Canto VIII: Amor Vincit Omnia

"For the sake of the future, we shall become perfect maids! We are Carcabuey's Great Maid Corps: Let's get to work, ladies!"

"Aye aye, Head Maid Hadrinyan! "

"We shall follow along: This is a necessary step in order to learn more about our rival."

Hadrinyan, Godofreda and Voytek had headed out to improve their maid skills on a chilly, cloudy and windy morning. They were all clad in maid outfits, and forming up in front of their house. As it would impede her vision, Voytek wasn't wearing her white eyepatch that day.

A week had passed since Fetail had been sealed away, and Imperator was watching over Zoya at home. So, as one would expect, they could not attend Hadrinyan’s class. Besides, those two were unsuited to be maids: The former was good at cooking, but even better at breaking things. The latter couldn't be bothered to do anything, but at least her human form minded her words a bit more.

"What is our duty, Great Maid Corps?" Hadrinyan asked the two girls in front of her.

""To purge the streets of all kinds of filth, to achieve perfect maidhood, and to make the world's buildings sparkle: That is our duty!"" Spring would come soon, and Hadrinyan had decided to train her friends into the art of maidhood in preparation for Holy Week and its festivities.

But even Hadrinyan would be hard-pressed to clean every street and every house on her own during such a busy period of time. So in Voytek's and Godofreda’s spare time, she taught them the basics of maidhood. And not only that, but she also volunteered to help out their local cleaning services, who they'd collaborate with in cleaning the streets, along with some able-bodied villagers.

"Ladies, you know the theory of maidhood. Consider this a test, a practical application of what you have learnt so far. It's not like I'm excited to teach you the art of being the perfect maid, ok?! Don't misunderstand me!" Contrary to her words, she looked very excited to both help out around the village and enjoy the presence of her friends."

"Whatever you say, Head Maid Hadrinyan!" The dog-girl couldn't wait to get started.

"We shan't doubt your words, Head Maid Hadrinyan." Hadrinyan's rival was more curious than excited, but she felt like it'd be a great opportunity to learn about her rival.

"Hmph! Very well, I like your answers. Let's move out!" The pair of maids saluted their Head Maid and prepared to clean the streets first, and the houses and other buildings later. They'd clean as much as possible during the morning, and they'd all rest after that: Godofreda was working on a way to extract the excess information from Fetail, and looking into the strange structures near the village.

Voytek was working hard on her Olivia-Hadrinyan Observation Log. She loved her juniors very much, and she wanted to make sure they had as much fun as possible and rested up well.

As for her, Hadrinyan would clean the house after lunch, do the dishes and then let Olivia continue with her hobbies: Alien-hunting and writing. A confident smile on her face, Hadrinyan nodded in satisfaction at the way her plans had been laid out. "Gladstone, do you approve of my schedule? It's not like I care about your approval, but if I must ask somebody, then my mentor is the best choice, isn't it?" But there was no answer.

"Drat, old habits die hard. I completely forgot he'd gone to Cabra to attend the Rural Magical Girl Mascot Congress as my representative. It's only 14 km away, so he should be back by the end of the day if it doesn't drag on. I must show that I can do things without my mentor around. That applies to you two, my juniors: Don't embarrass me!"

"Aye aye, Head Maid Hadrinyan! A maid must be able to act even when the head maid, the Master or the Mistress isn't present. I got it, don't worry!"

"Autonomy is important for vassals and rulers alike. We understand, Head Maid Hadrinyan.’’

‘’J-just Head Maid is enough! Now, enough dilly-dallying.’’ The trio started working on cleaning the area between their house and the fountain near it. Hadrinyan held her scythe in her hands, and carefully swept the streets with it, turning the dust it touched into light.

Godofreda followed behind her, holding a vacuum cleaner which she used to finish off anything Hadrinyan couldn't turn into light or couldn't reach. And finally, Voytek carried a hose attached to a water tank located on her back.

I wonder what happened to Fetail's Hivemind Units, thought Hadrinyan. She hadn't been able to locate them, but she knew they were still a few lying around. They haven't been causing trouble, so it's fine.

They cleaned the road and sidewalk of their target area, and also took care of cleaning the telephone cabin, the containers and the cars which were parked in the area. Finally, they cleaned the fountain and checked that it wouldn't act up anytime soon. Here, Godofreda excelled, as she annihilated any leaf that dared appear near the fountain.

"That's the first area done, my juniors! It's not like I'm concerned about your well-being at all, but let's take a short break!"

"Sounds good to me, Head Maid!"

"Very well, let us take a break. Neither rulers nor vassals should overlook the importance of resting."

Hadrinyan used their fountain break to wet her face to clean her sweat off. Magical Girls could indeed sweat! Godofreda took the chance to dip her face in the fountain's cool water, and Voytek refilled her water tank.

