"Mahō No Cringe" by ALTaccounti (chapter 1) (7.5K Reads Milestone special) (Parody Style)

This is the 1st chapter of the 3 chapter parody adaptation for “Mahō No Gakkō''. Written by ArufaBeta.

Make sure to check out the author’s book and enjoy!

Parody Summary:

Many years ago, a spirit army conquered the Dianutz, a world apart from Earth split into feces of war. A small rebellion united against the threat, being down bad for territory they call ‘Atsus’. Hundreds of years of fighting went by, and finally, the humans could simp for Atsus all they want. The spirits do not have twitter accounts so they were not announced that war was over…..

Now a girl named Shita enters the ebay in a struggle to save her brother, who has been captured by the still-hostile spirit army after he had leaked spirit nudes to twitter, but little did he know that the spirit caught up with social media too. Not knowing where she is because she has trash eyesight, she blindly stumbles into a war school and begins her shinanigens to rescue her down bad brother, the only person she knows since her social life is non-existent, from a dangerous new world!

Will Shita be competent and save her brother who is horny for spirits?

Read “Maho No Cringe” to find out!

Chapter 1 Enter: Shitty Beta (Redump)

Nathot once told me a story when he was sniffing coke again.

“Shita, do you know what a Dianutz is?”

“No, and I do not care. Get the fuck out of my sight.”

Besides me saying GET THE FUCK OUT, he just had to sit besides me on the bed, his face is so thin I could see his skull, he’d been taking even more drugs lately as if he was coping with his sad existence or something.

“There is another planet out there, Shita, one with life, like ours.”

I could smell his hallucination or 8 grade syndrome from a mile away. He just had this STINKY scent whenever he went on the binge coke sniffing, like I would rather somebody spray dogshit scented perfume on me than to sit within 1 meter radius of my garbage dad.

“But dad, the telescope never showed me any of that shit, maybe you go and detox this mad coping you’ve been on lately is killing me of cringe.”

“It’s just a story, Shita. Calm your flat chested tits… anyway they say you can see it on a full moon.”

I couldn’t care less about that, this man had the audacity to call me flat even though my D cup is saying something. This is why this man will never get bitches fucking UGH!!!

Okay those were lies but let me cope just like my dad okay? Man you people don’t allow anything nowadays.

Anyways I had to play it cool so I went along with his shit to make my life easier.

I met his eyes and nodded. “What’s it like then huh?”

“It’s full of magic and wonders, and lights coming from the ground. There was a queen who ruled over it and stopped evil spirits from killing the humans.”

I sighed heavily.

“Dad do you think I got the patience to listen to this crackhead story, I swear if you don’t get out of my room I will become a gamer girl on twitch.”

“But you are only 10!!!”

“So what?! You started to smoke weed at that age so you don’t have the right to tell me anything.”

The coke was kicking in and he started to laugh like a maniac. Man I didn't want to remember this shit as I perfectly understood that he was a lost case of humanity.

“Well Shita, just listen to me okay?”

I pouted. “You better say something normal or else imma kick your nuts!”

“I got something for you.”

Finally it may be worthwhile.

He reached into the back pocket of his khasis as somehow THEY NEVER WEAR NORMAL MODERN CLOTHING FOR SOME FUCKING REASON and revealed a small charm. Its silver sheen reflected my empty soul. In its center, a orange gemstone that I don’t really give a fuck about was set.

It's pure ass not gonna lie.

“Dad, you could have given me iPhone, like what is this pure garbage.”

“Wow, way to disrespect my good intentions Shita.”

“Well fine, just give to me.”

He pulled it away from my hands with a smile.

“Sike that’s for asking for iPhone like only retards use that trash, somtimes I wonder if you are truly my daughter.”

“Well I could say the same.” I replied.

“Anyways wait a bit longer.”

I just rolled my eyes.

“If you want to keep this charm with you. It’s supposed to represent Dianutz, the other world. While I am not here, remember me with it, okay?”

“I don’t need a charm for you to give me endless nightmares.”

“Ouch that was harsh Shita.”

***

I slid open the doors, the cold metal stinging my fingertips. A frigid gust blew…. Wait why is this important I CLOSED THE DAMN DOOR BEHIND ME.

