Chapter 3:
The Dream of Perfect Youth
***
He told me he had never played games before. I was surprised by that, so soon enough, we were sitting in my room playing a fighting game. After a series of one-sided victories of mine, he started learning and quickly picked up on the basics. The matches began getting tenser and went on longer and longer. In the first place, I was never that good at fighting games and wasn't much better than a novice. He, on the other hand, was a natural and picked up on things quickly.
The game ended with an eleven-to-nine score and my victory. I was pretty confident I would lose the next time, so I secretly decided I would never play fighting games with him again.
The sound of the air conditioner filled the room. Exhausted after playing for hours straight, we lay down on the floor in total silence. There was something peaceful about it. The kind of peace that is equally impossible in both a boisterous company and quiet solitude. You close your eyes, hear another person's breathing, and feel their warmth. This warmth keeps telling you — you're not alone.
I will miss those tranquil warm moments.
***
Furukawa Itsuki
Something changed between Ishikawa Yamada and Maegahara Shosei. Like there was a connection between them now. It was small and barely noticeable, but it was certainly there.
"..."
Hm? I see... So it's true he has made contact with him...
After watching him for a decent amount of time, I've concluded — Ishikawa Yamada is, without a doubt, a hard worker. Moreover, he's someone who enjoys his life to the fullest. Someone who gets satisfaction from any challenges pitted against him. It's almost like his life philosophy — or rather, it is his life philosophy. He faces trials head-on, and yet he can enjoy the process no matter how grueling it becomes.
Or so he thinks. I wonder if that's actually true.
"..."
What? I should stop acting like a know-it-all and spitting out baseless psychoanalysis...? Sh—shut up. So what, you're telling me I'm wrong?
"..."
Not wrong, but not right either, huh?
Anyway, the weekend is here, so Shosei's progress is halted, for now, at least. Well, knowing that idiot, he is probably going to buy a video game, then hole up in his room, glued to his monitor, for the entire weekend... Well, that is, after he carefully concludes that no progress can be realistically made in the time being.
***
Maegahara Shosei
I spent Thursday and Friday doing my best to make some progress. The results? Well — it could have been better. I didn't fumble like on Wednesday, but not a single conversation went beyond small talk. We talked about the weather (seriously?), complained about the classes, and discussed some small, unnotable stuff that happened at school.
It was undoubtedly an improvement, but not a big one. I still didn't feel like I'd learned much about the group, but I did learn some stuff. They are all, aside from Nakano-san, pretty decent at studying. Suzuki-san tends to be cold, and Maeda-san is weirdly diligent. Kato-san is always upbeat and likes teasing others. Nakano-san is a happy-go-lucky guy, dense but likable. That's the extent of what I've figured out. Not much, but better than nothing.
Anyway, the weekend was fast approaching, and since I wasn't close enough to the group yet, I was unlikely to make any progress for the time being. That's why I'd decided to take a break and rest. A game I'd wanted to buy for a long time has come out recently, which is why my destination was the closest shopping mall.
The moment I left my house, September heat assaulted my body. I made it to the shopping center and immediately headed to the second floor, where the game store was.
My body shivered excitedly, anticipating the game I had long waited for. However, something unexpected happened along the way there.
"Oh, Maegahara-san, is that you?" someone called out to me.
His voice surprised me, so I had to do a double take. I turned my head toward where the sound came from and saw Ishikawa Yamada. And with him were four kids from our school. He was accompanied by Suzuki Yukino, Maeda Fumiko, Nakano Akira, and Kato Mitsu. In other words — the entire group was here!
Ishikawa-san fell into thought as if contemplating some issue. Then, after a few moments, he looked at me and asked.
"Hmm. Maegahara-san, you're here shopping? Want to join us?"
His invitation surprised me. It's been several years since I've hung out with a bunch of people. Starting from when I made friends with him, I stopped mingling with everyone but him. So, this would be my first time shopping with friends(?) since middle school!
No way I was missing this chance! The five of them were watching me, waiting for my answer, which, for some reason, made me nervous. I mustered up my courage and agreed to go.
"Su—"
"Yamda, are you an idiot?"
Or so I tried to. Until a cold voice cut from the side. It was Suzuki Yukino. She was the ice queen, cold and distant. Her father was Japanese, but her mother was German, which showed in her waist-length blond hair and more European features. Because of her sharp glare and her stiff expression, she looked displeased. Although, she always looked like that...
"What's wrong, Yukino?" Ishikawa-san asked, puzzled by her reaction.
"You really don't think it through, do you..?" Suzuki-san said, annoyed.
Her voice was filled with exasperation. Suzuki-san sighed and began her explanation. Or rather, it was more like an intense stream of questions.