"My juniors, you're doing a great job so far! Keep it up, and you'll eventually reach my level. Keep filling me with pride!" She decided to ignore the fact that Godofreda was in fact 23, a year older than her, and was technically not her junior.

To celebrate their hard work, they all high-fived as well as they could, taking into account their height difference. It was quite the struggle for Godofreda, at 153cm.

With that, their break ended. They then started cleaning the area between the fountain and the town hall, which was quite dirty due to ongoing construction work. What were they building? Imperator's restaurant, of course! The villagers were very pleased at the sight of the three girls toiling away to keep the place clean.

And a certain villager had her eye on them: Almudena. She was livid that Hadrinyan-Olivia had added yet another girl to her harem. She'd also overheard Olivia talking about how her household wouldn't accept any new members, and how she refused to expand her unwanted harem. And of course, she flipped her lid: Olivia was implying that Almudena would never be part of her harem or household. She angrily tailed them, hiding in the shadows and concealing her presence.

Almudena could tolerate Godofreda's presence: She knew the Professor was a good girl and that her feelings were pure and wholesome, even if not fully directed at Olivia-Hadrinyan. She could tolerate Fetail-Zoya, since she didn't appear to show romantic feelings towards anyone, and was mostly concerned with lazing around and being a nuisance, which ticked Almudena off a bit.

She could tolerate Imperator, since she appeared to simply consider everyone in the Carcabuey Protection Squadron her friend, and showed a special degree of affection for Fetail-Zoya.

Almudena could tolerate them because they were pure and good; And she wasn’t willing to isolate her beloved. No, she wanted to see her smile.

But there was somebody she couldn't and wouldn't tolerate: Voytek. Almudena could judge the purity of someone's intentions and feelings by simply looking at them, and looking at Voytek gave her a headache. She was a mix of pure malice, lingering grief, and a blank slate, all rolled into one and only held together by an oath of loyalty. Almudena could not identify who the oath was directed towards, however. "My beloved is still wary of her. She will eventually find out and boot that sussy traitor out."

She cursed her own powerlessness as they merrily cleaned away. Even Voytek herself seemed unaware of her own emotions and malice. Her oath kept in her place! Suddenly, Almudena had an idea: Fetail’s Hivemind Units. If she could activate them, she'd be able to counter Voytek and possibly bring Fetail back. It was a matter of transferring her excess memories to her Hivemind Units, something that Godofreda knew not.

Almudena considered herself to be a background character who lurked in the shadows most of the time, so she couldn't take overt action, lest she draw unneeded attention to herself.

But covert action? Assassination, kidnapping and quick post deliveries?

That was her specialty, and she took special pride in the last item of the list. Not like she'd actually harmed anyone…

She melted into the shadows after muttering: "I will save you, Olivia-Hadrinyan. For the sake of our future, I will become your saviour. Just you wait!" Thus began the Olivia-Hadrinyan Salvation Plan, orchestrated by the mailwoman who could. Her first action would be to gather allies… By force, if she had to.

Only Godofreda heard her muttering, and she was relieved that the mass of pure rage had vanished. At least it hadn't been aimed at her. Why at Voytek? The poor archaeologist couldn't figure out why: She guessed it was Almudena, but her anger seemed disproportionate.

While pondering such things, Godofreda vacuumed away at the streets, but she was suddenly enveloped by darkness, and she lost her footing before falling on her rear.

"Ouch! Where is this?!" She looked around: She could see her body, but she was in a dark void. "Almu, it was you, wasn't it?! Why did you target me? I didn't do anything." A blob of darkness sprang up to her, taking the form of Almudena: In both her Magical Girl and human form, nobody could accurately describe her clothes or her face. Everyone always said she looked average and plain, and nobody knew too much about her: She was quite a mystery, and everyone had simply accepted it. They knew she'd been living in the village for a long time, but they couldn't tell exactly how much.

The mysterious girl then patted Godofreda's head. "You're a good egg, you know? You kicked me out of your house to protect Olivia after I grew a bit too bold. Nebuchadnezzar, you are a fellow maiden in love, and I'm willing to share Olivia-Hadrinyan with you. However, I'm going to need your help to save her."

"Isn't it easier if we just call her Olivia? And what do you mean, save her? Is it because of Voytek?"

"Yes, you are right. And you are bright, too! Right, cute and bright!" Almudena had taken a liking to Godofreda and was enjoying patting her like a dog. The archaeologist quite enjoyed being patted.

"Holly, as I like to call her, is a weird girl, but I don't feel she's evil or anything like that. Almu, I am just an archaeologist with animal ears and a tail, and I only know so much. Could you please tell me why you think she is in danger? I want to help her!"