There.

My routine of calling out would be in vain, but I don’t care as I don’t have tendencies to talk imaginary people in my head just like dad. I slipped off my Michaell Jackson jacket with a hee hee shamone, shaken from the onset of… it was winter and it was damn cold. September can eat my dad’s nuts fuck it!

I wonder where Nathot was- he was normally home on Fridays. If he had been held up by traffic, I could understand, but I felt big brain about it.

Another voice lingered…. Fuck am I going bonkers too now?!! It was my brother Cuntie, who had just stumbled in. Thank god I am not crazy. Anyway he was talking on the phone with friends about the new fortnite update, which in my eyes is very disgusting. Sometimes I wish I could get this guy disowned.

“Yeah, yeah,” He responded. “I’m open Sunday to do some Genshin cosplay.”

Yeah this man needs to get sent to a rehabilitation center for degenerates.

I watched as he awkwardly tried to slip his backpack off like he was starring in some porn vid. Why can’t he not just put the phone down for a moment, I couldn’t guess. But his bag got stuck to the door like the step-sister that seems to get stuck in the washing machine every time. Plus this dumbass dropped his phone too.

Man had a harder panic than when I found out that my dad is a loser and a society outcast. He hurriedly checked if it had any cracks. I honestly couldn’t understand him- the phone turned into its famous not so limited “broken edition”.

“Alright, I gotta go. See you guys on Sunday!” He finished, (not cooming) tapped the ‘end call’ button and settled down his phone.

“All that 0 IQ shit just to say goodbye?”

He met my glare and groaned. “What’s your problem you fucking normie?!”

“You.”

Our conversations usually went that way- meaningful banter, wishing each other to kill yourself and get disowned. It was a rare day where Cuntie had something interesting to say. If he wasn't my brother I would have reported him to the police for illegally trying to be femboi.

“It’s because of Nathot not coming home, isn’t it?”

He must have used his hidden singular braincell to catch me off guard, because I turned away from this loser without a word. For all I knew, He even cared less about our father than I did. He was even scrolling to weird light thingies on his phone while we spoke. Once I went through his phone and saw a bunch of Astolfo nudes, so I know that he is into those kind of things.

“He will be here tomorrow, get a life Shita. Not that you have one. You just have to accept that some things go differently”

“Why do you care you damn femboi?!”

“Shita calm down you little shit, that crackhead is sadly my dad too.”

“Kill yourself!”

“Ugh you fucking little Shitty Beta, stop being jelly that I hve more feminie beauty than you. Shaking my head.”

Meaningful banter- wishing for each other to kill yourself and get disowned.

“It's a full moon tonight.” Why did I watch too much Twilight darn it!

“Oh so that is why you want the bastard home, to see him sniffing 20 rows of coke within 1 minute?”

“Well he never is anyway. He’s probably jacking off in some back alley after failing to pick up a woman for the 69th time.”

“Yeah that’s probably true.”

“Hey, remember mom?”

The room was filled with silence for a moment. Silence is shit and is for people that have no social skills.

The silence broke because of Cuntie’s phone.

“Nathot said he will be home tomorrow.”

I sighed in relief one day without the aggressive sound of sniffing as white powder flies all over the house.

***

Time jizzed by, and after studying *ehem* watching e-boys on twitch for a few hours, I noticed a glint of orange through the bind. I was starting to act up for internet dudes which is bad for a girl as young as me, so I decided to do something healthy and closed the tab. I stood up to stretch. I could feel it crack as I tried to reach the ceiling with my arms.

Fuck I am still loli sized I better get a growth spurt soon or else I have to walk arms looking out for degen weebs for the rest of my life.

I checked my cheap watch which I stole from Walmart a while back. The screen displayed ‘7:33PM’ in its blocky font… I WENT OUTSIDE AND IT WAS HELLA COLD!!

Phew sometimes I just had to turn off einstein mode.

The sunset reminded me of something as I instinctively reached for my pocket as I was donating to my fav e-boy on twitch.

I looked at the shitty amulet.

Remember me with it, He’s said.

Fuck I can feel the PSTD already trying to haunt me!

I threw the amulet to the ground.

