Our Last Chance

That night, I couldn’t even get a wink of sleep.

So I decided to be productive instead, and pack my things for the day to come.

During the night, I found myself trying to go to Hana's place, and maybe appease her, but I suppressed those urges just as quickly as they appeared.

The next morning, the shop was closed, and I sat in my room until 11, which is way past the opening time.

I just didn’t have the energy for anything.

When I finally descended the staircase to the café’s main area, my grandma’s glare greeted me.

“What were you doing up there?” She asked, not even caring to say good morning.

“Sleeping.” I replied, clearly not in the mood for a conversation.

I walked to the fridge, and pulled out a carton of juice, gulping its contents.

“Doesn’t look like it.” She voiced, walking over to me, noticing my sleep-deprived face.

I ignored her, and turned to the counter.

“What are you looking at?” I looked back at the fish, who swam in circles and eyed me suspiciously.

“You’re not coming with me.” I simply voiced.

“Blurp” And it just blew a bubble out of its mouth, taking my glare personally. But he could protest all he wanted, because there was no way I could take him with me.

Terry would remind me of her every single day.

“You were always a pain, but now you’re even more of a pain!” Grandma slammed her hand on the counter, trying to catch my attention.

“Why isn’t Hana-chan here?! What happened yesterday?!”

“Just leave me alone.” I shake my head, trying not to let her get to me.

“Remember, I have your return ticket.” She looked at me with raised brows.

Blackmail, huh?

With a sigh, I walked over to the counter and sat down.

Then I proceeded to tell her all about yesterday. From the old man, who turned out be her brother, to my memories, and finally about my break up with Hana.

“Haah… Shinpei, you fool…” Grandma sighed deeply, before she corrected herself. “…No, it was time for you to remember, one way or another.”

“Why did you… Hana… my dad… everyone. Why did you keep me in the dark?” I voiced, the bitterness practically sipping through my teeth.

“Me and your dad had our reasons. But it was a long time ago…”

“Why does that matter? I had the right to know!”

Grandma raised her hand to stop me from saying anything else.

“Did you have that attitude with Hana, too?” Then, she asked.

“I did…” I voiced, feeling somewhat guilty.

“Haah…” And then my grandma sighed yet again. “You fool…”

“If you were in Hana-chan’s shoes, could you tell yourself about the accident?”

I froze at that question.

“I… I don’t know.” Was all I could utter in response.

“You had been freed from the pain of remembering. How could someone who loves you, bring it back?”

My grandma’s words, suddenly struck a chord with me.

“But… I need to know. Even if it’s painful. It’s a disrespect to mom… How could I forget about her?”

“Believe me, if your mother could erase her existence, and ease your pain in the process, she would.” My grandma’s face softens like never before, as she squeezes my shoulder. “…That’s the kind of woman… daughter, and mother she was.”

“And what about Hana moving? She could have told me that...” I changed the topic, still seeking answers.

“She knew she had to leave. And when she would say so out loud to YOU, she knew that the fun would be over, and that she would have to face reality. So she kept delaying the inevitable. But that still doesn’t justify keeping you in the dark. I can understand your anger.”

Through her words, I realized, that she was far wiser than her usual aggressive antics let on.

Hana felt like her routine, her life in the island would come to an end. She felt cornered, and didn’t want to accept it. That’s why she hid behind her lies and her smile. She wanted to have as much as fun as she could, before it was time to go. And I was the perfect gateway for that. Maybe, she even acted extra cheerful around me, just because she felt guilty about the accident with mom.

That’s why Hana declared that she would make me have fun. For her, it was a sort of responsibility that, she decided to shoulder herself.

But at times, her mask would crack, revealing her pain, as she tried to run from the inevitable. All those small awkward moments I brushed off where a testament to that. And now, the play was over, and she would have to throw down her masks and costumes, and look at the situation for what it truly was.

“Hey, grandma…”

“Hm?”

“What was my mother like as a kid?” I suddenly felt the need to ask.

The truth is, I had lied.

I couldn’t remember everything.

I had regained all my memories, save for one.

My mother’s face.

In my memories, her face was always hazy. And the lack of photographs in both my house and this one didn’t help.

I couldn’t remember what my mom looked like no matter what.

“Just like Hana-chan. She loved the ocean far too much. You just couldn’t keep her away from it” My grandma replied, a solemn expression on her face.

