Turns out, picking gifts is never easy...

***

Two voices, one — passionate and the other — calm, almost cold, exchanged arguments in a tiny room. 

"So what? Just because it's rational, you think there's no point in striving for your dreams?"

"I've never said that. But that's no reason to throw everything else away. Especially if you're not prepared for failure. And most of the people aren't. There's no point in feeding them those ideals. Convincing them of their beauty, and leaving them disappointed as they realize they've wasted their time and ended up with nothing."

"You won't end up with nothing — every experience on the way there is useful, even if you don't succeed. It's only useless if you lament your failures instead of striving to learn from them!"

"Pretty words, but a little bit unfounded, don't you think? You have no proof that whatever you learn will be useful to you specifically, is there? Not everything that can be learned is needed by everyone. In the end, all the effort might go to waste, and that's terrifying for many. Also, you seem to think failure is a valuable experience. That much can be true, but often it can also be traumatic. Losing confidence and drive after putting in the wasteful effort is downright crushing. What if they never recover from that?"

"So, in the end, you're still saying that pursuing your dreams is wrong."

"No. But people should stop forcing that thought into others' minds. If you are dedicated enough to your dream to preserve and succeed through thick and thin — you don't need anyone to give you a push. You will go for it regardless of others' opinions."

"How can you know that? Some people need a little inspiration to discover what they want. If they never leave their comfort zone, they might never find their place to belong. You can't know if you'll come to regret it before you even try."

"True, but you can be happy where you are. That's why I see no point in risking it all. Looking into the future is important, but assessing your present is just as valuable. If anything, more people should think about where they are at the moment, learn to appreciate what they have, and achieve happiness through making peace with themselves."

"That's just a compromise. Same thing as giving up because you are afraid of moving forward."

"So what? Your idea is merely a pursuit of greed. In the end, it all depends on how you see it."

It was an exchange that took place years ago. In the end, we never reached an agreement. Another one of the typical arguments we used to have. Now that I think about it, even though we've had so many of them, not a single one came to a definitive conclusion. Is it just how it is with arguments? Or is it due to our immature stubbornness?

Maybe this time, for once, it will end decisively. Although, this exchange might have already contained all the needed answers.

***
Maegahara Shosei

I thought only Ishikawa-san was doing sports, but perhaps Kato was also interested? Spurred by curiosity, I asked her.

"Hmm. Kato-san, are you doing sports?"

"Not really. It's not for me," Kato-san answered while her gaze was still locked on the pair of cleats in her hands. Not for her? Was it a present then?

"A present? For a family member?" I presented my guess. My question seemed to cue her in on something as her expression shifted.

"Hmm?"

She smiled sadistically and made a sound as if she found something curious... I really didn't like this.

"So you really don't know, Maegahara-kun? You know Yamada-kun's birthday is next week," Kato-san said and dramatically lifted the back of her hand to her face as if she couldn't contain her grief. "Ah, how heartless, to not even know when your friend's birthday... poor Yamada..."

Her words, said in a jokingly accusing tone, surprised me. Ishikawa-san's birthday... 

Damn, I wasn't even aware. 

Does that mean I have to buy him a present? But I'm not going to be invited to his birthday party anyway, so is there any point? Wait, no, I can just give it to him at school. Okay, so I have to decide on a present now.

In the corner of my eye, I could see Kato-san smiling away as if she enjoyed my newfound problem.

"Mghm"

My struggle leaked through as I kept pondering. The more my face twisted in conflict, the wider the grin on Kato Mitsu's face became. Maybe, consulting them will help... As that thought reached my mind, I faced the group.

"...So — what are you guys buying him?"

"As you can see, I'm buying him a new pair of cleats. Football is his passion, you know?" Kato-san replied, showing me the shoes she held in her hands.

"Hmm, I'm thinking of making him a handkerchief...," Nakano-san answered pensively.

"I was thinking about a hair gel." Maeda-san had also already decided.

"Why am I supposed to tell you?"

Cold! Suzuki-san was curt as always... But wait a handkerchief? Handmade? That Nakano-san can sew? More importantly, that's his gift? 

I imagined him sitting in a dark room. The only source of light was a faintly lit candle. His face was the picture of intense focus as he weaved the threads of the handkerchief...

Impossible. I couldn't even remotely imagine that! Besides, why was he even sitting in a dark room? And what's up with the candle? I thought we were in the 21st century...

The stupidity of my imagination aside, I still had no idea what to give him. Maybe something related to studying? I couldn't imagine anything I buy would be helpful to him, and I bet he had all the implements I could think of. Maybe new headphones? But I didn't know if he listened to music much. 

I have no idea...

The problem was that I didn't have enough information. I didn't know enough about Ishikawa-san, and everything I could think of was safe gifts that wouldn't make anyone really happy... Such as giving him a set of new writing implements or a type of food. But I didn't even know his food preferences or anything. There were safe choices available, which were unlikely to backfire, but I didn't want to settle on a compromise...