Almudena conjured a chair out of the darkness and sat down on it, placing the small girl on her lap and patting her head again. "I used my Magic, Heian Data Collector, to look into her emotions, feelings and intentions… She's a bunch of things rolled into one, none of them good. She makes no sense. And she's only held together by an oath of loyalty to somebody. Voytek is not aware of what she actually is, so asking her won't yield any results and will only make things worse. I was able to extract a single word from my investigation: Zarambria."

Godofreda looked rather confused: "That was the name of one of her friends, but she's supposed to be gone! Unless…"

"Unless she is not gone."

"Exactly!"

"Relying on you was a good idea. I've been alone for most of my life, but thanks to you and my beloved Olivia, I don't feel so alone anymore. Thank you."

"Aw, it's nothing! You used to scare me, but you're quite nice when you're not losing your mind." Godofreda gave her a wide smile, which quickly turned troubled. "Wait, wait, wait! Your power is collecting data, isn’t it?!"

"It most certainly is." Almudena knew where the conversation was heading, but she didn’t mind it.

"Then why can't I recall your face or your clothes? And why can you slink in and out of shadows and create things out of them?! You can even transport people to a shadow realm! It's cool, but it's also bizarre. Not that I can claim not to be bizarre, but still! You’re something else!"

"Love, Godo. Love warped me… Before I met my beloved, I attempted to get a divine entity to give me advice in romantic matters. But I was still very young back then, and I had a bad temper. I managed to anger the entity by threatening to pull it out of its safe space and beat it to death if it didn't give me a clear answer to my questions. So it cursed me to slink in the shadows, to be forgettable to everyone, and cursed me to never be able. But it told me that I'd still meet my true love. As thanks, I sneaked into its shade with my magic, and beat that hag to death. I was 6 when it happened. It's been 14 years already, how time flies.’’

Godofreda was speechless: The story was so outlandish it seemed made up, but then again, this was a world full of superpowered brats, talking gold dragons and dog-eared archaeologists. ‘’Did all of that make you into a stalker?’’

‘’Of course not. I simply took advantage of the situation and decided that I worked best as a background character. Stalking my beloved Olivia was a result of my own decisions. I’m not brave enough to approach her directly, but it’s not like I’ve tried.’’

Godofreda patted Almudena’s back. ‘’If you can muster the courage to confess to her, she will surely fall for you! You should aim for Olivia instead of Hadrinyan when confessing, as the latter will probably panic if you confess to her. Go get her!"

Almudena nodded, a bright flame burning in her eyes. ‘’I’ll do it! I’ll confess to her! Now that you’ve helped me out, let me give you some advice: You’re on the fence, right? You’re torn between Olivia and Fetail, so let me tell you something: Go for them both, make a harem within a harem. You see, Fetail likes you quite a bit, just not in a romantic way. You just have to make her fall for you... But she will resist to the death, so don't expect it to be easy. As for Olivia, I’ll help you out after I make her fall for me. We’re in this together!’’ The two girls high-fived each other. ""For Olivia’s heart!""

Almudena hopped from her chair. ‘’I’ll tell you the specifics of my plan when I have them. Ah, I almost forgot: Find Fetail’s Hivemind Units and attempt to transfer her excess memories and knowledge to them. I’m going to confess to Olivia now!’’ With those words, the world of darkness they were in melted away, and Godofreda watched as Almudena quietly made her way towards Hadrinyan.

"G-good day, Miss Hadrinyan! May I s-speak to Olivia, if it does not inconvenience you?" Almudena was sweating hard. This was it! This was the moment she'd been waiting for!

"Oh? Hello there, Almudena. It must be important if you're approaching me directly, so I don't see why not." Hadrinyan detransformed and let Olivia take her place. "I can guess what you're going to say, I'm not dumb. But go ahead and speak. I'll be listening." Olivia looked completely unfazed, as expected.

Almudena nodded and took a deep breath. "Miss Olivia, I like you! Please go out with me!"

There, she had done it! Now she just had to wait and hope. Surely, this would work, right?

Olivia looked like she was having a terrible headache. "As expected. Good grief, it's one thing after the other, isn’t it? Fine, I'll accept your feelings. But you have to moderate your stalking habits. Is it a deal then?" Olivia didn’t look too thrilled, but if it meant reducing the girl’s stalking habits, she'd do it.

"YES! I, ALMUDENA, DID IT! Yes, Miss Olivia! It's a deal. So-" The sound of a bus interrupted her, followed by a loud yell.

"OBJECTION! I WON'T SHARE MY PRINCE CHARMING! I, REGINA, HAVE ARRIVED!" Nice things don't usually last long. In fact, this nice scene lasted nothing at all. Regina had arrived an instant too late to interrupt the confession, but not too late to ruin the mood. Voytek decided that too many loud people had gathered in one place, and fled to HQ, followed by Godofreda, whose instincts were screaming at her to flee.