"First of all, how do you even know he's visiting the same shops as us? He's probably here to buy something specific, so it's unlikely we're going the same places. Are you planning to make him go around with us regardless? It's difficult for some people to refuse an invitation when asked face-to-face. Don't make things hard for others. More importantly, it's really awkward having to tag along with people you don't know well. I know you don't have problems regardless of who it is, but you should think about others more."
Ouch. Suzuki-san really doesn't hold back. Straightforward, or, you could say, incredibly blunt. You didn't have to say that you would be uncomfortable with me...
Ishikawa-san listened to her with a thoughtful expression on his face. After she finished, he turned around and apologized to me.
"Sorry, Margahara-san, I didn't really think that far. We might be heading to different shops, and you would be really uncomfortable in an unfamiliar group. That was insensitive of me."
Even though those were pretty obvious things... I guess, being able to fit in anywhere made him sort of bad at this type of thing. He had no reason to think of them, considering he could fit anywhere, so he couldn't relate. Still, being unable to read the mood, regardless of his circumstances, made him pretty oblivious.
It seems this shopping trip I so hoped for was not to be. Aside from our different destinations, there was nothing I could do if they didn't feel comfortable hanging out with me. Still, it didn't hurt to try, right?
"I don't really mind it. I was planning to visit the game store, but I don't mind going shopping afterward. Also, I don't mind being in an unfamiliar group... If that's fine with you," I said in a hopeless attempt to join them.
Ishikawa-san's expression changed from an apologetic one to a happy smile.
"Really? Of course, it's fine! Ok — now let's decide where to go first, alright?"
Eh? It worked? I couldn't believe it... Besides, did he just ignore Suzuki-san's complaints about having someone they barely knew tag along? Wasn't that plain rude...? But for some reason, when I glanced at her face, she didn't seem displeased. If anything, she was weirdly apathetic. I expected her to resist more since she seemed so intent on not letting me accompany them.
While I contemplated that, I'd been approached by everyone else in the group.
"Sho-Sho, so you're with us today? I'm kind of fired up now!"
Nakano-san was fired up for reasons unknown to me. What does my being here even have to do with his excitement..?"What does his being here have to do with your excitement...?" Maeda-san retorted and then added. "Ignore the idiot, Maegahara-san! Let's have fun today!"
She expressed the complaint on my mind with a hint of exasperation. Did she play the straight-man in this group? Seemingly at odds with her playful gyaru nature, but also weirdly fitting...
"Same here, Maegahara-kun! Still, Fumiko-chan, you don't get to clown on Akira-kun since you sounded pretty excited too."
Fumiko Mitsu joined in and proceeded to reprimand Maeda-san. Her tone had a jokingly condescending attitude. As if she was a mother chewing out her child.
"Shush, Mitsu, I'm just being polite for the sake of it. That's just basic manners, you know?"
Ouch.
"Ouch, Fumiko-chan, you're still way too straightforward at times... That's mean toward Maegahara-kun — right?"
As Kato-san finished saying that, she directed her gaze at me, asking for confirmation. Before I mustered a response, Maeda-san began panicking, searching for a reply.
"Ah, ehm, mghm — it's not what I meant! Sorry, Maegahara-san, I didn't mean that!"
She said that, flustered, as she ran away towards the forefront of the group, where Suzuki-san and Yamada-san were.
"Hehehe," creepy laughter left Kato-san's mouth. "Forgive this girl, Megahara-kun. She's a problem child, isn't she? I apologize for her rudeness."
While Kato-san was saying that, she had a sadistic smile. She planned for that, didn't she...? Teased her into being bluntly honest and then bullied her for saying that. She even started it all off jokingly so that Maeda-san dropped her guard. What a terrifying person...
What I learned: Kato Mistu is scary. Also, Maeda Fumiko was surprisingly cute when flustered.
I decided to leave those thoughts to myself and swore never to voice them...
***
Furukawa Itsuki
That day I got a call. I was sure there was no way for him to progress during the weekend, so I planned to spend it relaxing and reading some light novels. However, the sudden ring interrupted my leisurely time.
"..."
What is it? In the shopping mall? What, are you planning to act like my informant or something? What's in that for you?
"..."
More interesting that way..? Should have expected that I guess. By the way, there is something I'm curious about. Are you planning to interfere with his progress? You've asked all those questions, but I've never heard the reason behind them. Surely I deserve to hear that much?
"..."
Nothing but simple curiosity? So how about answering the other question — are you planning to interfere?
"..."
I see. That's good. It wouldn't be a fair bet if one of you were against it. So what do you think about him? Do you think he can fit in?