“…When she returned to the island, with your father, and pregnant with you, I knew that no one could keep her away from this ocean for too long. This is where she wanted to live the rest of her life.”

My heart ached, at her pained expression. She must have felt so lonely, losing her daughter and husband.

“I’m gonna go talk to Hana, and then I’m gonna pick up my stuff, and go catch that ferry.” I stood up from my seat, and looked at my grandma, who didn’t turn her gaze upwards to look.

“If you ever feel like it’s too much to bear, you can always come to Tokyo with me and dad.” I finally voiced as I made for the door.

…

When the teenager was finally out of earshot, the old woman smiled at herself, and her eyes softened.

“Get out of here. You look, and act too much like your mom…” Then a sole tear escaped, and ran down her wrinkled cheeks, before it splashed on the counter.

“Blurp!” The fish blew another bubble, trying to console the poor old woman.

“Oh, shut up, you…”

“Excuse me, Yuriko-san, can I see Hana?” I asked with a deep bow, as Hana’s mother came to the door.

“Yukio? What happened? Hana won’t leave her room at all!” She said, looking clearly concerned.

“Well, we broke up. She told me you were moving and…”

“Wait! I’ll go get her!” She rushed up the stairs of her house without another word, as I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

After a good 5 minutes or so, Yuriko-san returned, alone.

“Sorry Yukio… she’s locked up tight and won’t come down no matter what…” Her mother said apologetically.

“I see…” I looked down momentarily.

Maybe it isn’t meant to be…

“Then tell her, I said to take care.” I forced on a painful smile, and walked back to the café.

“Oh, God…” The woman voiced, after a long sigh.

After I got back to the café, I gathered my things, and stepped out onto the terrace.

I took one last look at my surroundings.

The tables I used to wipe every day.

The steps that Hana never bothered to climb.

The fence she always jumped over.

My grandpa’s bike, parked against the wall at the back. That old thing, that carried me on its back, on my first adventure with Hana.

Terry, the stupid, ugly fish, that I will never know WHY Hana adores so much.

My old flip phone, that I will have no use for when I’m back at Tokyo.

This terrace…

The place where me, Hana and others spent hours on end, just talking about nothing.

My grandma, standing there, watching me. The person that made my life here a living hell, just because she could.

I always thought she had a loose screw, or something, but at the end, she was just a lonely, misunderstood old woman.

I finally turn my head back around towards the building next door.

Hana’s house.

The place where me and Hana spent countless hours in, and deepened our relationship.

Today, I had to leave all that behind, and go back to the mundane life of Tokyo.

The ferry would arrive in an hour, signaling the end of my adventures in this island.

The end of a bittersweet summer.

Just like the taste, youth itself gives you.

“See you, grandma.” I waved at my grandma, who sighed and gave a brief wave back.

“Don’t cause too much trouble for your father.” She finally said, as I left the café.

…

“Maybe it’s time to close the shop up for good…” The old woman voiced, as she headed back to her bedroom.

…

Dragging my luggage behind me, I made for the port.

I still hadn’t seen Emi ,Daichi, or little Chinatsu since yesterday, but somehow, I felt like they would be at the port waiting for me.

Just as I was walking past the park, I noticed a familiar face sitting at the bench next to the road.

“Yo, Emi.” I greet her.

When she notices me, she stops fiddling with her phone and stomps her way towards me

“Don’t yo me!” She said, in typical Emi fashion. “…What are you doing? Where’s Hana?!”

“In her room… she won’t come out no matter what, apparently…” I explained, looking away in frustration. “…I’m guessing you talked to her?”

“Only briefly. She won’t say much, but she DID tell me you broke up.” She sat back down at the bench in a huff, before patting the seat next to her.

Time for another lecture…

I thought, sitting down with a sigh.

“Don’t sit, go talk to her!” She suddenly hissed angrily.

“You’re contradicting yourself, Emi-chan…”

“Look, Hana didn’t tell me much, but I know for a fact she doesn’t want this.”

“If she didn’t tell YOU, what makes you think she will open up to me?”

“You kidding? You’re like, the love of her life?”

“Pfft, as if.” I brushed her statement aside.

“Look, pretty face, I don’t know what you know about Hana, but trust me, you don’t know what she was like before you came here.”

Her words made me sit up.

What was Hana like?

“I’ve been her best friend for years, and let me tell you this: I could never fill the void you left in her.”