Ishikawa was at the register. For some reason, Suzuki-san was intently staring at some of the medicine. Curious, I came closer to see what caught her interest.

"Eh..?"

A sound of confusion fell from my lips as I stared at the product in Suzuki-san's hands. She was holding a vial of eye drops, the kind that was meant to soothe overworked eyes.

Eye drops? Eye drops, huh...? What would she need them for? She didn't seem like the type to read too much or spend an excessive amount of type glued to the screen. 

Oh, I got it. It was a gift for Ishikawa-san! He studied constantly, so he stared at the textbooks all the time. Obviously, getting something against it was helpful. Surprisingly thoughtful. I didn't even think of it... As that thought ran through my head, I caught a glimpse of her face—

Her face was red. To be more specific, she was blushing from embarrassment. Her face was shaking, and she stared at the drops intently — as if unsure whether to buy them or not. I decided to turn around and forget about this. I had a feeling if I brought it up — I wouldn't be alive for much longer...

Still, she was surprisingly caring for the Ice Queen... If I were Kato Mitsu, I would tease her about it. Or maybe not. Even she wouldn't risk angering Suzuki-san, right? I mean, she was scary, so it was just not worth it—

"Suzuki-chan~, what are you blushing for?"

A voice full of teasing playfulness and sadistic pleasure reached my ears.

"Hmmm? Is it supposed to be a present for Yamada-kun? Attentive as always — how cute."

Her assault continued — meanwhile, Suzuki-san kept getting redder and redder. 

Uhm, I'm not sure that's because of embarrassment, though...

"You're always like this, you know? Just be a bit more upfront about this stuff like you usually are. I'm sure many boys would immediately swoon over you if they saw you like this. Your coldness is the reason no one appro—"

Kato-san suddenly stopped. Her teasing grin was stuck in place as if frozen solid. And the reason for that was a bright smile. A bright smile... and a pair of cold eyes adorning Suzuki-san's face. Scary! What was wrong with that? I never thought I would see a smile that doesn't reach the eyes in the real world...

"Hmm? What were you planning to say, Kato-san? Don't worry — keep going. I'm curious about it..."

"Hieegh!"

Kato-san voiced a pathetic shriek and ran away... Seriously, don't tease her in the first place if you're gonna get scared in the end. Maybe Kato Mitsu should learn self-restraint... I heard Suzuki-san heave a sigh and mumble to herself.

"I don't want them to approach me in the first place, you know? Nothing good comes of approaching someone who only brings others misery."

Was she talking about herself? I was interested in what she meant by that but kept quiet. While I was thinking about her words, Ishikawa-san came back and looked at Suzuki-san with a questioning gaze.

"Hm? Why did Mitsu run away? Did something happen?" he asked curiously.

"Nothing much, just reaping what she sowed...," Suzuki-san replied. Despite the shortness of her answer, Ishikawa-san seemed to immediately understand what she meant.

"Is that so? Hahaha, she never changes."

He easily accepted her words as if he could imagine what had happened. Then his gaze fell onto the vial in Suzuki-san's hands.

"Eye drops? You're buying them, Yukino?"

"Yeah, I was planning to anyway."

She said that casually as she headed to the register. Still, why was she blushing so furiously? Could it be —

"Is she... is she in love with Ishikawa-san..?"

Those quiet words fell from my lips and faded into silence... Or so I thought.

"Hmm? I would be surprised if that was the case."

I heard a voice from behind. I turned around, and there — Kato Mitsu was standing behind me. I didn't even notice! When did she even come back here?

"You're just misunderstanding Yukino-chan. She's actually cute, you know? She's the most awkward among us and is always busy thinking about others' feelings. Yet she also chooses to be as honest as possible, to the point of bluntness. She feels she doesn't deserve to be kind any longer, but she can't run away from her true nature, so it ends up like this."

A gentle smile floated on her face, nothing like the teasing, playful grins from before. Her expression was genuine, filled with both kindness and admiration. Admittedly, that was the first time I found Kato Mitsu beautiful. It was also the first time I saw her true face. 

Or so I felt.

***

We left the pharmacy and headed to the exit. I ended up not buying anything. I couldn't bring myself to settle on a safe present, yet I didn't come up with a good one either. As we walked through the mall, we passed the game shop where I'd been in the morning.

"Hm?"

Genuinity. True friendship. A good gift. Ishikawa Yamada. Loves challenging himself. 

Memories and thoughts streamed through my brain as if nudging me to make a decision. Should I trust my judgment of Ishikawa Yamada? The little I did learn about him? Was it right to believe my evaluation, considering I'd only known him shortly? Wouldn't that be arrogant of me?

Staring at the neon sign at the entrance, I finally resolved myself.

And then, you all went home... Well, I guess it's safe to call this a success for Shosei. Although, it will probably be difficult for him to get along with Suzuki at this rate.