Silence, huh? Well, whatever, you don't have to answer that. The answer doesn't matter anyway. More importantly, I want to hear what happened during your outing.
This might be the turning point. Let's see how you fare when unexpected situations arise, Shosei.
***
Maegahara Shosei
Being on this shopping trip, I realized — I had no idea what to talk about! I didn't know what they liked or what interested them, so I ended up just nodding along or answering their questions. I was so afraid of bringing up a topic they wouldn't enjoy that I had stayed passive the entire time. Right now, we were near the game shop I had wanted to visit, so I asked them to wait for me. Which, by the way, felt incredibly awkward.
I was waiting in line, reflecting on the situation up until now.
This was bad. If I kept staying silent, there was no way I could get closer to them. But I'm too afraid to bring up a topic... Stop right there, Maegahara Shosei! Stop being a coward! You have to talk. Don't be scared! Isn't that what you wanted? A group of people you can talk about anything with? There's no point in winning this bet if you aren't able to genuinely connect with them in the end! Yes, that's right. There's no point in being scared — I just have to do it.
With that determination, I finished buying the game I wanted and went to the group. I decided to begin by talking with Ishikawa-san.
"I've finished buying the game... Actually, Ishikawa-san, maybe this would be a good first game for you..."
I used the connection I'd already established to start the conversation. That way, it's easier to make other people interested. They might not care about me, but they do care about Ishikawa-san.
"Mhm? Ah, sure, what's it about?" he asked. Excited to talk about the game I liked, I started explaining.
"It's a simulator of school life. You can decide what to do with your time — whether it's to study, play around, or hang out with your friends. The game responds to your actions, and, based on them, different events get triggered. The first part was famous for having deep storylines you could trigger by meeting certain conditions. It also had insane replayability. No matter what you did, you were guaranteed an interesting playthrough, yet every single one was different and engaging! Also..."
As I went on, my voice kept getting more and more passionate. The words streamed from my mouth as I kept bringing up reasons why it's a godlike masterpiece. Towards the end, I noticed the lost expressions on the faces of the group. Nakano-san seemed like he couldn't keep up with what I'd said. Meanwhile, Suzuki-san seemed disinterested, and Ishikawa-san had a slightly troubled smile. I couldn't quite make out Fumiko-san's expression as she was in total silence, facing the ground, but I doubted it was anything positive...
I really got carried away, didn't I... Damn you, my love for games! Still, that was not a reason to get dispirited. I had to keep carrying on with my plan.
"B—by the way, do you guys play games?"
I asked as I faced the other people from the group.
"Not really," Kato-san said.
"Games, huh? They are too hard for me, you know! Haha!" Nakano-san excitedly exclaimed. Why was he excited?
"No."
Suzuki-san's reply was short and dry, while Nakano-san started laughing. At least Kato-san's answer was normal... The Ice Queen spoke up, seemingly intent on bringing me to my grave.
"Hmph. Games are just a waste of time, aren't they? I don't understand — what's so good about them? Don't people just use them to escape reality?"
Critical hit! That hit me harder than I would have liked...
"I—I see... So I'm just a delusional loser who plays games because I can't succeed in the real world..."
I had a downcast expression and mumbled my words in a pathetically thin voice. I was confident you could probably see the soul leaving my body...
Suddenly, I saw some movement in the corner of my eye. A figure stood before Suzuki-san as if challenging her words.
"You're wrong, Suzuki-chan."
Unexpectedly, help came from Maeda Fumiko. She faced Suzuki and began to argue with her.
"Sure, some people play games to escape reality, but that's only a few extreme cases. It's no different from people who do nothing but hang out with others and waste their time away without sparing a single thought for their future or the like. That's also an escape from reality, not much different from those who seek refuge in games. Besides!"
Here, she raised her voice and made a stop, emphasizing the importance of her next words.
"Crazy School Life is a masterpiece! The amount of intricate storylines you can experience as they weave into and affect each other is unparalleled! Every important character is fascinating, and their background stories are so interesting! It's impossible to get to know all of them in a single playthrough, so you just keep playing and playing. You try to experience all of the questlines and dive deeper and deeper. And! Every play, you get to know more characters and details about their lives, and the game gets better and better. And! And! And!"
"I got it — just shut up!"
Fed up with Maeda-san's passionate rant, Suzuki blew up.
"I won't make fun of it anymore, so stop, alright? I was prejudiced, and I regret it."
Maeda still looked a bit annoyed, and she pouted while staring at Ice Queen.
"...I know you just say what's on your mind all the time, but you need to get educated on the greatness of Crazy School Life... I know! Let's go to my place tomorrow! I'll let you do a playthrough, and you will fall in love with it."