“What?” I was clearly taken by surprise.

What did she mean by that?

“Hana, likes to act cheerful and like nothing fazes her, no matter what. But her loneliness would always creep up, and reveal itself. I could see it in her eyes…” Emi turned to look at the sea as she spoke about her time as Hana’s friend. “…She always acted happy, but I knew she was feeling lonely deep inside. When she talked about you, she always had that look… of adoration. She would reminisce about the boy who she held dear inside her heart.”

“She did?” I voiced, completely dumbfounded.

“You should have seen her when she learned you’d be back. She was basically jumping up and down for a whole day. And when you finally arrived, and I saw her smiling at you, like that... Honestly? I felt jealous. Like, this punk, who’s been a deserter for years, comes back to steal my friend? But of course, that didn’t even last a day or something. Because I saw the way you two looked at one another. I knew there was something there, only you two could share.” Emi spoke slowly, her tone soft.

“When I heard you were dating, I knew straight away that it was meant to be. And even if she left, I knew you too would find a way. She even told me so.”

“What? But during the festival, she clearly called it quits. She talked about tickets and what not…”

“Hana doesn’t believe that, come on.”

“She doesn’t?” I asked, my disbelief apparent.

“Trust me, it’s true. She said something along the lines of “Now, that I’ve found him, I’m not letting go.” Honestly, I wanted to puke, but I still remember her words. There was no way Hana, wouldn’t try to make it work. You just need to talk it out.”

“She… just won’t listen to me. She could have told me at least! I don’t understand why I have to always be the one kept in the dark!” I voiced in frustration yet again.

“Then go talk to her, you idiot!!” Emi finally turned to me.

“Huh?” I look at her, perplexed.

“If she won’t listen to you, then make her! Go shout at her through her door or something! As long as you’re here you still have a chance! And don’t even dare say some kind of crap like, it’s not meant to be! If YOU are not meant to be, then who IS?!” Emi raised her voice, sitting up from the bench.

Her words had started to awaken something deep within me.

“She’s locked up in her room, blaming herself for what happened back then! The only reason she can’t move forward is because her mind is still stuck in the past. She’s stuck in the past, and only YOU can change that! So if you love her, if you TRULY love Hana, then go be her knight in shining armor, and pull her out of that pit of despair and self-blame!!”

That phrase was the ultimate wake up call for me.

I loved Hana. I already knew that. But because I loved her so much, I was actually missing the point. We have so many things to talk about. But before we do that, I have to pull her out of the past, and make her face the present.

Because as it stands…

I haven’t told her anything yet.

And I’m not leaving ‘till I do!

“Here!” I left my luggage at Emi’s hands, and sprinted back down the road from whence I came.

Passing tourists and locals, I sprinted down the paved path like there was no tomorrow.

Because now, I had a purpose.

“Yuriko-san!” I bowed deeply in front of the door, as soon as it opened.

“Yukio?” Hana’s mother was clearly confused to see me back.

“Can I please talk to Hana? Through the door is fine!” I proposed, and the concerned woman didn’t refuse me.

I was let inside the house, and after bowing to Hana’s dad, I climbed up the stairs, and made for Hana’s room.

I am Izumi Hana.

Just a girl living in Ryusejima.

But not for long…

Knowing that I would have to leave, I severed ties with my childhood friend, Soraji Yukio.

Yukio. The boy who always followed me around. Me, and my silly plans.

For me, our time together was the most fun thing in the world.

I thought everything would be fun and interesting, as long as I was with him. I didn’t really realize, that HE made everything fun for me.

And when I did realize, it was too late.

He had already left, taking all of the fun away with him.

And I was responsible for that.

I still remember the day he left the island with his father.

I asked him where he was going, but he didn’t reply.

I asked him if he would ever come back, but again, he didn’t reply.

He didn’t even turn to look at me.

I begged him to stay… but he just didn’t care.

When I saw him aboard the ferry, I felt like my heart had just shattered into tiny pieces, and scattered in the seven seas, forever lost.

He had promised he would never forget me. But he did.

But truth be told, I deserved everything that had happened to me.

I had taken his mother away from him, during one of my stupid plans to have fun.

I was unworthy to even be remembered.

Even a few days ago, I was leaving in my own little world, ignoring reality.

The reality, that I, in fact, was the cause of his suffering.

And the reality, that I, would hurt him once again.

But this time. I would be the one to leave.

