Through Heaven and Hell

“Do you have any plans for where to go next?”

“I have no plan, but that was always the case until now, I just walked around without any plan.”

My gaze wandered to the flowing water

“But I’ve only ever been down here in the valley, so maybe we could see something interesting from higher up.”

“Somewhere higher up?”

I pointed to the river.

“Where do you think this water comes from?”

"Didn't you say there was a lake further up?

"Right, but even you should understand that a lake is not an infinite source of water. The water flows down from the mountains into the valley, collects in the lake and flows on from there.”

She stood up and started walking.

“So, our first destination is the lake.”

“Wait, I’m still up there, we should get to the other side of the river.”

“It's not that important, he can't see me anyway, let's just meet on the other side of the lake.”

She continued walking

“I said wait!”

“What’s the deal?”

“What if it attacks you?”

“First, it can't see me, secondly, did you attack me then?”

“No, but…”

“Then we are done here, I see you over there.”

“Wait!”

“If there is a problem just tell me, if there is no problem just leave me alone.”

I tried to think of an argument to stop her but didn’t find one. She walked away without saying another word. In the end, I was unable to stop her, at least without force. I took off my shoes and rolled up my pants a bit. Then I waded slowly through the water which was just as cold as I remembered.

Only after I had reached the other side, I realized how insignificant the preparations were because I would have dry shoes the next day anyways. the other riverbank was significantly stonier, and I regretted having to walk barefoot only more. I quickly walked over the stones back to the grass which was as expected much more pleasant under the feet.

I walked beside the river until I reached the top of the lake. there I hid behind a moss-covered rock which looked as if it would fall into the lake at any moment. Fortunately, this did not happen, and I was able to observe my past self as it was getting dressed again. To make sure I wouldn't be seen I didn't walk directly along the lake but instead put my shoes back on and disappeared behind some trees near the water.

Through the branches, I still had a clear view of the lake and the shore on the opposite side though I didn’t see Yui anywhere. I heard a crunch under my feet and noticed that the mossy ground was covered in a layer of orange-brown leaves, another look up confirmed that the trees I was trying to hide behind were all dead.

At first, I thought about going further into the forest, which would ensure that I could no longer see the lake, but also that no one at the lake could see me. I decided against it, however, when I realized that I did not see myself back then and that that automatically meant that I could not be seen. According to this logic, I could also run directly along the shore or jump my past self in the face but since I did not really understand how my "ability" worked I decided against something that would or could cause a paradox.

I came out from behind the trees when the shadow had finally finished dressing and went back to the river , knowing that it would not come back. It would be busy examining non-existent footprints and would come to the stupid conclusion of being immortal. How could it be so stupid as to not understand such a simple thing, but at least it had one positive effect, it was funny to think about. But at least it tried to understand what was happening, something I haven't done actively for a while. I remembered that I should pay more attention to the information I receive and actively search for relevant details.

I arrived at the other side of the lake, where the river flowed into it. Yui was sitting on a stone next to the water.

“We are just not going to talk about that.”

“I don’t want to be that guy, but I told you.”

“No, you didn’t!”

“Didn't you say you don’t want to talk about it?”

she looked at me annoyed

“Anyways, where do we go next?”

“So, the next thing we would do is follow the river here for a bit, it should automatically lead us uphill. Another advantage would be that you can always drink water from the river if you are thirsty, but it is probably even colder closer to the source.”

We began our hike which would last for the next 3 days.

Already after a few minutes the slope stag increased, and walking became more difficult. The ground, which until just now had been grassy and covered with moss, was now a stony desert that stretched diagonally across the slope and was interrupted only by an occasional tree that stood alone against the sun, which was engulfed by fog.

“Remember how I complained when we walked through the forest for ages?”

Her breath was fast, it was clear to hear that the mountain and the equally dry and yet humid air of the fog drove her to exhaustion. The now much denser fog made it impossible for me to see her, but I didn't have to, her voice was enough to make me realize that she needed a break soon.

“Yes, what is with that?”

"It's like that only 100 times worse!"

I knew she couldn't see my smile, but I gave her just that, an invisible smile, as the only answer.

“How much further is it?”

“Do I look like I have any idea where we are right now?”

“Maybe, I can't see you.”

her voice was getting quieter and quieter, but I wasn't sure if she was just falling back or if she was so exhausted that she couldn't speak out loud anymore.

"Okay, to be perfectly clear, I don't see any more than you do."

No response.

“Hey, where are you?”

No response.

“Hello?”

No response.

I heard something behind me falling on the ground and immediately stopped. I walked back, still not able to see anything. A strong wind set in which further stirred up the fog. I walked hastily around when I suddenly felt something under my foot. I lifted it and heard a low groan. I knelt down and saw that I had stepped on her hand, which was lying sideways on the floor. Apparently, I had a stone between the profile of my shoe because she had a large scratch between her thumb and index finger from which blood was now flowing.

“Can you still walk?”

No response.

Her lips were dry and brittle, she needed water. Only now did I realize that I could no longer hear the river. Of course, I couldn’t see it either and I had no Idea how far it was away. Fortunately, it was very easy to determine in which direction it was due to the slope and the fact that we had not crossed it.

I took her on my back and began to walk on the slope to what would be right from the perspective of someone walking uphill. I stood very unsteadily on the sloping ground with the extra ballast. Only now did I realize how dangerous it would be to fall now, if I died now, she would lie around alone for a day in this state including the wounds of the fall. She would probably not die, but I would not be able to take her with me.

I could only hope that I would not develop interest in the future to kill her, since it was now probably easier than ever to do so. I began to feel the burdens of the climb myself, my legs weakened, my vision began to blur, would I not make it after all? Was this as far as I could get?

I saw how the black that enveloped me became lighter and lighter, that was it, I knew it, my second death which was not caused by a shadow. I walked further and further into the light, if I were to die then I would do this way.

I closed my eyes, I was in the light, I could feel it on my skin, I was dead, soon I would wake up again, and she, I would never see her again. But I felt it, the weight on my shoulders as it pushed me down, no, I was not dead yet.

I opened my eyes but what I saw was not a bright shining white but a deep blue as I had not seen it for a while. My hair blew in the wind as I turned around and looked down on the valley below me. A thick blanket of clouds which expanded downward into fog and upward into huge black clouds surrounding the city covered the entire valley. It looked like a giant crater with the city in the middle, which was the only thing peeking out of the trees. The sun high up in the sky shone down and illuminated the surface of the mountain which glittered like thousands of small gems.

I turned around and looked up in the direction of the mountain top. No matter how high I was, no matter how long I had been walking, I still had a long way to go. I heard her breathing next to my ear. No, not me, but we still had a long way to go. I had no reason to give up on her yet, up here I would be able to see the river. My gaze kept wandering to the right until I spotted a shining line that was clearly visible between the rocky outcrops. I took a deep breath and began my last hike before a long-needed break.

When I finally arrived at the water, I put Yui down next to the water so that she leaned with her back against a rock. I took off my shoes and stood in the water. It was cold but I felt nothing. I sat down next to the river so that my legs were in the water and closed my eyes.