Real Villain, Desu Wa!
Did I die? Then someone put my processor and memory into this body. Probably. It’s also probable that my mind in this body is a copy, so my original body and mind still exist somewhere, Damian thought, while he sat on the subway train seat.
Whatever. I don’t have any reason to fight, and I won’t feel boredom with this robotic body. So let’s just be a wanderer!
The train stopped at a station. Damian just lay on the seat, and he was just breathing although robots didn’t have respiration, so he just imagined it.
I didn’t see any CCTV, so I guess this train isn’t driverless. Dent probably wanted to give people more jobs. Damian chuckled.
After the train moved and some minutes, Damian saw a man who wore a white button-down shirt with a black necktie and black trousers. The man had a black, folded suit jacket on his right arm, and he was walking to Damian’s passenger car from the rear car.
The rear car has a restroom, so did he go to the restroom? Damian thought. He looks nervous. This body has a program that can analyze human gestures so I’m sure that he is nervous, probably because he is afraid that people know that he was m*sturbating in the restroom!
The man walked past Damian, opened the door to the next car, and went to the next car.
After a while, Damian heard an announcement from the loudspeaker: “Please go to the second car from the driver. There is a homicide. If you don’t want to be the suspect, come here and clear your name, dear passengers.”
Drunk people aren’t rare during night hours in subway trains, and so does violence. But, isn’t this in Verdandi? Alcoholic drinks are banned here. Ah, whatever, I hope this train doesn’t have more than 25 cars, Damian complained, but he then jumped off his seat and walked to the second car.
It turned out that the train had 10 cars. When Damian arrived at the second car, there were only four people, excluding the one who supposedly was the victim behind those four people.
The victim was lying face-up on the floor. He wore a blue suit jacket and held a bloody knife uprightly in his right hand. His left sleeve was a mess as if someone rolled it up and down. There was a stab wound on his abdomen, and his aorta was barely nicked.
There was a man in his 40s who was nearest to the victim. He wore a black long coat, a maroon waistcoat, a white shirt with a black necktie, and black trousers. There was a cigarette in his mouth and glasses on top of his nose. He also had a black beard.
Everyone is confused except this man, and I remembered him that time, Damian thought.
“Call me Watson, I’m a detective,” the man said while he showed his identification card. “Now, identify yourselves.”
The other person, who met Damian before, said, “My name is Felman, a forex broker.”
Another person, a man with middle part hair in his 20s, said, “Um, I’m Akito Takeshi, an IT technician. I work for VCM.” Takeshi wore a white sweater coat and a black anime character shirt. The character was a girl.
Then the last person, a woman in her 20s with a peach braided ponytail, said, “I’m Elma. I work at a barbecue restaurant, D4BT!”
Isn’t she that singer who sang in the landfill?! That hairstyle, that black hat, that mustard jacket, that white t-shirt, and that mustard hot pants. She was the one who gave me her middle finger! Damian thought.
“Oh, and I’m Mr. Watson’s sidekick, Bunny,” Damian said.
Watson looked at Damian for a moment, and then he chuckled. “Yes, he is,” Watson said. He then held his cigarette and said, “This crime is simple although a bit deceptive. No robotic instrument, no accomplice. The kind of crime you would read about on news in the 21st century. Classic.”
“Sir, smoking is illegal, it’s an imperfect behavior. I doubt you are a police officer, so that card must be fake!” Felman interrupted.
“Kid, I have the privilege due to my GLD symptoms in the past. Do you want me to lose control and eat your organ? Smoking lets you get addicted to nicotine, not human organs,” Watson replied while he blew his smoke.
“Then at least don’t smoke in our direction!!” Takeshi was sitting and holding a smartphone when he said that.
“Oh, sorry about that,” Watson pressed his cigarette onto a pole near him. Then he took another cigarette!
“So, who is the culprit, Mr. Detective?” Elma said while she clenched her fists in front of her chest. Yes, strangely she was excited.
“Fuh…” Watson blew another smoke and said, “The culprit is in this room.”
Dun! Dun! Duuuun!
Felman was shocked. Then Takeshi was shocked. Then Elma was also shocked. They were shocked in turn!
“Hm, let me elaborate,” Watson said and stepped forward. But then, somehow Watson slipped and fell backward.
The knife in the victim’s hand stabbed Watson’s back. “Argh!” Watson screamed, and then he gradually closed his eyes.
Damian walked to Watson and touched Watson’s wrist. Hm? Then he turned around and said, “He dies.”
“NUOOOOOOOOOO!” Elma gripped her temples, screamed, and got down on her knees.
“Ridiculous!” Felman scoffed at Watson’s death, and Takeshi just said, “Eeeeh?”