"..."

How is it a success? Well, he did fail when he brought up games, and it's not like he has gotten particularly closer to anyone in the group. However — they are now conscious of his existence. However weak it is, he has a link with everyone that goes beyond just being classmates. Besides, he has learned a lot of info today. The problem is what comes next. The hardest part is to go from mere acquaintances to becoming full-fledged friends. So far, he has only managed to go along with the flow, and the only topic he brought up backfired on him. That's why, from here on is the hardest part. I'm sure he will fail next time. I'm confident he won't overcome this barrier.

So, what are you waiting for? You've already told me what happened in detail, so it's about time you hang up.

"..."

Hmm? I don't get it.

"..."

You want to learn more about me? Why?

"..."

An interesting person, huh? I wonder about that. Regardless, your habit of observing people is really creepy. But well, who cares. I don't really mind talking about myself. After all, It's nothing special or particularly rare.

Just a story of a shallow person. 

After we finished shopping, it was already evening. Since this was the closest shopping mall to my place, it was within walking distance. I was in the mood for a walk, so I went home on foot. Ishikawa-san also lived close by and decided to join me in my little stroll.

I enjoyed taking walks in the evenings. There was a sort of indescribable feeling welling up inside of me. Your familiar neighborhood created that much of a different impression when it was desolate and quiet. The noisy hustle of the daytime contrasted against empty evening streets. That contrast always put me in a thoughtful mood, in a good way.

The silence was broken by Ishikawa-san's cheerful voice.

"Today was pretty fun for me. Did you enjoy it, Maegahara-san?"

I took a few seconds to think back on the day. Did I have fun? Beyond struggling to fit in to win the bet, did I really enjoy today's outing?

Those few seconds felt incredibly long. I pondered, looked deep inside, and repeatedly asked myself the same question. Again and again, each time I asked, I felt myself getting closer to the correct answer.

Stave away your naive belief in your dream, don't let your stubbornness speak for you. Look beyond rationalization, ideals, skepticism, and weakness. Because sometimes — it takes that much to arrive at the correct answer.

And so, I found it. Or at least, I thought so. And I answered.

"Suzuki-san was cold. Avoiding Kato-san's teasing was troublesome, and panicking as I tried to figure out what to buy was exhausting..."

Yes — fitting in was still annoying. Constantly being preoccupied with others' reactions was the farthest thing away from the perfect youth I dreamt of. But.

"I was stunned when I discovered Nakano-san's skill for sewing. Suzuki-san's unexpected thoughtfulness surprised me. And, I thought Kato-san's smile, as she gently watched over the group, was pretty. The more it went on, the more pleasant it became. Like a warmth that enveloped me step by step."

It was nothing like in the past. Back then, every second I spent with the group felt constraining. My connection with them went on, and the deeper I dived, the heavier it felt. I hated that feeling. As if I boarded a ship to have a pleasant voyage — but it turned out, the craft was slowly sinking into the darkness of the waters. There was nothing to look forward to, and the warmth kept fading away as the aquatic depths swallowed me.

Ishikawa-san went quiet for a moment and then replied with a smile.

"That's good. You were planning to show me the wonderful world of games, right? So I thought it would be great to show you a bit of my own paradise. It would be pretty tragic if you were to hate it."

So that was the reason behind his invitation? That was simultaneously heartwarming and disappointing. On the one hand, that would mean he didn't do it simply because he wanted to hang out with me. On the other hand — His readiness to answer with sincere gratitude for the goodwill that hadn't even happened yet awed me.

"You don't even know if you will enjoy games, you know."

"But it was the same in this case, too. You could have easily disliked being here. Although, at first, that didn't even come to my mind. Hahaha."

His laugh pleasantly rang through the night streets. I smiled a little as the sound of our footsteps filled the air. The sound of us walking and his chuckle were the only noises in the surroundings. It was peaceful, reminding me of the time I spent with him, yet, it was different. A different sort of tranquility was present, the kind I'd never known before.

After his laughter stopped, only the rhythmical knocking of our boots remained. Soon, he once again broke the silence.

"Still, they are really attentive, aren't they?"

I replied to his question without thinking much.

"Yeah, they were pretty careful picking the gifts. Especially Suzu—"

Crap. As soon as I started talking, I realized my miss, but it was too late. I essentially gave away that those were the gifts meant for him. Damn it, it was supposed to be a surprise. I carefully took a look at Ishikawa-san, gauging his reaction.

"Yeah, I bet Yukino bought tear drops for her older relatives or something similar. What a thoughtful girl."

"Eh?"

The sound of my surprise betrayed my shock, but he kept going, not noticing my reaction.

"Also, Kato-san. She was probably buying the cleats for her brother. The thing is, he loves sports. To be thinking about others even on a shopping trip... It's touching, isn't it?"

"Y—Yeah, ha ha ha."

My strained laughter filled the air as I struggled to process his reaction.