Real Villain, Desu Wa!
“Master, the Sun is hot,” Bunny said, while he lay on Damian’s Tusla Cyber truck bed.
Of course, you dumbass, Damian thought. Dunes, asphalt, dunes, and dunes. Where the f*ck is the tomb of Patra?
“But I cannot feel it,” Bunny said.
Damian was on a journey to meet Kousei Kisara, Number Eight, and accompany Kisara to the Egyptian tomb of Patra. Easton texted Damian and told Damian that Kisara had the cure for GLD. Why does a biologist mingle in a tomb? Isn’t that archaeologist’s job?!
In the early 23rd century, the President of the Uncle Nation, Rick, invaded the Socialist Nation because he thought that Socialist chicks were hot, so he wanted them: “Those blue eyes, yee-haw!” he said. Therefore, the Socialist Nation declared war on the Uncle Nation. Rick said that he wanted to bang Socialist chicks, so he dropped some atomic bombs on the Socialist Nation’s cities. The Socialist Nation, of course, was furious, and thus the Socialist Nation dropped some atomic bombs on the Uncle Nation’s cities.
Rick was not satisfied with the captured Socialist chicks because those chicks didn’t yell, “Ya-yamete!” Thus he invaded Anime Nation! He wanted to try NTR, therefore he seduced the Prime Minister’s wife and slept with her, and he didn’t forget to tweet his experience on Birdie through his private account. Anime Nation, of course, was furious too. Anime Nation didn’t possess a nuclear arsenal, but because of Rick, Anime Nation was developing one with the help of the Socialist Nation!
After Rick fulfilled his desires, he glanced at Lotus Nation and said, “Religious in this period? Lame!” His statement made 99.99% of Lotus Nation citizens furious, and thus Lotus Nation declared war on the Uncle Nation too!
Therefore, World War IV had begun, and it was a nuclear war. Historians questioned the cause of it because there was no way someone like Rick became a president. So historians believed it was fake news that was spread by Ski Organization as they always did.
More importantly, Word War IV changed the world. Many cities became uninhabitable due to nuclear radiation, genetic mutations were everywhere, and some declarations of independence happened. Verdandi, an English-speaking country, was born after World War IV, and Patra was the wife of the first president of Verdandi. One swear word was also born, so instead of “what the f*ck”, sometimes people said, “What the Rick”! Because Rick was such a nutjob!
“Master, who the hell is that?” Bunny pointed to someone who lay face down on the right side of the asphalt.
Damian stopped his truck and opened his truck window. “Bunny, throw something at her,” Damian said.
“Master, you are horrible.”
“We become suspicious if we report her death or do something around her, so let’s just leave her if she already dies.”
That someone was a woman in her 20s. She was short, she had long black hair, and she carried a black leather backpack. She wore a pink one-piece dress, a white short cape, and white stockings.
The woman stood up, brushed the sand off her dress, and stared at Damian with her ruby eyes. “You are horrible, Number Ten,” she said.
“Who are you, woman?” Damian asked.
“System Check,” she said, and with a robotic voice, she then said, “The 8th ultimate cyborg, version 1.0.0, codename: the Super Biologist.”
“Ah, so you are Number Eight, Ms. Kisara.”
“Do you bring my food?” Kisara asked and jumped to Damian’s truck bed.
“Ask that robot, Bunny. Why don’t you go inside?”
“I don’t want to sit beside a disgusting man.”
“Excuse me, Ms. Kisara, are you a b*tch?”
“Why are you offended? I just stated something objective, ba-baka (means 'dumbass' in Japanese).”
“Yes, she is objective, Master,” Bunny said.
Damian rubbed his forehead with his right hand and said, "Being objective and impartial is different from being objective and a cunt, Bunny".
Kisara smiled and said, “I apologize. I was teasing you. You are indeed Number Ten. I was surprised when you didn’t remember me. Sitting here is fine.”
“I lost my memories,” Damian said and pressed down the accelerator pedal. “Do know anything about Love Life! Ultimate Cyborg Project?”
Kisara put her right index finger on her lips and replied: “Dent said it was for defense affairs. Nuclear war was horrible, so the government decided to make cyborgs instead. The public probably would protest the project because they worried about a real Schwerzetor, 'I will be back' thing, so the government hid this project. However, I suspect the government had a hidden agenda, for example, to initiate a war.”
“Why did they make the Super Gentleman if they tried to initiate a war?”
“Well, to initiate a gentle war?”
“How can a war be gentle?! Anyway, what can cure GLD? Dr. Easton didn't say anything about it.”
“Nelumbo urd, it is Urd lotus, we can find them in the tomb of Patra. Just give it to Number Two, he can make the medicine.”
“Isn’t he the Super Doctor? He isn’t a pharmacist.”
“His Super Syntax is Concoction.”
Is he a cultivation doctor or something?! Damian then said, “I never heard that the tomb of Patra had Urd lotus. Heck, I never knew that plant existed.”