Regina and Almudena both assumed battle position: The former was armed with a suitcase, and the latter had fashioned a battering ram out of her own shadow.

and Olivia buried her face in her hands. "The one time I decide to accept somebody's feelings, this happens: A goddamn catfight. Didn’t I leave Madrid to avoid stress? Why must it follow me? Olivia, bright side, bright side… Stay calm, there must be one… Yes, I found one. When there is a problem between two people, a Magical Girl must mediate. This is a test of my skills."

Familiar black sludge covered her body, and the cloud of dust around her turned into light. "The lovely maid, Dust Princess Hadrinyan, has landed! Say your prayers, evildoers: It is my duty as a maid to clean this world of filth! In the name of Yuggoth, I will bury you!" Hadrinyan reappeared: She was going to stop these girls from fighting.

Hadrinyan pressed on the heads of the girls with her cat gloves and began gently chiding them. "Don't fight, girls, don't fight. It's not like I'm humbled by how you're fighting over me, but I can't let you fight: You'd trash the place, and I won't let you do that. I am a citizen of this village, a Magical Girl tasked with protecting this place, and a maid with the duty to keep this place clean. But as a Magical Girl and as Hadrinyan, I am also your friend! It is very unbecoming for my dear friends to fight. So if you want to fight, you'll have to get through me. Do not bring shame upon me!" She let go of them and brandished her scythe.

Hadrinyan looked dignified and imposing, but a cute sneeze from her was all it took for that aura to shatter. She tended to sneeze quite a lot, and she was also prone to catching bizarre illnesses which only affected Magical Girls.

"Prince Charming, that was an adorable sneeze! Hehe~"

"Isn't she cute?! That's our Hadrinyan, stopping people from fighting by merely sneezing!"

"She is, she is! Cool in her human form, cute in her Magical Form! How lucky you are to be near her every day! Alright, I'll be staying with you as your disciple, oh great Almudena: Teach me how to get closer to Olivia-Hadrinyan, teach me how to be worthy of my Prince Charming so I can steal her from you! I came here to steal her away, and that's what I shall do~"

"Very well, I accept your challenge. Prepare yourself!''

That is what Regina declared, and what Almudena replied with.

The two girls shook hands, apparently friends now.

""To win over Olivia-Hadrinyan's heart!""

Hadrinyan, clearly panicking at the thought of having two stalkers, issued a statement before running home as fast as her legs could, leaving while sneezing from the dust she was using as a smokescreen to cover her retreat: "No deal for us then! Curse you, Almudeeeenaaaa!"

Olivia took over for a moment to make a comment, sneezed, and switched back to Hadrinyan: "I knew our deal would blow up eventually, but that was very fast. I'm impressed, Almudena. You'll have to make me come to you if you want to get anywhere. Toodle-oo!"

In her panic, Hadrinyan had not realised she had gone in the wrong direction, and that she blazed past the ATM near the town hall, quickly reaching the 4-sided intersection. "Ah. Drat, I went in the wrong direction. A maid mustn't get lost or allow her plans to be disrupted, even more so a princess …" The flustered maid was ashamed at being unable to control what happened around her, and embarrassed at having gone the wrong way.

Suddenly, she tripped over a little stone in her path and fell to the ground. "Ouch! Dumb stone, dummy dummy dummy!"

"Who are you calling a dummy, you dumb harem-having cat? You woke me up from my nap. Haaaah, what a pain it is to deal with other people." The stone had morphed into a familiar humanoid form, and was speaking! It was the voice she wanted to hear the most.

Hadrinyan was stunned: "Fetail? What… Oh. You're goddamn clever, aren't you?"

"Of course I am. You're not half-bad yourself, you know, dumb cat. I wouldn't spend so much time and effort making these Hivemind Units without a good reason: To laze around during good times, and to transfer my consciousness to them in bad times, to continue lazing around."

Hadriyan gave the Fetail Hivemind a big hug. "Fetail, I goddamn missed you! Everyone else is either ignoring me, away or trying to get me roped into something weird!"

The Hivemind, Fetail-6, patted Hadrinyan's head and awkwardly hugged her back. "Haaaah. It's a pain, isn’t it? I'll help you out, for the sake of being able to laze around with a clear conscience. This backup body isn't made for combat, so since words won’t get through, actions will. And this body won’t cut it, and I’m not risking it getting damaged ." She pointed a finger at the sky, and a little flame sprouted from it. "Hadrinyan. I know everything you've had to experience, including my bland Human Form. Thus, out of pity for you, I say it's time for Fetail to make a grand return to aid her dear friend. I need my body back for it, though. Tremble in fear, Zoya: Fetail is back! Kind of. Haaaaaaaaah. What a paaaain.’’

                                                           ☆☆☆