Her enthusiasm was evident — however, Suzuki-san wasn't having any of it.
"As if. I don't judge you for your interests, but don't try to pull me into this. I'm busy, you know?"
Maeda-san had a puzzled expression on her face. She tilted her head to the side, eyeing Suzuki with a questioning gaze.
"With what?"
"Ehm... well, you know. Stuff. L-like studying and some hobbies."
It seemed she didn't expect that question as she struggled to come up with a convincing answer. Nonetheless, Maeda-san figured something out from her words, so she smiled and patted her on the shoulder.
"Ah, you're going to karaoke, right? Then let's go together this time! You always go alone — is it that embarrassing to sing with someone else? Even though you're so good..."
"I'm not embarrassed! And I'm not going to karaoke! I'm going to study all day, alright?! Anyway — we still need to do some shopping, so let's go."
As she said that, she turned around in embarrassment and began walking. In contrast to regretful sounding Maeda-san, Suzuki-san replied with an agitated voice, and her shyness was clearly visible.
"Hahaha. It seems this duel once again ended in the Ice Queen's defeat! Fumiko-chan's fervent passion has melted her heart once again. Unable to do anything, Yukino retreats! Although, the bit about karaoke was more like what Fumiko-chan wanted rather than Yukino-chan..."
Kato-san's cheerful voice had a bit of sadistic pleasure as she enjoyed Suzuki-san's embarrassment. After that, she faced my direction and apologized to me, although this time, unlike the last one, it sounded sincere.
"Sorry, Maegahara-kun. Yukino-chan doesn't mean anything bad by it. She's just always blunt and says anything that comes to her mind. She didn't mean to insult you, you know? Not this time, nor the time before," Kato-san explained her friend's behavior.
"Ah, it's alright... I wasn't that offended anyway."
Actually — I was pretty offended, but I decided not to voice those thoughts.
"No—I mean — I could see your soul leaving the body, so you don't have to lie..."
So I was immediately exposed, huh? Not like it was a convincing lie in the first place...
"I mean, that's not wrong, but I am honestly fine... Let's go, Kato-san — we can't make everyone else wait for us."
Without waiting for a reply, I turned away from her and hurried toward the rest of the group.
Still, I couldn't help but think about Suzuki-san's words. The worst part was that they had a glimpse of the truth. I couldn't attain my perfect youth in the real world, so I sought it in the game world. For many people, the struggles of life are irrational and scary — hence they prefer to play video games, where they know their efforts will be rewarded.
It's terrifying to think that your hard work will go to waste and that you will never be rewarded for your efforts. The older you get, the more prominent the presence of the monster called 'common sense.' People will pull you down, saying that it's not realistic, that you're delusional to even try. It's like you're going to a casino and expect to make a bank, not impossible, but delusional and irrational to expect nonetheless.
And this beast called 'common sense' keeps grinding you into the dust until you are 'cured' of your immaturity and become one of the 'rational' people. And when you see those immature ones who haven't yet 'cured,' who still aspire to achieve their dreams... You pull them down.
You ground them with your rationality and drag them to where you are with the unfounded spineless arrogance of someone who hasn't even tried. Someone who justifies crushing people's lives with cold-blooded speculation. Because your pride in your rationality is the only thing excusing your cowardly decision. And if that's proven wrong... then what do you have left?
So you drag them down, down to where you are — down to where you think they belong. All the while pretending you're doing it for their good.
And, who knows? Maybe you're right to do so.
That last thought terrified me. It always did and always will. Because the pride in my ideal is the only thing I have left. The only thing that still justifies my looking down on the beast they call 'common sense.'
And I knew for sure, the moment that pride fades, the beast will crush me, leaving behind someone, someone still called Maegahara Shosei, but who is no longer me.
***
Furukawa Itsuki
Justifying your immaturity by dramatizing the cruelness of rationality.
I remembered an argument I once had with a certain idiot, and the conclusion I achieved long ago reared its head in my mind.
No matter how much you blame the world for being harsh, it doesn't change the fact that not everyone's dreams will come true. Even if people did commit to their aspirations, how many of them would actually succeed? On the other hand, precisely because we don't know an answer to that question, there is no steel argument to back up the correctness of the so-called realistic approach. It's not like succeeding will prove that everyone who tries is sure to achieve their dreams. Nor is it that a dream chaser's inability to succeed will prove that you are guaranteed to fail.
In other words, there was no point in asking this question. There isn't a clear answer — it just doesn't exist.
Even though that doubt drilled itself into my consciousness, there was something wrong with dismissing the question altogether. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. And so, I asked myself once again.
What is the point of this bet?
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