“Now, now, calm down. The sidekick is still alive and experienced. Let’s think about this together. You don’t want to stay in jail tonight, right? Therefore give me your accounts and try to figure out who is the culprit. I’m recording right now,” Damian said.
“I’m not the culprit. You are my witness, Rabbit. I was away from this car. If I went here and killed him, these two would notice me, right?” Felman said.
“It’s true, I didn’t see you since I boarded this train. I was in the sixth car, I guess?” Elma said and stood up.
“See? There is no way I’m the culprit. What about this man?” Felman asked and looked at Takeshi.
Takeshi was fidgeting, and he said, “Uh, um, it’s true that I was in the fifth car, but still, I didn’t kill him. I think that detective was in the third or the fourth car. So he is suspicious!”
“But I trust Mr. Detective!” Elma said.
“Why?” Felman asked.
“Don’t you observe his looks? He is a DILF! So I’m sure that he is not guilty!” Elma replied.
“What the fuck? That’s so stupid! Either Takeshi or that detective is the culprit, I’m sure of it!” Felman shouted.
“You know, the perpetrator is always noisy because they want to misdirect others. So, the culprit must be anata!” Elma said and pointed her right index finger at Felman.
“That’s nonsense! What is your proof?!” Felman denied Elma’s claim.
“Hmm, women’s intuition!”
“That’s unreliable! You are probably a liar, so I’m NOT the culprit!”
“Well, the culprit is also always someone who doesn’t stand out because they want to cover up everything, or the author wants to misdirect readers! Ja, the culprit is anata!” Elma turned to Takeshi and pointed her index finger at him.
“Why me?!” Takeshi complained.
“Because you were just playing with your phone and hiding from the conversation!!” Elma replied.
“That doesn’t mean I’m the culprit!! I just want to read hentai!”
Felman, Elma, and Damian were surprised, and they became silent for a while.
Why are you reading hentai in this situation?! Damian thought.
“You clearly cannot blend with the society. So you are the culprit,” Felman said and shook his head.
“Ugh,” Elma said and retracted her hand from Takeshi’s direction.
“Don’t judge me, okay?!!” Takeshi replied.
Damian took Watson’s cigarette and blew the smoke. He then said: “Look, if the culprit is someone who doesn’t stand out, why don’t we suspect the driver? But we can’t, the driver likely doesn’t have the chance during the train’s journey. We also cannot suspect Elma just because she is noisy too. Yes, we need the evidence.
But we need the experts to investigate the crime scene so we won’t destroy or overlook the evidence, and psychological clues are also important as in interrogations. So, if the culprit doesn’t want to confess, let’s just beat them up.”
Damian looked at Felman and said, “Mr. Felman, beat up Takeshi.”
“I agree,” Felman said and walked to Takeshi.
“Why me?!” Takeshi complained. “This is so wrong and sexist! Why don’t you beat Elma?! Don’t say it’s because she is a woman!!”
“Don’t worry, I hold high gender equality. I have pink gloves from my girlfriend in my jacket. I’m going to beat Elma with them later,” Felman replied.
“What the hell, that is sexist!” Elma said.
Takeshi, what the f*ck is sexist?! Damian thought. “Alright, you might be punished if you beat someone. So let’s just put Takeshi under stress so he will confess,” Damian suggested.
Damian then climbed the seat and jumped to open the train window. “Stick his head out of this window,” he said.
“Wait, wait, wait!!” Takeshi raised his hands and tried to resist Felman, but Felman successfully dragged him and put Takeshi’s head outside.
“AAAAAAAARGH!” Takeshi screamed. “I’m scared! I’m scared! Please, please! Put me inside!”
“So, do you want to confess?” Damian asked Takeshi calmly.
“I’m NOT the culprit! I won’t confess!! Please, please! I’m scared! This is dangerous!!”
“Hmm, poor you. Alright, Mr. Felman, put him back with one condition.”
“What is the condition?” Felman asked.
“Takeshi, please yell, ‘SEEEEX!’ and ‘I BECOME, SEEEEX!’” Damian said.
“What? Why?!!” Takeshi complained.
“You don’t want to go inside?” Damian asked calmly.
“Uh, uh, but why?!!!” Takeshi said and struggled to go inside. Then he said, “Uh, okay!!” and screamed,
“WAAAAA, SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX!” and screamed,
“I BECOME, SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX!”
Felman pulled Takeshi and threw Takeshi to the floor. “Uh, why does this happen to me?!!” Takeshi shouted.
Damian then thought, Alright, it’s time to get serious. In the name of my great-grandfather, I’m going to solve this case! Then he imagined a big door was closed!
Ja: then/so. Anata: you.