A Girl between There and Now

I heard the breathing of two men. I opened my eyes, it was dark, and I could barely see my own hand. After I got up, I woke up my past self, which immediately walked away. I thought to myself how ridiculous it was that I woke up the me from yesterday to fight a battle that I had already lost twice. While I was still busy with this thought, I noticed how the second shadow, which was still lying on the ground, began to move more and more. It was my first arguable second shadow and it would wake up soon. I walked away carefully so as not to leave any footprints and disappeared into the tall grass.

From a safe distance, I watched it get up. My gaze wandered over to the path that led to the river. But unexpectedly, I saw the silhouette of another person. It was not my silhouette, it was Yui who was barely visible in the still dark forest. At first, I thought that she had to get away as quickly as possible, otherwise, it would see her.

I thought about running over and telling her but quickly realized that I would be too loud in the tall grass. But what would happen if I didn't tell her? No matter what would happen, the shadow would not notice her, that was clear just by the fact that I did not see her then.

It went towards her, but she just didn't move. It would be with her any moment, just a few more seconds. Finally, she noticed it, but it was already too late. She began to run away from it, screaming loudly. How could that be, that was me, without a doubt. She stumbled, it kept coming toward her. She straightened up and jumped into the grass next to it, but she had no chance, that was clear. My senses may not have been the best back then, among other things because I didn't have to reckon with everything at all times, but I was definitely not blind. Without a doubt, I must have seen it, but I just went on as if nothing had happened.

Could I not see her back then? Or could only my now see her? This thought only made everything more confusing. Until now everything seemed to happen at the same time, all my cycles of the same day happened all at the same time. But she, she was different, she intersected a timeline already intersected a second time, she was the one object in this world that was not bound to this, at least not in the same way as everything else.

but then what was it that she was bound to? What was it that influenced her? She saw things the same way I did, with the exception of my shadows, she perceived the world the same way. She was directly bound to a thing, a thing which I had long since accepted as a lie. She was the one thing I had lost a long time ago, the one true now. She always lived in the now, I always lived in yesterday, today, and tomorrow at the same time, but she, she had one way, a firm way from which neither I nor any shadow could ever beat her. She was not like me and yet of all the me's that wandered through these woods, meadows, and cities, I was the one that was closest to her. And yet, tomorrow my now would be only a yesterday, only a shadow, a lie that could no longer see her, the last bit of truth. Tomorrow it was only tomorrow, yesterday it was only yesterday, and today it is only today, that was clear to me now.

I heard the rustling of the grass near me

“He didn’t even look at me.”

“But you screamed pretty loudly for that.”

“Shut up!”

“How did you even know that wasn't me?”

“I saw that he was no longer lying on the floor and therefore quickly realized that it was not you who was walking towards me.”

“Well, now at least you have a way to determine who I am, in other words, I am the one who sees you.”

“But doesn't that make your whole I'll protect you argument goes down the drain? If that's the one danger to me, I guess I just don't have any enemies here."

“How do you know that there is nothing here, the rain already shows how dangerous everything is here.”

“You've got it completely wrong, the rain shows how safe everything is here, what should attack me, please? Mutants?”

“Even if there was nothing here, I’m not just your bodyguard, I’m reminding you that I know my way around here a lot better than you do and that we generally have a better chance of getting out of here together.”

“Then please show me where the damn water is, it's been almost two days since you told me that we were going to look for it. Please remember that I always have to wait in case you die, but at least now I know that I can sleep the time and not some crazy person could stab me in my sleep.”

I nodded and walked to the small river. I briefly looked around to confirm that the shadow was back at the lake by now.

“Okay you can come over, it is gone.”

she drank from the river but recoiled after only a few seconds.

“Holy shit, that’s cold!”

I started laughing.

“You could have told me about this!”

“But that wouldn’t have been funny.”

I tried to suppress my laughter.

“Take this bitch!”

She tried to splash me with a handful of water but failed miserably

“What did you say again, oh yeah, right. Sucks to suck!”

She drank a few more sips of water and then sat down next to the river shivering.

“If it makes you feel any better, I swam in that water, so I guess you can imagine how that went.”

I set down next to her.

“Oh, was that here? you mentioned something like that before if I’m not mistaken”

“If you say so”

She looked at her reflection on the water surface.

“Say, how long have you been here already?”

“I stopped counting a long time ago”

Even if it was not a direct lie, it was not quite correct either, since I had never actively started counting.

“How many of the shadows you run into are your past selves?”

“The one who ran towards you earlier was one of my past me's, actually my second.”

“But you have not been most of the shadows you encountered?”

I looked down at my hand.

“Yes.”

“Then it looks bad for your near future.”

I lifted my head and looked up at the sky.

“That seems to be the way it is.”