A summary of what the fuckity fuck is goin on in my life

Alright..I know that I have been a shitty author and the way I upload chapters is just weird

I write weird shit at wierd times

Sometimes they are about a boy with hazel eyes,sometimes they are about a boy who is miles away from me,sometimes they are about how beauty is not physical appearance 

And sometimes they are about my academics...

The truth is I,Lara Angel am in 11th grade now

And it's hard.

Maybe if I had chosen an easier stream then yeah these 2years would've been the best years of my teenage life..but no,I chose this..I chose to become an engineer .

I love physics,maths and chem..okay chemistry a bit less than physics and maths..all of them are like my dogs..dogs I adopted..and I Love all my adopted dogs equally (except again,chem a bit less cause it asks for too much food)

I study,yes at times i do find myself procrastinating..but trust me,I study 

Even after that I am not able to score good Marks and it's really fukcing me up...

The cherry on the top is that I have moved to a different city,cause of my dad's work..

And this has made things so difficult for me ...I mean yeah I found nice girls I could talk to..but they just aren't it ya know

They aren't the random ilys iomhara used to throw at me,they arent the evening walks me and aura used to have where we laughed our asses off,they arent the deep shit gossip me and tani did..

I still talk to them,my girls..but I miss it dude..

I miss school,i miss the sound of cars that used to be there all the time..I miss the beautiful,majestic sea I had the privilege to wake up to everyday

Heck I even miss the vegetable vendor..I miss my tuition teachers,women with whom I could confide my insecurities..I miss my crowd,a crowd where noone judged me on the Marks or rank I got

I never felt the need to have a boyfriend, yes I asked volt out but that was mainly for fun,yeah I had crushes but they too were for fun..my girls,those girls were like my boyfriends...cuddles during a movies,late night talks until we both fell asleep to each other's voice,chocolates and back massages during your periods..

I'm sitting over here in the dim light of my study room,books scattered around..crying my ass off..crying my ass off like the pussy I am

How did i become all of this...i..dont like this..I dont like myslef now..I..i lie to people about my marks..I dont tell them the real ones..I'm scared of them judging  me..i used to not give a fuck about what anyone thought..cause people who loved me would want me anyways.. 

And thank God for this site where I can actually write stuff and not have anyone judge me..

I laugh..yeah I do,I sometimes laugh my ass off..but that isnt real that's.. when I am alone all of it comes crashing back..all the pain,the sadness

Let's not even take into consideration the guy the one I was crying about a few months ago..

I still cry over him..I dunno if its cause I still talk to him..I deleted my insta.. so I dont talk to him anymore..

But here's the summary of what happened between us..

So when I finally realised that I liked tears..it was during end of 10th grade

He was dating someone

And she was..so so so beautiful and by beautiful i dont mean the outer kind,she was beautiful from the inside..I mean yeah she was physically pretty but her personality..she was a good person,she cared about him..they were falling for each other..they were falling hard..one thing they did wrong was..they made out in the projection hall 

Making out is okay but getting caught was their mistake.. they had to break up

And so I was there,as a friend originally..my intentions were pure..I wanted to help him,he is the youngest child and his siblings are very accomplished..he has always been a troublemaker..and done bad things.. so this time too his parents were furious 

So I wanted to comfort him

He never truly admitted to me..that he liked me

How could he?he was rejected 4 times after all 

But he did tell my tani who was also his close friend 

And tani somehow magically knows which guy I like 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Last day of school was when we were writing stuff on each other's tshirts..promising each other that we'd keep in touch..

Tani told you

All you did was give me the paper on which she wrote it and give me a questioning look

All I did was look down and murmer a soft oh

I should've womaned up

I should've told you..told you how I felt..

Then again I thought I'd get over you,I'd get over you once you are outta my life..

But I couldn't,I didnt..

You are the guy I wanna marry..

You,you make me keep my virtue..you make me not want to fuck all those boys who have offered me..

You make me want be good,but wild..at the same time 

And I love you for that.

I love you for that