“Fuck you for not giving me a iPhone!”

The gem of the amulet was dented, I only felt bad because I realized that I could have selled it off for a high ass price.

And holy shit my amulet started going on an acid trip. An arrow of sorts had formed inside it. Inside. I turned it to get a better look at the moonlight, but the arrow turned, too. Fuck stop playing mind games with me! Anyway it was a bright white against the orange stone, as if the moonlight in Person 3 was hitting it at an odd angle.

I caught Cuntie in 4k as he turned the corner. I quickly pocketed the charm before he saw it.

“Shita? Why are you touching grass?”

“Because I can at least I am doing something that you could never do in your life.”

Cuntie groaned again, I didn’t mimic him because he is cringe as hell and didn’t want to get his weeb syndrome.

“Oh, it’s about that Dianutz thing, isn’t it?”

“No go away you fucking lost cause!”

I stormed to the basement and slammed the door behind me. I took deep hyperventilations, though rarely did they ever calm me down. Cuntie always treated me as an afterthought as he was always dancing in maid outfits to get views from 14 year old horndogs on Tiktok, and that shit surely pissed me off. We’re twins, just where did things go wrong?

I pulled up the charm as if I just pulled up at your house stealing yo man, but the arrow wasn’t there anymore. The basement had a single window, through where the Persona 3 moonlight streamed. I stuffed over and held the stone up to the light. Sure enough, the arrow reappeared, this time in a different direction.

I turned to the direction of the arrow- it was pointing out our storage room. I reached for the door handle and I let go……

I didn’t know why but I need Cuntie here!

“Cuntie, get down here!”

My voice was strained, but I heard the basement door open and knew he had heard me.

He snarled at me.

“What now?”

I twisted the handle and pushed it open, still looking at him. I wanted to gauge his reaction., but he didn’t seem to care.

“Shita, I don't know what you just right now, but there is a new character revealed for Genshin Impact and I really want to see it so…”

I turned around and gaped at the scene behind me. It wasn’t massively impressive, but is not important, more important than Genshin cringe tho. I was more impressed that our storage room was turned into a cursed WW2 bunker.

Without saying a word to Cuntie, I side stepped in and looked around. He kept saying useless words like, saying that he could have been watching his fav femboi stream instead whatever the hell is happening. By the time he stopped being a waste of oxygen, I had already found a ladder.

I climbed up each…. I WENT UP TO THE SURFACE AND THERE WAS A HATCH ABOVE TWIST LOCKED WHICH WAS RUSTY AS FUCK!

*breaths out*

Cuntie was being annoying as fuck so I should told him shut the hell up which worked, while I used big brain power to somehow open the lock.

“Are you coming or not?” I asked.

Even though I just wanted him to secretly say and get out of my life, but then dad would get pissed at me and sniff extra coke, so that was out of the option.

“Why the hell would I-”

“Is that no?”

Wait, if he voluntarily stayed then dad can’t get mad at me!!! Exilent!

Cuntie was being a total pussy.

“I’ll go but, what the hell, Shita?”

With Cuntie not being the storm that was approaching me, I pushed open the hatch with all my strength, it flung open AND WE SAW THE STARS OKAY!!!

Man I don’t give a shit about no constellation.

I climbed out the hatch like it was an open vault clambered my feet on top of the rough stone, Cuntie followed behind, but I hate wasting attention on things that don’t matter.

The ground was broken by massive fissures, interconnected by roads and bridges. Sunlight burst through the fissures like the coom in femboi porn my brother watched from time to time, brightening the void above.

I kissed the ground like a filthy simp as my brother just wanted to go home already.

The light, the stars, the war, splayed in front of me like murals, brought by one word of the mind.

These Nutz!

Oops I mean…

Dianuts

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This is the first chapter out of the 3 that I will be adapting.

I hope y’all enjoyed it and see the next chapter.

Also gimme more likes :angry emoji: I feel like people are shitting on my efforts!!

AND I WANT MORE VIEWS WHY IS MY BOOK STILL A NICHE DAMN IT!!

MAKE IT MAINSTREAM ALREADY!!!

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Author Link: https://www.honeyfeed.fm/u/6805