I had to leave Ryusejima.

I still hadn’t accepted the fact.

And I don’t believe I will, ‘till I board that ferry.

But even if that were to happen, I would still try to be together with him.

Maybe that’s why I hadn’t told him anything.

I just wanted to protect myself with my delusions, and keep believing that he would still want to date a hypocrite like me.

A hypocrite, that didn’t deserve him.

That was the truth.

I didn’t deserve any of that. I wasn’t worthy enough, to be by his side.

I hugged my knees tight, in order to bring myself some comfort.

I had sat in this position for more than 4 hours, and my body was getting sore, but I didn’t have the courage to move.

Soon, he would be leaving the island.

Soon, he will be back home. Away from his painful past.

Just as I stood there, I heard footsteps.

Tap, tap…

Was it mom again?

I said I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t have the right to.

Tap, tap

No, these weren’t mom’s footsteps.

“Hana!”

Yukio…?

“Hana!” I banged at her door.

“Hana can you hear me?”

“Hanaaa!”

She wasn’t answering.

But it didn’t matter.

I just wanted her to listen.

“Hear me out.” I voiced, before clearing my throat, and sitting on my knees in front of her locked door.

“Hana, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but never have I thought you were responsible, over what happened back then. Not in the past, and certainly not now.”

“We were just kids playing. Unaware of the danger. The blame lies with me, as much as it lies with you…”

“But, I don’t care about any of that anymore, Hana!” I shouted, letting my emotions take over,

“When I arrived here in this island… I was just an empty shell. But… you filled me up. That empty shell was filled to the brim, with emotions far beyond its understandings. It developed feelings, long forgotten. It learned what fun feels like. And what LOVE feels like.” I paused momentarily, searching my heart for the right words.

“…That was all because of you, Hana. In my dull and dark world, you were the sunshine. You’ve given me so much, I can’t ever hope to repay it all back. So just know this. I don’t give a DAMN about what happened back then! That’s all in the past now… so please. Come out and talk to me.” I pleaded, bowing my head like she could see me through the door.

“Let’s talk this out! Stop running away, and let’s face reality! Together! You kept me in the dark for far too long, Hana. And there’s only one way for me to forgive you for that. Give this… give US a chance. I know I’ve hurt you too. I forgot about you, and our promise…”

“…But, I swear, I will never forget you again, and I’m sorry that I broke our promise. But if you just give us this chance, I promise I will make it right. Let’s talk, and understand each other. I…” I took a deep breath, and steeled my resolve.

“I love you, Izumi Hana. Despite what happened in the past, and despite of everything. I can’t help but feel this way. And that’s why I want to understand you. Because I love you. More than anything in this whole wide world. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me.” Finally, I could say how I felt about her. Hell, I wanted to shout it to the heavens, if I could.

“…And I know for a fact, that you don’t want it to end like this! Hell, I know you don’t even wanna go to New York! I want you to be yourself Hana. And what you’re doing right now, is not you at all. So, if you want to talk, I’ll be down at the port. There, I can tell you clearly, what I’ve wanted to tell you all this time, face to face.”

With that, I get up on my feet and wait.

When I’m only met with silence, I go back down the stairs and thank Yuriko-san, who just sighs, wistfully.

I say my goodbyes, and head back down to the port.

Let’s hope Hana heard me, loud and clear.

“…You’re the best thing to ever happen to me…” Yukio shouted through the door.

I could already feel warm tears run down my cheeks.

Me? The best thing to ever happen to him?

But I’ve been a disaster through and through…

I told him not to talk about love, but he didn’t listen.

But even so, those words resonated with me.

How could he love someone like me...?

But I love him too…

I loved him for way longer than he knows.

I loved him since the day we became friends, back when we were kids.

I’ve loved him for so long it hurts.

Suddenly, I wanted to tell him that.

I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me…

I didn’t want to go anywhere! I didn’t want to be anywhere but here, with Yukio by my side.

Just like those good old days.

“ …So, if you want to talk, I’ll be down at the port. There, I can tell you clearly, what I’ve wanted to tell you all this time, face to face.”

I want to hear him say it.

I want to hug him, and never let him go.

But am I worthy of being by his side…?

No.

I hurt him, more than once.

But…

But I would become someone worthy.

Yukio’s words had saved me.

I made up my mind, and made for the door.

There was no time for doubts.

I only had one chance.

To be continued…