“Most people don’t know many things about the tomb. In fact, that plant can only be found in the secret underground chamber. It’s something that is only told to Patra’s descendants. You need to ask her descendants.”
After some minutes, Damian arrived at the tomb and parked his truck. “So, where is the secret chamber?” Damian asked.
Kisara walked away and kicked a big rock. There was an entrance staircase under the rock. “Here,” she said.
Isn’t that too far from the tomb?! Damian thought. “Bunny, stay here and watch the truck.”
“Okey dokey,” Bunny replied.
Damian and Kisara went down the staircase. After some minutes, they arrived at a large chamber. On the other end of the chamber, there was a sarcophagus and a hole in the ceiling, so the sarcophagus could be seen. That sarcophagus was surrounded by a pool, and there were some pink aquatic plants in the pool. However, the chamber was dark for the most part.
“Those are Urd lotuses. You just need one,” Kisara said.
“Do you bring any flashlight?” Damian asked.
“The battery is dead. Didn’t Number Two tell you everything I need?”
“He is a careless old man. He only told me to bring food for you.”
“You are useless.”
“Hey, that’s Dr. Easton, okay?!”
“Don’t mind it. Let’s go,” Kisara said and walked to the sarcophagus.
Suddenly, a big boneless appendage wrapped Kisara’s left lower leg and pulled her to the left. “Kya!” she screamed. That appendage had a heart-shaped tip.
What kind of animal has a big tentacle with a heart-shaped tip?! Damian thought. “Ugh!” another tentacle wrapped Damian’s right lower leg and pulled Damian to the right.
Another tentacle from the right also wrapped Damian’s abdomen. Damian then held the tentacle on his abdomen and tried to break it. Damn it, this tentacle is so sticky. I cannot move my hands!
Another tentacle also wrapped Kisara around her abdomen. Then those tentacles lifted Damian and Kisara into the midair. “Ms. Kisara, what the hell is this?!” Damian asked.
“Ah, I guess this is a cuttlefish,” Kisara replied.
“What? How is that possible? Aren’t cuttlefishes living in the oceans?!”
“Evolution by natural selection and genetic mutations. You know, r/K selection theory.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes, do you know that atrazine feminized tadpole males? Dramatic changes aren’t surprising for biologists. Humans might have wings someday because they believe they can fly and touch the sky.”
What the f*ck.
“Hey, change your color,” Kisara said. Then the tentacles that wrapped Kisara changed their color to green. “See? This is a cuttlefish. They have large brains, and they can count. Incredibly intelligent.”
Six more tentacles appeared behind Kisara. “Number Ten, could you close your eyes?” Kisara asked.
“Why?” Damian asked.
“Aren’t you a disgusting man, Number Ten?”
“Haaaa? Ah, whatever. You will do something, right?” Damian closed his eyes.
“Yes, I will.”
A moment had passed. “Ah…”
Hmmmmmmmm? Damian wondered who let out that sound! “Ms. Kisara, is that you?” Damian asked and opened his eyes.
“YOU- ah, whatever, stare at me as you wish! Baka!” Kisara replied.
“What?! Isn’t it going to eat you?!”
“No, no, observe these more, Number Ten.”
The tentacles around Kisara were tearing fibers with their tips and searching for something: yes, for scientific purposes, as those Iruquoian scientists did. They worked together and pressed many logistics points at the same time: neck, forearm, and other places.
“Ms. Kisara, how does it feel when we are touched everywhere at the same time?” Damian asked.
“Number Ten. Shut the f*ck up. They are going to deposit a packet. I’m waiting for an opening,” Kisara said.
“Super Syntax: Pheromone,” Kisara said.
Kisara farted, then the tentacles quickly retracted. Thus Kisara and Damian fell to the ground. “What the hell did you do?” Damian asked.
Kisara pushed away her hair to the right and said, “Cuttlefishes are preyed on by dolphins, sharks, and even other cuttlefish, so I farted shark’s pheromone, and it was effective.”
Why is Super Syntax nonsense sometimes?! Whose idea is this?! Damian put his right palm on his face.
“We don’t know what kind of genetic mutations happen outside, that’s why I advocate building walls for cities,” Kisara said as she got closer to the sarcophagus. She then touched the sarcophagus and said, “Kousei Kisara is here, we always watch this tomb, and we are always grateful to you, Mother.”
That’s right. She isn’t an archaeologist, but she mingles in this tomb. She also knows many things about this tomb, just like Patra’s descendants. Conclusion: she must be Patra’s descendant, Damian thought.
Kisara took one Urd lotus and smelt it. She said, “Number Ten, do you promise that you won’t stand for corruption, and you will be an honorable person?”
“I won’t stand for corruption, but people might think of me as a bad guy. Heck, Number Six called me the real villain.”Kisara turned around and looked at Damian with the Urd lotus in front of her nose. She smiled and said, “That’s enough. Do you think political actors never harm anyone? As her descendant and tomb guardian, I permit you to have Mother’s treasure to cure your disease. Let’s go back and change this nation, Damian Ford.”