person create a story so ass that even "Psychology Handbook" gives a better run for its money.

This shit makes me suicidal/10 would rather lose my eyes than to see this story ever again.

Final Review:

Okay deadass let get the obvious out there: Han Hito is Mid Hito. Its just so bland asf and just hella boring to me, the characters piss me off most of the time and the plot doesn't really reel me in either.

However the writing is excellent, but that doesn't really save it.

This simply is not my cup of tee, nonetheless you know what the say: "Another man's trash is another man's treasure." So feel free to check this out if interested.

Btw to be clear the author has a another book and it seems 69.000 times better than whatever the hell Han Hito was, but I ain't going out the shill limit for that one.

P.S: If you want to enter too please apply at the form!

P.S.S: (I swear for the next time I should buy a rope, in case things get too mid, I can end myself)

Now see ya at the next reactionary/roast chapter!

Author link: https://www.honeyfeed.fm/u/6805