Chapter 2:

SUFFERING

ME AND SHE: OUR SCATTERED DESTINY


That’s the sin that I committed, and because of this sin, I have been left all alone and I will be all alone in the future. Yeah, I am fine with it. After all, I am a veteran!


This is why I hated myself. Now I am in high school. I hope I will find her this time. I can’t wait to see her once. I’d be more than happy if I got a chance to meet her once again. This is the wish I’ve had ever since that accident.


Sometimes I wonder what our life would be like if that accident had never happened. Will we be friends now? Friends ….huh?


Ever since that accident happened to us, I have started to spend my time all alone. I was afraid to go outside. I didn’t want to go outside. I stopped talking to people, no matter who they were. I was only talking with my family. At that point, I don’t want to make friends with anyone. There was only one thing I was thinking about all the time. How was I going to find Azuki? I want to find out so I can apologize to her for what happened that day. Also, after that accident, everyone knew that I was going to blame myself for what happened to Azuki, so everyone was telling me that it was not my fault, so don’t blame yourself. But I knew from the beginning that it was my fault and mine alone. As time passed, I tried so many times to find Azuki, but I was unable to find her.


Every time I saw that everyone around me has friends, but I was the only one who had no friends. As time passed, I started to become lonely. So I don’t have anyone to talk to. I have become a completely introverted person with no friends. I try not to interact with anyone. I know what my problem is. I also know the solution, but what I don’t know is where to look at it.


I really want to change myself, but I can’t change myself. It’s like, “you know you are going to die someday, but you don’t want to die.” I am also trapped in the same situation.


Sometimes I question myself about what will happen if I meet Azuki one day. Will she forgive me? I wonder if I really meet Azuki once again, Is it possible for us to become friends? If it’s not, then that’s OK! Anyway, I consider myself very lucky that she was my friend.


This is my high school. I hope I’m able to find her.


I entered in school. Everyone seems so happy. Of course they would be happy because, from this day on, everyone is going to enjoy their high school life and they are looking forward to making new friends. Those who are good at socializing with others have already begun to act like buddies, while those who are loners, such as myself, will remain so until this is over. Well, I’m happy that I am all alone because I don’t want to act like a buddy with others.


I opened the door of my classroom to enter it. When I entered classroom, something unexpected happened. The moment I entered the classroom, I saw Azuki in front of me. The moment my eyes were led to her, I knew she was Azuki. I rushed towards her and the moment I saw her, tears just came out of my eyes. At that moment, I was so happy that I couldn’t even explain it. All these years, I tried to find her, but I never imagined that I would meet her in this way. I couldn’t stop crying because all these years I wanted to meet her, so I could just apologize to her for what happened that day. Because it was my fault that she got hurt.


Azuki, azuki. I’m happy to see you again. I’m so sorry. It’s because of me that you got hurt back then.


I wanted to say a lot, but nothing came out of my mouth. But honestly, I was so happy that I got to meet her.


Don’t say that. It was not your fault back then. I can understand how you have been feeling, but don’t push yourself too much. Everything will be alright.


I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry!


Can we talk privately?


Yeah.


You said my name was Azuki, but I believe you misunderstood me for someone else. My name is Sakura.


Why are you doing this? Why are you pretending to be a Stranger?


What do you mean by that?


Your name is Azuki, and I know that.


I will tell you the whole truth. Like I said before, my name is not Azuki. My name is Sakura, and also, I’m not from here. We just moved here a while ago.

So why did you do that in the class?


Because if I said this in front of everyone, it would be bad for you and you wouldn’t be able to make friends after that, so I did this.


Are you really saying the truth?


Yeah,


I’m sorry!


It’s OK, but we can still become friends if you want.


I didn’t answer her and walked away. I’ve lost all my energy. I really didn’t want to listen to anything. I felt like my destination was in front of me, but also it was so far away! I came to roof.


When I came to the roof, I was so confused that I didn’t know what to do. I lost my temper. I started to say something like, “What was that? What the hell happened? How did that happen? Is she lost her memories? But how? When? Is it because of an accident..? Is this because of my fault? Of course this is my fault!” It’s totally my fault that she lost her memories. I’m so pathetic! I’m the one to blame for this. I should be happy to see her safe after all these years, but why is my heart feeling even more pain than ever? Is it because she lost her memories? What I have done!


Hey, what happened to you? What are you saying and why are you crying? ‘ Suddenly, I heard someone’s voice. He was a guy. He is probably the same age as me.


[When Kageyama looked into his eyes, Kageyama saw a lot of pain, more guilt and remorse. Kageyama knew what it felt like to have those emotions in your eyes because those eyes were reminding him of himself.]


I wanted to stay alone for a while, so that guy stayed on the other side of the corner on the roof. After a while, I calmed down. I was also thinking about whether what she said was a lie or the truth, but it didn’t feel like she was lying, and if she was the Azuki that I know, then she wouldn’t have done something like that. I know it means she was saying the truth, but she is Azuki. After that, everyone was going home. I also saw that Azuki was going home.


At that moment seeing her like that, the guilt, sorrow, remorse, and torment increased in my heart, and I asked myself a question, “Who is the one who is suffering the most, up until now?”

Danisekaizen
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